Krypto-Nate!

Can I have a job at The Post?

Rotation News From Girardi Via LoHud

From LoHud and Fack Youk content guarantor Pete Abraham. Thank you for your updates Pete, we would be non-existent without you!

Joe Girardi said as he makes up the rotation, he wants to keep the lefties apart and not use Burnett and Joba Chamberlain back-to-back because of their similarities. Therefore, the rotation will be:

Sabathia
Burnett
Wang
Pettitte
Chamberlain

or

Sabathia
Wang
Burnett
Pettitte
Chamberlain

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not bad options.

Option #1: Probably better off for the bullpen. The horse/K guy/horse/horse/K guy provides optimal reliever rest.

Option 2: Splits up the ground ball pitchers Wang and Pettitte. I'm not sure if this makes any difference or not.

I'll take Option 1 myself. Excuse me for not appreciating this strong rotation.

Of course this order will change as a result of inevitable injuries, off days and occasionally skipping Joba in order to keep his Innings Pitched around 160 IP.

Also, in the postseason, Wang has to pitch at Yankee Stadium given his home/road splits.

"Can Anyone Be This Good?"

Jeff Francoeur is heading to arbitration and seeking $3.95M, while the Braves have offered $2.8M.

Joe Posnanski has an advanced transcript, and here is an excerpt:

Francoeur's People: Only two other players in the National League have started as many games as him since he entered the league in 2005.

Arbitrator: Hmm. Who are those two?

FP: Jose Reyes and David Wright.

Arbitrator: Well, of course, I’ve heard of both of those players. This seems quite compelling to me. What do you Atlanta guys say about that?

Atlanta Braves: He sucks.

Arbitrator: I see.

I'm going to have to side with the Braves on this one. Last year, Francoeur had a 72 OPS+ as a corner outfielder. Just to frame that epic suckitude, Melky Cabrera had a 68 OPS+, but at least was able to play a somewhat competent CF.

Which made me think back to this:

The short answer to the question at the bottom: Yes, but not Jeff Francoeur.

When they wrote the article he was apparently batting in the .370's, and on the date on the cover (9/29/05) he was batting .351 with a 1.032 OPS. One good reason not to run a cover story on the guy was the fact that his OBP was only .377, meaning if his hits weren't dropping in, he wasn't getting on base. After the story ran, his production steadily dwindled until he ended the season at .300/.336/.549.

For the 2005 as a whole, Francoeur's BABIP was .337 which was still above average, but it was most likely much higher when he was tearing the cover off the ball (can't find those #'s). He actually had another BABIP of exactly .337 in 2007 but hit only. 261, meaning that he was getting lucky, but was still pretty bad. It might have been a good stat for SI to look up before devoting a cover to "Georgia's New Peach" and saying things like:

[Ed. Note: I am about to FJM an article from August, 2005 with the full benefit of hindsight. It's low-hanging fruit, I know. In exchange, feel free to make fun of me for spending my Valentine's Day writing for a sports blog.]

Although he'd played just 30 games in the majors, of course Francoeur was singing in the outfield. Why not?

Although... of course... Why not? No matter what words you fit between those three, that sentence and a half wasn't going to make sense. The fact that he had only played 30 games in the majors didn't really have anything to do with the fact that he was signing in the outfield. Maybe he was nervous, or maybe be just likes to sing. It should have, however, factored into the decision to run a cover story about how awesome he is/will be in the most read sports magazine in the country. (small sample size)

The TV highlights roll on, showcasing Francoeur's typically sublime game against the Los Angeles Dodgers the previous night. He went 2 for 5, lifting his average to .373, and hit his 10th home run, a 407-foot parabola that landed midway up the leftfield stands. He saw a total of 16 pitches, on par with his economical average of 3.34 pitches per plate appearance.

Odd, last time I checked, pitchers were the ones trying to be economical with the amount of pitches per plate appearance...

