Happy Trails, Plaxico Burress

It was only a matter of time.

"I am an optimist, and I believe most situations can be worked out," general manager Jerry Reese said in announcing the decision. "We hung in there as long as we could in hopes that there could be a resolution to this situation other than the decision we made today to release Plaxico.

"It wasn't to be, so now we have to move on. Like everybody else here, we want nothing but the best for Plaxico, and we are appreciative of the contributions he made to this franchise."

Amen, Jerry.

For the moment, I'm going to try to forget about the fact that this all could have been easily avoided if Plaxico wasn't a paranoid fuck-for-brains who thought carrying a gun in his sweatpants into a nightclub in Manhattan was a good idea.

Just remember the good times, friends:


After the NFC Champsionship in Green Bay:



And of course:

I Can See It Now...

Come on Dan Snyder, you know you want to. You are only one piece from that Super Bowl Winning (or complete and total shitstorm of a) team you've always dreamed of. What could go wrong???

(Ed Note: I know he wouldn't wear #81 because it is retired for Art Monk, but it would have looked stupid with another number.)

So Much For All Of That, Huh?

Former Cincinnatti Bengals wide reciever and object of Fack Youk's affection, T.J. Houshmandzadeh, has not signed with the Giants as we had hoped.

In what turned out to be a tougher decision than expected, wide receiver T.J. Houshmandzadeh chose the Seattle Seahawks over the Minnesota Vikings and the Cincinnati Bengals on Monday afternoon.

Sources told ESPN's Michael Smith the deal was worth more than $40 million for five years, with more than $15 million guaranteed.

"I just felt it was the best destination, it was the best team, it was the best choice for me," Houshmandzadeh told ESPN.

Housh indicated that he'd like to play for the Giants, but after signing Chris Canty, Brandon Jacobs, Corey Webster and Rocky Bernard to relatively large deals, they just didn't have the cap space to add a contract like the one he got from the Seahawks.

With this, it seems like the search for a reciever, which is probably the one weak spot remaining for the G-Men, turns to the draft. They have the 29th pick overall and it looks like there will be some solid talent available in that slot (Percy Harvin?). If not, they have the Saints' 2nd and 5th round picks from the Shockey deal that could be used to trade up and snag someone like Jeremy Maclin whose stock has probably fallen slightly after his injury at the combine.

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Could be a little slow today. I'm going to be really busy with work and I'm a little behind elsewhere too...

Jerry Reese, I Am Available

The Sporting News has a rather earth-shattering revelation, via the Cincinnati Enquirer:

Wideout T.J. Houshmandzadeh of the Bengals is the top free agent on the New York Giants' wish list, according to The Sporting News.

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While Houshmandzadeh is a reliable receiver, TSN noted, "there is no way to find a comparable replacement to Plaxico Burress, as 6-5 receivers with speed and a huge wingspan are almost impossible to find. Burress faces a serious legal battle and possible jail time as a result of illegal gun charges."

If you were one of the six people reading this blog a month and a half ago you may recall this post. No? Perhaps this one from a week later.

I threw out the possibility of TJ Houshmandzadeh, who is going to be a free agent, because the Giants won't have to give anything up besides money and cap space. Up until this season, Housh has taken a backseat to the artist formerly known as Chad Johnson. TJ caught 905 of the 2672 yards thrown for by Bengals QBs in 2008, and has had more touchdowns than Ocho in each of the past three years. But he's 6'1", 199, and 31 years old.

Come on Jerry Reese, you know you need a guy with no experience in professional sports and a sometimes vulgar sports blog on your staff. You can find my email address on the left side of the site. I look forward to hearing from you.

/pats self on back

//toots own horn

Go Get Him Jerry

Via The National Football Post, Anquan Boldin will not accept any offer from the Cardinals and wants to be traded:

XTRA’s Mike Jurecki, who said he talked to Boldin over the weekend, said Boldin instructed his agent to tell the Cards he would not sign any new contract (the Cards are expected to still make a new proposal) and that he wants to be traded.

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But it is the Boldin situation that will be front and center. Again, he is under contract for two more years, so if he declines to sign any new deal, the Cards could just hang on to him and not trade him. Boldin’s only recourse will be to disappear for the entirety of the offseason — not a great deal with a new offensive coordinator coming in. We’ll see how it develops.

