Hey Fans! An Article About... WHO BUT?!?

Finally, a column in a major online media outlet dedicated to a fake Yankees-related Twitter feed. You know which one I'm talking about:

A lucky few of us are blessed with a special gift. And this anonymous gent (or lady), known on Twitter as @yesmichaelkay, has found his (or her) niche in being able to channel the very essence of the amiable, slightly buffoonish Yankees play-by-play broadcaster Michael Kay into 140-character musings on baseball, philosophy, sex, and life in general -- all of which begin "Hey fans!"

If you are a follower of the Twitter feed, the article is a must read. If you are unfamiliar, it might be even more hilarious.

@yesmichaelkay built up quite a following for himself, amassing over 2,000 followers, earning mention by Will Leitch on Deadspin and apparently getting shown to Michael Kay by Jon Heyman. But all this "fame" and adulation (but mostly RTs) came under a cloak of anonymity. No one seems to know who is behind the feed. In direct message on Twitter, fellow Yankee fan and baseball blogger Rob Iracane of Walkoff Walk called it "the great mystery of his life".

I've long suspected I knew who this mysterious bastard was. The Tom behind the tweets. The Frank firing the feed. The Keith at the keyboard. And since no one else has offered any sort of a theory, here you go.

I think it's Andrew Fletcher of Scott Proctor's Arm.

Fletcher invented the Michael Kay drinking game back in May of 2008. He updated it this year and even parlayed that into an appearance on Kay's radio show. Both the drinking game and the Twitter feed thrive off Kay's speech patterns and catchphrases and there is considerable overlap in material.

Most damning though, @yesmichaelkay is following only 22 people. Among those are, appropriately the YES Network, 1050 ESPN Radio, Awful Announcing, and The Onion. However, the account follows both Fletcher's personal feed and the now-defunct Scott Proctor's Arm. The latter was the second feed YMK ever added.

Only three other Yankee fans. No other Yankee blogs. Quite the discriminating taste, wouldn't you say? The feed just happens to be following the man behind the drinking game, with an existing distaste for Michael Kay and a veritable encyclopedia of his verbal tics. Isn't it more likely that Fletcher simply took care to follow his other feeds?

I'm onto you, Fletcher. You can't hide anymore. Turn yourself in.

[Update: It's not him. Props to Jimmy Trania at Hot Clicks for solving this mystery.]

Joe Buck Hates The Yankees

How many times have you heard someone say something similar to that headline? I've heard it a lot. Why do people think that announcers hate their team? Why Buck specifically?

First, I think it goes without saying that Buck is infinitely more competent than Chip Caray. Or as Craig Calcaterra said during the ALDS, "He's still basically terrible, but he's less offensive than the other terrible announcer who only has his job because of nepotism". Bill Simmons jokingly suggested that HBO create the "Chip Caray Show" and put it on before Buck's to make the latter look better by comparison.

Fro the record, I don't have a problem with Joe Buck and wouldn't say he's "terrible". I think he does an satisfactory job of calling the game and that's something most of us took for granted until Caray came on the scene. Say what you will about Buck, but he doesn't inaccurately describe what's happening on the field very often or repeatedly shove words like "fisted" up our... well, you know.

I think a big part of the reason that people don't like Buck and McCarver (aside from ol' Tim's sometimes nonsensical declarations) is the tone of Joe Buck's voice. He comes across as slightly smug and smarmy. People believe that Joe Buck thinks he's better than them. I don't know whether or not that is actually the case, or to what extent other announcers feel that way, but I think it oozes through the speakers from Buck to a much greater extent.

The other reasons that people dislike Buck are the same for all national broadcasters, especially in baseball. Most teams have home announcers that sound more folksy and are easy on the local nine. When a player fouls up, fans are going to be upset, and therefore much more likely to misdirect their anger towards the announcer. So Buck might point out the same thing that Michael Kay would, but the voice isn't as familiar, the tone a bit sharp. Sometimes it's not the message as much as it is the messenger.

Local broadcasters also know the team inside and out and tailor their calls to fans who know more about their guys. On the weekends during the season and all games in the playoffs, whether we like it or not, the marginal viewers that represent that giant increase in ratings are casual fans or supporters of other teams. We are the ones watching all the games regardless, so why are the networks going to cater to us? So if FOX wants to maximize its ratings, they have to kowtow to people who aren't intimately familiar with Robinson Cano's lack of production with runners in scoring position.

In the end, I think the most telling thing is that a certain section of fans from all over the country think the announcers hate their team. I've heard countless Red Sox fans say that Buck hates the Red Sox. The Angels blog we kept talking about during the ALCS thought Buck had a pro-Yankees bias. Is it possible that Buck and McCarver hate every team? I guess, but isn't it more likely that fans all hate the same announcers? I would have to agree with McCarver when he sad said, “Quite simply, the bias comes not from the voice, but from the ears”.

