A-Rod's Turbulent But Taciturn 2009

Good morning, Fackers. The Yankees and A-Rod in particular closed out the regular season with a bang yesterday.

This year will be remembered for a lot of things done by individual players. The debuts of CC Sabathia, Mark Teixeira and A.J. Burnett, the emergence of Nick Swisher, the defensive re-invention of Derek Jeter, Robinson Cano's rebound, Jorge Posada's ability to contribute despite his shoulder and hamstring injuries, Johnny Damon's power surge, Chien Ming Wang's fall from grace, Phil Hughes' transition to the bullpen, Brett Gardner's first season in The Bigs, Mariano Rivera's continued excellence, Joba Chamberlain's innings limit, and the swan song of Hideki Matsui.

Am I missing anything? Oh yeah, A-Rod.

A-Rod endured what was certainly the most tumultuous offseason a player has had since Game of Shadows essentially convicted Barry Bonds of doing steroids in the court of public opinion before the 2006 season to have a pretty damn good year in 2009.

It started with Joe Torre's book, exploded with his admissions of steroid use, got worse with his interview with Peter Gammons and even more ugly with his press conference in Tampa. Adding still more fuel to the fire was the time he left the park with his disgraced cousin, the Details magazine photo shoot and the revelations that he was involved in a relationship with the madame of a whorehouse.

Those events were really just bad P.R. and weren't going to have much of an impact on his on-field production. Then came the news of his hip injury and the impending surgery which ultimately cost him the first month of the season. What was already a disastrous offseason got tangibly, inarguably a whole lot worse. At least it seemed pretty terrible at the time. (Click through that one for one of my finer photoshops)

But at a certain point when he was hiding out and rehabbing in Colorado, things started to change. The details of Selena Roberts's book began to leak and some had the potential to be very damning, but the tide began to turn. Craig from Shysterball was among the first to question the motives and level of objectivity Roberts used in writing her exposé and fairly swiftly, we all grew tired of the never ending stream of A-Rod's exploits.

Then of course he rejoined the team in a moment a movie studio would have rejected because it was too unrealistic; a three run shot on the very first pitch he saw. Although he struggled early on in his return, the back to back days off he got off in Florida seemed to turn his season around.

Since his return the Yankees went 88-44 and climbed from 4.5 games behind the Red Sox to achieve the best record in baseball by 6 games. Since his two day hiatus they are 62-28. He was probably given too much credit for turning Mark Teixeira's season around, but it's hard to understate the importance of swapping replacement-level guys like Angel Berroa and Cody Ransom for one of the 5 best hitters in the game.

We've heard a lot about the fact that A-Rod has flown under the radar this year. Joel Sherman recently talked about his newfound ability to blend in with the team. Yesterday, Marc Carig dubbed him the "Quietest Yankee". Even our pal PeteAbe, who has never been too fond of the slugger, gave him credit for his ability to "blend in [and] stay out of the news".

Did anyone see this coming? I'll be the first to admit that I did not. One the posts I wrote before the season started and liked above was entitled "This Is Never Going To End" and another was "Hurricane A-Rod". I put up another one comparing him to an actual Albatross. At the time it looked like he was spiraling out of control and I think we should be very thankful that he did not.

It's not just that he eclipsed the 30 home run and 100 RBI marks for the 13th straight season, miraculously breaking a record he previously shared with Jimmie Foxx and Manny Ramirez. A-Rod actually had a higher on-base percentage than in 2008 despite batting 16 points lower. He changed his approach at the plate and as a result struck out in 18.2% of his plate appearances, down from 19.6% in 2008.

Fifty-one of his 100 RBIs tied the game or gave the Yankees the lead (although that didn't stop a certain insufferably bitter Yankee blogger who didn't even watch yesterday's game from dismissing the homers because they came in "garbage time"). He stole 14 bases and got caught only twice. He gave the Yankees more production than they could have reasonably expected given the injury he was coming off of.

I'm not going to fall into the trap of saying any of this makes him more likely to have a great postseason. I thought his ridiculous MVP campaign in 2007 set him up to break out of his October slump but it most definitely did not. The reality is that a 5 game series is a tiny, tiny sample and there is no guarantee that he will get the big hit or hits that he is seemingly due for.

I'm sure as hell hoping it happens, though. A-Rod is a power hitter with holes in his swing, who seems to alter his approach when the pressure elevates, neither of which portend profound postseason production. But as he's demonstrated time and time again, he can carry a team when he finds his groove. Maybe this is the year he finally gets hot in the postseason, and maybe it's not. If it is though, the other teams standing in the Yankees' way had better watch out.

Comment Of The Day

I've seen friends of the blog Jason from IIATM,S and Craig from Shysterball do this on occassion, and it is with great pleasure that I pull this comment from longtime reader mmb1980, from my earlier post about A-Rod and Swine Flu. In it, I asked you folks which of those two things you thought were more annoying. He responds:

Both.

I've had enough of A-Rod, I've had enough Selena Roberts, and I've had enough Girardi's characteristically contrived reaction to both.

I've never particularly liked A-Rod, so the fact that I'm even feeling a tinge of human sympathy for him at this point leads me to believe that Roberts and her publisher have overplayed their hand.