This can only be good news for the Giants. He's publically backing the Cards into a corner and that is going to lower his value on the open market because teams know they have to move him now. I've adressed this situation previously, if you are so inclined.

The Reason WR's Are Divas: Their Job Is Easier

[Ed. Note: This was the 6th post ever written on this blog, so I wanted to pull it forward because it's relevant to what I wrote earlier about Anquan Boldin. If you were reading this blog back then (Google Analytics gives that a 99+% chance of being a no), I apologize.]

A diva used to refer to a supremely talented female opera signer, and comes from the same root at the word 'divine'. The genesis of the negative connotation of the word diva were (usually female) lead singers that were notoriously difficult to work with.

Being a lead singer, while it is the most visible position in the band, requires the least amount of work. Most of what differentiates lead singers from the other members of the band and the rest of the world, is a great singing voice. Unfortunately for most of us, 99% of the population was not born with the requisite combination of vocal folds, muscles and ligaments to have a resonant, pleasing, and in the cases of the best lead signers, distinctive singing voice. Similarly, 99% of the world was not born with the DNA to grow to six feet tall or more, with elite speed, agility and the hands and reflexes to snare a NFL sized football traveling 45 or 50mph while running full speed.

The most accessible component of music for most people are the vocals. Above all the complicated layers that comprise any piece of music, the words are the one thing almost everyone listening can understand. Far more people, for instance, can remember the words to a song than hum along with the guitar solo, much less play it. The inner workings of the bass, drums, guitar and other instruments can be enjoyed by all, but understood only by a musical connoisseur or someone with a background in the instrument.

Likewise, the passing game is the most exciting part of the football game, partly because of the fast pace and partially because, with two people involved, it is the easiest to understand. Quarterback drops back, looks to the WR, who creates separation and they connect on a crisply thrown ball, hopefully. That's the part of the game than happens in Brett Favre's Wrangler Jeans commercials, not the scrum between the center, right guard and the nose tackle.

Like the chords and rhythm of a hit song, most fans can't process the complicated strategy and execution of offensive and defensive line play either, although they can appreciate the end results. Collectively, line play is universally considered the most important component of a football game, laying the groundwork for everything else that happens. But there are too many things occurring at once. The only people who can dissect line play are those with access to the overhead-view coaches' tape: current and former coaches, players and analysts.

When it finally all comes together, like the lead signer, the WR might have the easiest job on the field, save for the kicker. Wideouts match up with guys they typically have 3” of height or more on, and have the knowledge of where they are planning on going.

The obvious comparison between an band and a football team should be quarterback to lead singer. But the problem is that the quarterback's job is extremely difficult, and his level of performance is directly affected by this teammates. The quarterback bears responsibility closer to the band manager or sound guy. A wide receiver can get open on a play regardless if the TE on the opposite end of the formation runs his post route efficiently or if the running back runs too flat or a screen. A quarterback, however, will have no chance of completing a pass if a defensive tackle shoots through a gap and gets to him before he completes a three step drop.

That's why some top level WR's complain all the time and all of them think they don't get the ball enough. They actually are open, they are doing their job, while someone else, be it a lineman or quarterback isn't. The thing is, getting open doesn't take nearly the amount of playbook study, time in the gym, or technique that blocking a 290lb missile does. It doesn't take the same level of film study and ability to dissect the entire defense that is necessary for a top level quarterback to be successful. They don't take the physical punishment in between the tackles that a running back does. In both cases, it takes a complex and heroic effort to set the table for both wide receivers and lead singers.

The Curious Case Of Anquan Boldin

One of the Giants' highest priorities this offseason is going to be filling the hole on their roster left by the bullet that went through Plaxico Burress' thigh. Burress is probably going to make an "Up North Trip" for what went down in the Latin Quarter just after midnight on the morning of November 30th, thereby vacating his post as the #1 WR on the GMen.

