Sunday, January 25, 2009

Torre Confirms What Everyone Suspected

I can't imagine Joe Torre's new book is going to have too positive of an impact on his legacy as Yankee Manager.
Teammates frequently called Alex Rodriguez "A-Fraud," and the third baseman was obsessed over his rivalry with shortstop Derek Jeter, "The Yankee Years" reveals, according to the New York Daily News and New York Post.
Wait, what? You mean the thinly veiled fraudulence that shines through a TV screen like high beam xenon headlights coming towards you on a two lane road is evident to the people who spent all of spring training, the entire regular season and possibly one series in October with him?

Let's just say that a little nymph that dwells on one of his frosted tips told me where he was on New Year's Eve, he has a limp dick handshake and that despite his Dominican heritage he has the dancing skills of a UNIX programmer named Preston. He was wearing a fucking sweater even though he was celebrating south of the Tropic of Cancer but north of the Equator.

I want to like this guy, I swear. I've never booed him at the Stadium and probably never will. His 2007 was the stuff of legends. Um, .314/.422/.645 as a competent third baseman, 24 SB to only 4 CS, 54 HR, 31 2B and 156 RsBI (h/t FJM). Surreal. He's driven in over 100 runs in every single full season as a major leaguer except one (when he still earned an All-Star berth).

No matter what, we've got him for another 9 years; under no circumstances is he getting traded. He's a consistently incredible force behind the plate, solid in the field, but an unimaginable headcase. He's got a strange mix of cockiness and insecurity found only in Phil Helmuth, Oscar De La Hoya and other such very successful but transparently douchetastic phonies.

Really though... Wow, Joe Torre. I didn't think a tell-all book was in your future. Ironic that you once famously said to Michael Kay, "I don't need you to be Rona Barrett around here" in reference to the long time gossip columnist and now you are spilling your guts like a 13 year old girl. I'm guessing this means that there might still be a single digit number up for grabs in Monument Park?

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