At this point for me, A-Rod has entered what Bill Simmons refers to as "The Tyson Zone" - you can tell me anything about him at this point, however outrageous, and I wouldn't reject it out of hand.

What does bother me amongst these newest allegations is the pitch-tipping thing. I don't care if the games were decided are not - if the allegations are true those actions are inexecusable, wholly selfish, and taken with blatant disregard for his teammates. But yet, not surprising.

Meanwhile, Selena Roberts may be well-respected in journalistic circles, but it's just as easy to believe she has her own agenda as it is to believe the charges she levies against A-Rod. Also, I think that it's been a conflict of interest having her SI colleague Tom Verducci sit on the MLBN panel both times she's appeared there for special sit downs.

There's also the issue of MLBN getting two exclusive sit downs with her on this topic, while MLB is actively investigating A-Rod.

As for the swine flu - I've had just about enough of that as well. At the risk of brining religion into the discussion, I went to mass yesterday. There was a 50-something married couple sitting in front of me. The husband reluctantly shook my hand during the rite of peace only to be immediately rebuked by his wife: "We're not shaking hands, remember!". Then she proceeded to give me a fist bump. Seriously. I was stupified. Having been sufficiently whipped by the old ball and chain, the husband sheepishly asked me "You haven't been to Mexico lately have you?"

Wow. So much taking part in a basic act of fellowship. People that concerned about it oughta just put on their hazmat suits and hole up in their plastic bubbles until the whole thing blows over.

FWIW I'm sick of hearing about the economy too. Enough rambling from me; gotta finish some work so I can drive 90 minutes to go sit in the rain at the Stadium.

Well said on the A-Rod/Selena Roberts stuff, and that story about mass is absolutley astonishing. Thanks for stopping by and good luck with the game, mmb. 

I love the fact that we've got some really smart people sharing very thoughtful opinions on a site as flippantly named as this one. It's easy to do. If you don't have a blogger account, just pick "Name/URL" where it asks you to select a profile and leave the URL blank if you don't have a site you want to link to. There is an option to comment anonymously, obviously, but if you don't want to use your real name, I would prefer if you just created a temporary nom de plume.  

Sometimes the comments on the site are extensive and well-informed like the one above, and many times they are short and funny. I get an email sent to me when one is left, so I read all of them and respond pretty frequently. Comments help make this and every site what it is and they are always appreciated. 

This Just In: A-Rod Still A Dick

I know this may come as a shock to many of you, but according to multiple anonymous sources, Alex Rodriguez may not be a morally upright individual.

I'm guessing a fair number of you first heard of this establishment via this post back in February, so from the site's perspective we can't really complain all the dumb shit he's done. On the other hand, most of us are Yankees fans and we'd be lying if we said this makes rooting for the team any easier.

The timing of this story in The Post is actually pretty good for the Yanks and A-Rod. I'd bet that Selena Roberts was hoping that the details wouldn't drop until he was closer to rejoining the team, which is still about 10 days from happening. He will still have to answer questions, which he has proven he is astonishingly terrible at, but there won't be the same media orgy if he was in the locker room the day the story was published. Additionally, there is only one semi-shocking detail, which was already floating during when Roberts broke the 2003 test results story; he was supposedly already juicing in high school:

Rodriguez put on 25 pounds of muscle between his sophomore and junior years, and word was that his connection was a dog kennel owner.

A former high school teammate told Roberts the future No.1 MLB draft pick was on steroids and his coach knew it. Another student said the son of coach Rich Hofman admitted he saw Rodriguez use steroids.

Even if this is true, he'll never have to admit it, because there won't be any smoking gun in the form of a failed test. That said, if he was juicing all the way back then, A-Fraud was a truer moniker than any of this teammates could have originally intended. 

The article provides some quotes for the book which allege that he used steroids while with the Yankees. Would this surprise anyone? His contrived apology conveniently quarantined his admissions to his Texas years, to place them in the past. He didn't even apologize to New York fans, to make the line even clearer. Whether he did them in New York or not, he wasn't going to admit it, because he didn't have to.  That's the kind of advice you have an entire team of PR people and lawyers handling your crises.

What I found curious in this story were the seemingly ancillary details that were included. His alleged steriod connection in high school owned a dog kennel. Okay...? At the very end, the article adds:

He was even hated at Hooters, where he tipped the minimum 15%, the book says.

Have you ever been to Hooters? The service is fucking terrible. Yes, he's rich, but does that oblige him to leave above average tips under any circumstances? (And I believe the minimum would be 0%. Life doesn't occur inside a Zagat guide, douchebags.) Want a real tip from A-Rod, Hooters waitresses? Get naked. 

So why include these superfluous details? Craig from Shysterball and Circling the Bases says that Selena Roberts might be trying to frame A-Rod as a "generally bad person":

 It's one thing to say that A-Rod lied about certain things and broke certain rules. It's another thing to say that he did so because he's an inherently evil or damaged person. I have no problem with the former. Based on her track record, I am extremely skeptical of anything written by Roberts that posits the latter.

I guess that's the kind of angle one has to take in order to build a storyline and sell books. I've always respected Roberts' right as a journalist to write whatever sort of book she wants, but couldn't put my finger on what exactly seemed wrong about this one. As he so often does, Craig got right to the heart of the matter, and I think he pinpointed it for me. Want to dig dirt on A-Rod? Knock yourself out. But to try to paint him as a defective villian for the sake of making money doesn't seem quite right. 

