Today In Gross Overreactions

After last night's game, the Boston media questioned David Ortiz about his 0 for 7 start and asked if he was concerned that this might be indicative of another slow beginning for the slugger. Ortiz, unamused, justifiably responded unpleasantly:

"Shit happens. Then you guys talk shit. Two fucking games already. Motherfuckers are going crazy. What's up with that, man? Shit. There's fucking 160 games left. Y'all fuckers go ahead and hit for me."

Ortiz then threw a jar of his spicy mango salsa at the assembled writers and stormed off to continue his months-long quest to get the to bottom of his positive steroid test.

While I may have made up that last sentence, Ortiz brings up a very valid point. We're just two games into a six month-long season. There have been any number of things that have been overreacted to over the past three days, but in my opinion none has been more egregious than the hosannas thrown at Joba Chamberlain because he recorded two strikeouts in the eighth inning last night.

I'm tired of reading about Joba Chamberlain. For nearly three years now, every pitch he's thrown, every fist he's pumped, every start he's made, every trot from the bullpen, every fastball that's fallen short of our expected velocity has been overanalyzed to death.

I refrained from commenting when it was announced he would pitch out of the bullpen this year. It's not the role in which I want to see Chamberlain, but someone had to lose the competition, and I'd probably be just as unhappy if Phil Hughes were banished to the bullpen for another year. I still hope the Chamberlain will be a starter in the long haul, so perhaps my crankiness today is driven by those feelings.

But I'm absolutely stupefied by the sheer volume of things I've heard and read proclaiming that last night's performance signifies that 2007 Joba is back.

I've seen the picture of him roaring and fist pumping in about seven different places. I heard Jorge Posada use his post-game interview with Kim Jones as an excuse to get up on his soapbox and say he thought Joba belonged in the pen all along. I heard Kay, Singleton, and Leiter trot out the same old tired debate lines that have been beaten to death over the past two and half years. I heard the normally level-headed Jack Curry say on the post-game show that Chamberlain has to earn the eighth inning job and his performance last night did just that. I've read countless pieces this morning, both from the beat writers and the blogosphere, that have waxed poetic about Joba recapturing his former fire.

To which I quote David Ortiz: "There's fucking 160 games left!" Joba was great last night, there's no questioning that. But have we forgotten that he was horseshit on Sunday night? Did we forget that he needed 33 pitches to get four outs, that his fastball was sitting at about 92-93 MPH, and that he continued to nibble and not challenge hitters? Do we forget that Sunday's appearance reminded us of all the troublesome aspects of Joba's 2009 season that we've analyzed and debated and beaten into the ground over and over again? Or does that get thrown out the window because he had a great (2/3 of an) eighth inning last night?

I'm not trying to say that Joba can't or won't be a weapon out of the bullpen this year. I'm not saying that the bullpen isn't where his ultimate fate lies. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be happy with his performance last night. But before we go lionizing him like it's August of '07 all over again, before we declare him The Eighth Inning Guy, before we go plastering his mouth agape, fist pumping picture on another post, could we please, please just step back for a minute and realize that last night was just one game and that it doesn't guarantee that the rest of Joba's 2010 campaign will play out like the final two months of the 2007 season?

Love The Ones Your With

I'm going to be honest, Yankee fans. There are few things I find more off-putting than someone trying to imagine all of the greatest players in baseball - who are still under contracts with their respective teams - eventually signing ridiculously huge deals with the Yankees.

As Craig points out in disgust this morning, there's an article, nay glorified slideshow, on FOX Sports by Bob Klapsich which does just that. I can only assume that Bob wrote the piece just after he completed an exhaustive list of which of his friends' wives he'd like to bone and why.

Here are the 10 guys he lists:

10. Prince Fielder

9. Tim Lincecum

8. Albert Puljos

7. Joe Mauer

6. Dustin Pedrioa

5. John Lackey

4. Carl Crawford

3. Cliff Lee

2. Carlos Beltran

1. Johnny Damon

Aside from Damon, who was already a member of the team, how many of these guys are ever going to end up on the Yanks? Two? Maybe?

