Jeter + A-Rod = "News"

Alex Rodriguez works out?!??!?! That must be how he got so strong and stuff...

Jeter supports A-Rod? That's the first I've heard of this.

Feb 3rd: NY Post - JETER: I SUPPORT A-ROD
Feb 4th: Newsday -Derek Jeter supports A-Rod
Feb 4th: ABC News - Jeter Reiterates A-Rod Has Teammates' Support
Feb 4th: MLB.com -Jeter reaffirms support of A-Rod
Feb 4th: FOX News: Jeter reiterates A-Rod has teammates' support

I'm only stopping because I'm sick of this, not because I ran out of links.


And here are the details of that "megadeal" in the third headline.

The Chicago Bulls and Sacramento Kings have reached tentative agreement on a trade sending Andres Nocioni, Drew Gooden, Michael Ruffin and Cedric Simmons to the Kings for Brad Miller and John Salmons, front-office sources said on Wednesday.

It involves six players, the most famous of whom is Brad Miller. SUPER-MEGA-EXTREME-BLOCKBUSTER(buster)(buster)(echo)!!!!!

Happy Trails, Derrick Ward

Via the NFP, Adam Schefter has learned that Derrick Ward switched agents.

Ward switched agents and hired Drew Rosenhaus, who is always busy at this time of year making deals.Ward clearly did not want a repeat of last offseason, when he was a free agent and wound up finding little interest, forcing him to re-sign with the Giants.Now that the Giants have tagged running back Brandon Jacobs, Ward wants Rosenhaus to find the market value and best deal for him.

It's been real, Derrick. I'm sorry that you broke your leg and couldn't really enjoy the Super Bowl victory. You were the go-to screen pass/dump off guy; a perfect compliment to the off-tackle bashings of the Juggernaut. Ahmad Bradshaw will have some pretty big shoes to fill, but I think the G-Men are going to be alright.

But you had to go with Drouche? Can you do me a favor? After you sign with your new team and you shake his hand, take an extra firm grip, pull him towards you... and knee him in the balls. Thanks.

Countdown To Opening Day: #46

Are Yankee fans racist? Maybe just a little bit?

Remember last year, when LaTroy Hawkins was continuously booed because he was sporting Paul O'Neill's #21? It probably didn't help that he gave up six runs in 2/3 of an inning in his second appearance in the Bronx, and had an ERA over 10.00 as late as his 10th outing. However, the 5 Yankees who donned #46 after Andy Pettitte left for Houston weren't that much better, but no one bothered to boo them and petition for Pettitte's number to be retired.

-----

Donovan Osborne was the first to pull on a #46 jersey after Pettitte left in 2003. On May 15th, 2004, Osbourne became the first Yankee since Babe Ruth to start a game for the Yanks after not starting a game for over 5 years. He gave up six runs in 5 innings and never appeared in another game for the Yankees. That year he pitched 17 2/3 innings gave up 14 home runs, and, um, sucked.

Next up was Darrell May. He was traded from the Padres to the Yankees in early July of 2005 and made his first appearance for the Yankees at the Stadium against the Indians on July 9th. May allowed 7ER in 4 1/3 IP and surrendered 3 HRs. His next outing was in Fenway Park and was equally atrocious. May came into to replace Tim Redding who was battered for 6 runs in the first inning, and gave up 6 more of his own in the followed 2 1/3. After giving up 13 earned runs in seven innings with the Bombers, George Steinbrenner had him shipped to an internment camp in Peru. May was never seen or heard from again.

Later that same year, Alan Embree was added to the Yankees after being released by the Red Sox. While with Boston, Embree gave up only two runs in 13 1/3 postseason innings, but was marginal during the regular season, with ERAs above 4. He arrived with an ERA of 7.88 and amazingly his ERA never rose to 8.00 or dropped below 7.00 while he was with the Yanks. He appeared in 14 1/3 innings over 24 games and gave up 12 ER. The Rockies signed Embree for $2.5M for the 2009 season. Good luck with that.

In 2006, Scott Erickson slipped on #46 for nine relief appearances in May and June. His 7.94ERA reflects the fact that he gave up 10 earned in 11 1/3. Like Darrell May, Erickson's last game with the Yankees game with the Red Sox, and he gave up 2 runs in 2/3 of an inning. He was sent to Uruguay.

