"Let's Call It Even" [Creep Of The Week]

It was a close call between Doris and the asshat who decided to disallow bringing your own alcohol to the Preakness, but I think the biggest creep ultimately won.

Since it was 55 degrees out, John and I spent the day kicking it on the terrace drinking some Leffe, Southampton Abbot 12 and jamming out to Songlines.

As expected, when Doris threw our original sign back, she included the remnants of the pumpkin in the delivery.


Since we hadn't heard anything back since out last communication, and the pumpkin was still strewn across the terrace, we decided to reach across the aisle.

Well, sort of...

It reads:
[DORIS -

Let's call it even. You haven't offered an alternative explanation as to how our pumpkin was executed, so we must assume you did the deed. If you throw this bag out (or use it in one of your famous pumpkin, pigeon feather and dead cat pies) we'll forget this ever happened.
With love, 115 <3]

However, we also added some additional favors to our return package:

I wonder if it is still where we left it...


BTW: If you have an Aunt who is a former caterer who makes a mean corn relish, and a friend to isn't afraid to murder innocent animals, I highly recommend a venison sausage, corn relish and mustard sandwich.

And for good measure, here is a plug for North Coast Brewery which makes and Old Stock Ale (11.7% ABV), Blue Star (the best session beer possible) and a beautiful Belgian-stlye brew, Brother Thelonious:

Number of Days Until Spring Training: DiMaggio (#5)

Joltin' Joe. The Yankee Clipper. The Architect of the Most Pristine Real Estate in Sports.

The son of a San Francisco fisherman, Joe overcame his humble roots to become the biggest star of his time--both on and off the diamond. His grace and brilliance helped lead the Yankees to 9 World Championships in his 13 playing years from 1936 to 1951.

Joe D. is perhaps best known for his MLB record 56 game hitting streak in 1941. The streak began on May 15, 1941 against Eddie Smith and the Chicago White Sox and ended on July 17 against the Cleveland Indians. America, almost at war, was extremely gravitated by The Streak. Most games then were played in the afternoon, and radio announcers would routinely interrupt programs with news of his progress. The Streak, which probably will never be broken, was so captivating that DiMaggio was able to defeat Ted Williams for AL MVP. despite the Splendid Splinter putting up a .406BA/47HRs and 120 RBI. I guess the facts that Joe put up .357 BA/30HR/125 RBI and the Yankees finished in first place helped too. During the stretch, DiMaggio had ninety-one hits in two-hundred twenty-three at bats during the stretch, hitting .409. Some groove. After The Streak was snapped, he started another one--this one lasting 16 games. Combining the two streaks, the Clipper hit safely in 72 of 73 games.

Joltin' Joe, a righty, was a victim of Yankee Stadium and its dimensions. Many of his shots died in left field's Death Valley and the 475 foot center. Bill James calculated that DiMaggio lost more home runs due to his home park than any player in history.



Cognizant of the fact that Joe would have been an absolute beast at the right-handed hitter paradise known as Fenway Park, in 1949, Boston Red Sox owner Tom Yawkey and Yankees GM Larry MacPhail agreed to trade DiMaggio for Ted Williams. However, thankfully the deal went kaput as MacPhail wisely refused to include Yogi Berra in the trade. Imagine Yankee History without these two. I cannot. Also imagine Joe D. as a lefty at the Stadium.

The Yankee Clipper's personal accomplishments are as follows: 3-time AL MVP, 13-time All-Star (the only player to be selected for the All-Star Game in every season he played), .325 BA, 361 HRs, 1537 RBI, .579 SLG (6th highest in big league history), 2 Batting Crowns (1939 & 1940)

These stats do not give justice to his superb fielding. DiMaggio was known for his long strides that allowed him to cover every inch of the massive Yankee Stadium center field. According to Tiger slugger Hank Greenberg, the only way to get a hit against the Yankees was "to hit 'em where Joe wasn't." He developed his nickname "The Yankee Clipper" because as he patrolled center field ne looked as smooth and graceful as the popular 19th century clipper sailing ships known for their speed and ability to cut through wavy waters.