Lackey just signed a 5 year deal, Mauer appears close to an extension that will keep him with the Twins basically forever, and the Giants just re-upped with Lincecum. We have a great second baseman, thanks, so we don't need Pedrioa (regardless of how hard he may appear to try). Beltran would have been nice back in 2005, but not anymore, and the Cardinals aren't going to let Puljos walk after giving Matt Holliday $120M. I doubt the Yanks are going to sign Fielder solely to DH considering first base is taken for the next 7 years. Crawford and Lee are possibilities but I'd be really shocked if the Yanks opened up the coffers for more than one of them.

I know Bob is just trying to do his job of attracting pageviews over at FOX and that I'm ostensibly helping him out with that goes by linking to the piece, but this is really the lowest common denominator. I'm sure there are a certain contingent of Yankees fans who want every great player in the Major Leagues to don an white interlocking NY on a navy blue cap; those who aren't content to have the highest payroll in the Major Leagues and above average players at every single position - All-Stars at most. But I'm not one of them.

I like the team we have. Most every team would love to have any member of the Yankees' infield, any of their top four starters and especially their closer. So why don't we start writing articles picturing Mark Teixeira as a Royal, CC Sabathia as an Astro or Mariano Rivera as a Marlin? Probably because it wouldn't make people enraged enough to click through to the slideshow and leave angry comments.

Don't Kill The Manager

Morning Fackers. Last night sucked. There's no way around it. But what sucks even more is that we are going to have to listen to people second guess every managerial move made last night for two days before Game 6.

I'm not going to name names, but there were a lot of people on Twitter last night who couldn't possibly understand why Mike Scioscia took John Lackey out with 104 pitches with the bases loaded in the top of the 7th (you know, after the Yanks scored all their runs). Interestingly, they were also conveniently outraged that Joe Girardi let A.J. Burnett come out for the 7th inning with 80 pitches (but only after Burnett allowed two men to reach base, of course). And what was pretty much the only thing that those two moves had in common? Neither worked out.

I'm sure they weren't just on Twitter. These Monday morning quarterbacks were probably in the bars and living rooms where you guys were watching the game as well. These people know who they are. Actually, they probably don't because they only deal in hindsight and therefore always agree with the decisions that work out and can't possibly believe what the manager was thinking when one goes wrong.

First, the Lackey move. Don't forget that two batters before he was pulled, Lackey showed up home plate umpire Fieldin Culbreth by waving his arms and yelling at him after a called ball four. He then walked Derek Jeter on 4 pitches and left a ball fat and over the plate that Johnny Damon luckily didn't do much with. Lackey had lost his composure and lost his strike zone and I doubt Culbreth was dying to give him any close pitches. While it was a debatable decision, I can see why Scioscia went to his bullpen. Whether it should have been Darren Oliver is another issue.

As for Burnett, he had given up all four of his runs in the first inning before he even recorded an out. Therefore, he had just pitched 6 consecutive scoreless innings leading up to that point and needed only 68 pitches to do so. What would you have thought about leaving him in if he hadn't allowed those runs in the first? Because what happened in that inning was not nearly as relevant as how he had been throwing the ball since then.

Sure, Girardi could have gone to the bullpen, but the people who are smugly second guessing that decision are the same ones who have been crying about "overmanaging" throughout this postseason mostly because it's become the in vogue thing to say.

Perhaps Girardi could have pulled Burnett after the lead-off single to Mathis. But the only right handed reliever who was ready at that point was Joba, and I think we can agree that he didn't have his best stuff last night. Perhaps he should have had Hughes warming up, but the same thing applies to him. So Burnett gave up the single to Mathis. Is it Girardi's fault that the Angels' back up cather has decided to turn into Josh Gibson during this series? He's literally a career .200 hitter - on the nose.

Does anyone remember how the Yankees got the two outs in that inning? It was Damaso Marte, who Girardi chose over Phil Coke to face Chone Figgins and Bobby Abreu, but I don't hear anyone acknowledging the fact that decision worked out well for him.