In July of that year, a position player actually had the honor of donning Andy's numeral. The Yankees claimed Aaron Guiel off waivers from the Royals where he had spent parts of 5 seasons. He played only 4 complete games, but appeared in 44 for the Yanks and actually posted an OPS+ of 99 and popped four home runs.

-----

You are all racists. I rest my case.

Yankees Fan Stabbed, Shot

After years of being forced to wear diapers and walked around on a leash, a sixteen year old Yankees fan named Travis was stabbed several times by his 70 year old female captor (shown below) with a butcher knife, before being shot by police in Stamford, Connecticut at about 3:30PM yesterday.

Travis, an actor who once appeared in an Old Navy commercial with Morgan Fairchild, loved filet mignon, sipping fine wine, flowers, and surfing the internet, but kept a special place in his heart for the New York Yankees.

Some sources say that the recent developments with Alex Rodriguez and his foggy admissions to using performance enhancing drugs pushed the longtime fan over the edge. According to a neighbor he was "visibly and audibly outraged" after Alex failed to apologize to his teammates after his 38 second faux-dramatic pause during yesterday's press conference.

However, according to a friend, yesterday, the day of his rampage, Travis was informed that his Yankees weekend package had been moved to a 12 game weekday package despite his constant calls to the Yankees Ticket Office.

Calls to the Yankee Ticket Office and Alex Rodriguez were not returned.

Here is the chain of events leading up to the tragedy:

[The crazy old woman pictured above] gave him Xanax in tea to quiet him, but [Travis] grabbed the keys to open the kitchen door, went outside and started banging on car doors to indicate he wanted to go for a ride.

Just as [a friend] Nash arrived at the house and exited her vehicle, [Travis] went up to her, jumped on her and began biting and mauling her.

[The crazy lady] retrieved a large butcher knife and stabbed [Travis] numerous times in an effort to save Nash, who was really being brutally attacked, and was forced to call the police.

(Here is the 911 call.)

Nash was so disfigured that a cop on the scene mistook her for a man, telling the dispatcher, "He's got no face."

The wounded Travis zeroed in on one cruiser, running to one side and trying to open a locked door. He quickly scooted to the other side, ripping off a side mirror while opening another door.

The trapped cop inside shot Travis several times in self-defense. The mortally wounded ape then staggered back into his house.

I'm angry about A-Rod too, Travis. Our Saturday package is probably going to get bumped and we won't even have anyone to put Xanax in our tea when it happens. It wasn't your time, man. It wasn't supposed to go down like this. Hopefully they've got a nice dry aged filet and a bottle of Mouton Rothschild waiting for you in The Big Jungle In The Sky.

R.I.P. Travis the Chimpanzee [1996-2008]

P.S. You probably shouldn't have bitten that woman's face off.

The Sphere Of Influence Widens

The mainstream media is just riding in our wake, friends. Consider yourselves ahead of the curve.

PeteAbe, I'm not going to lie. I'm a little disappointed in you. You were kind enough to link to us last Tuesday with the headline "The Many Faces Of Alex Rodriguez". Last night's entry? "The Many Expressions Of Alex Rodriguez" See? Totally different.

Maybe the editors of Metro NY read Pete's blog? (Sorry about the tiny pic, but this is the only one I could find. If you know how to get a better one, email me.)

And also the editors at AM New York?
And.... aww what the fuck?

Sound familiar? Cause my post yesterday was entitled "You Knew What You What You Were Doing".

I know this is just pointless bitching, but it makes me feel better about the fact that we do this for free and beat all of them to the punch. The advantage of writing online is that you don't have to wait to fire up the presses in the morning to get your story out; newspapers can't exactly live blog.

The downside is that although newspaper advertising is seeing it's reach decline by the second, online advertising is already a complete and total black hole. I enjoy the bounty and free spirit of the internets as much as anyone, but at a certain point, someone is going to have to monetize this mofo. But until some genius programmer and a few media companies combine forces and create an amalgamation of Google Reader and iTunes that charges a nominal fee for RSS feeds, this is all just fun and games (with some futile lamenting).

If someone rips off that idea, I demand a cut.



Update 10:00AM: Forgot to check this earlier, but here you go...

Welcome to the party, ESPN. It started last Monday.

Countdown To Opening Day: #47

[Joe and I are going to be running a tandem countdown format. He will focus his efforts on a notable baseball player from throughout the Major Leagues to wear that particular number, while I'm going to countdown via one or more not so notable Yankees, similar to the #14 post we did leading into Spring Training. There might not be one of each every single day, but we will try to ensure that there is at least one or the other.]