In closing, I'd just like to echo some of Joel Sherman's advice to A-Rod:

Here is my last piece of advice for Rodriguez: Hit home runs. A lot of them. Most baseball fans, especially Yankee fans, care about that most of all.

If he struggles, he will be booed vociferously. If he prodouces, no one will give a shit. Let's play ball. 

Wow, It's Been A Long Offseason

It has literally been a long offseason; at least a week longer than the thirteen previous ones. It wasn't just that the Yankees didn't make the postseason, they were pretty much dead to rights when they fell 12.5 games back of the Rays and 7 games back of the Red Sox on August 31st. They hadn't even been within 5 games of the division lead since July 31st. The didn't lead the division at any point during the year.

I was lucky enough to attend each of the last three games at the Old Stadium, but by then it was completely apparent that the Yanks weren't going to the playoffs although they hadn't been mathematically eliminated quite yet. It was a great spectacale to behold, but on the field, they were dead men walking.

Despite the fact that missing the playoffs represented a monstrous failure to the organization, the outlook on September 29th was pretty rosy. Dropping Giambi, Mussina, Pavano and Abreu represented a huge amount of payroll relief and the New Stadium was set to bring in a massive influx of new revenue. Sure enough, the Yanks reeled in the top three free agents on the market and significantly upgraded their roster by Christmas.

Since then, we started this blog (and have written over 400 posts), we started our Countdown to Spring Training, Joe Torre's book came out, Andy Pettitte came back, Selena Roberts dropped the bomb, Peter Gammons interviewed A-Rod, A-Rod paused for 27 seconds before saying "thanks", we tried to start another countdown, A-Rod had surgery, the Yankees were outed as a Ponzi scheme, and then the Details magazine article came out.

All this drama has made the chasm between meaningful baseball games pretty excruciating for us Fackers. We don't want to be reduced to talking about bullshit gossipy topics like Jeter's house or A-Rod's revolting taste in women, but unfortunatley those were the most compelling things at the time. I don't think it's a whole lot better to get wrapped up in the ups and downs of Spring Training.

Is anyone else just ready for some baseball that actually matters?

This Is Never Going To End

More tawdry tales from the Daily News:

Davis met Rodriguez in June of 2006 in a gym in Philadelphia, shortly after she opened a branch of her call-girl service in the City of Brotherly Love, sources said.

Davis told a friend the then-married Rodriguez asked her, "What are you doing tonight?"

I've gotta remember that one next time I'm at the gym.

That night, Davis told a friend, Rodriguez booked a two-hour "date" with one of her girls, who met him at the Four Seasons on Rittenhouse Square.

"He gave his real name," Davis told the friend. "The next day we found out who Alex Rodriguez was. The girl we sent freaked out. Her father (works for) another Major League Baseball team."

Hahahaha, he used his real name? Nice work, you marvelous moron.

Ron Mexico is already taken, but he could have gone with Juan Miami, perhaps? Leave your best fake name for A-rod in the comments.

In an e-mail exchange provided to The News by a former booker for Davis' Wicked Models, Rodriguez purportedly told Davis on Nov. 17, 2006: "Thanks for setting me up with Samantha. She was gorgeous. But she is not you. When can I see you you are gorgeous . . ."

Yeah, "gorgeous".

/vomits

She's gorgeous in that fake-titted, whorish, too much make-up, porn star way that just makes you want to take her home to mom.

/dry heaves

I'm sick of this already, so click through to read the pathetic [sic]'d conversations between the two. It's half hilarious, half disgusting and totally fucking mind-boggling when you consider that the asshole hitting on a madame of a whorehouse is going to make $32M this year.

I can't prove it to you, but I promise that if I was the highest paid athlete in any sport I would probably aim a little higher than trying to nail a hooker.

Some friendly advice for you, A-Rod... please buy a private island, stock it with hair dye, steroids, and a harem of muscly strippers/whores and fucking disappear forever.

Please?

Details About Details

Lynn Zinser at the Bats Blog on The New York Times' website talked to the authtor and editor of the story in Details, and really framed the circumstances leading up to "Confessions of a Damned Yankee".

He had agreed to it in late December, when it seemed like a good, mainstream way to raise his fashionable profile. Instead, he sat for the interview on the day he found out Sports Illustrated reporter Selena Roberts would write he had tested positive for steroids in 2003.

He agreed to go through with the interview and photo shoot, despite having just found out that his whole career and reputation might be called into question. You know what that reminds me of? This.

[The author] Gay detailed how Rodriguez drank shots of Patrón and posed without complaint for photos that would set off alarm bells in the minds of many image-conscious athletes.

A-Rod is extremely image conscious. So conscious, in fact, that he apprises himself of how he is looking in a mirror every 14 seconds.

Drank shots of Patrón? Alex, I've got someone I'd love for you to meet. You would be perfect for each other. You are both total headcases, love Patrón, and hate shirts!

[The editor] Bhattacharji said Rodriguez had every opportunity to decline any of the shots, but did not. He did not take his shirt off, but chose a sleeveless one.