Speed, clearly, is yet another implement in the seemingly bottomless Francoeur toolbox.

A bottomless toolbox couldn't hold any tools, now could it? An unintentionally prescient statement, nice work.

Following that 10-2 win, Braves starter Tim Hudson said of Francoeur, "He's like Roy Hobbs. I'm waiting for him to come out of the bullpen and start striking guys out, throwing 98 [mph]. Or to start hitting bombs lefthanded."

He added, "I'm also waiting for that mysterious woman on the train to shoot him after he strikes out Walter "The Whammer" Whambold at a carnival, only to have him come back 15 years later and be involved in a completely unrealistic game-fixing scandal and strike out in his last at-bat."

So why the reference to The Natural, anyway?

Francoeur was born the year The Natural hit theaters...

So was I and about two million other Americans. Fucking INCREDIBLE!

Here is a short list of of players in the MLB who were born in 1984, along with a reason a similar article was not written about them:

Jose Arredondo  (Synthetic)
Elijah Dukes  (Unnatural)
Scott Kazmir (Artificial)
Tim Lincecum (Supernatural)
Matt Kemp (Manufactured)
Jon Lester (Irregular)
Joakim Soria (Factitious)
B.J. Upton (Black)

The reason books--or at least baseball novels--often disappoint is that authors conjure preposterous characters and absurd situations to heighten the drama.

The reason mainstream baseball writing--or at least this article--had absolutely no chance of sounding even slightly reasonable 3 1/2 years later is that the author conjured a preposterous character and absurd situations to heighten the drama.

The kid proceeds to hit about 100 points higher in the majors than he had in Double A (a fanciful conceit), smacking homers and gunning down runners, all the while singing along to the soundtrack in his head (you've gotta be kidding!) and lifting the local nine into first place. Not even Hollywood would buy it.

No, of course not, because that would be ridiculous.

Producer: He's hitting 100 points higher in the majors than he did in Double A? What's his BABIP?

Assistant: .365, sir.

Producer: He'll be hitting .300 by the end of the season, tell them to fuck off.

But you know who did buy it? Sports Illustrated.

[He had] a 4 for 4 against the Giants five days earlier. "It was strange because that's my first four-hit game ever in pro baseball," Francoeur says. "Never had a perfect day in the minors, no 2 for 2 with two walks or anything. Because I've always been a free swinger, at some at bat during the game I'm going to get stupid and swing at a dumb pitch."

That should probably have told you something.

CC, Burnett and Teixeira To Benefit From A-Rod Scandal

If there is another positive about the A-Rod Steroid Scandal, which I am already sick of hearing about (despite the fact I am writing about it now), I think that in the event that CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett and Mark Teixeira fail to live up to their nice offseason contracts that amount to approximately half a billion dollars, they will not get criticized like they would have sans the scandal. Instead of focusing on the performance of each player with a microscope, the tabloids and sports radio will be focused on A-Rod's performance and how it relates to his admission.

Given the questions about how a California boy will handle New York, I think this will benefit Sabathia the most. It will also help Teixeira, a notoriously slow starter. For the month of April, the press will be writing about a minute detail from Selena Robert's book, the release date of which was pushed up by Harper Collins up from May 19 to April 14.

As I read the Post and Daily News this morning, I expected to see a few stories about CC and AJ. However, 3 of the 4 stories in the Post are about A-Rod and 6 of 7 News stories about the Yankees are about A-Rod....When Teixeira wins the AL MVP and CC wins the Cy Young, they should treat A-Rod to a huge dinner at Sparks followed up by a night at HeadQuarters (sans the heat, of course).

Print media is so stale that they need to have multiple stories about how Alex's teammates will stand behind him. Why wouldn't they stand behind him? They play with the guy for 162 games and share the same clubhouse, dugout, charter flights, postgame spreads and hotels.

