Jerry Reese Does Not Fear Wounded Ducks

On the heels of a very poor performance in the playoffs against the Eagles, the Daily News says that the Giants are close to signing Eli Manning to an massive extension:

Based on interviews with several agents and personnel people, Eli Manning appears to be in line for a seven or eight-year contract worth $110-$120M with $40M in guarantees. That would make the 28-year-old the eighth quarterback to top the $100M barrier, and would put him near the top with Philadelphia's Donovan McNabb (12 years, $115M), Cincinnati's Carson Palmer (nine years, $118.75M), and former Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick (10 years, $130M).

Brett Favre (10/$100M) and Big Ben (8/$102M) have inked deals at that level, while big brother Peyton signed a 7 year deal worth $98M in 2004, keeping him just on the outside that barrier, and Tom Brady took a sweetheart deal to stay with New England for six and $60M.

Still, that upper tier of the $100M QB Club looks a whole lot more like the group of MLB pitchers who have eclipsed that barrier than you'd like it to. Palmer and Vick especially have not lived up to their contracts, while McNabb has probably played to his $9.6M AAV overall, but has not won a Super Bowl and has had some terrible lows in Philly. Simarly, Mike Hampton, Kevin Brown, and Barry Zito all woefully under preformed their deals. This is excluding Johan Santana who is off to a good start, but still has six years left, and of course Sabathia has yet to earn a dollar of his mega deal.

Not everyone is a fan of Eli's. Before the Super Bowl victory last year, there was certainly a disproportionate amount of hatred, blame and venom spewed in his direction. If Asante Samuel came up with that near-interception on the final drive of the Super Bowl, that might still be the case. But because of David Tyree and the defensive line, people like Max Kellerman exault his clutchiferousness, and heap him with inordinate praise.

His current deal expires next year and I can understand the reasons the Giants have for locking him up. But what other team is willing to make a play for Manning in that financial stratosphere? There are plenty of teams with a need at QB (Lions, Vikings, 49ers, Bears, Bucs, Chiefs, Sehawks, and possibly the Jets and Rams), but what are they going to pay for him? No free agent QB has ever got $100M from a new team.

Since Eli is experienced in the Giants' system and has established himself in New York, maybe he is worth that much to the organization. He's shown steady improvement over his five years in the Meadowlands, with both increasing completion percentages and QB Ratings. Last year's playoff run was one of the most inspiring storylines I've watched unfold in my years as a sports fan. This year, he had 21 TDs to only 10 picks.

But you only really have to pay him more than he is worth to other teams. Right?

It's just an oddly timed decision. Maybe the organization wants to show some solidarity towards the face of the franchise in the aftermath of a tough loss. Is Eli really going to hold out or walk away from the Giants though? He has shown he was capable of exacting some pretty strong leverage with his demand to be traded from the Chargers when he was drafted. I guess he has a pretty damn good agent...

On Second Thought...

As you may know, Jodie Meeks had one hell of a performance last night. In an effort to give this achievement some historical perspective, I did a little digging through NCAA records, which in turn has forced me to write a little something on Pete Maravich.

Pistol Pete was a little before my (and most of yours) time, but holy shit what this guy did on the collegiate level is fucking amazing. Here are some Pistol Pete fun facts and NCAA records for you.

Points averaged:
1968: 43.8 ppg
1969: 44.2ppg
1970: 44.5ppg

Holds the NCAA record for scoring more than 50 points (28 times)

Scored a career-high 69 points vs. Alabama (Feb. 7, 1970); 66 vs. Tulane (Feb. 10, 1969); 64 vs. Kentucky (Feb. 21, 1970); 61 vs. Vanderbilt (Dec. 11, 1969)

Pistol Pete set 11 NCAA and 34 Southeastern Conference records, as well the LSU records for points scored, scoring average, field goals attempted and made, free throws attempted and made, and assists.

Maravich made an average of 13 shots a game from what is now the three-point line; if the three-point line had existed when he played, he would have averaged 57 points a game.

Fack Youk called Pistol Pete's representatives to get a reaction to Meeks performance, but those calls were not immediately returned. However, we think his statement would go something like this:



NOW GO HOME AND GET YOUR FUCKIN' SHINE BOX!

Andy Pettitte: The Yankees' Slippers

I have the perfect pair of slippers. They are the kind of invaluable possession that you can replace with an identical item, but it wouldn’t be the same. I found them online four years ago when I was in college for $50, and it may have been one of the best apparel related purchases I have ever made. They slide on my feet so perfectly that I sometimes forget I have them on. When I’m wearing them, I can quiet the impossibly creaky floors of my apartment like a Amazonian tribesman hunting in a leafy forest. If only I had temporarily lost them at some point, they would be the perfect metaphor for what Andy Pettitte is to the Yankees.