I stand corrected. Wow, amazing restraint, A-Rod. "Take my shirt off? Absolutely not. That would probably come across as vain and unnecessary. Kissing myself in the mirror, though? SURE!"

A day later, Rodriguez was text-messaging Gay and nervously asking that he not write that Rodriguez had revealed his favorite Madonna song. He still said nothing about the steroid allegations.

Any guesses... I'm leaning towards "Material Girl" (obviously), but here are some other prime candidates:

1. Causing A Commotion
2. Did You Do It?
3. Express Yourself
4. Forbidden Love
5. Goodbye To Innocence
6. Guilty By Association
7. I'm Going Bananas
8. I'm So Stupid
9. Intervention
10. Nobody Knows Me
11. Pretender
12. Think Of Me
13. You Must Love Me

No wonder he likes Madonna!

When Details first approached Rodriguez’ representatives and public relations handlers, including Guy Oseary, the manager he shares with Madonna, Rodriguez saw posing for a magazine aimed at fashion-conscious young men as a way to improve his image, said Bhattacharji.

If you made a Venn diagram of "fashion conscious young men" and "baseball fans" it would look almost exactly like the one for "attractive women" and "monster truck fans".

This is exactly why you don't hire some celebretard PR douche when you are an athlete. What works for Ashton Kutcher doesn't necessarily work for A-Rod. Somehow I think no matter what kind of advisory committe he assembles, they won't be able to get him out of his own way.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall... WHAT THE F___ IS WRONG WITH ME?

(h/t The Sports Hernia)

I'd like to believe this wildy homoerotic photoshoot took place in one of the slummy apartment buildings he owns in Tampa.

Must... restrain... outrage...

How many publicists does this asshole have again? NOT ONE OF THEM THOUGHT THIS MIGHT BE A BAD IDEA?

It didn't occur to one of these geniuses that a bunch of pictures of him looking into a fucking mirror might serve to reinforce the already exisiting feeling that A-Rod is a narcissistic prima donna?

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL.

You Knew What You Were Doing

Alex, no one buys the notion that you put some street level Dominican steroids that you can't even remeber the name of (Boli, Bali, Bally's?) in your $252 million body. You know you just opened the door for Selena Roberts to find out which mystery cousin you are talking about, right? If that was a clever ploy to temporarily get her off your ass, nice work.

You keep falling back on being "naive", "young" and "stupid. No, you were "insecure", "greedy" and "calculated".

I know your PR Firm thought it would play better if you attributed the mistake to youthful indiscretion and naivete, but you were 25 years old, the best athlete in your sport, with a contract for hundreds of millions of dollars and Scott Boras as your agent.

It's more likely that you and Boras created a special laboratory to manufacture your own steroids, custom fit to your body chemistry, as opposed to getting some black market schwill from the DR.

I don't even care anymore, at least you admitted it. Make donations to charity, hit 40HRs, drive in 125 runs, win a World Series and we'll all move on with our lives. But just realize that I and almost every other objective observer know you are still lying about the important details.

No. No You Are Not.

[h/t Awful Announcing]

Alex Rodriguez is not from the Dominican Republic. He was born in New York City in 1975. Both of his parents were born the DR and he lived there briefly when he was four years old, before moving to Miami.

Alex, the DR is one of the poorest countries in the world. The PPP per capita income is $8,116 a year. You made three times that PER INNING last year. In 2005, you said, "I want to say it out loud: I am Dominican". However, this is the extent of your charitable contributions to the country you claim as your own (which coincidentally occurred right around the time you wanted to play for the DR in the last WBC):

In 2005, Alex donated $50,000 to the Dominican Republic branch of UNICEF. This donation fully funded five-day care centers outside of Santo Domingo. These centers were able to purchase enough school supplies, food and personal hygiene products for each center for one full year. Approximately 1,500 children will benefit from this donation.

Listen, I'm not the most philanthropic person on the planet, but if I had career earnings of $197,431,586 with another $250M+ guaranteed, I think I could do a little better than $50,000 for the country I somewhat arbitrarily chose to identify myself with.

If 1,500 children benefited from your $50,000 donation, 30,000 would be helped by $1,000,000. One million United States Dollars is an astronomical sum to a person such as myself, but it is about 1/12th of the value of his home in Miami and 1/10th of what he was asking for his apartment in Manhattan.

Now would be a great time for some positive PR. Everyone is suggesting that he make donations for the Partnership For A Drug Free America, or similar organizations, but why don't you give some thought to putting that money where it might actually make a difference? I'll trade little Johnny in suburban Peoria taking a couple tokes for some kids in the DR getting "school supplies, food and personal hygiene products".

I've been to the Caribbean my fair share of times and although it is astonishingly beautiful, once you step outside of the resort, there is poverty everywhere you look. Most of those islands are very resource-poor and tourism is the primary industry which isn't running so hot right now. Do the right thing A-Rod. Are you going to say no to this girl?

[Yes, she gets color]

And to make up for how depressing that was...