Also, another gem from the Post that serves as its lead story: "Pettitte: I'M NOT ON MLB'S LIST. "Why would it matter if it is on the list? The guy admitted HGH use last year and has already suffered from the PED scandal. Sure, the A-Rod stuff is "juicy," but myself and other Yankees fans are going to support the guy just based on the fact that he will be in Pinstripes for 9 more years.

So basically you're telling me that amateur, vulgar mid-20s guys come up with more innovative angles than people who are PAID to write? Pathetic. Now wonder why the industry is dying. Stop writing this crap and save some trees. Joel Sherman, I'm looking at you.

Torre: A-Rod Is A Taint

Oh, I'm sorry, I may have misquoted you, Joe.

I'm happy that Alex admitted it. Knowing him personally, I know how proud he is of what he's done and how hard he works. I haven't been around anyone who works harder. I know it's important to him to continue to add to his numbers, because he has a chance to do a lot of special things numbers-wise, but now they're going to be tainted, because people don't forget.

It's laughable that this is even a headline on my ESPN Widget.

When it comes to steroids, the meejah thinks that calling someone's numbers "tainted" is tantamount to saying they are the biggest dirty fucking cheater who ever pissed on Babe Ruth's grave. The fact of the matter is that his numbers, and everyone's from this era, are now indisputably tainted, and that should be obvious.

Think about the word "taint". Awwww, not the Urban Dictionary definition, sicko. This one:

• taint (tnt)

v. taint·ed, taint·ing, taints

1. To affect with or as if with a disease.

2. To affect with decay or putrefaction; spoil.

3. To corrupt morally.

4. To affect with a tinge of something reprehensible.

All it takes is "a tinge". This is "a truckload". To me, if something is tainted, it means it can never be the same again. No matter what happens from here on out, history has already been written. Alex Rodriguez used steroids and that's never going away. Eight years from now, when he's 56 and dating Stevie Nicks, he's still going to hear "Aaaaayyy-Raaawwwd!!! Yaaawwwaah aaaahhh faaacccckkkinnn cheeeeaaataaah!!!!!!" every time he sets foot on the grass at Fenway Park.

If your girlfriend (or boyfriend for our six female readers) cheats on you, it's not something that goes away. You might smooth it over and get back together, but you don't erase the past.

Which is why A-Rod might be a taint, but Bud Selig is an asshole; that which makes the taint vile to begin with. Even though he backed off his earlier statements about suspending A-Rod and reinstating Hank Aaron as the Home Run King, the fact that he would ever say either of those things gives you some insight into some of the specific ways in which he is such an insufferable prick.

He thought about suspending A-Rod based on the results of a test that was supposed to be anonymous, and didn't turn out to be so because HIS LEAGUE didn't destroy the results as was originally agreed upon. If you didn't think he was in the tank for the owners already, he basically forgot the MLBPA was part of the MLB. I'm guessing when one of his daughters did something wrong, he'd her sit down and say "Honey, just tell me what happened and you won't get in trouble, okay?" And then when she admitted it, he would slap her across the face and say "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??!?"

And the Home Run Title... Bud Selig thinks you, baseball fan, are an idiot. An ignoramus incapable of even the most basic objective analysis. Because if you walked into a hypothetical museum and saw a photo retrospective of each player's career with, aside from pictures and captions, just some basic career stats and no other details, you would just assume that Barry Bonds is the All-Time Home Run Leader because he has seven more round-trippers than Hank Aaron. You wouldn't find it suspicious, you dumbass, that Barry Bonds' career exploded at the same time as the size of his head and biceps, when he was 35 and turned into the greatest hitter to ever walk the planet. The fact that he put up the greatest offensive season of all-time at the age of 39 after his middle-aged metamorphosis, wouldn't seem odd to you. Because you are that fucking stupid. You asswipe.

That wasn't me typing, that was Bud Selig. He needs the record books to be changed because you can't decide whether or not PEDs were worth eight, EIGHT - fucking eight - of Barry Bonds' 762 career home runs.