When it comes right down to it, which announcers are universally liked? Vin Scully. Anyone else? Would Vin Scully have been so widely revered if his career was beginning now and we could all bitch about his calls on Twitter?

Broadcasting is a tough job and due to the duration of time on the air and proximity to the fans, it's the one position in sports that might be more scrutinized than what happens on the field. Maybe there's someone in broadcasting school right now with a killer voice and background in sabermetrics who is going to universally beloved 15 or 20 years from now.

But I kinda doubt it. People are going to find something to hate about that guy too. We hold our announcers to impossibly high standards and sports fans are always going to find something to critique during the countless hours they are on the air. With the lines of communication now available on the internet, I think it's fair to wonder if any national broadcaster will ever be truly loved again.

Chip Caray Is Unclutch

(Photoshop via Sussman, via BBTF)

Sadly, I didn't even hear Chip Caray severely botch the call of Ryan Rayburn's throw home, calling it a "line drive, base hit" when it clearly was caught on the fly, instead pointing out a smaller error he made in the bottom of the 9th. Luckily, pretty much everyone else watching the game did.

This should come as no surprise though, as Caray has previously shown that the more important the moment is, the more likely he is to completely fuck it up. He did it in the 2007 ALDS against Cleveland too:

Caray does not distinguish a go-ahead run from a winning run. In Cleveland on Friday, he said the Indians had the winning run on second base in the bottom of the eighth, and he put the Yankees in the same position in the top of the ninth. Wrong.

I think we know who the real postseason choke artist taking part in this ALDS is. And it's not A-Rod.

Get Ready To Yearn For Michael Kay

We Yankee fans are tough to please. We expect a successful team, we pointed out every flaw in the billion dollar palace they just erected, we chronicled all the wasted space on our 40 man roster, and constantly question how our manager uses the bullpen although he's got great results.

We also complain a lot about our announcers, when in the grand scheme of things, they aren't that bad, as those who have the DirecTV Extra Innings package like my buddy Cliff can tell you. John Sterling, Suzyn Waldman and especially Michael Kay are endlessly scrutinized but it's to be expected since they are in our ear for a good 500 hours a year, unless you listen to Kay's radio show, in which case that number expands to approximately 6,000.

As you probably already know, these last three games in Tampa will be the last we hear of Michael and his signature play-by-play stylings - aside from Yankees Classics and highlight bits on YES - until next Spring. While that might seem like a good thing at first glance, it means that we are going to be stuck with national broadcasters for the rest of the way; guys who haven't followed the team all year and probably aren't going to tell you much you don't already know.

I linked to the playoff announcing schedule yesterday, but wanted to save by anti-Chip Carey rant for another post.

The 2007 postseason were the first national games that TBS had broadcast rights to. As such, it was the first time that Chit Carry had called a Yankee game... and it showed. It was so bad, Richard Sandomir cataloged Carrey's numerous factual errors one by one and wondered in print, "Why isn’t he better prepared?".

It's been two years since that debacle, so you'd think that Chop might have learned a few things in the meantime. Not so much. Here are some comments he made about A.J. Burnett during a media conference call yesterday, (via LoHud):

When he’s on, he’s unhittable. He has a slider that when he throws it where he wants, no one can hit it. The key for him is, he’s kind of an excitable boy. Sometimes that works in his advantage, sometimes I think it works against him. Getting in charge of his emotion will be key. He’s brought a lot of levity to that team. The Yankees were always a team that seemed more like IBM than Apple.

I'm all for referencing Warren Zevon but I don't think Kip Scary would want to call A.J. Burnett an "excitable boy" to his face. And please spare us your dumb analogies and stick to the script, Chep. You're paid to be the play-by-play guy, not to take veiled shots at the Yankees for spending a lot of money. It's no secret that Carray, the son of the legendary Cubs broadcaster, is a fan of National League baseball and not fond of the Yanks and their free-spending, power-hitting ways.

And Chap, Burnett doesn't throw a slider. No one has ever called it a slider. Pitch f/x does not call it a slider. It's a curveball.

Oh wait. What's that? It's Chip? Chip Caray? And he's the grandson of Harry Caray? And that was Ron Darling who was being quoted? Oh, my bad. I guess I should have done some research before going up with the post.