The reality is that no matter how the Yankees blew the lead - if Girardi had brought in Joba, Hughes, Robertson, Coke, Aceves, Marte or Rivera in any order - he would be taking shit for it this morning. For instance, if he brought in Hughes and he coughed up the lead, people would be exasperated that Girardi had pulled Burnett after only 80 pitches. Ergo, at a certain point, the blame goes to the players.

Although the offense scored 6 runs, they were useless for 8 innings. The black hole in the bottom of the line-up known as "Nick Swisher" made the Yankees 32.3% less likely to win this game with his offensive contributions (or lack thereof). Johnny Damon wasn't helping either (-11.9%).

Phil Hughes needed to get one out in the 7th inning and the Yankees would have held onto the lead. One out and no one would have been talking about Girardi's bullpen management this morning.

Instead, Hughes issued a pass to Torii Hunter that I'm sure anyone reading this blog could have worked since none of the four balls even sniffed the strike zone. Next, he had Vlad Guerrero right where he wanted him - in a 1-2 count after an ugly swing and miss. Jorge Posada called for a pitch up in the zone, momentarily standing up from his crouch to indicate it, but Hughes served a belt-high meatball along with some spaghetti, Bolognese sauce, grated Pecorino Romano and some delicious garlic bread. He's lucky Vlad is half the man he used to be or else that would have probably been a grand slam instead of a bobbling single up the middle.

The least defensible move that Girardi made, which hardly anyone is talking about because it didn't end up mattering, was the decision to pinch run for A-Rod in the 9th inning. The game almost equally likely to be tied up at that point with A-Rod or Guzman running the bases, as Dave Cameron from FanGraphs demonstrated. Cameron estimates that the marginal gain of putting in Guzman is something like 1%. Girardi traded that in for having his best hitter (and a solid defender) on the bench in extra innings should the Yankees have tied the game. Imagine the uproar if A-Rod's line up slot had come up again.

I understand that Girardi has made his bed by executing a ton of agressive moves this postseason, most of which have worked out but some of which have not. He's exerted too much control over the games too many times, so now people are all too willing to critique every move he makes. He's made the game too much about himself as opposed to the players which is why people are so open with their complaints. But save your breath. As Cameron said in the linked post above, we're tilting at windmills. You can assign blame 'til you're blue in the face, but it's not going to put the Yankees in the World Series. They're going to have to do that themselves sometime this weekend.

Otto's Pimp Hand Is Strong

That was honestly the greatest college basketball...check that, basketball game I have ever seen. What more can you ask for? 6OTs, back and forth all night, long range 3s, big dunks, walk-ons getting huge rebounds (Thomas), etc.

I am a huge Cuse fan as many of you know, so this will sound homeresque, but refs don't call shit on UConn, not just in this game but all season. Thabeet especially, he gets a lot of blocks but he fouls with the body every fucking time. That asshole should have fouled out in the first half.

This game was way to long to recap the entire thing, but here are some take-aways for the kids taking notes at home:

*Devendorf's 3 at the end of regulation was after the buzzer, but it was so fucking close and he got fouled on that shit.

*Stanley Robinson fucking sucks and has sucked all year, but had the best game of his career last night, which seems to happen an awful lot against Cuse.

*Paul Harris and Eric Devendorf seemed to pull their heads out of each others asses and realized you can't drive on Thabeet.

*Syracuse shot 78.4% FT as a team. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!

*16:27 was the Cuse:UConn turnover ratio, enough said.

*I know it was 6OTs but Paul Harris had 22 rebounds, 4 players has over 20pts, and Flynn was 16-16 from the line.

The game changer was when Thabeet fouled out. AJ Price is really good, but he can't guard Johnny Flynn and with out the shot blocking threat he had an open lane to the hoop on every possession. If you were at the Washington Tavern (WTs or Ts) you would know this cause i was screaming it. I am not sure who the player of the game was but it had to be Flynn. Here is his line:

67 minutes, 16-16 FT, 11Ast, 7 TO, 6 Stl, 34 Pts

As such, I have officially assigned the new entry music that should be played as Johnny steps on to the court at all games at the Dome and the Garden ('Cuses' home away from home).



