This Just In: Kobe Bryant Is A Dick

Last night around 1:00AM or so, I flipped on the end of the Lakers vs. Warriors game and there was about 2:20 left. I believe the Lakers were up by two when the following took place.

Kobe went it for a lay-up...


Clearly didn't get fouled...

But missed anyway...

And instead of attempting to get the rebound or play defense, he immediately started bitching right in the ref's face as soon as he saw that the ball didn't go in.

And continued waving his arms...

And looking back at the ref, despite the fact that it clearly wasn't a foul.

As he ran up the floor, he continuted to bitch and moan...

Until he committed this blatant foul (even though his team was leading at the time)...

And when he got called for it... you are never going to guess what happened!

He kept fucking complaining. Look at that freeze frame two pictures above. It couldn't have been a more obvious foul.

If you are going to bitch and moan like a fucking 12 year old girl your whole way up the court and then blatantly slap someone on the arm, you are going to get called for it. The refs knew you were pissed and you're lucky they didn't call it intentional. And you still whine about it.

Fuck you, Kobe. You are the reason people say basketball players are selfish prima donnas. You aren't exactly helping with the credibilty of the league's officiating, either.

So two or three possessions later, when the Lakers were already up by 6, Kobe drains this fadeaway...

And then shoots this look back across the court.

Congrats, Kobe. You were only 9-22 from the field and had just three rebounds, but you currently lead the league in Asshole Glares (AG) with 2,241. Keep up the meanacing sneers, fuckface, because you can't hold LeBron's jock.

We Will, We Will, Sign You [Clap] Sign You [Clap]

Yesterday on the Max Kellerman Show on 1050 ESPN Radio, they had callers propose an chant for Knicks fans to serenade LeBron James with at the Garden. They settled on the above one, based on Queen's famous arena song.

The night after Kobe dumped 61 (with no rebounds and 3 assists) on the Knicks at the Garden, LeBron topped it by scoring 52 with 11 dishes and 10 boards, the most points in a triple-double since the merger.

The Next Great Debate

Yes, the "Next Great Debate" (that's sure to be played out by the time I'm done writing this post.)



What position would LeBron play if he was in the NFL?

In that freeze frame above, it looks like he's lined up wide, but #23 is a RB's number. He's listed at 6'8" 240 or 250 (or 6'9" 270). We'll go with 6'8" 250, close enough. He could be a defensive end, but he's probably not quite bulky enough. He could be a linebacker, but I don't think he's mean enough. I think most people agree that he should be on the offensive side of the ball at a skill position. It basically boils down to RB or WR.

Am I the only person in the world who thinks that LeBron should be a running back?

There is one thing every single person who disagrees with me says: "He's too big". Is he? Being large in and of itself is not a bad thing, it's a good thing. It's the things that come along with being unnaturally massive that those doubters are referring to. Freakishly tall people's bodies break down because our infrastructure just wasn't made to support that much weight, except in very rare cases like LeBron, who I assume was genetically engineered in a laboratory under the NBA headquarters on Madison Avenue. The thing that makes him such a transcendent athlete is that he has the quickness and agility of someone much smaller than him.

The tallest RB in the NFL right now is Brandon Jacobs (6'4" 264), and truth be told, LeBron would be tied for the tallest WR ever in the NFL with Harold Carmichael. Kobe recently claimed he could play wide receiver for the Eagles (via Deadspin). I'm not sure I've ever heard of that franchise, but I agree with that casting. Kobe (6'6" 205, er 220?) [Ed note: Can we get these fuckers on a scale and get this straight?] is built a lot more like Randy Moss (6'4" 210) than LeBron is. He's lean and graceful, and could never take the pounding necessary to carry the ball even 10 or 15 times a game. LeBron is a whole lot sturdier than Kobe.

What it really comes down to is the injury factor. If LeBron could stay healthy as a RB he would be more valuable that he would at WR. It's almost exactly the same conundrum you have with Joba Chamberlain. In both cases, you have a freakishly gifted athlete who could probably play two different roles. The more valuable one seems like it would create a greater potential for injury.

Running backs get hit almost everytime they carry the ball, but at the same time, they have more control over how they get hit. You rarely see a RB take a crushing blow (Willis MaGahee not withstanding). They develop a sense of how to cushion the blows, while a wide receiver can get blindsided going over the middle in a way a running back is rarely going to. LeBron is tremendously shifty for a guy his size and would be extremely hard to tackle. Evidenced by his incredible passing ability on the hardwood, he's the great vision and awareness necessary to find seams in defenses.

Brandon Jacobs runs a 4.56 40 yard dash and on a basketball court, he'd probably lumber down the floor like a C or a PF. LeBron blasts down the floor to the tune of a 4.4 40 and runs the break like a PG. Please direct your attention to the video below and then tell me King James couldn't blow open any counter rush or screen pass and take it to the house.