DiMaggio never hit .400 in a season. Former commissioner Fay Vincent asked Joe why and detailed it in his book.

"In 1939, I was going to hit .400. Right around the first of September, we clinched the pennant. We always clinched around the first of September. Right about then, I was hitting .408.

"I was going to hit over .400 that year. Then I got an eye infection. Couldn't see out of the infected eye. Our manager was Joe McCarthy. Every day, McCarthy puts me in the lineup. Commissioner, that guy made out a lineup card in April and he never changed it. Every day I'd go to the ballpark, every day my eye is getting worse and worse, and every day I'm in the lineup. I couldn't hit. My average starts falling. Finally, the eye gets so bad they have to give me an injection in the eye. And McCarthy still has me in the lineup. I wouldn't say anything to him. Now I did not have a bad year, Commissioner. I batted .381. But with my eye almost closed I had to open my stance. The infection was in my left eye, the lead eye. So I had to swing my left foot around to try to see the ball, but I couldn't. I had trouble and my average fell. That was my year to bat .400 and I didn't do it."

In 1954 DiMaggio was elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame. On his 3rd ballot he received 88% of votes. Baseball writers were apparently idiots back then too.



In addition to being one of the greatest center fielders of all time and a pop culture icon due to his marriage to Marilyn Monroe, Joe D. was a patriot. He enlisted in the United States Army Air Forces on 17 February 1943, rising to the rank of sergeant. Although his role as a physical education instructor did not place him in the same level of danger as fighter pilot Ted Williams, it is admirable that he chose to serve his country in any way that he could have.

Joe also has the honor of having the coolest song ever about an individual him. Jeter doesn't even have a song about him.

Hello Joe, whatta you know?
We need a hit so here I go.
Ball one (Yea!)
Ball two (Yea!)
Strike one (Booo!)
Strike two (Kill that umpire!)
A case of Wheaties

He started baseball's famous streak
That's got us all aglow
He's just a man and not a freak,
Joltin' Joe DiMaggio.

Joe, Joe DiMaggio
We want you on our side

He tied the mark at forty-four
July the 1st you know
Since then he's hit a good twelve more
Joltin' Joe DiMaggio

Joe, Joe DiMaggio
We want you on our side

From coast to coast that's all you'll hear
Of Joe the one man show
He's glorified the horsehide sphere
Joltin' Joe DiMaggio

Joe, Joe DiMaggio
We want you on our side

He'll live in baseball's Hall of Fame
He got there blow by blow
Our kids will tell their kids his name
Joltin' Joe DiMaggio

We dream of Joey with the light brown plaque
Joe, Joe DiMaggio
We want you on our side

And now they speak in whispers low
Of how they stopped our Joe
One night in Cleveland Oh Oh Oh
Goodbye streak DiMaggio

The first true 5-tool player, Joltin' Joe was anointed as a rookie as the Second Coming of Babe Ruth. Only 21, a lot of pressure was applied on him to carry the offense and restore the Yankees to their World Champion status. Although he didn't exactly match Ruth's gargantuan numbers, to say that he did not live up to expectations would be foolish. Much credit to a young DiMaggio for not caving under pressure.

The most admirable aspect of Joe D's game was his hard work. Asked why we worked so hard, he replied, "Because there is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first time. I owe him my best." Somebody please show this quote to Robinson Cano. That is how you play the game. It is also refreshing to see an athlete who had accountability to fans.



Whenever you drive over Manhattan's West Side Highway (named after him), please pay your respects and count your blessings that this fine individual was a Yankee. As evidenced by his quote "I want to thank the Good Lord for making me a Yankee," it meant everything for him to be a part of the great franchise.

Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad

When I was growing up, my parents had an extensive LP collection including The J. Geils Band, Santana, Eric Clapton, The Allman Brothers, The Who, Lynyrd Skynyrd and every Rolling Stones album ever made. One of the reasons my parents were so into music (and had such good taste) was that my Dad's best friend's sister had managed the three bands linked above and was able to get those two tickets to all sorts of different concerts.

