Fack Bill Belichick

Bill Belichick, you just got pwned by a bunch of losers who, I would assume, frequently say "pwned."



FACK YOUK BELICHEAT!

Thanks to the guys at With Leather for finding the video (I stole it, they didn't give it.)

Giants Upcoming Matchup

Hello All,

Is everyone else as excited as I am for their first week of work in 2009er (Did I catch a niner in there)? As you may know i haven't really worked for the past 2 weeks so this is especially awesome for me.)

On to my point, with the exciting games on Saturday and the shitty, unbearably boring games Sunday we have learned that our beloved Defending Champion New York Football Giants of New Jersey will be playing the Eagles of Philadelphia. Going into this past weekend, I really didn't care who won because I figured the GMen will skull fuck whoever they play anyway. After this weeks games I feel the same way. However, all we are going to hear this week is how the Eagles are going to win, the Eagles are last years Giants, the Eagles beat he Giants in the Meadowlands 4 weeks ago, etc., etc.

FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

And here is why.

First of all, what from that abortion of a game would lead anyone to think that the Eagles could beat the Giants? Was it the one 71 yard screen pass to Westbrook, the inability of T. Jackson to thrown the ball, the ineptitude of Brad Childress (and everyone on Minnesota except Purple Jesus and C. Taylor)? The Eagles played like shit and beat a team that barely beat the Giants 2nd string.

The key to beating the Eagles is running the ball. This is why the Giants lost last time they played: Brandon Jacobs was out. Now, I believe that Derrick Ward can carry the load without Jacobs, but there is no denying that Jacobs is the premier playmaker on this offense. Also, that last game four weeks ago was Week 1 LAB (Life After Burress). So, not only is your best RB out, but your best WR is out too. The Giants are still a very dangerous team without Burress, but they obviously will need some adjustment time to revamp the offensive to work with their personnel.

So the Eagles will now have to come into a very hostile stadium and play a team that is has been resting for pretty much three weeks and has their brusier of a RB back and a passing attack that will be brand new to them.

The only thing that startles me a little is Antonio Pierce. He has been getting torched all season by various TE and RB, including Westbrook (Note: middle LB needs to be addressed in the first round of this years draft). I think that he will probably give up a few plays, but I fully expect the Giants offense to be too much for the Eagles to handle.

Will's Prediction:
GMen 27
Eagles 17

Other Writers' Average Prediction:
Gmen 10
Eagles 198

Inspire The Ire: Eagles Enmity [Part IV]

[This is part III of the several-part Fack Youk presentation: Inspire The Ire: Eagles Enmity. Here are Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 if you missed them.]

I moved to Philadelphia over two and a half years ago after spending the majority of my life in Upstate New York. While this has been a great experience, both personally and professionally, it has also opened my eyes to by far the worst group of people on the face of the Earth. Yes, I am talking about the fan base of the Philadelphia Eagles. I am not saying this just because I am a fan of the defending Super Bowl Champion New York Football Giants; I can promise you I would be saying the same if I were a Broncos fan.

Prior to moving to the City of Brotherly Love, my perception of the stereotype of an Eagles fan was that they were a bunch of blue-collar, hard working guys who live and die by the team, do not take kindly to opposing fans in their stadium and boo anything in sight. This could not be further from the truth, and I would respect them a whole lot more if this were accurate. No, they are degenerate idiots, who know nothing about football, their team, sports, or reality in general. Everything about the Eagles screams trashy, from the awful people that call into the Howard Eskin show, to the ghetto tailgate, to the trashy drunk girl in the stands screaming at everyone in her immediate vicinity, but can't name 3 players on the field (come to think of it, this probably describes 60% of the stadium).

I have been having a tough time deciding how to properly outline just how awful this group of human beings really is, so I have decided to lay out a few points and expound on what exactly has led to such a deep hatred after just two and a half years.

1. Eagles Fans Are Not Tough (like they claim to be): Last season, all I heard was how awful the Giants were and how embarrassing it must be to be a Giants fan. Well that went out the door after the Giants' Super Bowl run and not one of these people would respond to a text or call for weeks. If I were on the receiving end, and in the slight possibility the Giants were to lose this weekend, I would be a stand-up guy and admit defeat to everyone I have been talking shit to all year. Not Eagles fans. They are a bunch of 2nd rate, crying babies who like to talk tough before the game is played on the field, and disappear when they lose.
   
2. Eagles Fans Are Racist: This is the only explanation for the hatred of Donovan McNabb. The man has led them to 8 playoff wins in 10 years and a Super Bowl appearance, yet they despise him and want to run him out of town after every incompletion. They claim all that matters is a Super bowl, yet not one QB in an Eagles uniform has ever won one, even their all time favorite QB, Ronald Vincent "Jaws" Jaworski who just happens to be white (and is possibly one of the most annoying human beings in the world). McNabb is the Eagles all-time leader in every category that matters, yet they hate him with a passion.
   
3. Eagles Fans Do Not Watch The Game: I have had the unfortunate experience of attending about 5 games at Lincoln Financial Field over the past couple of years. Each time, only a handful of fans in my section were paying attention to the game; the rest were looking for fans in an away jersey to chant “Asshole, Asshole, Asshole” at (I think Philly kids are taught in school to do this). In addition, I watched last weekend’s Vikings-Eagles matchup with a number of Eagles "fans.” I saw much more of the game than any of them, but sure enough when the Eagles barely beat a mediocre team, they went on tell me how badly the Giants were going to lose.