I don't know what Jerry Reese is scheming up over in the Meadowlands, but I can tell you what Giants fans are thinking. They want Anquan Boldin in the worst way. They speak in hushed reverent tones and call him the "toughest player in the league". Except for Ed Valentine at Big Blue View, that is (I've added some subtle emphasis):

Cross Arizona's Anquan Boldin off the list of potential targets for the Giants at wide receiver. Tom Rock of Newsday does a great job calling out Boldin for his sideline tirade near the end of Sunday's NFC Championship Game. Mike Freeman of CBS Sportsline went even further, calling Boldin a 'jackass.' Boldin apparently continued his tirade after the game, refusing to celebrate the Super Bowl berth with his teammates. Sorry, I want nothing to do with a player who acts like that during and after the biggest game of his team's season. 'Kudos' to Pro Football Talk for the Freeman find.

Hear that, Jerry Reese? Cross the number one potential target at wide receiver in the league off your to-do list because some clueless hack of a "blogger" "want[s] nothing to do with [him]". Forgive me Ed, I thought you were going to give an ACTUAL REASON.

The Cardinals were running a one reciever set and obviously the human-like machine referred to as "Larry Fitzgerald" is going to be that one WR. Boldin probably wanted to be in the game. You just said it was the biggest game of the season, would you rather he sat on the sidelines with his helmet on, like LaGroinian Toemlinson?

I don't think we should judge his integrity and character from 10 seconds of FOX sideline camera shots. The media will no doubt take a rolling pin to this story and try to stretch it out over the two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl. Great, I hope that lowers his value this offseason and the Giants can get him for less. Who knows what was actually said? The sidelines in the NFL are probably an incredibly emotional place (I've never been), and I'm sure things are said and forgiven that the general public never hears a whisper of.

This guy wanted to play so badly, in fact, that after he was knocked unconscious by this hit in Week 3 and carted off the field, it took him only three weeks to return to the starting lineup. He had a broken sinus cavity, two fractures in his face, it took eight plates and a jaw wiring for the surgeons to repair it all and he (supposedly) didn't take any painkillers. I wouldn't have back to my job in three weeks, and I sit at a desk writing marketing research reports.

Before & After

My one concern with Boldin, is that he's only 6'1", 217. Most of the true #1 receivers in the league are taller than that. Calvin Johnson (6'5"), Plax (6'5"), Randy Moss (6'4"), Brandon Marshall (6'4"), T.O. (6'3"), Andre Johnson (6'3"), LFitz (6'3"). Unfortunately, I don't think Eli Manning is ever going to be a deadly accurate passer, and as a result, he'll need a bigger target to throw to.

I threw out the possibility of TJ Houshmanzadeh, who is going to be a free agent, because the Giants won't have to give anything up besides money and cap space. Up until this year, Housh has taken a backseat to the artist formerly known as Chad Johnson. TJ caught 905 of the 2672 yards thrown for by Bengals QBs this year, and has had more touchdowns than Ocho in each of the past three seasons. But he's 6'1", 199, and 31 years old.

The Giants aren't getting Larry Fitzgerald or Calvin Johnson. They aren't going to bring in T.O. if the Cowboys release him. I'd certainly rather have Boldin than Housh, but regardless of this dust up on the sidelines, the Cardinals aren't just going to give him away. They'd probably want some draft picks in return and I'm assuming it would be more than the 2nd & 5th the Giants got for Jeremy Shockey. Probably more like the 1st, 3rd and 6th the Cowboys (stupidly) gave up for Roy Williams.

I love Boldin, but the Giants might be better off signing Housh and/or seeing if one of the receivers in this year's draft, like Jeremy Macklin or Percy Harvin, falls to them at the 29th pick.

The Next Great Debate

Yes, the "Next Great Debate" (that's sure to be played out by the time I'm done writing this post.)



What position would LeBron play if he was in the NFL?

In that freeze frame above, it looks like he's lined up wide, but #23 is a RB's number. He's listed at 6'8" 240 or 250 (or 6'9" 270). We'll go with 6'8" 250, close enough. He could be a defensive end, but he's probably not quite bulky enough. He could be a linebacker, but I don't think he's mean enough. I think most people agree that he should be on the offensive side of the ball at a skill position. It basically boils down to RB or WR.

Am I the only person in the world who thinks that LeBron should be a running back?