As for tonight, I think it will be tough because they are so tired, but on the other hand WVU isn't very good against the zone. No matter what happens Cuse just played themselves into a 3, possibly a 2 seed. So I ask you this, all homerism aside, do you really want to see your team in the same bracket as Syracuse?

As mentioned before we were watching this at WTs, which was awesome, except for the length of this game. This is because when your at a bar watching a 2 hour game that becomes a 4 hour game in the middle of a DWI blanket patrol, you could run into some problems.



(Everyone got home ok, please drink responsibly)

Ending Fuck You's
-John Cahill (head ref)
-The entire University of Connecticut
-The entire State of Connecticut
-Announcers, even though I couldn't hear them, I could sense the awfulness
-Duke
-Youk
-You and you motherfuckin' mama

Use of the Word "Historic"

Am I the only one who gets annoyed at the continuous, cliched use of the word "historic"?

The word is overused in every facet of life, from sports (i.e. the Cardinals Super Bowl run) to politics (Obama's inauguration).

What are the standards for the use of this word?

Isn't everything historic? Last night I was at Bogie's when they kicked a keg of Guinness. Guess who got the first one from the new barrel... HISTORIC!

According to Merriam-Webster's dictionary, "historic" is defined as:

: historic :
a: famous or important in history
b: having great and lasting importance
c: known or established in the past
d: dating from or preserved from a past time or culture

But when we use the word in the present, how do we know that it will be "famous or important in history" given that history is what occurs in the past? Another cliche is "witnessing history". Isn't whatever we see "witnessing history"? And why exactly is the Cardinals Super Bowl run "historic"? It doesn't fit into any of those definitions.

Why can't writers come up with another word?

[Ed. Note: I blame Joe Buck. I can just hear him saying it.]

Syracuse Plays Great, Gets Blown Out

Well, Fuck!!!



Syracuse put up a gutty, inspiring showing against Georgetown Wednesday night (sarcasm for those who didn't see it.) Maybe its that I just ran out of children's Tylenol but I am really fucking pissed about that game. Here is how I saw it (in list form!!):

1. It takes Boeheim a fucking lustrum to realize that 2-3 zone doesn't work against teams that can shoot the 3.

2. FUCKING FREE THROW SHOOTING. They shot 43.5%, brought down by Rick Jackson who was 1-8...ONE FOR FUCKING EIGHT!

3. Andy (Leo) Routins banged up the same knee that he tore his ACL in last year. The announcers said he would be ok, but if he is done for the season (Oh God please no) disregard everything I said here. That would eliminate the vast majority of 'Cuse's 3pt game and they would be done.

4a. "WE-ARE! GEORGE-TOWN!" Let me say that is a very creative chant you all have there. That is truly the chant of a student body that knows how to get the most for their money.

4b. Can Georgetown's shitty band play "We Fly High" by Jim Jones a few more times? THAT SONG IS OVER TWO YEARS OLD YOU FUCKS! You should be playing whatever piece of shit song Akon put out last week.

We got Notre Dame on Saturday at 12PM, so get your shit together.

HEY YOU!!

YEA YOU IN THE WESTBROOK JERSEY!















(Photo skills provided by Kevy Kev)

Giants Upcoming Matchup

Hello All,

Is everyone else as excited as I am for their first week of work in 2009er (Did I catch a niner in there)? As you may know i haven't really worked for the past 2 weeks so this is especially awesome for me.)

On to my point, with the exciting games on Saturday and the shitty, unbearably boring games Sunday we have learned that our beloved Defending Champion New York Football Giants of New Jersey will be playing the Eagles of Philadelphia. Going into this past weekend, I really didn't care who won because I figured the GMen will skull fuck whoever they play anyway. After this weeks games I feel the same way. However, all we are going to hear this week is how the Eagles are going to win, the Eagles are last years Giants, the Eagles beat he Giants in the Meadowlands 4 weeks ago, etc., etc.

FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

And here is why.

First of all, what from that abortion of a game would lead anyone to think that the Eagles could beat the Giants? Was it the one 71 yard screen pass to Westbrook, the inability of T. Jackson to thrown the ball, the ineptitude of Brad Childress (and everyone on Minnesota except Purple Jesus and C. Taylor)? The Eagles played like shit and beat a team that barely beat the Giants 2nd string.