If the Yankees are lucky, they could probably approximate Pettitte’s production by trading for Jarrod Washburn or cobbling together Phil Hughes, Alfredo Aceves, Ian Kennedy, recent addition Jason Johnson and Phil Coke. But it just wouldn't be the same. The lefty has endeared himself to the Yankees fan base to a near-Jeterian level, and was obviously a cornerstone of the late 90's dynasty. I remember seeing him pitch for the Albany-Colonie Yankees when I was 10 years old. He's seems like a humble, family guy and is almost Brett Favrerous in his interviews and press conferences.

Like Jeter, his timing was impeccable. He made his debut in Don Mattingly's final year in the Bronx. He threw 8 1/3 scoreless innings in Game 5 of the 1996 World Series. He's also been remarkably consistent, making 30 or more starts in 10 out of his 11 seasons in the Bronx and amassing 192 regular season wins for the Yankees behind only Whitey Ford and Red Ruffing. [Ed. note: I'd use better stats here, but I think an intangible (fan love), is best summed up by an arbitrary and incomplete stat (wins). See: Rivera, Mariano (saves)]

Despite his poor second half last year, the "two" times he admittedly used HGH or his hiatus in Houston, fans (like me) still love Pettitte to a fault. He wears #46, which was my favorite number before he ever put on the pinstripes. I don't want to see this guy go.

But the stalemate between him and the Yankees is giving me second thoughts. This situation reminds me of the stand-off between the cable providers and the NFL Network which is still keeping NFL-N out of a whole lot of homes who would like to have it. You know one or both of these sides is being irrationally difficult, and regardless of whose fault it is, the fans are getting screwed.

If you don't mind, I'd like to play arbitrator/Judge Judy real quick...

Mr. Cashman, et. al: This is not where you want to pinch pennies. We've been over this. Pettitte will almost certainly provide stability to the rotation and figures to throw 190-210 innings to the tune of a league average ERA. Why would you want to pass on this? In terms of fit with the team and flexibility via length of contract, there isn't a better pitcher on the market (or in the system). I know $10M is a lot of money. It's roughly 36,986 times greater than my net worth ($273.43), but you can probably see why he might take issue with his team committing $243.5M to the rotation this offseason and then quibbling over a couple of million bones with a guy who they drafted 17 years ago, right?

Mr. Pettitte: Dude, it's nothing personal. I know the three guys who weren't affected by the shitty economy this offseason were signed by the Yankees, but take a moment and survey the free agent landscape. Pat Burrell just took a 50% pay cut. Quality guys like Adam Dunn, Manny and Bobby Abreu are sitting out there unsigned and if they want to play next season, are going to have to take some pretty significant hits as well. But you want to make more than Derek Lowe is going to next year after he had a 3.24 ERA and a 1.13 WHIP last year as opposed a 4.54 and 1.41. You've publicly stated that you want to take the mound at The New Stadium and don't want to pitch anywhere else. If you go somewhere else, your Yankee Legacy (TM) is going to be forever tarnished.

Verdict: Give him $12M and let this discussion end. How a team and a player can be $6M apart is beyond me. This isn't probably going entirely one way ($10M) or another ($16M), and I think the Yankees position makes about $1M more sense. Come on Cash... step right in.

Introducing Jodie Meeks

I will admit that I only watched the last 5 minutes of this game due to my faggy obsession with Nip/Tuck, but holy shit. Jodie Meeks (Guard) for Kentucky just hung 54 points on Tennessee in Tennessee, setting a school record. UK won 90-72.

Meeks averages about 24 points a game, but just blew up with what was probably one of the best individual games ever played on the NCAA level. Here are his stats:

FG 15-22
3P 10-15
FT 14-14
Reb 9

After watching the highlights I can say that he was making it rain (obviously) with a hand in his face on basically all of his shots.

I am huge college basketball fan and I can't recall anyone scoring over 50 points in a game. So just to recap....FUCKING WOW!!!

[Ed. note: after doing some research of NCAA records I have found that Jodie Meeks couldn't hold Pistol Pete Maravich's jock]

Inspire the Ire: John Smotlz

[Every so often we feel the need to drum up some hatred for a divisional rival, or in this case a new member of an opposing team. Today, our part-time labor relations correspondent and half-assed internet detective John checks in with a report on John Smoltz]

I began researching John Smoltz hoping to find some heckling gold, just one fact despicable enough to inspire a great summer of yelling at the television screen. Unfortunately, there was not a while lot of fruit from my labor. A few things though: He's crazy Jesusy. (via the 700 Club) [Not the Philly sports blog, The 700 Level]

You have people that say, ‘It’s easy, John Smoltz, to share your testimony. You have money. You have family. You have success. You have power. It’s easy for you to talk about those things.’ My rebuttal is it’s even harder, because if I have those things, I don’t need God. It’s when you have all those things and the distractions of the world tell you you’ve got to gain them. It’s even harder to share this when you have it all.

