Breaking News: ESPN Deportes Never Wrong!

These screen shots were all taken within a few minutes of each other, some have the time noted, most importantly ESPN's homepage and the Peter Abraham post.

Enrique Rojas, a little quick on the trigger. Again.

But Peter Abraham talked to Brain Cashman and set the record straight.

As of 3:44, it's still on ESPN.com.

Do you think ESPN hands off all of their spurious reporting on baseball players of Latin descent to ESPN Deportes in an effort to get the scoop if it's right, and drive traffic in the meantime, but not harm the master brand if it's wrong?

It's pretty amazing how often they are way off.

For the record, we got duped as well.

Who?

Oh, THAT Manny Ramirez. Thanks for clearing that up.

Alternative headlines that would have just as easily gotten the point across:

• Ramirez Selling Boston Condo, Asking $8.5M
• Manny Puts Boston Condo For Sale For $8.5M
• Ex-Sox Slugger Manny Ramirez’ Ritz Penthouse Hits Market
• Man-Ram's Boston Home Up For Grabs
• Manny's Condo Selling For $8.5M
• Dodgers' Ramirez Beantown Condo On Market
• Manny Back With L.A., His Condo Back On The Market
• Many Can Be Manny: Buy Boston Home For $8.5M
  

Fantastic News

Fack Youk has been picked up by ESPN:



Despite of all the Widget bashing, erroneous Simmons hating, and Nate Silver questioning, we are now part of the ESPN family. They've specifically requested more incoherent rants from Big Willie Style.

[Ed. Note: That's not a photoshop, just a random Internet Explorer glitch.]

Jeter + A-Rod = "News"

Alex Rodriguez works out?!??!?! That must be how he got so strong and stuff...

Jeter supports A-Rod? That's the first I've heard of this.

Feb 3rd: NY Post - JETER: I SUPPORT A-ROD
Feb 4th: Newsday -Derek Jeter supports A-Rod
Feb 4th: ABC News - Jeter Reiterates A-Rod Has Teammates' Support
Feb 4th: MLB.com -Jeter reaffirms support of A-Rod
Feb 4th: FOX News: Jeter reiterates A-Rod has teammates' support

I'm only stopping because I'm sick of this, not because I ran out of links.


And here are the details of that "megadeal" in the third headline.

The Chicago Bulls and Sacramento Kings have reached tentative agreement on a trade sending Andres Nocioni, Drew Gooden, Michael Ruffin and Cedric Simmons to the Kings for Brad Miller and John Salmons, front-office sources said on Wednesday.

It involves six players, the most famous of whom is Brad Miller. SUPER-MEGA-EXTREME-BLOCKBUSTER(buster)(buster)(echo)!!!!!

Torre: A-Rod Is A Taint

Oh, I'm sorry, I may have misquoted you, Joe.

I'm happy that Alex admitted it. Knowing him personally, I know how proud he is of what he's done and how hard he works. I haven't been around anyone who works harder. I know it's important to him to continue to add to his numbers, because he has a chance to do a lot of special things numbers-wise, but now they're going to be tainted, because people don't forget.

It's laughable that this is even a headline on my ESPN Widget.

When it comes to steroids, the meejah thinks that calling someone's numbers "tainted" is tantamount to saying they are the biggest dirty fucking cheater who ever pissed on Babe Ruth's grave. The fact of the matter is that his numbers, and everyone's from this era, are now indisputably tainted, and that should be obvious.

Think about the word "taint". Awwww, not the Urban Dictionary definition, sicko. This one:

• taint (tnt)

v. taint·ed, taint·ing, taints

1. To affect with or as if with a disease.

2. To affect with decay or putrefaction; spoil.

3. To corrupt morally.

4. To affect with a tinge of something reprehensible.

All it takes is "a tinge". This is "a truckload". To me, if something is tainted, it means it can never be the same again. No matter what happens from here on out, history has already been written. Alex Rodriguez used steroids and that's never going away. Eight years from now, when he's 56 and dating Stevie Nicks, he's still going to hear "Aaaaayyy-Raaawwwd!!! Yaaawwwaah aaaahhh faaacccckkkinnn cheeeeaaataaah!!!!!!" every time he sets foot on the grass at Fenway Park.

If your girlfriend (or boyfriend for our six female readers) cheats on you, it's not something that goes away. You might smooth it over and get back together, but you don't erase the past.

Which is why A-Rod might be a taint, but Bud Selig is an asshole; that which makes the taint vile to begin with. Even though he backed off his earlier statements about suspending A-Rod and reinstating Hank Aaron as the Home Run King, the fact that he would ever say either of those things gives you some insight into some of the specific ways in which he is such an insufferable prick.

He thought about suspending A-Rod based on the results of a test that was supposed to be anonymous, and didn't turn out to be so because HIS LEAGUE didn't destroy the results as was originally agreed upon. If you didn't think he was in the tank for the owners already, he basically forgot the MLBPA was part of the MLB. I'm guessing when one of his daughters did something wrong, he'd her sit down and say "Honey, just tell me what happened and you won't get in trouble, okay?" And then when she admitted it, he would slap her across the face and say "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??!?"

And the Home Run Title... Bud Selig thinks you, baseball fan, are an idiot. An ignoramus incapable of even the most basic objective analysis. Because if you walked into a hypothetical museum and saw a photo retrospective of each player's career with, aside from pictures and captions, just some basic career stats and no other details, you would just assume that Barry Bonds is the All-Time Home Run Leader because he has seven more round-trippers than Hank Aaron. You wouldn't find it suspicious, you dumbass, that Barry Bonds' career exploded at the same time as the size of his head and biceps, when he was 35 and turned into the greatest hitter to ever walk the planet. The fact that he put up the greatest offensive season of all-time at the age of 39 after his middle-aged metamorphosis, wouldn't seem odd to you. Because you are that fucking stupid. You asswipe.

That wasn't me typing, that was Bud Selig. He needs the record books to be changed because you can't decide whether or not PEDs were worth eight, EIGHT - fucking eight - of Barry Bonds' 762 career home runs.

ESPN Widget Headlines Compelling, Current [Part III]

I'm going to keep doing this until ESPN realizes that the point of a widget is to bring forward breaking stories that people may have not heard about yet. You know, something like this. Or this. Or this. At least there isn't any mention of this dumbassery.

ESPN Widget Headlines Compelling, Current [Part II]

Speaking of "all the shit ESPN gets from random assholes on these united internets", I present to you the second installment of ESPN's quest to make newspapers look up to the second:



In case you haven't heard... the Arizona Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl!

It's Thursday. If you have the ESPN widget on your homepage, and you don't know this, you are either illiterate or in a coma. Give me more "Reports" about Tony Romo "saying he'll be a more active leader" or Mark McGwire's brother saying his "brother used steroids"

Those "headlines" as they appear on the story page:

• "Report: Romo looking ahead to '09" ~ Holy shit! He is? What about T.O., is he looking back to '08? Do you really need to rely on a source for this? "Report: Barack Obama looking ahead to '09".
• "Book proposal implicates McGwire" ~ Nothing more credible than a book proposal. Can't think of any reasons thi$$$ guy might have to distort the truth. In related news, "Blog post implicates ESPN in non-widget-updating scandal".

On second thought... they might want to keep the headline about the Cardinals up there.


[Updated: 7:40] Theeeeeyy're listeeeeening.