4. Eagles Fans Wear Their Jerseys Everywhere: This is the most annoying aspect of Eagles fans. THEY WEAR THEIR FUCKING JERSEYS EVERYWHERE! It is awful. I swear to you, if you go to a Phillies game in June, you will see Eagles jerseys everywhere. And I am not talking about a nice throw back or an authentic jersey, I am talking about the ugly as fuck black cheap ones. If this is not bad enough, they have the nerve to sit at a Phillies or Sixers or Flyers game and scream at the top of the lungs (in their hideous black jerseys) the most dreaded chant in all of sports, E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES! Hey asshole, do you realize you are at baseball game in June, or are you just trying to annoy the shit out of me?

These people are like gnats. They are everywhere and while they are more or less harmless (see point number 1), the mere sight of them annoys the absolute shit out of you. I must admit, this does not describe the entire fan base. Many of my local friends are Eagles fans and most are objective, reasonable fans like you or me. However, I think I found the only ten sane fans in the entire city. I want nothing more than the Giants to win 107-0 on Sunday and listen to them bitch and whine for the next six months about how much Andy Reid sucks and McNabb has never won a big game. All I will do is remind them our goofy looking QB has.

LET'S GO G-MEN!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEEEEE-LI!

(hat tip to Sampson who sent the pic in an email with a very similar title)

Eagles Injury Report

In NFL news that people actually give a shit about, the following is the Eagles injury report (the ones that matter anyway).

Brian Westbrook, RB - Sore knee

No Surprise, he has been banged up all season and will obviously play. And most likely torch AP on every possible play. I would say AP should hire Jeff Gillooly to assist him in stopping Westbrook, but AP's (and Jeff's) track record in covering up crimes isn't the best.

Dan Klecko, FB - Shoulder Contusion

This forced Buckhalter play FB last week. If it happens this week it could be a major hitch in their running game going against the Giant's front 4.

Jon Runyan, OT - Knee Sprain

He will play, but will definitely be sore... McNabb better be able to get rid of the ball quickly because Tuck can run circles around a 100% healthy Runyan.

Asante Samuel, CB - Hip Strain (will play)

You can strain a hip?

Andy Reid, Head Coach - Severe Obesity

I think Andy will be able to take the reins, but he may need a Hoveround.

The Greatest Sports List Ever

List of things that are relevant in the sports world...
1) Yankees/NY Giants
2) 'Cuse Basketball
3) NBA 2k9 (XBox 360)
...
...
15,387,623) NY Liberty
...
22,341,587) Rest of the WNBA
...
...
89,357,689) San Antonio Spurs (They are boring as fuck to watch)
...
100,000,000) Driving golf balls into traffic
...
...
...
458,954,484) Dallas Cowboys
458,954,485) Boston Bruins
458,954,486) St. Pius X 25yr old+ Basketball Tuesday and Thursday nights
458,954,487) Curves Monday Night Palates Class (I like fat women, what do you want from me?)
458,954,488) Red Sox
458,954,489) BC (BC is gay)

Possible Pilfery?

By the time the dust settles, I think the number of NFL coaching vacancies will be high enough to virtually guarantee that the Giants lose a coordinator this offseason. According to Ralph Vacchiano, the Lions, Rams, Browns and Jets have all asked or will ask for permission to speak with Steve Spagnuolo and the Raiders (at least) want to talk to Kevin Gilbride.

Does this add to the urgency of this year's playoff run? We've seen the Giants succeed while missing pretty significant pieces on the field, but is it really the schemes and play calls of the coordinators that have been driving the Giants recent run of success?

Ed Valentine of Big Blue View, looks at some possible replacements for Spags, should he depart for his own gig. He comes up with two guys already on the staff, Bill Sheridan (LB Coach), and Peter Giunta (Secondary Coach) and two recently fired NFL coaches with defensive resumes and Giants ties, Romeo Crennel and Mike Nolan.

Spagnulo's scheme seems to be crafted perfectly fit the talent on the team, so it would make sense to promote someone from within, who has better knowledge of the scheme to begin with. On the other hand guys like Crennel and Nolan have leveraged their past success as D-Coordinators in head coaching positions and could probably still be successful with the talent on the Giants' roster.

Only time will tell how much of a hit the Giants will take next season when their staff is pillaged by the dregs of the league. Maybe, one of the reasons the NFL has greater parity than the MLB has less to do with the salary cap, and more to do with the fact that coaching is actually important, and everytime a team has sustained success, the rest of the league trips over themselves to steal their coordinators.

Update: 11:40AM -

Wow. Robert Boland of The National Football Post has an incredibly comprehensive breakdown of actual as well as possible head coaching vacancies and potential candidates from each team.

Fewest Turnovers EVARRR!11!!!11

Via Ralph Vacciano's fantastic Daily News Giants blog, Blue Screen (pretty far down the post):

By not turning the ball over yesterday, the Giants ended the season with just 13 turnovers (10 interceptions, three lost fumbles). That’s the lowest number ever for an NFL team in a 16-game season, eclipsing the mark of 14 set by the 1990 Giants. Interestingly, a few hours later, the Miami Dolphins tied the record. They entered Week 17 with just 12 turnovers, but turned the ball over once against the Jets yesterday, giving them 13, too.

Really? I've only heard this mentioned in conjunction with the Dolphins. The Giants powerful running, strong pass rush and protection of the ball are all attributes that are going to aid them in their title defense, especially with the road to the Super Bowl going through the windy Meadowlands. (And are a big reason that at least one of these coaching vacancies that Joe mentioned this morning is probably going to rob the Giants of a coordinator)