The key to beating the Eagles is running the ball. This is why the Giants lost last time they played: Brandon Jacobs was out. Now, I believe that Derrick Ward can carry the load without Jacobs, but there is no denying that Jacobs is the premier playmaker on this offense. Also, that last game four weeks ago was Week 1 LAB (Life After Burress). So, not only is your best RB out, but your best WR is out too. The Giants are still a very dangerous team without Burress, but they obviously will need some adjustment time to revamp the offensive to work with their personnel.

So the Eagles will now have to come into a very hostile stadium and play a team that is has been resting for pretty much three weeks and has their brusier of a RB back and a passing attack that will be brand new to them.

The only thing that startles me a little is Antonio Pierce. He has been getting torched all season by various TE and RB, including Westbrook (Note: middle LB needs to be addressed in the first round of this years draft). I think that he will probably give up a few plays, but I fully expect the Giants offense to be too much for the Eagles to handle.

Will's Prediction:
GMen 27
Eagles 17

Other Writers' Average Prediction:
Gmen 10
Eagles 198

The Greatest Sports List Ever

List of things that are relevant in the sports world...
1) Yankees/NY Giants
2) 'Cuse Basketball
3) NBA 2k9 (XBox 360)
...
...
15,387,623) NY Liberty
...
22,341,587) Rest of the WNBA
...
...
89,357,689) San Antonio Spurs (They are boring as fuck to watch)
...
100,000,000) Driving golf balls into traffic
...
...
...
458,954,484) Dallas Cowboys
458,954,485) Boston Bruins
458,954,486) St. Pius X 25yr old+ Basketball Tuesday and Thursday nights
458,954,487) Curves Monday Night Palates Class (I like fat women, what do you want from me?)
458,954,488) Red Sox
458,954,489) BC (BC is gay)

BC Is Gay

As you may know, I fucking hate Boston College with a passion. I have hated them long before Joe even thought about joining the inner circle of fagdom that is the BC student body.

It all started about 16 years ago when I was 8 and my father decided to get the family season tickets to Syracuse Football. We held on to these tickets for about 8 years, until my father decided to stop getting them the season after McNabb graduated (what a fucking brilliant move that was). The point is that since I was a young lad I have watched Cuse v. BC, both in Cuse and Boston and have a built in hatred for BC. This hatred dates back to before I even started hating the Red Sox.

In 2004, BC (along with a few others the year before) decided to leave the Big East to go to the ACC. What a fucking terrible move this was on their part. Granted Big East football isn't that good right now, but 3 of our 4 best football programs went to the ACC and look at what they are doing: Shitting the bed left and right (see: The U).

At this point I would like to un-misremember BC's last Big East football game in 2004. They were a power house in the Big East that year and all they had to do was beat lowly little Syracuse University at home to win the Big East and go on to a BCS game. In true Boston fashion, they came in and got fucking worked by Cuse the entire game and lost 43-17 and the Big East ended in a 4 way tie. So instead of going to a BCS Game, BC had the privilege of going to the Continental Tire Bowl.

Now, in my opinion the ACC was the best conference in basketball before this move, but the times they are a changing. The ACC is still pretty good, but in no way compares to the Big East. Yes I know there are 16 teams, BUT 9 OF THEM ARE IN THE TOP 25!!!

I have some more points but I am sick of thinking about this fucking awful city, fan base, and student body. And you know what, fuck their academic departments too. I am sure they have wonderful, highly ranked programs, but who really gives a fuck.

Also, as I write, Cuse is ranked #9 in NCAAM.

THE YANKEES ARE RUINING BASEBALL!!!!

(This story would have fit better about a week ago, but with the holidays and all, I am just getting to it now.)

This is all I have been hearing since the Yankees had their big 3 signings this year: "All that money for one player?", "Highest payroll in the league?" BLAH BLAH BLAH...go fuck yourself.

First, I would like to address to the two biggest groups of haters (Red Sox and Mets fans), then I will address the general haters.