Tag Clouds Of The Week

Let's try this again...

Awww, Don't You Know Who The F___ I am?

Brandon Jacobs isn't going to be happy about this...

The Giants locked Brandon Jacobs up for at least the 2009 season by slapping the dreaded “franchise player” tag on him this afternoon. That decision — only the second time the Giants have ever used the “franchise” tag and the first time since they tagged Jumbo Elliott in 1993 — guarantees Jacobs a salary of $6.621 million next season, which is the average of the top five running back salaries last year. It also gives the Giants the right to match any contract offer Jacobs receives during the free-agent signing period.

Early last season, shortly after having discovered the video below, while watching a Giants game, Sampson and I dubbed Jacobs "The Juggernaut". The Max Kellerman Show later arrived at the same conclusion and still uses some two-second drops (which are only two seconds long because there is a curse word every three seconds) from the video on their show. If you like comic book-based cartoons, ebonics or just pretending Brandon Jacobs did the voiceovers for this video, enjoy the show. . .

What's This About Something Reporting Somewhere?

No. No You Are Not.

[h/t Awful Announcing]

Alex Rodriguez is not from the Dominican Republic. He was born in New York City in 1975. Both of his parents were born the DR and he lived there briefly when he was four years old, before moving to Miami.

Alex, the DR is one of the poorest countries in the world. The PPP per capita income is $8,116 a year. You made three times that PER INNING last year. In 2005, you said, "I want to say it out loud: I am Dominican". However, this is the extent of your charitable contributions to the country you claim as your own (which coincidentally occurred right around the time you wanted to play for the DR in the last WBC):

In 2005, Alex donated $50,000 to the Dominican Republic branch of UNICEF. This donation fully funded five-day care centers outside of Santo Domingo. These centers were able to purchase enough school supplies, food and personal hygiene products for each center for one full year. Approximately 1,500 children will benefit from this donation.

Listen, I'm not the most philanthropic person on the planet, but if I had career earnings of $197,431,586 with another $250M+ guaranteed, I think I could do a little better than $50,000 for the country I somewhat arbitrarily chose to identify myself with.

If 1,500 children benefited from your $50,000 donation, 30,000 would be helped by $1,000,000. One million United States Dollars is an astronomical sum to a person such as myself, but it is about 1/12th of the value of his home in Miami and 1/10th of what he was asking for his apartment in Manhattan.

Now would be a great time for some positive PR. Everyone is suggesting that he make donations for the Partnership For A Drug Free America, or similar organizations, but why don't you give some thought to putting that money where it might actually make a difference? I'll trade little Johnny in suburban Peoria taking a couple tokes for some kids in the DR getting "school supplies, food and personal hygiene products".

I've been to the Caribbean my fair share of times and although it is astonishingly beautiful, once you step outside of the resort, there is poverty everywhere you look. Most of those islands are very resource-poor and tourism is the primary industry which isn't running so hot right now. Do the right thing A-Rod. Are you going to say no to this girl?

[Yes, she gets color]

And to make up for how depressing that was...

Spring Training Is Here, Bitches!!!

[h/t LoHud]

As evidenced above by Phil Hughes and Joba Chamberlain throwing in Tampa, Spring Training is here! It was a fun countdown and all, but thank the Good Lord!

What To Make Of Mo

2008 was the best season of Mariano Rivera's career. Surprising? It was to me...

His save total was only 6th highest, but he had his lowest ERA, WHIP, highest ERA+, and best K/BB ratio in his 14 years in the Major Leagues. He only walked SIX batters in SEVENTY AND TWO THIRDS INNINGS while striking out seventy seven. 12.8 would be a sick K/9 ratio, but that was his K/BB ratio. (his K/9 was actually slightly lower at 9.8). Frankie Rodriguez might have tallied 62 saves and overshadowed Mo, but his WHIP and K/BB ratios were significantly worse than Rivera's worst season. Which was 2007.

