"Look At It Dave": A Photo Retrspective [The Fack Youk Experience]

In case you missed this post, we got tickets to the Knicks game last night through www.scalpers.com, er, I mean... StubHub. They weren't that expensive but I still hate StubHub with a passion. They charged us a $36 fee because it was within a certain amount of time before the game began. That is pretty ballsy. I can't imagine why it would cost you more to give me a ticket at one time as opposed to another. You're just being dicks about it. That's the same pricing system the airlines used, and see where that got them? That horrible site led to the extinction of truly cheap tickets, but no one really seems to care. Fuck you StubHub. Fuck you over a rusty park bench.

Anyway, I'm roughly 103% certain that the charges against Eddie Curry are false. Stuff like this always is. We've heard this one a million times, highly paid but underachieving athlete is sued by a personal employee for making homosexual advances. No? Okay, but his driver seems like a bit of a nut job and an anonymous commenter said he knew him and that he's a weirdo (INFALLIBLE!). That doesn't make this any less funny, to us anyway...

We made a two part sign. One (decoy) that said "Lets Go Knicks", and one taped (via a duct tape "hinge" of sorts) underneath that said "Look At It, Dave" and in the process became the oldest people to ever carry a sign to an NBA game without a child in their presence.

Phase One:

Phase Two:Nothing more bad-ass than a Sunday River face warmer.

What we failed to realize during the 25 minute half-drunken flurry that resulted in obtaining the necessary supplies and creating this abortion of an artistic work, is that you can't see fucking orange marker from across a semi-dark arena. We had a friend of a friend sitting about four rows back from the court and told us the only words he could read were "Look" & "It".

We probably would have known this if we were the type of asshats who would actually bring a sign to a professional sporting event for a reason other than to make a joke that about 5% of the people at the game are going to get in the eight possible seconds we would have been on the jumbo-tron.

I was skeptical at first, but the "Knicks City Kids" are downright ridiculous (Terrible picture, sorry. Didn't want to be the creepy guy with the sign taking multiple pictures of 8 year olds). I'm pretty sure they chain them up in an abandoned subway car underneath Penn Station and allow them to do nothing other than practice dancing.

MSG is nice enough to give you a lid to help you avoid spilling your beer on other people on your way back to your seat. It's a nice thought. However, they fill the beers up to the very brim and when you walk, it makes the keg swill inside foam up, thereby creating a constant flow of suds through the straw hole. And when you try to take the lid off, it creates some soft of a vortex, causing you to spill more beer.

I'm guessing the total amount of beer spilled has been reduced by the introduction of the lid, but there is absolutely no way to get from the concession stand to your seat with one, much less two beers without your hands and the side of the cup being covered in shitty light beer.

The Knicks City Dancers' routine included a riveting crescendo where they went through about eight sexual positions in four seconds. It was resplendent, I tell you.

What? I'm Trey Anastasio, lead guitarist of the band Phish, shut up. Does that give me more credibility when I try to talk about music?

[Ed. Note: That terrible photoshop took me like 25 minutes and that "joke" got less funny by the second. I spent so much time on it, I still feel compelled to include it though. I really need to figure out how to use Gimp.]

I took this picture so I would remember the final score.

Oh, about the actual game...

We sat next to some chill kids from Philly, who if they are reading this, probably don't think it's funny because they've heard all the punchlines already.

The Knicks actually were within 1 point (or 3 maybe, I don't remember or care) but it got pretty exciting in the fourth quarter. Danilo Galinari drained a three (in his first game back) and Al Harrington made a few as well in a really awesome, signature SSOL(F?) shootout. Andre Iguodala had super sick dunk that I'm sure made the Top Ten on SportsCenter. One of the guards on Philly (not exactly in research mode at the moment) had a silly juke which should have been up there as well, but probably wasn't.

The penultimate moment of the night, that sort of summed up the whole experience, was when Nate Robinson got free on a breakaway. Every single person not in a wheelchair was on their feet, about to have a sportsgasm and he fucking finished it like John Stockton. I wanted to cry. YOU WON THE SLAM DUNK CONTEST YOU AMAZING LITTLE MAN. DUNK FOR ME!

See what I did there? Someone on 35th & Madison is going to be very confused for about 2/3 of a second.

Job Listing: Eddie Curry Needs a New Driver

Big L once said, "Yo, fuck all the glamours & glitz, I plan to get rich, I'm from New York, and never was a fan of the Knicks." That statement pretty much sums up my feelings about the Knicks (and life). But there are certain stories that come up that capture my attention and may even get me to write about them.

The NY Post is reporting that injured Knicks center Eddie Curry was served with a sexual harassment suit Monday by his former driver, David Kuchinsky, in which his driver alleges that Curry tried to solicit gay sex from him. There are a lot of fucked up details so I suggest you read the story, but here are a few quotes...

...Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David
Kuchinsky 'in the nude,' allegedly telling him, 'Look at me, Dave, look' and
'Come and touch it, Dave.'

...Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a 'fully loaded' gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment.

With the past several years of complete ineptitude and royal fuck ups on and off the court by this entire organization I am not really shocked that something like this would happen. Even if it isn't true, only this organization would have a player accused of that.

I would also like to mention that this story will now be considered 100% fact by Fack Youk and I will never redact it, so fuck off. EDDIE CURRY IS GAY!

[Ed. Note: Not that there is anything wrong with that...]