Shance Spencer, referred to as Roy Hobbs when Jeff Francoeur was still only 14, burst onto the scene during the Yankees illustrious 1998 season. In his first 67 at-bats in the Majors, Spencer famously lofted 10 home runs, three of them with the bags packed and drove in 27. Despite quickly coming back to earth, Spencer stuck around as a role player long enough to appear in four World Series.

In 2004 while he was supposed to be on a rehab assignment, he was arrested in Florida for driving 97MPH... while drunk. That same year, he and then teammate Karim Garcia were charged with assaulting a pizza delivery guy, but the charges were dropped. After all MLB teams passed on him, he played in Japan for two years, starting in 2005. He's currently a hitting coach for a Single A team in the Padres organization.


Bob Lemon was brought in to replace Billy Martin in 1978. He presided over the 14 game comeback to catch the Red Sox, the famous (or infamous, depending on where you are looking from) Bucky Dent game and the ensuing World Series Championship, wearing both #47 and #21 that season.


Ron "Suitcase" Villone has never spent more than two years in the same major league uniform. He threw 80 2/3 innings for the Yanks in 2006 to a 5.04ERA, then declined a salary arbitration offer from the Yankees that December. He made $2.5M in '06, but turned down the offer which would have almost certainly earned him raise. Ron went unsigned and came back to the Yanks on a minor league deal, costing him roughly $2M. He didn't make the team out of Spring Training in '07 but was called up in May and threw 42 1/3 innings to a better than league average ERA. I know this may cause a stampede, but he's currently a free agent. Notice his highly intimidating pitching sneer shown below.


Colter Bean, inspiration for the blog Free Colter Bean, holds the record for appearances for the Columbus Clippers with 212. A dubious distinction indeed, Bean will remembered not for his 7 major league innings and seven earned runs to match, but for his AAAA status and the fact his talent never carried over into the majors.


Last but not least... Sir Sidney Ponson. Rubber-armed and lard-gutted, Ponson was brought on for two separate stints with the Yanks in 2006 and 2008. In '06 he shat the bed to the tune of a 10.47ERA over 16 1/3 innings before being DFA'd.

Last year, after being released by Texas for his disorderly conduct despite sporting a 3.88ERA, he was snatched up by Brian Cashman on June 18th to help patch up the Yankees reeling rotation. He made his debut against the Mets on June 27th (the second half of the double header when Carlos Delgado suddenly stopped sucking) and went 6 innings without surrendering a run. It was pretty much all downhill from there. He ended up eating 80 innings for the Yankees (must... resist... fat... joke) but finished the season with a 5.85ERA in Pinstripes.

He is currently preparing to represent the Netherlands in the WBC by drinking his face off and assaulting respected public servants.

You Knew What You Were Doing

Alex, no one buys the notion that you put some street level Dominican steroids that you can't even remeber the name of (Boli, Bali, Bally's?) in your $252 million body. You know you just opened the door for Selena Roberts to find out which mystery cousin you are talking about, right? If that was a clever ploy to temporarily get her off your ass, nice work.

You keep falling back on being "naive", "young" and "stupid. No, you were "insecure", "greedy" and "calculated".

I know your PR Firm thought it would play better if you attributed the mistake to youthful indiscretion and naivete, but you were 25 years old, the best athlete in your sport, with a contract for hundreds of millions of dollars and Scott Boras as your agent.

It's more likely that you and Boras created a special laboratory to manufacture your own steroids, custom fit to your body chemistry, as opposed to getting some black market schwill from the DR.

I don't even care anymore, at least you admitted it. Make donations to charity, hit 40HRs, drive in 125 runs, win a World Series and we'll all move on with our lives. But just realize that I and almost every other objective observer know you are still lying about the important details.

A-Rod Press Conference Screen Grab Recap [Live-Blog]

1:25PM: Apparently there will be a doorbuster-style media entrance to the press conference because as of now, this is the best MLB.com could do.

1:39PM: Still just the studio B-team. They just said A-Rod was "projected" to answer questions from the media. They are running on empty in terms of material.

1:44PM: OMG, He's 14 mins late! Press conferences are never late! John Heyman said he's not going on until 1:48 because he arrived fashionably late to the facility. The man does know how to be the center of attention. They guys in studio are killing him for it.

1:49PM: It's A-Rod!!!!