Rivera and Jorge Posada both signed massive contracts (especially compared to the ones being signed this offseason) last year at the ages of 37 and 35, respectively. The older of the two men had his most valuable season as a Yankee, while the younger chap has his least. Both had shoulder surgery over the offseason performed by Mets' doctor David Altchek, but Jorge's was far more serious. Mo had some calcification removed from this right shoulder joint, while Posada's procedure was to repair his glenoid labrum.

Mo is a completely unique case. There is no precedent set for a 39 year old (predominantly) one pitch reliever who just posted his worst and best seasons as a professional back to back. Statistically, relievers are much more prone to sharp declines because one three run homer (like Marco Scutaro's dinger off the foul pole in Oakland in 2007) in a 70 inning season takes an ERA from 1.80 to 2.19. A couple bad outings and you are looking a drastically worsened statistical profile.

Am I worried about Mo? Yeah, a little bit. Although it was a minor surgery, he still went under the knife. Rivera is such a finely tuned man-chine you get the feeling that he could make the necessary adjustments. He is ubiqutously revered by Yankees fans and feared by those of opposing teams. He's been so good for so long that it's easy to take him for granted, but some point he is going to enter a decline phase.

For the heck of it, here is my prediction (barring injury):

72IP, 2.25 ERA, 67K, 13BB, .975WHIP

Drew Rosenhaus: Gentleman, Scholar

Via three consecutive posts from Ralph Vacchiano (the only person I link to about the Giants) "super" agent and colossal douche Drew Rosenhaus sent a letter to all 32 NFL teams announcing that three of his clients, Chad Johnson, Anquan Boldin and Plaxico Burress are available via trade:

Rosenhaus, who has represented Burress since he signed with the Giants four years ago, sent an e-mail to all 32 teams earlier this week in which he indicated Burress could be acquired via trade, according to three people informed of the contents of the e-mail. The people, who requested anonymity because the e-mail was not to be discussed publicly, said it was a list of Rosenhaus' free-agent and draft-eligible clients as well as three players he deemed trade-able. All three are wide receivers: the Cardinals' Anquan Boldin, the Bengals' Chad Johnson and Burress.

Minor detail: He didn't have permission from any of the teams to do so, because no team would ever want to have their hand tipped like that. Have you even heard of a team sending out such a letter?

And what team is going to trade for Plaxico Burress? I'm not sure if you are familiar with the legal process, but there is a really good chance that he'll be spending next season or three in jail. If the Giants could potentially get a draft pick or two from a team stupid enough to acquire a injury prone wide receiver with a $35M contract and an impending prison sentence, by all means, Jerry Reese, do it. But why would Drew Rosenfuckface be promoting that agenda?

Let me just say in general that as an agent I can do whatever I want. Let me clarify the rules. Teams cannot talk to an agent about a player who is under contract, but there’s no limits on what an agent can try and do to help his client. You know, the bottom line is that I get paid by my clients to advance their agenda, not the teams’ agendas. And there’s no rule that prohibits me from talking to teams about any of my clients. I’m going to do my job. That’s the bottom line.

Oh! So the player can sign with another team, negotiate a new contract and he can get a piece of the commission. Naturally.

Hey Drouche, you are a cut-rate football version of Scott Boras, except even more annoying and without the blue chip clients. Chad Johnson changed his name (except couldn't put it on the back of his jersey) and caught six passes for -8 yards last season. Plax literally shot himself, is awaiting trail and missed several games due to injuries and suspension. Boldin had the slight built-in advantage of playing on the opposite side of the field from Larry Fitzgerald last year. So I'm sure Drew's expectations for what a team is going to have to give up for 'Quan are reasonable:

There was a big trade this season for Roy Williams. The wide receiver went from Detroit to the Dallas Cowboys and that compensation involved a first-round pick, third-round pick and sixth-round pick (and a seventh next year). So you have to use that. Any time you see a front-line, No. 1 receiver, a Pro Bowl receiver, being traded, you have to look at the Roy Williams deal as a landmark for what the compensation would be.