One of the albums I grew up to was Eric Clapton Unplugged. Being that Unplugged was my first entrée into Clapton's music, my perception of him was badly skewed. I was still young, but knew little beyond Tears in Heaven, Alberta and the acoustic version of Layla. It wasn't until much later in life that I discovered Hello Old Friend, Lay Down Sally, Motherless Children and the versions of Layla and Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out he recorded with Duane Allman during the Derek and the Dominoes (D&tD) sessions.

Before D&tD came to be in 1970, Clapton had already done work with numerous supergroups, including the Yardbirds, John Mayall's Bluesbreakers, Cream, Blind Faith and Delaney, Bonnie & Friends (who my esteemed former college golf teammate Kyle brought up in the comments section of the Duane Allman post). It was the internal turmoil swirling around Delaney & Bonnie that allowed for the formation of D&tD.

Clapton, keyboardist Bobby Whitlock, drummer Jim Gordon and bassist Carl Radle had all played with D&B, but Delaney's ego and his fighting with Bonnie made them unbearable to record with. Whitlock later said:

"Delaney was a little James Brownish, real hard to work with, him and Bonnie fighting all the time and carrying on. Everyone got disenchanted with the situation"

It was Whitlock and Clapton who first connected after the four future Dominoes had left D&B. Whitlock was out of work at the time with $120 to his name when Clapton flew him out for a visit to London. Once Whitlock settled in, they began discussing the formation of a band and decided on a few parameters, "Our band was open - we didn't want no chicks, and no horn players, we wanted a four-piece rock 'n roll band, and we did it."

It was during this summit that the two would write the bulk of D&tD's catalog. Before Clapton, Whitlock, Radle and Gordon formed the band, they acted as studio musicians on George Harrison's first solo album, All Things Must Pass.

There are conflicting reports as to how the band actually came to be know as "Derek and the Dominoes". They all start with Derek as some sort of bastardization of Eric but differ on whether Dominoes was intentional or originally supposed to be Dynamos or Dynamics.

Their public debut came on June 14th, 1970 at the Lyceum Theatre in London, which was guitarist Dave Mason's first and only show with the band. During their first tour across small clubs in England, Clapton opted to play anonymously, having been burnt by the chaos surrounding Cream and Blind Faith. This, and the fact that it was a double LP, were reasons that Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs incredibly never charted in the UK.

As "Derek" was a cover for Eric, so too was "Layla" for Pattie Boyd, George Harrison's wife at the time. The relationship between her and Clapton was originally initiated by Boyd to get Harrison's attention, but to Eric, it far exceeded that. Nearly every song on the album was at least an oblique reference to Boyd.

Clapton drew Layla from "The Story of Layla & Majnoun" by the 12th century poet Nizami, considered the Romeo and Juliet of Persian culture. Layla and Majnoun were never actually together in the book, they were childhood friends who fall in love, but are kept apart. Layla is forced into a loveless marriage while Majnoun takes the route of solitude and reflection. By this introspection, Majnoun is said to come away with divine knowledge.

Presence of the Lord is not a song you would initially assume to be about a woman, but in light of that poem, look at the lyrics:

I have finally found a way to live,
Just like I never could before.
And I know I don't have much to give,
but I can open any door.

Everybody knows the secret,
I said everybody knows the score.
I have finally found a way to live,
In the presence of the lord.

Everybody indeed knew the secret, eventually. Clapton arranged a clandestine meeting between he and Boyd at a flat in South Kensington to play a song he wanted her to hear. Boyd later recalled:

He switched on the tape machine, turned up the volume and played me the most powerful, moving song I had ever heard. It was Layla, about a man who falls hopelessly in love with a woman who loves him but is unavailable.

He played it to me two or three times, all the while watching my face intently for my reaction . My first thought was: 'Oh God, every one's going to know this is about me'.

According to Bohe same night that Clapton first played Layla for Patty, the following took place in the garden of Harrison's manager Robert Stingwood's house:

"George kept asking, 'Where's Pattie?' But no one seemed to know. He was about to leave when he spotted me in the garden with Eric," Boyd said. "George came over and demanded, 'What’s going on?’ To my horror, Eric said, ‘I have to tell you, man, that I’m in love with your wife.’ I wanted to die. George was furious. He turned to me and said: ‘Well, are you going with him or coming with me?’ I went home with George".