1:51PM: According to Jason Zillo, just like the Peter Gammons interview, there will be no follow up questions

1:54PM: He will be donating to the Taylor Hooton Foundation, started for a football player who killed himself while he was on steroids. Excellent choice.

1:56PM: He's getting more specifc into his drug usage, but reading from a piece of paper. Who is his cousin?

1:59PM: "To my teammates..." (a ridiculously long "dramatic" pause with about 4 sips of water and 28 facial expressions) (lip quivers) "Thank you." How about "I'm sorry", asshole? That was fucking terrible.

2:02PM: He won't name his cousin. I don't know how many cousins he has, but that shouldn't be that difficult to find out...

2:05PM: God apparently has put him in this position. And he is here to help the kids.

2:07PM: It was "amatuer hour" and he "probably didn't even do it right". I think he was actually talking about the time he and his cousin made a plastic bong out of a Pepsi bottle and didn't inhale, though.

2:09PM: A-Rod says those 25 guys are a family and that this crisis will bring them together. He also said he owes them an apology... and then thanks them again. "I'm Sorry". It's not that hard.

2:14PM: Kat O'Brien of Newsday has a lisp and asked the question about the "loosey-goosey" atmosphere. Priceless.

2:16PM: Joel Sherman asked him why he would inject himself 36 times with something if he didn't know how it helped him or if he was doing it right. Not surprisingly, A-Rod's answer was less than complete.

2:18PM: He benched 310 in high school but only benches 240 now?

2:25PM: And that's that.

Jeremy Giambi Wasn't Available?

Billy Ripken in the house, fuck-faces.

(h/t SmartyBarrett)

A-Rod's presser is at 1:30, but coverage is already airing live on MLB.com.

Grandpa Selig Doesn't Like Your Tone, Smart Alec

Wallace Matthews of Newsday had the esteemed pleasure of conducting a lenghty telephone interview with the Bud Selig in which he once again assumes that baseball fans are a bunch of morons:

I don't want to hear the commissioner turned a blind eye to this or he didn't care about it. That annoys the you-know-what out of me. You bet I'm sensitive to the criticism. The reason I'm so frustrated is, if you look at our whole body of work, I think we've come farther than anyone ever dreamed possible.

Hey Bud, just because the sport has been successful over you tenure doesn't mean that you aren't responsible for tacitly allowing steroid use. So just because you've came "further than anyone ever dreamed possible", which is highly debatable, it means you shouldn't be questioned on some rather obvious mistakes you made?

Remember back in 1998, when the whole fucking sport was revitalized BECAUSE of steroid use? Take a look around at the economy, I don't hear financial CEOs saying "Look at where we took the economy, the Dow was at 14,000! That's why I'm so frustrated, cause everyone just wants to talk about this sub-prime mess!!"

A lot of people say we should have done this or that, and I understand that. They ask me, 'How could you not know?' and I guess in the retrospect of history, that's not an unfair question. But we learned and we've done something about it. When I look back at where we were in '98 and where we are today, I'm proud of the progress we've made.

You know what a significant part of that progess stemmed from? PEOPLE HITTING HOME RUNS WHILE THEY WERE ON STEROIDS.

Starting in 1995, I tried to institute a steroid policy. Needless to say, it was
met with strong resistance. We were fought by the union every step of the way.

Yup, that's the whole story. Bud Selig tirelessly campaigned for a steroid testing poilcy, but the Union wouldn't budge. You are the head of the League, Allan Huber Selig. It takes two sides to reach and agreement, and you weren't willing to meet to Union's demands to make the testing a reality. Take some responsibilty for what occured under your watch and the fact that the two sides couldn't come together. And aside from trying to insitiute a testing policy, what did you do about it? That was 1995, and up until 2003, the answer is "not a whole lot".

Selig said he consulted with a few coaches and executives in the late '90's including John Schuerholz, Doug Melvin and Brian Cashman:

They all told me none of them ever saw it in the clubhouses and that their players never spoke about it. "[Padres CEO] Sandy Alderson, as good a baseball man as you'll find, was convinced it was the bat. Others were convinced it was the ball. So a lot of people didn't know.

Wow... that's shocking. You mean Brain Cashman didn't come out and say, "Listen, Bud, there are at least 10 guys in my clubhouse on the juice. Clemens... holy shit! The guy pumps himself full of Winstrol twice an hour. Sometimes he just walks around with an IV drip."

Secondly, Brain Cashman probably never did see it in the Clubhouse and no one ever told him about it. That's not how it went down. Players knew what they were doing was wrong and a took the steroids at their own homes or in private places with their personal trainers.