Red Sox Fans: You are a bitter bunch of fucks. Your team has the second highest payroll and just because your fucktard owner wouldn't dish out a few extra million dollars for Tex you can't handle it. Then most of you do the obvious thing and try and say how much Tex is gonna blow this year. Which is quite logical because who would expect him to do well with the security of a long term contract, his proven record of offensive and defensive ability throughout his career, and the small fact that he will have the luxury of batting in front of ALEX-FUCKING-RODRIGUEZ. You will be lucky if Tex doesn't hit 135 HRs this year.

Mets Fans: You are just pathetic. You all get pissed because when you signed K-Rod, and everyone was on your team's dick for about 20 minutes until the Yanks signed CC and AJ. You are a second class team. DEAL WITH IT. Also, don't give me that shit about payroll, because you have the 3rd highest payroll in the league and the highest payroll in the NL. I think deep down you all know that no matter who you sign your team is still going to suck and not do shit when it matters.

General Haters: First of all, the people that say the Yankees are bad for baseball are retarded. I will bring you back to the mid to late 1990s. For those of you who remember, the 1994 World Series was canceled because of a players' strike. All that BS aside, the Yankees emerging from that, spending a shit load of cash and creating this dynasty that carried baseball out of that. I will also knowledge the McGuire/Sosa HRfest helped too, but the Yankees started that shit and carry it on to this day.

Look at teams like the Marlins, Pirates, etc. These teams have cheap owners who are only in this to make money; I won't get into all that but that is why their payroll is a fraction of the Yankees. This is also the reason why teams like this sell-out 4 games per year: Opening Day, and when the Yankees are in town. That is bad for them, how?

Now for the main point that inspired this whole piece. For all of you out there that hate how much the Yankees spend, I don't care. And guess what, neither do any other Yankee fans. We pay money to go see our team play and we expect management to do what it takes to put together the best team available for our fucking entertainment. If your owners/management are just too fucking cheap to do that, then that's your fucking problem.

And another thing, you don't hear us bitching when some Boston fag (Matt Damon/Ben Affleck) makes $25 Million to make some piece of shit movie that you assholes flock to like its the next coming of Christ. FUCK YOU ALL.

Why Tony Romo Sucks Balls: A Non-In-Depth Analysis Of The Choke Artist Know As Tony Romo

For those of you that have heard me talk (bitch) about the Giants and their trials and tribulations, then you know that I have been calling Tony Romo a fucking choke artist for 3 years. This fucking pole smoker gets thrown in there after Bledsoe, does OK for a few games, and all of a sudden ESPN and every Dallas sympathizer anoints him one of the best QBs in the league. Well you know what? Fuck that, fuck them, fuck Romo, and fuck you too.

Here are my examples:

06-07 Season: He fumbled the snap/hold on the FG attempt in the playoffs, which I hear everyone saying that they used a special ball that was slippery. Everyone that says that can go fuck themselves. At least 31 other people did this job without one person bitching. But Romo fucks up, bitches (along with his teammates, coach, and owner) and the ball gets changed. This is reason #1 why Romo is a fucking faggot and can never win the big game.

07-08 Season: The Great Tony Romo and the Cowgirls are about to host the New York Football Giants in a divisional playoff game. I'll spare you the entire analysis of the game, but basically the Romo's were down 21-17 with less than a minute in the game and Romo throws a pick in the end zone to R.W. McQuarters, ending their season. I don't really remember because I drink a lot but I am sure ESPN and the rest of the Romo loving media had all the excuses out about that play before McQuarters even took a knee.

08-09 Season Week 17 vs. Eagles: Win and you're in, lose and we'll see you next year. I stopped watching this abortion of a game after the Romo's second turnover, a fumble, was returned for a touchdown. What the fuck? Way to show up to the biggest game of the season. As I write this there are probably some douchebags out there writing about how it was Pacman's or whoever's fault, but ultimately it falls on Romo (that fucking failure) because he did not put his team in a position to win.

There are many more reasons why Romo is a choker, douchebag, and big time fag, but I would like to go to sleep sometime this week so I won't write them all. Please feel free to share your favorite Romo failure or dumbass reason why he isn't a failure in the comment section.