None of that made even the slightest amount of sense. "It's ever harder to share this when you have it all"? Riiiight. Is it harder to share because of the $130M you have in career earnings making you the 13th highest paid player in baseball history?

He once broke out this quote in regards to gay marriage:

Smoltz, a devout Christian, criticized those who want to legalize gay marriage,” the AP reported. “‘What’s next? Marrying an animal?’ he asked derisively.

That's some pretty strong editorialization, but the quote still stands. Then two years later, he and his wife of 16 years (and 4 children) got divorced. Nothing like judging someone else's marriage as a gateway to legalizing bestiality, and then not being able to work out your own despite having four children together. That's why (especially as a supposedly "devout Christian") you probably shouldn't judge other people's personal lives; because some asshole like me can dig it up on the internet four and a half years later and return the favor.

As far as "ire" goes though, that's pretty mild. Apparently, John Smoltz is not only a great pitcher, he is a good father, donates his time to the community, enjoys alcoholic beverages, and most importantly is “the best golfer outside the PGA Tour that [Tiger Woods] has observed”. Damn it John Smoltz.

Your golf game gives you somewhat of a pass, Mr. Smoltz, but nothing can excuse your selling of your soul to the most fascist of all organizations (the fackin' Red Sawx) in the most liberal of all states. That sanctioned and evil gayness in Boston will soon consume your soul, and never let go until you are wedded to a gay sheep named Steve. Baaaah.

Anyone Else As Excited As I Am?

Found this via Pete Abraham.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Please Be True, Please Be True...

First saw this via River Ave. Blues yesterday...

According to reports, A-Rod and Kate [Hudson] enjoyed a 3-hour meal last week at Lure Fishbar in NYC with friends and were seen getting very cozy. Spies at Page Six confirmed that after dinner, they went to Rose Bar together where they met up with Kate's friend Ron Burkle.

I know almost nothing about Kate Hudson, but I'm gonna go out on a limb here: There is no way she is anywhere near as crazy as Madonna (don't click it...). The fact that A-Rod is dating a woman who is slightly younger than him and attractive is a cosmic step forward. He could still use a few pointers from the guy on his defensive left...

But I think we can agree that this is a whole lot better than him succumbing to a washed up, veiny diva who wanted nothing more than to enlighten his soul via Kabbalah. The last thing we need is for A-Rod to have more things running around in his fragile, frosted-tipped head.

When do pitchers and catchers report?

[UPDATE 5:15PM] Awwwwwww. Already? Should have known, Ms. Hudson neither strips, nor benches 200.

'Cuse in da House OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

I am well aware that the College Basketball regular season is half over, but for the #8 ranked Syracuse Orange it's just getting started.

'Cuse is currently 16-1 and has played anything but their normal early season cupcake schedule so far. They have actually started traveling outside of New York State before Big East play, and within a three week period have had three big early season wins over #18 Florida and #22 Kansas on consecutive nights followed a few weeks later by a win over #22 Memphis. I would also like to point out that the Florida game was played on a neutral site, the Kansas game was too (but anyone that watched it knows it was basically a Kansas home game) and the Memphis game was played in Memphis.

Sandwiched in between these games, was a match-up against Cleveland St. in the Carrier Dome. This is one of the few games that I didn't watch, but lucky me, I will get to see highlights all fucking season. For those of you with your head up your ass, Cleveland St. won this game at the buzzer with a 60 ft. prayer. I would be unbelievably pissed off if it weren't for these other wins because this is the type of early season BS that could have potentially fucked 'Cuse out of the NCAA Tourney for a 3rd consecutive year. Fortunately, those other wins and the way in which they lost to Cleveland St. should prevent that buzzer beater from having much bearing on their NCAA bid.

As for the upcoming schedule, 8 out of the next 10 games are against top 25 teams. I don't know of any other team ever playing against that level of competition, but that is the nature of Big East basketball this year. With that being said, I think 'Cuse creates match-up problems all over the floor (mainly Johnny Flynn and Arinze Onuaku) giving them the ability to beat anyone in the country. I predict they will go 7-3 over the next 10, with the three losses coming at Pitt, at UConn, and home against G'Town.