It would be as if I went to West Baltimore and said "I heard there is a huge herion and crack epidemic going on around here, but when I was walking around the streets in my fucking tweed blazer and Brooks Brother's slacks, I wasn't so much as offered a hit! For goodness sake, I didn't even see one person shooting up or smoking rock!"

Great job Bud, give yourself another raise this year, you greedy, evil imbecile. Then die in your sleep.

Kevin Youkilis: Titan Of The Food Industry

Uh, how come no one told us about this? Is it because Red Sox Nation issued a gag order?

A simple Google search of our blog's anti-namesake turned up the fact that Kevin Youkilis endorses B&M Baked Beans. And you thought Jonathan Papelbon's "Auto 125" commercial was embarrassing... I'm not a branding expert, but would probably advise against a sloppy brown food product being sold under the letters "B" & "M"

Dude, you couldn't hold out for Bush's?

Oh, I forgot, they already have a spokesman (he knows the secret recipe)...


That's right Youk. In the prestigious upper echelon of baked bean spokeslifeforms, it's you and a dog named Duke! Youk and Duke. Well done. It's only a matter of time until the economy catches up to B&M, Bush's buys them out, and you two doing ads together. I can see it now...


That's not all, though...

Longball Cellars also offers Jorge Cabernet and Abreu's Finest among other terrible wine/baseball name puns including Jose's CaberReyes, Tom's Cabernet Glavingnon, Brain Schneider's Schardonnay, and Tim Wakefield's CaberKnuckle.

Youk's Hot Sauce was developed by his brother Scott, a chef at Maverick's Restaurant in San Francisco, thusly: "Some chilies were on their way out, so we roasted them, added vinegar and called it a hot sauce". He added "Yeaaaaaah brraaaah, it's gnarly."

You can get a bottle of that so-called hot sauce for the incredibly low price of $10 +S&H, or $25 +S&H complete with an autograph from the man himself. Or actually you can't, because they are sold out. Is this guy fackin' maaahketahble, ah what?

And last but not least, Yooouuuuk has an energy drink called "SlumpBuster", a not-so-thinly-veiled reference to the first girl you sleep with after not getting any for a while.

In sports, at work or in your social life, everyone has been in a slump. You've tried everything, and then... along comes a SlumpBuster... and all is right with the world. SlumpBuster Energy Drink.

Classy as the day is long, that Kevin Youkilis. Go out and get yourself a SlumpBuster... and after you're done, smash the can on your forehead and throw it out your car window, asshole.

K-Rod To Be Even More Obnoxious in 2009

From Shysterball, David Lennon of Newsday and 1050 ESPN Radio fame tells us that Francisco Rodriguez has been experimenting with some new ocular technology:

I wish I had a camera-phone because words don't really do this justice, but I've never seen a player wear blood-red contact lenses like the ones that Francisco Rodriguez sported for today's bullpen session.

Instead of wearing tinted sunglasses like most players, K-Rod had lenses in that are a deep scarlet, giving his eyes the reddish hue of a vampire. A number of local TV stations taped today's interview, so you might want to check out SNY, NY1 or FOX-5 tonight to see what I'm talking about.

"It helps with the glare," K-Rod said.

Frankie, not a good idea, man. Just a fair warning, I will mock you endlessly via screen grab if you go through with this. Opposing fans already hate you for your ridiculous histrionics and the Mets aren't that popular to begin with because of Jose Reyes and his similar displays.

They are going to look creepy when you are pitching, additionally offensive when you are celebrating like a jackass and downright hilarious when you are watching your team lose. Don't believe me? Just ask Kyle Vanden Bosch...

Why Doesn't My Job Having Spring Training In Florida?

Working life sucks. No summer vacations, no snow days (not since I've been in NYC, anyway), no recess, gym class, snack time or carpet-square-naps. Youth is wasted on the young.

I was browsing through the LIFE Photo Archive on Google Images and turned up a few good old school Yankees Spring Training pictures from when they were still in St. Petersburg and Ft. Lauderdale. Here are a few for now. We've still got 49 days left until opening day so I don't want to blow my whole stash.

Yogi Berra reading his own book


Mickey Mantle taking in some fresh air


Whitey Ford... trying to pull a pole out of the ground?
Not too sure about that one.

No guarantees about the amount of content today. There's no way of knowing, but I don't think these gentlemen would approve of blogging on a Federal Holiday.