Thirsty Thursday

Honestly, I've been enjoying these Thursday off nights as of late. When the Yanks don't play, it means that I don't have to stay up late to write a recap of the game and instead can get a head start on content for the morning. Or not and just get drunk. Which is probably what I am going to do tonight since I have secured about a dozen different kinds of Oktoberfests, Autumn and Pumpkin ales. Possible review in the morning, but no promises.

In any event, this Thursday doesn't have a whole lot to offer. Had the Twins won last night, there might have been an intriguing baseball game to watch. But they didn't. (Damn you, Carl Pavano!) It would be nice if there was an entertaining college football game on TV, but Colorado vs. West Virginia most certainly isn't. It would be nice if I was a hockey fan, since the season begins tonight with a doubleheader on Versus, but I'm not. If I lived in Brooklyn I might go to the Joe Posnanski book signing at JLA Studios, but I don't.

A few more items from the "not so much" department:

OMG, Kate Hudson is pregnant! Except if she isn't. Her publicist denies said rumors but that doesn't stop the Post from reporting those two things in the same headline.

OMG, Joe Mauer is stealing signs! The Twins say he wasn't, but they obviously aren't going to cop to being nabbed by some couch vigilante. What I found enjoyable were some of the things the conspiracy theorist who uploaded the video to YouTube was trying to infer (1:54):

Very ironic statement by Bert about trusting your catcher... talking about Mauer?"

Yes, Bert Blyleven is dropping hints about sign stealing so cryptic that only you can pick up! Makes for a hell of a broadcast if you're listening from the Grassy Knoll. Rolemodel2008 also talks from the omnisicent viewpoint, dropping gems such as (3:30):

Verlander is pissed off and pretty much everyone IN the game knows what's happening...

and (4:00)...

You can tell the Twins know this happened... Cuddyer knows about it... Leyland knows about it...

I mean, do they really? You can tell by looking at the screen?

The guy seems to be going a bit overboard with his "insight", yet this has been addressed by everyone from Deadspin to the Bats blog on the New York Times' website. Did anyone bother to look at the last time Mauer was on second base? It's happened a lot of times this year, you know. Am I the only one with the MLB.tv package?

The clip is interesting, but I think the allegations merit further investigation, which no one (to my knowledge) has bothered to do. Welcome to the internet, where we just link and comment.

/dismounts soapbox

Okay, some other links...

More alleged cheating, but these accusations come without much evidence.

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who has the clutchiest bullpen, of them all?

Attendance is down at Yankee Stadium this year, but by how much?

The MLB Postseason announcing pairs have been, well, announced. Courtesy of, um, Awful Announcing.

A marathon interview with Joe Posnanski.

And we're probably the last Yankee blog to link to this, but here is Tom Verducci's piece on Mariano Rivera from the upcoming Sports Illustrated.

Good night and good luck. I'm out.

No. No You Are Not.

[h/t Awful Announcing]

Alex Rodriguez is not from the Dominican Republic. He was born in New York City in 1975. Both of his parents were born the DR and he lived there briefly when he was four years old, before moving to Miami.

Alex, the DR is one of the poorest countries in the world. The PPP per capita income is $8,116 a year. You made three times that PER INNING last year. In 2005, you said, "I want to say it out loud: I am Dominican". However, this is the extent of your charitable contributions to the country you claim as your own (which coincidentally occurred right around the time you wanted to play for the DR in the last WBC):

In 2005, Alex donated $50,000 to the Dominican Republic branch of UNICEF. This donation fully funded five-day care centers outside of Santo Domingo. These centers were able to purchase enough school supplies, food and personal hygiene products for each center for one full year. Approximately 1,500 children will benefit from this donation.

Listen, I'm not the most philanthropic person on the planet, but if I had career earnings of $197,431,586 with another $250M+ guaranteed, I think I could do a little better than $50,000 for the country I somewhat arbitrarily chose to identify myself with.

If 1,500 children benefited from your $50,000 donation, 30,000 would be helped by $1,000,000. One million United States Dollars is an astronomical sum to a person such as myself, but it is about 1/12th of the value of his home in Miami and 1/10th of what he was asking for his apartment in Manhattan.

Now would be a great time for some positive PR. Everyone is suggesting that he make donations for the Partnership For A Drug Free America, or similar organizations, but why don't you give some thought to putting that money where it might actually make a difference? I'll trade little Johnny in suburban Peoria taking a couple tokes for some kids in the DR getting "school supplies, food and personal hygiene products".

I've been to the Caribbean my fair share of times and although it is astonishingly beautiful, once you step outside of the resort, there is poverty everywhere you look. Most of those islands are very resource-poor and tourism is the primary industry which isn't running so hot right now. Do the right thing A-Rod. Are you going to say no to this girl?

[Yes, she gets color]

And to make up for how depressing that was...