'Cuse will most likely be a #2 or #3 seed in the NCAA Tournament and maybe a #1 if they can win the Big East Tournament. It is way to early to predict how this will shake out, but I will tell you this:

Syracuse will lose pivotal games and get bounced from the NCAA tournament because of their poor free throw shooting.

Every team, every year has games that they win or lose at the free throw line. It hasn't come down to it yet, but it's going to come back and bite 'Cuse in the ass at some point. They shoot 63.32% as a team which is just not good enough. They have always been a poor FT shooting team, but this year is especially bad. Why they can't make uncontested, stationary 15 footers is fucking beyond me. Arinze Onuaku shoots 100 FTs every day, yet is 41.2% on the year, which is historically, mindbendingly awful (significantly worse than Shaq, Wilt or Ben Wallace).

All I hope is that 'Cuse makes a run at the title, I get to see Johnny Flynn posterize some more people this year and that everyone comes back so that we can make another run next year.

Talkin' Baseball With An Old Timer

I love talking about baseball with anyone. Especially with Sawx fans so I can tell them to go Fack themselves. Friday night, I had the opportunity to talk hardball with an older generation Yankees fan named John in an Ancient Order of Hibernians hall. The guy has been a Yankees fan for over 70 years and remembers seeing Gehrig and Ruth play at the original Yankee Stadium (before its charm was gutted by the 1970s renovations). Below are some of the topics we chatted about.

Yankees Payroll: Despite being a humble, bingo-playing man, John had no qualms about the Yankees payroll. He cannot get over the fact that people start bitching about the recent signings of Teixeira, Sabathia and Burnett but fail to consider that their payroll will be less than last year. He is very pleased that the Hank/Hal tandem will continue to spend like their father. "Put the best team on the field," says the man. Many older generation fans have soured on baseball due to the ridiculous salaries of players, but John is such a dedicated fan that even at his advanced age he makes several bus trips from Albany to Yankee Stadium a year.

Yankees Prospects: Almost every other word out of the guy's mouth was "Jackson." Of course, he was talking about future perennial All-Star CF Austin "Action/AJax" Jackson. Knew everything about him. Cannot wait for the 5 tooler to start manning sports' most pristine real estate in 2010. If I remember correctly (don't hold me to this due to copious Guinness consumption), I think Mickey Mantle's name was even mentioned when discussing Jackson. I have no idea how he knows all of this considering I don't think he has a computer/internet access. He was also adverse to trading Ian Kennedy away.

Current Outfield Situation: According to John, the CF job needs to be given to Brett Gardner. Melky needs to be released/traded due to his negative influence on Cano (who is expected to have a great comeback year). He would love to see Matsui moved but the full no-trade clause makes it virtually impossible. Nady or Swisher? Like me, he likes Nady more than Swisher but thinks Nady is a better trade option due to his salary. Likes Damon for LF.

Key to '09: The health of Posada.

Teixiera: The Yankees best signing in a long time. Thinks he will be at worst a Tino Martinez.

Overall, a great and interesting conversation given his obvious wealth of knowledge concerning the Yankees and baseball in general. I hope to catch a game with him at the New Stadium.

List of Things to Do Before Pitchers and Catchers Report

All of us here at Fack Youk have entered the dreadful “Dark Ages”—the time between when our favorite NFL team has been knocked out of the Playoffs and when Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training (February 14th for Los Yankees).

Here is a non-prioritized list of what to do during these difficult times.

1. NCAA Hoops.
2. Be productive at work/school
3. Take over the blogosphere
4. Deliver an ultimatum to Andy Pettitte and the Yankees to get their act together for the sake of #27.
5. “Get the things on my nuts looked at” (Will)
6. Not watch the Knicks. Ever.
7. Drink. Heavily.
8. Cuse basketball
9. “Playoffs?! Are you kidding me?!”
10. Mass Suicide
11. BC Hockey
12. Exercise…
13. Not call the girl from the East Village with the dumb hat (Jay)
14. Fantasy Baseball Research
15. Pretend to like hockey
16. Watch 24.
17. Damn, no NASCAR either? WTF?!
18. Leave the city of Philadelphia if the Eagles make it to the Super Bowl (Cliff)
19. Get a job
20. Catch up on writing hate mail to various teams, coaches and players
21. Yoga
22. Create voodoo dolls of various coaches and players
23. Watch illegally downloaded movies
24. Hate the fat slob you have become over the Holidays
25. Snowboarding
26. FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS
27. Hit up The Latin Quarter or the buffett at HeadQuarters
28. Imagine various scenarios in which Donovan McNabb gets gobbled up by a road grater.
29. Mock NFL Drafts.
30. 4 months until the WNBA!!!!!!!
31. English Premier League/Primera Liga/Serie A/Bundesliga
32. File for Unemployment
33. Travel
34. Attend Rehab/AA meetings
35. Try to replace sporting events with concerts
36. Drink. Heavily.
37. American Idol!
38. Debate Super Bowl Commercials
39. The (hopefully) Stephon Marbury led Celtics.
40. Stalk people on Facebook
41. Wait for SI Swimsuit Issue
42. Extreme Beer Fest in Boston 2/20 and 2/21
43. Watch Seinfeld reruns
44. Punch brick walls
45. Marathon session of NBA 2K9 on XBox Live
46. Start Ponzi Scheme
47. Get laid (not likely)
48. Pray for Snow Days
49. Move out of parents basement (also not likely)
50. Drink. Heavily.