There is one thing every single person who disagrees with me says: "He's too big". Is he? Being large in and of itself is not a bad thing, it's a good thing. It's the things that come along with being unnaturally massive that those doubters are referring to. Freakishly tall people's bodies break down because our infrastructure just wasn't made to support that much weight, except in very rare cases like LeBron, who I assume was genetically engineered in a laboratory under the NBA headquarters on Madison Avenue. The thing that makes him such a transcendent athlete is that he has the quickness and agility of someone much smaller than him.

The tallest RB in the NFL right now is Brandon Jacobs (6'4" 264), and truth be told, LeBron would be tied for the tallest WR ever in the NFL with Harold Carmichael. Kobe recently claimed he could play wide receiver for the Eagles (via Deadspin). I'm not sure I've ever heard of that franchise, but I agree with that casting. Kobe (6'6" 205, er 220?) [Ed note: Can we get these fuckers on a scale and get this straight?] is built a lot more like Randy Moss (6'4" 210) than LeBron is. He's lean and graceful, and could never take the pounding necessary to carry the ball even 10 or 15 times a game. LeBron is a whole lot sturdier than Kobe.

What it really comes down to is the injury factor. If LeBron could stay healthy as a RB he would be more valuable that he would at WR. It's almost exactly the same conundrum you have with Joba Chamberlain. In both cases, you have a freakishly gifted athlete who could probably play two different roles. The more valuable one seems like it would create a greater potential for injury.

Running backs get hit almost everytime they carry the ball, but at the same time, they have more control over how they get hit. You rarely see a RB take a crushing blow (Willis MaGahee not withstanding). They develop a sense of how to cushion the blows, while a wide receiver can get blindsided going over the middle in a way a running back is rarely going to. LeBron is tremendously shifty for a guy his size and would be extremely hard to tackle. Evidenced by his incredible passing ability on the hardwood, he's the great vision and awareness necessary to find seams in defenses.

Brandon Jacobs runs a 4.56 40 yard dash and on a basketball court, he'd probably lumber down the floor like a C or a PF. LeBron blasts down the floor to the tune of a 4.4 40 and runs the break like a PG. Please direct your attention to the video below and then tell me King James couldn't blow open any counter rush or screen pass and take it to the house.

The Wide Receiver/Lead Singer Matching Game

In honor of the previous post, I present the The Wide Receiver/Lead Singer Matching Game!


A. Randy Moss

B. Terrell Owens

C. Plaxico Burress

D. Chad Ocho Cinco

E. Michael Irvin

F. Keyshawn Johnson

G. Wes Welker

H. Chris Carter

1. Mary J. Blige

2. Aretha Franklin

3. Whitney Houston

4. Mariah Carey

5. Madonna

6. Tina Turner

7. Diana Ross

8. Cyndi Lauper

My suggestions:

A&1 – Randy Moss and Mary J. Blige - After enjoying incredible early career success, and taking some time off (Mary J. circa 2000, Randy with Oakland) both have shown a recent resurgance c/o No More Drama.

B&4 – Terrell Owens and Mariah Carey - Both spent time as the preeminent star in their discipline and both have had some pretty serious mental issues. T.O. was benched by the Eagles and Mariah was bought out by Virgin.

C&3 – Plaxico Burress and Whitney Houston - If only for Burress's game winning catch in Super Bowl XLII and Whitney's legendary rendition of the Star Spangled Banner before Super Bowl XXV. (Both in NYFBGiant victories, of course.)

D&5 – Ocho Cinco and Madonna - It takes a special kind of person to refer to yourself as a corruption of a numeral in another language or a term usually reserved for the Mother of Jesus.

E&2 – Michael Irvin and Tina Turner - Both had incredible talent and emotion but are also remembered for off-field/stage events involving drugs and violence.

F&7 – Keyshawn Johnson and Diana Ross - Both fans of interior design and touching breasts.

G&8 – Wes Welker and Cyndi Lauper - They-ah is no hah-dah warkin lead singah than Cyndi Law-pah. (Cheap shot? Yes.)

H&2 - Chris Carter and Aretha Franklin - Neither have the real negative diva connotation in hindsight comparaed to their contemporaries, but both big roles in inspiring future divas in Randy Moss and Mary J. Blige.