JoePo On A-Rod's "Apology"

Having a full-time job and writing for this blog doesn't leave a whole lot of time to tend to my Google Reader. When I was waiting at my dentist's office today, I had a chance to catch up on Joe Posnanski's blog (from my iPhone), which typically gets put off extra long because the posts are always so deep and involved. He had an interesting take on A-Rod, and really shredded his apology. The post compares what he did to taking drugs and speeding, as I did yesterday, so I guess you'll just have to take my word when I say I only got to it today. Here is an excerpt:

I thought Alex Rodriguez’s "apology" was one of the most absurd shams of recent memory. I thought it was so pathetic that, for the first time, that ”A-Fraud“ moniker finally made some sense to me. As a baseball fan, I wasn’t mad at A-Rod when the steroid story broke. As a baseball fan, I was furious at A-Rod when he and his handlers put together this infomercial apology. I hope the children weren’t watching THAT.

Okay, it was incomplete. But remember Roger Clemens? How about Barry Bonds? Sammy Sosa? Mark McGwire? Rafael Palmero? Switching sports, Marion Jones? The "deny, deny, deny" precedent had already been set, so isn't it at least a step in the right direction that he didn't take the routes of any of those athletes?

When you get caught doing something, you are only going to admit to what what you have to. If you get pulled over on the highway, and the cop asks you how fast you were going, aren't you going to lowball it and see if he corrects you? If you get arrested with some drugs in your car and they find the bag in your glove box, are you going to direct them to the stash under your spare tire?

Yes, the apology was a little too tidy, and conveniently restricted his drug usage to Texas, the team is his least remembered for being a part of. But he was responding to a positive test in 2003, likely the only hard evidence that will ever emerge about his PED use. There is no reason for him to come out with anything else until it's absolutely necessary, although it could come back to bite him in a big way. As Joe implies above, it's a calculated risk.

When Selena Robert's book (Hit and Run: The Many Lives Of Alex Rodriguez) comes out, her publisher has already said it will contain more revelations about A-Rod's steroid use. Joe now works for SI and had this to say about A-Rod ad hominem attack on his colleague:

It was shameful. Pathetic. I’ll add this: I know that Selena has a history with A-Rod. And I know that she has a book coming out that, based on the cheery title (Hit and Run: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez) does not sound especially uplifting. But I’m not trying to defend Selena: She’ll defend herself fine. No, I’m talking about what this says to me about Alex Rodriguez.

It says that A-Rod, despite sticking to the script for most of the interview, lost his cool because someone is in the process of digging through his past for her profit, and it has probably impinged on his life. She has every right to do write that book, and if I had the access to some real deal dirt on a high profile celebrity and someone willing to pay me to write about it, I'd do the same thing.

A-Rod made an obvious misstep, but I don't think it really "says" any more about him than the fact the he used steroids, dated Madonna when he was still with his wife, frosts his tips, likes muscled strippers, is referred to as "A-Fraud" by his teammates or seemingly can't preform in the clutch.

Another SS Bites The Dust

Miguel Tejada has been charged with lying to Congress about steroids, the latest baseball player to get caught up in an extensive web of cheating and juicing that has stained the sport. He is scheduled to appear in court Wednesday and expected to plead guilty. The charges against Tejada, who currently plays for the Houston Astros, were outlined in documents filed in Washington federal court on Tuesday.

Remember the Golden Age of Shortstops? Who was the best shortstop out of the group? Jeter, A-Rod, Nomar, or Tejada? Were they the best shortstops ever?

If you have not been hiding in the caves of Afghanistan or in the tribal lands of Pakistan with Osama bin Laden the past few days, you would know that A-Rod, following Selena Roberts' story about him being one of the 104 on the "anonymous" positive test list, admitted his steroid use from 2001-2003 when he was playing shortstop for the Texas Rangers.

Nomah has been linked to steroids, but was not in the Mitchell Report--perhaps because the report was a sham and left out any Red Sox player due to Mitchell's conspicuous allegiances. Garciaparra has been injured often and his skills/numbers has declined since the advent of steroid testing in 2005.

That leaves Jeter. Jeter has not been linked to steroids--whether it be in the Mitchell Report or in casual fan conversation. Given the fact that his father Dr. Charles Jeter, whom he is very close to, is a former substance abuse counselor, I would doubt that he would ever take them. He is pretty lean and there has never been a drastic change in his physical appearance. He is also not a home run hitter (although Alex Sanchez with his 6 career HR was busted and suspended for 10 games in 2005).

Do Jeter's accomplishments, presumably without the use of steroids, make him the best shortstop out of this quartet? How about the greatest shortstop ever? Just some food for thought...

A-Roid & Gammons Interview Reactions (With A Special Guest Appearance)

Not sure if anybody caught this, but it looks like Serena Roberts really has been stalking him. Check it out.
I know. It's pretty bad. But there really aren't that many pictures of her to choose from and no good place for her to be "hiding".

Some notes about the interview:

• I love how before he mentioned Selena Roberts by name he referred to her as "that lady from Sports Illustrated"
• He said she actually tried to break into his house and had documentation from the Miami Police to prove it, but Gammons didn't even ask to see it.
  
• He only apologized to his fans in Texas. Um, fuck that. You better feel sorry that you dicked over all of your Yankee fans over too. Because when you are cashing in $5M of our money for every legend you pass on the home run list, it's just going to dredge this shit up. If the Yankees were drafting your contract this offseason, they'd take those milestone clauses out in 2/3 of a second.
• Fiji Water? Nice choice.

