Monday, March 8, 2010

Make Youk Shave (For A Good Cause)

Good morning, Fackers. Although we devote an unhealthy amount of time here to negative pursuits such as hating Kevin Youkilis, lampooning columnists in the New York papers, calling out other Yankee bloggers, terrorizing our neighbors and demanding fistfights between politicians, we'd like to think that we can still make positive contributions to society at large.

In that light, we would like to draw your attention to the fact that the Fackin' Youkstah is allowing his facial hair configuration for Opening Day to be determined by a vote. In order to make your opinion heard, you have to donate $1 to his charity, Hits For Kids. The choices are "Fu Manchu", "Goatee", "Mustache" and "Clean Shaven".

Obviously, the selection is quite limited. Noticeably absent are the mutton chops, chinstrap, zigzag, neckbeard, halfbeard, flamebeard, Hasidic, Wyatt Earp, Amish, Loop-de-loop, Islamic fundamentalist, and whatever it is that you would like to call this. Expand the possibilities, Youk!

Despite the limited options and our reputation as the most distinguished anti-Red Sox blog on the interwebz, we at Fack Youk have taken the initiative of donating $20 and voted for him to go clean shaven. Considering that Youk is a bona fide facial hair aficionado, we are guessing the thing he least wants to do is see all of his grittily-grown whiskers literally go down the drain.

Won't you, loyal readers, join in our quest to make the man shave? Perhaps the Red Sox will never abide by an upstanding grooming policy like the one the Yankees enforce, but we can do out part to make Youk look like a respectable member of society, even if it's just for a few days.