Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Jeter + A-Rod = "News"

Alex Rodriguez works out?!??!?! That must be how he got so strong and stuff...

Jeter supports A-Rod? That's the first I've heard of this.

Feb 4th: Newsday -Derek Jeter supports A-Rod
Feb 4th: ABC News - Jeter Reiterates A-Rod Has Teammates' Support
Feb 4th: -Jeter reaffirms support of A-Rod
Feb 4th: FOX News: Jeter reiterates A-Rod has teammates' support

I'm only stopping because I'm sick of this, not because I ran out of links.

And here are the details of that "megadeal" in the third headline.
The Chicago Bulls and Sacramento Kings have reached tentative agreement on a trade sending Andres Nocioni, Drew Gooden, Michael Ruffin and Cedric Simmons to the Kings for Brad Miller and John Salmons, front-office sources said on Wednesday.
It involves six players, the most famous of whom is Brad Miller. SUPER-MEGA-EXTREME-BLOCKBUSTER(buster)(buster)(echo)!!!!!

Happy Trails, Derrick Ward

Via the NFP, Adam Schefter has learned that Derrick Ward switched agents.

Ward switched agents and hired Drew Rosenhaus, who is always busy at this time of year making deals.Ward clearly did not want a repeat of last offseason, when he was a free agent and wound up finding little interest, forcing him to re-sign with the Giants.Now that the Giants have tagged running back Brandon Jacobs, Ward wants Rosenhaus to find the market value and best deal for him.
It's been real, Derrick. I'm sorry that you broke your leg and couldn't really enjoy the Super Bowl victory. You were the go-to screen pass/dump off guy; a perfect compliment to the off-tackle bashings of the Juggernaut. Ahmad Bradshaw will have some pretty big shoes to fill, but I think the G-Men are going to be alright.

But you had to go with Drouche? Can you do me a favor? After you sign with your new team and you shake his hand, take an extra firm grip, pull him towards you... and knee him in the balls. Thanks.

Countdown To Opening Day: #46

Are Yankee fans racist? Maybe just a little bit?

Remember last year, when LaTroy Hawkins was continuously booed because he was sporting Paul O'Neill's #21? It probably didn't help that he gave up six runs in 2/3 of an inning in his second appearance in the Bronx, and had an ERA over 10.00 as late as his 10th outing. However, the 5 Yankees who donned #46 after Andy Pettitte left for Houston weren't that much better, but no one bothered to boo them and petition for Pettitte's number to be retired.


Donovan Osborne was the first to pull on a #46 jersey after Pettitte left in 2003. On May 15th, 2004, Osbourne became the first Yankee since Babe Ruth to start a game for the Yanks after not starting a game for over 5 years. He gave up six runs in 5 innings and never appeared in another game for the Yankees. That year he pitched 17 2/3 innings gave up 14 home runs, and, um, sucked.

Next up was Darrell May. He was traded from the Padres to the Yankees in early July of 2005 and made his first appearance for the Yankees at the Stadium against the Indians on July 9th. May allowed 7ER in 4 1/3 IP and surrendered 3 HRs. His next outing was in Fenway Park and was equally atrocious. May came into to replace Tim Redding who was battered for 6 runs in the first inning, and gave up 6 more of his own in the followed 2 1/3. After giving up 13 earned runs in seven innings with the Bombers, George Steinbrenner had him shipped to an internment camp in Peru. May was never seen or heard from again.

Later that same year, Alan Embree was added to the Yankees after being released by the Red Sox. While with Boston, Embree gave up only two runs in 13 1/3 postseason innings, but was marginal during the regular season, with ERAs above 4. He arrived with an ERA of 7.88 and amazingly his ERA never rose to 8.00 or dropped below 7.00 while he was with the Yanks. He appeared in 14 1/3 innings over 24 games and gave up 12 ER. The Rockies signed Embree for $2.5M for the 2009 season. Good luck with that.

In 2006, Scott Erickson slipped on #46 for nine relief appearances in May and June. His 7.94ERA reflects the fact that he gave up 10 earned in 11 1/3. Like Darrell May, Erickson's last game with the Yankees game with the Red Sox, and he gave up 2 runs in 2/3 of an inning. He was sent to Uruguay.

