This Just In: A-Rod Still A Dick

I know this may come as a shock to many of you, but according to multiple anonymous sources, Alex Rodriguez may not be a morally upright individual.

I'm guessing a fair number of you first heard of this establishment via this post back in February, so from the site's perspective we can't really complain all the dumb shit he's done. On the other hand, most of us are Yankees fans and we'd be lying if we said this makes rooting for the team any easier.

The timing of this story in The Post is actually pretty good for the Yanks and A-Rod. I'd bet that Selena Roberts was hoping that the details wouldn't drop until he was closer to rejoining the team, which is still about 10 days from happening. He will still have to answer questions, which he has proven he is astonishingly terrible at, but there won't be the same media orgy if he was in the locker room the day the story was published. Additionally, there is only one semi-shocking detail, which was already floating during when Roberts broke the 2003 test results story; he was supposedly already juicing in high school:

Rodriguez put on 25 pounds of muscle between his sophomore and junior years, and word was that his connection was a dog kennel owner.

A former high school teammate told Roberts the future No.1 MLB draft pick was on steroids and his coach knew it. Another student said the son of coach Rich Hofman admitted he saw Rodriguez use steroids.

Even if this is true, he'll never have to admit it, because there won't be any smoking gun in the form of a failed test. That said, if he was juicing all the way back then, A-Fraud was a truer moniker than any of this teammates could have originally intended. 

The article provides some quotes for the book which allege that he used steroids while with the Yankees. Would this surprise anyone? His contrived apology conveniently quarantined his admissions to his Texas years, to place them in the past. He didn't even apologize to New York fans, to make the line even clearer. Whether he did them in New York or not, he wasn't going to admit it, because he didn't have to.  That's the kind of advice you have an entire team of PR people and lawyers handling your crises.

What I found curious in this story were the seemingly ancillary details that were included. His alleged steriod connection in high school owned a dog kennel. Okay...? At the very end, the article adds:

He was even hated at Hooters, where he tipped the minimum 15%, the book says.

Have you ever been to Hooters? The service is fucking terrible. Yes, he's rich, but does that oblige him to leave above average tips under any circumstances? (And I believe the minimum would be 0%. Life doesn't occur inside a Zagat guide, douchebags.) Want a real tip from A-Rod, Hooters waitresses? Get naked. 

So why include these superfluous details? Craig from Shysterball and Circling the Bases says that Selena Roberts might be trying to frame A-Rod as a "generally bad person":

 It's one thing to say that A-Rod lied about certain things and broke certain rules. It's another thing to say that he did so because he's an inherently evil or damaged person. I have no problem with the former. Based on her track record, I am extremely skeptical of anything written by Roberts that posits the latter.

I guess that's the kind of angle one has to take in order to build a storyline and sell books. I've always respected Roberts' right as a journalist to write whatever sort of book she wants, but couldn't put my finger on what exactly seemed wrong about this one. As he so often does, Craig got right to the heart of the matter, and I think he pinpointed it for me. Want to dig dirt on A-Rod? Knock yourself out. But to try to paint him as a defective villian for the sake of making money doesn't seem quite right. 

In closing, I'd just like to echo some of Joel Sherman's advice to A-Rod:

Here is my last piece of advice for Rodriguez: Hit home runs. A lot of them. Most baseball fans, especially Yankee fans, care about that most of all.

If he struggles, he will be booed vociferously. If he prodouces, no one will give a shit. Let's play ball.