• I originally thought that the reason he said he didn't know what exactly he was taking is that it was illegal at the time, and didn't want to incriminate himself. However, Craig from Shysterball was nice enough to answer my email and set me straight:

Me: Quick Question: Would there be a legal reason that A-Rod isn't admitting he knew what he took? Because they are/were illegal, etc... It sounds pretty stupid otherwise.

Craig: Quick Answer: No real legal reason I can think of. Even if he was doing crack, the statute of limitations on 2003 using would have run by now. My guess is that, in the permissive 2003-era, it was simply a matter of guys saying "give me some juice" and not really knowing what, exactly, they were taking beyond broad categories such as HGH or steroids.

Makes sense. Listening to the full interview, you get the feeling that he might have been trying to seem innocent because saying "give me some juice" is a lot more "naive" than talking about stacking Primobolan.

Anyway that was some quality television and despite the ribbing I've given him, he did come across as pretty genuine and remorseful and handled it pretty much as well as I could have hoped for. We're on the right track. Before the 2007 season, he got that pathetic Jeter friendship "issue" out in the open and had a banner year. It's a new season, in The New Stadium, and it's an odd numbered year. I'm predicting big things for Professor Purple Lips this season.

The Many (Awkward) Faces Of Alex Rodriguez

This was too easy. For one thing, I sort of stole the idea from The Sports Hernia.

But really, any person on planet Earth would make a ton of retarded-looking faces when they are being grilled on SportsCenter in front of tens of millions of people about something of this magnitude. Luckily for most of us, we won't have to answer those questions and if we did, some asshole probably wouldn't take the time to take pictures of it with their digital camera off their HDTV, resize and crop them and upload them on to their shitty blog.

However, my job is to not take any of that into account and instead use these screen grabs to make fun of him on these here internets. I watched it in slow motion to select the proper frames, and he looked like he was literally being tortured.

Anyway, here it goes. These pictures make it look like just he recorded the most emotional Proactiv testimonial ever given. I omitted any further snarky comments because they're honestly not even necessary.

It has been far and away our most colorful day here at Fack Youk. Apologies to our black and white traditionalists (Schiff), but it was all original content.

It all comes down to PRESSURE

A-Rod has admitted 3 years of steroid use beginning in 2001 when he signed his then record $252MM deal with the Texas Rangers.

According to A-Rod: “When I arrived in Texas in 2001, I felt an enormous amount of pressure. I felt like I had all the weight of the world on top of me and I needed to perform, and perform at a high level every day,”

PRESSURE: You can handle it or you cannot. You crave it or hate it. As evidenced by this quote and A-Rod's horrid postseason numbers clearly A-Rod cannot handle it. Can't you please retire? I'm still waiting for the being raised by a single parent excuse. Shouldn't you just let your natural abilities, the same natural abilities that got you your absurd deal, take over? It's not like that being criticized for failing to live up to your contract would have any impact on your facked-up psyche anyways.

Way to screw up your career, buddy. You get no sympathy from me. Not with your current lifetime baseball earnings of $198,416,252 (which doesn't take into account your 9 remaining guaranteed near $30MM seasons).

Attaboy [Breaking News]

What About The HoF? [A-Roid]

One of the more interesting pieces of shrapnel from the A-Rod bomb is what impact this has on the Hall of Fame. Will 25% of the writers simply not vote for someone with PED issues? The Steroids Era promises to expose the HoF voting for the flawed, subjective system it is.

In ten years, who is still going to be above the fray? Jeter. Pedro. Maddux. Mussina. Rivera?

Rivera's rookie year in the Major Leagues was 1995, initially as a starting pitcher. He found mixed success, posting a 5–3 record and 5.51 ERA that year. As a result, he split time between the Yankees and their AAA affiliate in Columbus. As a 25 year-old rookie with major arm surgery in his past, Rivera's role on the team was not guaranteed. The Yankees considered trading Rivera to the Detroit Tigers for David Wells. However, a surprise improvement prompted a change of heart. In one minor league start, Rivera suddenly began throwing 95–96 MPH. Rivera started ten games for the Yankees that season, participating in a two-hit shutout of the Chicago White Sox on July 4, in which he recorded a career-high eleven strikeouts. Rivera's sudden improvement and his success in the 1995 American League Division Series, in which he pitched 5 1/3 scoreless innings of relief, convinced Yankees' management to keep him and move him into the bullpen the following season.

Sounds pretty suspicious in hindsight doesn't it?

A-Rod tested positive for Primobolan. In her interview with Bob Costas on the MLB Network on Saturday, Selena Roberts said that it doesn't bulk you up like Winstrol or Deca-Durabolin and that it allows you retain 80% of your strength once you cycle off. Couple that with HGH (which Andy-facking-Pettitte was on) and the "Who's Juicing" game just got a whole lot more difficult.

Pudge Rodriguez is undoubtedly a HoF player numbers-wise and wasn't in the Mitchell Report, but I will literally bet you anything that he took steroids, HGH or something like that when he caught 144 games in the Texas heat, hit 35 home runs and slugged .558.

See what happens? When you don't even have to rely on changes in physical appearance (which Pudge certainly had), the cloud of suspicion broadens further still. As we've discussed before, baseball statistics are incredibly random and you can pretty much read any storyline you want on those tea leaves.