In July of that year, a position player actually had the honor of donning Andy's numeral. The Yankees claimed Aaron Guiel off waivers from the Royals where he had spent parts of 5 seasons. He played only 4 complete games, but appeared in 44 for the Yanks and actually posted an OPS+ of 99 and popped four home runs.


You are all racists. I rest my case.

Yankees Fan Stabbed, Shot

After years of being forced to wear diapers and walked around on a leash, a sixteen year old Yankees fan named Travis was stabbed several times by his 70 year old female captor (shown below) with a butcher knife, before being shot by police in Stamford, Connecticut at about 3:30PM yesterday.
Travis, an actor who once appeared in an Old Navy commercial with Morgan Fairchild, loved filet mignon, sipping fine wine, flowers, and surfing the internet, but kept a special place in his heart for the New York Yankees.

Some sources say that the recent developments with Alex Rodriguez and his foggy admissions to using performance enhancing drugs pushed the longtime fan over the edge. According to a neighbor he was "visibly and audibly outraged" after Alex failed to apologize to his teammates after his 38 second faux-dramatic pause during yesterday's press conference.

However, according to a friend, yesterday, the day of his rampage, Travis was informed that his Yankees weekend package had been moved to a 12 game weekday package despite his constant calls to the Yankees Ticket Office.

Calls to the Yankee Ticket Office and Alex Rodriguez were not returned.

Here is the chain of events leading up to the tragedy:

[The crazy old woman pictured above] gave him Xanax in tea to quiet him, but [Travis] grabbed the keys to open the kitchen door, went outside and started banging on car doors to indicate he wanted to go for a ride.

Just as [a friend] Nash arrived at the house and exited her vehicle, [Travis] went up to her, jumped on her and began biting and mauling her.

[The crazy lady] retrieved a large butcher knife and stabbed [Travis] numerous times in an effort to save Nash, who was really being brutally attacked, and was forced to call the police.

(Here is the 911 call.)

Nash was so disfigured that a cop on the scene mistook her for a man, telling the dispatcher, "He's got no face."

The wounded Travis zeroed in on one cruiser, running to one side and trying to open a locked door. He quickly scooted to the other side, ripping off a side mirror while opening another door.

The trapped cop inside shot Travis several times in self-defense. The mortally wounded ape then staggered back into his house.

I'm angry about A-Rod too, Travis. Our Saturday package is probably going to get bumped and we won't even have anyone to put Xanax in our tea when it happens. It wasn't your time, man. It wasn't supposed to go down like this. Hopefully they've got a nice dry aged filet and a bottle of Mouton Rothschild waiting for you in The Big Jungle In The Sky.

R.I.P. Travis the Chimpanzee [1996-2008]

P.S. You probably shouldn't have bitten that woman's face off.

The Sphere Of Influence Widens

The mainstream media is just riding in our wake, friends. Consider yourselves ahead of the curve.

PeteAbe, I'm not going to lie. I'm a little disappointed in you. You were kind enough to link to us last Tuesday with the headline "The Many Faces Of Alex Rodriguez". Last night's entry? "The Many Expressions Of Alex Rodriguez" See? Totally different.

Maybe the editors of Metro NY read Pete's blog? (Sorry about the tiny pic, but this is the only one I could find. If you know how to get a better one, email me.)

And also the editors at AM New York?
And.... aww what the fuck?

Sound familiar? Cause my post yesterday was entitled "You Knew What You What You Were Doing".

I know this is just pointless bitching, but it makes me feel better about the fact that we do this for free and beat all of them to the punch. The advantage of writing online is that you don't have to wait to fire up the presses in the morning to get your story out; newspapers can't exactly live blog.

The downside is that although newspaper advertising is seeing it's reach decline by the second, online advertising is already a complete and total black hole. I enjoy the bounty and free spirit of the internets as much as anyone, but at a certain point, someone is going to have to monetize this mofo. But until some genius programmer and a few media companies combine forces and create an amalgamation of Google Reader and iTunes that charges a nominal fee for RSS feeds, this is all just fun and games (with some futile lamenting).

If someone rips off that idea, I demand a cut.

Update 10:00AM: Forgot to check this earlier, but here you go...

Welcome to the party, ESPN. It started last Monday.