Antonio Pierce: BE A MAN

I really want to move on from the Giants at this point, I do. But then I read something like this from Ralph Vacchiano's (excellent) Blue Screen blog that makes me get out of bed a half hour earlier than usual, put down my iPhone and write an angry blog post.

Francesa also asked Pierce if he thought the Giants would’ve been better off if he and Burress had just stayed in that night and maybe rented a movie.

“It don’t matter,” Pierce said. “Accidents happen all the time. You don’t know what kind of accident you might have. I might’ve fallen down the stairs. I don’t know. I can’t go over the what-ifs. All I know is what happened that night and what I was responsible for doing and what I was try to do for a teammate and a friend.

Antonio... You. Fucked. Up. Say it with me now "Plax and I both fucked up. We made some bad decisions that night. If I was a leader that night like everyone likes to say I am on the field, I would have made some better decisions and things might have turned out differently. You are right, If we had stayed in and watched The Notebook with our wives, none of this terrible shit would have happened. We let our team down and I will always regret that."

You could have fallen down the stairs. But you know what makes that a flawed analogy? WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS WON'T GET YOU A MANDATORY THREE YEAR PRISON SENTENCE, UNLIKE CARRYING A LOADED ILLEGAL HANDGUN INTO THE BORO OF MANHATTAN OR (ALLEGEDLY) STASHING IT IN JERSEY. One of those actions my 93 (almost 94, Hi Gram!) year old grandmother does on a regular basis, and the other, only a very select amount of very stupid/arrogant/irresponsible/paranoid/delusional criminals do.

It's really pathetic that I (a 24 year old single dude) has to give you a lecture over the internet like I'm the mother of an asshole 12 year old, but Jesus Christ. Take some responsibility. You've got three kids man. You make millions of dollars and seem to be at times competent in your chosen vocation. You were the United Way's 2007 "Man of the Year". MAN THE FUCK UP.

Grrrrr. This day is going to be awesome!

Job Listing: Eddie Curry Needs a New Driver

Big L once said, "Yo, fuck all the glamours & glitz, I plan to get rich, I'm from New York, and never was a fan of the Knicks." That statement pretty much sums up my feelings about the Knicks (and life). But there are certain stories that come up that capture my attention and may even get me to write about them.

The NY Post is reporting that injured Knicks center Eddie Curry was served with a sexual harassment suit Monday by his former driver, David Kuchinsky, in which his driver alleges that Curry tried to solicit gay sex from him. There are a lot of fucked up details so I suggest you read the story, but here are a few quotes...

...Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David
Kuchinsky 'in the nude,' allegedly telling him, 'Look at me, Dave, look' and
'Come and touch it, Dave.'

...Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a 'fully loaded' gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment.

With the past several years of complete ineptitude and royal fuck ups on and off the court by this entire organization I am not really shocked that something like this would happen. Even if it isn't true, only this organization would have a player accused of that.

I would also like to mention that this story will now be considered 100% fact by Fack Youk and I will never redact it, so fuck off. EDDIE CURRY IS GAY!

[Ed. Note: Not that there is anything wrong with that...]

Mets To Play 2009 Season At Javits Center

This is the worst logo I've ever seen.

Could it be less specific? I thought it was for this inauguration... And titling it on it's side in no way compensates for how incredibly bland it is.

Wilpons, please... take notes.

Important things to include in a logo promoting your sports team's first season at a new facility:

1. Team name
2. Stadium name
3. Something distinctive about your team. Which I believe is, um, the whole point of a "logo".

Maybe you could have included that stupid apple that you moved over from Shea. Or, I don't know, ANYTHING? Perhaps a nod to the crippled financial institution that is going to sponsor the joint? Even Mets fans aren't stupid enough to buy a shirt with that logo on it.