It's a divisive issue and everyone is going to have their own take. That includes the BBWAA writers. I think everyone should get in and being that it is a museum, just include the PED stuff in the exhibit. Pete Rose too. He existed. Leaving him out of the HoF doesn't remove him from baseball history and it isn't going to take the needle from Roger Clemens' ass or the veins from Barry Bonds' forehead.

Of course that's not how most of the crotchety old bastards like Murray Chass, who feel they are the sanctimonious gatekeepers of Cooperstown, are going to vote. I'm guessing that pretty soon the induction classes are going to be awfully small.

A-Fraud?

Despite my strong personal dislike for his postseason performances, I have been reluctant to call Alex Rodriguez "A-Fraud." I never understood the meaning of the term. How exactly was he fraudulent? Given his personality, A-Hole seemed like the proper A-hyphenated nickname. I myself preferred the name "Mr. 162" label -- for his propensity for regular season greatness and postseason suckitude.

However, Selena Roberts and David Epstein of Sports Illustrated have launched a nuclear bomb that give this "A-Fraud" nickname proverbial legs. According to four sources of the two writers of the once-great periodical, in 2003, when he won the American League home run title and his first AL Most Valuable Player award as a shortstop for the Texas Rangers, Alex Rodriguez tested positive for two anabolic steroids. According to the sources, Rodriguez's name appears on a list of 104 players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball's '03 survey testing.

The results of that year's survey testing of all players were meant to be anonymous under the joint agreement between the commissioner's office and the players association. However, the results were discovered after Feds seized the '03 test results from Comprehensive Drug Testing, Inc., of Long Beach, CA as part of the BALCO investigation by the government. The list of the players is currently sealed. However, sources who know contents of the list told SI that A-Rod tested positive for testosterone and an anabolic steroid known as Primobolan. Some anonymity...

According to the 2007 Mitchell Report, in September 2004, Gene Orza, the chief operating officer of the players' union, violated an agreement with MLB by tipping off a player (not named in the report) about an upcoming, supposedly unannounced drug test. Three major league players who spoke to SI said that Rodriguez was also tipped by Orza in early September 2004 that he would be tested later that month. Rodriguez declined to respond on Thursday when asked about the warning Orza provided him. Wow. you're tipped off and still cannot even pass. Certainly a clutch performer...

Great. Distractions. Just what A-Rod needs. Just what the Yankees need. As if screwing Madonna was not enough. As if the Torre book was not enough.

Rodriguez has repeatedly denied steroid use in the past, including in a "60 Minutes Interview" with Katie Couric. In the interview, when asked by Couric if he had used steroids, human growth hormone or another performance-enhancing drug, Rodriguez said categorically, "No."

"I think baseball's done a fine job of implementing some very strict rules," Rodriguez said in the interview. "I mean, I got tested eight or nine times. I know some of my teammates got tested, you know, seven, eight ... times and, you know, if you think about where the game is today versus where it was six years ago, I think Major League Baseball has made some nice strides."

"I've never felt overmatched on the baseball field," Rodriguez said. "... I felt that if I did my, my work as I've done since I was, you know, a rookie back in Seattle, I didn't have a problem competing at any level."

Many people, myself included, thought that A-Rod was untainted and could not wait until he eventually dethroned Barry Bonds as the Home Run King. This news, which turns A-Rod into "A-Fraud," is like somebody stepping on your junk with steel toed boots.

Fortunately for A-Rod, unfortunately for Yankees fans/the Yankee organization, it does not appear that A-Rod's contract will be able to be voided.

Alex, can't you just retire? You have already made more money than anybody needs. As a liar and a cheat, everybody hates you, including Yankees fans. Your records and statistics mean nothing after you cheated or are accused of cheating. Retiring would spare you the public scorn that will disintegrate your already weaker than peanut butter brittle psyche and let you screw as many muscular broads as you want. Maybe you can work with fellow New York cheater Elliot Spitzer. Retiring would be a win-win situation for everyone. PLEASE! JUST DO IT! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

Would Someone Take This F____r Out Of The Division?

As first reported by Joel Sherman this morning, it appears that Kevin Millar is heading to the Blue Jays on a minor league deal. Sherman added that the Nationals, Rangers and Mets all considered signing him, along with the Yankees, on the strength of recommendations from Johnny Damon (understandable) and Alex Rodriguez (WTF?).

A-Rod, you have never played on the same team as Millar. Not even the same All-Star team (because Millar never made one). He was on the Red Sox, remember? The only thing you guys have in common is that you both like to dye your hair blonde. Perhaps you share a stylist?

In 110 games against the Yankees, Millar has a 120 OPS+, the highest against any AL team, save for the Tampa Bay Jesus Rays. Just last year, on May 27th, Millar went 3-6 with two home runs against the Yanks in an 11 inning showdown the Yanks ended up losing after Millar was intentionally walked to load the bases.

I hate Kevin Millar. I hate him a lot. From the "Cowboy Up" and "Idiots" bullshit, to his Slim Shady haircut and his stupid fucking goatee. I hate the fact that he came back and threw out the first pitch at Fenway for Game 7 of the ALCS in 2007, when he still played for the Orioles. If he was still on the Red Sox, I would have probably figured a way to name this blog after how much I hope he loses an arm in trash compactor.