I know it's difficult to count to two, but NEITHER OF THOSE GUYS ARE FUCKING "NO. 1 RECEIVER[S]", YOU INCOMPREHENSIBLE MORON. Have you heard of Larry Fitzgerald and/or Calvin Johnson? Because those guys are the #1 WRs on their respective teams. Also worth nothing - Roy Williams (5 years in the NFL, 1 Pro Bowl). Why good does it do to drive up your client's trade value? Does Drouche automatically get to sign one of the draft picks?

And by the way, Jerry Jones, how is that Roy Williams trade working for you, anyway? Can a glaringly terrible trade still serve as a benchmark? It was dumb at the time and looks even stupider in hindsight. I hope both of these asshats get trampled by a circus elephant.

JoePo On A-Rod's "Apology"

Having a full-time job and writing for this blog doesn't leave a whole lot of time to tend to my Google Reader. When I was waiting at my dentist's office today, I had a chance to catch up on Joe Posnanski's blog (from my iPhone), which typically gets put off extra long because the posts are always so deep and involved. He had an interesting take on A-Rod, and really shredded his apology. The post compares what he did to taking drugs and speeding, as I did yesterday, so I guess you'll just have to take my word when I say I only got to it today. Here is an excerpt:

I thought Alex Rodriguez’s "apology" was one of the most absurd shams of recent memory. I thought it was so pathetic that, for the first time, that ”A-Fraud“ moniker finally made some sense to me. As a baseball fan, I wasn’t mad at A-Rod when the steroid story broke. As a baseball fan, I was furious at A-Rod when he and his handlers put together this infomercial apology. I hope the children weren’t watching THAT.

Okay, it was incomplete. But remember Roger Clemens? How about Barry Bonds? Sammy Sosa? Mark McGwire? Rafael Palmero? Switching sports, Marion Jones? The "deny, deny, deny" precedent had already been set, so isn't it at least a step in the right direction that he didn't take the routes of any of those athletes?

When you get caught doing something, you are only going to admit to what what you have to. If you get pulled over on the highway, and the cop asks you how fast you were going, aren't you going to lowball it and see if he corrects you? If you get arrested with some drugs in your car and they find the bag in your glove box, are you going to direct them to the stash under your spare tire?

Yes, the apology was a little too tidy, and conveniently restricted his drug usage to Texas, the team is his least remembered for being a part of. But he was responding to a positive test in 2003, likely the only hard evidence that will ever emerge about his PED use. There is no reason for him to come out with anything else until it's absolutely necessary, although it could come back to bite him in a big way. As Joe implies above, it's a calculated risk.

When Selena Robert's book (Hit and Run: The Many Lives Of Alex Rodriguez) comes out, her publisher has already said it will contain more revelations about A-Rod's steroid use. Joe now works for SI and had this to say about A-Rod ad hominem attack on his colleague:

It was shameful. Pathetic. I’ll add this: I know that Selena has a history with A-Rod. And I know that she has a book coming out that, based on the cheery title (Hit and Run: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez) does not sound especially uplifting. But I’m not trying to defend Selena: She’ll defend herself fine. No, I’m talking about what this says to me about Alex Rodriguez.

It says that A-Rod, despite sticking to the script for most of the interview, lost his cool because someone is in the process of digging through his past for her profit, and it has probably impinged on his life. She has every right to do write that book, and if I had the access to some real deal dirt on a high profile celebrity and someone willing to pay me to write about it, I'd do the same thing.

A-Rod made an obvious misstep, but I don't think it really "says" any more about him than the fact the he used steroids, dated Madonna when he was still with his wife, frosts his tips, likes muscled strippers, is referred to as "A-Fraud" by his teammates or seemingly can't preform in the clutch.