Fack you Kevin Millah, you Bobcat Goldtwhait-looking motherfackah.

Number of Day Until Spring Training: Alex Rodriguez (#13)

Special guest appearance courtesy of New Stadium Insider.

• Professor Purple Lips
• Double Play-Rod
  
• Mr. 162
  
• Madonna's Prima Donna
• The Ace Of April
• The Gay Of May
• The Queen Of 13
  
• The Big Frosted Tipper
• Lightning Rod
• ICR
  
• The Turd At Third
• Stray-Rod
  
• Alice Rodriguez
• And most recently, A-Fraud

[Ed. Note: Joe, Frank & I might have made some of those up]

The man has a lot of demeaning nicknames for a 3 time MVP with the career trajectory and guaranteed contract that put him on pace to break the all-time home runs record, primarily as a shortstop and third baseman.

The best seats I ever had to a Yankee game were about six rows back from the Yanks' batter's box. The game had been rained out the night before and I was still playing online poker for a "living", so I was more than happy to rearrange my so-called schedule and scoop them up. Chien-Ming Wang threw 7 2/3IP of scoreless ball en route to a win over the Tigers (A-Rod went 0-3 and reached on a wild pitch).

In A-Rod's first time up, he grounded into a double play. When he was standing in the on-deck circle before his second at bat in the home half of the fourth, a guy in front of us got up and yelled, "ANDY RODDICK IS THE REAL A-ROD!!!". He was a Yankees fan.

Our 2007 Saturday package granted us the privilege of witnessing both his walk-off grand slam against the Orioles and his 500th career home run. Our seats were in Section 7, giving us the absolute perfect view down the left field line, and while everyone was still leaning to see if it was going to stay fair, we were already going apeshit.

I've been dreading writing this post ever since no one else claimed it a week and a half ago. There's too much to go into. The booing, the messy divorce, the Freudian implications of him dating Madonna, the Jeter friendship saga, and him playing for the Dominican Republic in the WBC despite never having lived there. Of course there were also his 2007 season, the above moments, the 2004 ALDS, and the home run he ripped off of the facing of the left field upper deck (watch).

Even during his blistering 2007 season, whenever he hit a dramatic home run, on his way to first base, he would still look into the dugout for approval.

Every Yankee fan has their own balance of love and hatred for him. I would place mine at about 70/30, respectively. It flipped to about 10/90 when he opted out of his contract during the '07 World Series. Usually what a player does off the field is not that big of a deal. It all comes down to what you do after the manager hands in the line-up card and before Kim Jones does her terrible post game interview.

But God Almighty, this fucker does his best to make you care. He is so polarizing, he polarizes people within themselves.

For better or for worse, the Yankees married A-Rod last offseason with the incentive-injected 10 year, $275M contract they extended to him. If he leaves the Yankees, it will make his divorce with Cynthia look tidy and private.

I would like to end this post by giving A-Rod the type of friendly advice that actual friendship, by nature, would preclude you from ever giving:

"Alex.

Dude.

You really need to break up with Madonna. Can you not see the writing on the wall? She is GOING TO RUIN YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

The last thing you need is to date someone with an ego that might be even bigger than yours. She's insane. The Kabbalah thing...

Bro, she fucked Dennis Rodman...

FIF-TEEN FUCK-ING YEARS A-GO."

Torre Confirms What Everyone Suspected

I can't imagine Joe Torre's new book is going to have too positive of an impact on his legacy as Yankee Manager.

Teammates frequently called Alex Rodriguez "A-Fraud," and the third baseman was obsessed over his rivalry with shortstop Derek Jeter, "The Yankee Years" reveals, according to the New York Daily News and New York Post.

Wait, what? You mean the thinly veiled fraudulence that shines through a TV screen like high beam xenon headlights coming towards you on a two lane road is evident to the people who spent all of spring training, the entire regular season and possibly one series in October with him?

Let's just say that a little nymph that dwells on one of his frosted tips told me where he was on New Year's Eve, he has a limp dick handshake and that despite his Dominican heritage he has the dancing skills of a UNIX programmer named Preston. He was wearing a fucking sweater even though he was celebrating south of the Tropic of Cancer but north of the Equator.

I want to like this guy, I swear. I've never booed him at the Stadium and probably never will. His 2007 was the stuff of legends. Um, .314/.422/.645 as a competent third baseman, 24 SB to only 4 CS, 54 HR, 31 2B and 156 RsBI (h/t FJM). Surreal. He's driven in over 100 runs in every single full season as a major leaguer except one (when he still earned an All-Star berth).

No matter what, we've got him for another 9 years; under no circumstances is he getting traded. He's a consistently incredible force behind the plate, solid in the field, but an unimaginable headcase. He's got a strange mix of cockiness and insecurity found only in Phil Helmuth, Oscar De La Hoya and other such very successful but transparently douchetastic phonies.

Really though... Wow, Joe Torre. I didn't think a tell-all book was in your future. Ironic that you once famously said to Michael Kay, "I don't need you to be Rona Barrett around here" in reference to the long time gossip columnist and now you are spilling your guts like a 13 year old girl. I'm guessing this means that there might still be a single digit number up for grabs in Monument Park?