This sounds like ex post facto exaggeration, but if that actually happened, it might be one of the greatest events in the history of humankind:

Clapton once showed up drunk at Harrison’s home and engaged the Beatles’ guitarist in a rock duel. “George handed him a guitar and an amp — as an 18th-century gentleman might have handed his rival a sword — and for two hours, without a word, they dueled,” Boyd said. “At the end, nothing was said but the general feeling was that Eric had won. He hadn’t allowed himself to get riled or go in for instrumental gymnastics as George had. Even when he was drunk, his guitar-playing was unbeatable.

Instead of fighting, two of the most prominent musical icons at the time decided to go riff for riff on the guitar over a love triangle? Every rapper worth his weight in 40oz's has battle-rapped against another MC, but I've never once heard of it between guitarists, especially in that stratosphere.

In the late summer of 1970, when D&tD were compiling Layla at Criteria Studios in Miami, they were working with a producer from Atlantic Records named Tom Dowd. Due to the fact that the Dominoes had very little experience playing the material as a four person band, the first few days of recording were tedious and uninspired. It was not what Dowd expected:

I had alerted the staff at Criteria that this was going to be brutal. Bring earmuffs, because these guys would be showing up with double stacks of Marshalls and God knows what. And when they showed up, all they had was a tweed champ and a Princeton, and Radle has a piggyback Ampeg B15... As I think back on it, I made the comment that if anybody walked into that studio with squeaky shoes, we'd blow a take. That's how quiet they were.

At the time, Dowd had just finished recording Idlewild South with the Allman Brothers in the same studios. Eric and Duane already had mutual respect for each other. Dowd later recanted:

Well, Duane came into the control room and I said,"Duane, I'm sorry, but that was Eric Clapton's manager and I had to take the call." Duane says, "You mean the guy in Cream?" He starts playing me Cream licks. "Man, are you going to record him? Oh, man, yeah, man. I gotta meet him."

After the first few lackluster sessions for Layla, Down received a call from Duane, saying they were playing a show at the Miami Beach Convention Center that night. Clapton recognized Duane's work on Wilson Pickett's Hey Jude and immediately wanted to go see the concert. As the legend goes, Duane didn't know he was going to be there and literally stopped playing during a solo. Still Dowd:

So I took the band down to this outdoor concert, and the crew for the Allman Brothers snuck us in on our hands and knees to the front of the stage right in front of the barricade, and we're sitting on the ground watching Duane playing a solo. All of a sudden he looks down and sees Clapton and his eyes bug out and he just stops playing. Dickie looks, and he figures Duane has broken a string or his amp's blown up, so he starts playing a solo, and all hell breaks loose. I'm really giggling, and they finally regained their composure and finished the show.

After the show, Clapton and Allman went back to the studio and jammed until two o'clock the next afternoon. The two bands swapped keyboardists and drummers, and the results can be found on the 20th Anniversary Edition of Layla on the second and third discs. The second one is especially awesome, containing only Jams I, II, III, IV & V with none of those clocking in at under 12 minutes.

An interesting fact: Duane's famous solo on the song Layla wasn't even recorded at the same time as the piano track (composed by Rita Coolidge and Jim Horn), it was applied two weeks after they finished recording.

It took them only ten days to record the whole album, but while they were in-studio Jimi Hendrix died in London from choking on his own vomit after he took nine of his girlfriend's Vesperax. Clapton had become friends with Jimi after first catching him on the London club circuit before he was a superstar. Clapton was initally quite jealous of Hendrix and the emotional, even sexual, stage presence he projected, but the two eventually forged a solid bond. Shortly before Hendrix died, Clapton had bought a white, left-handed Fender Stratocaster at guitar shop in the West End of London, but never got the chance to give it to him. The cover of Hendrix's Little Wing on Layla serves as Clapton's tribute to him.

Dowd's had his doubts about the album's commercial success at first, but still knew it was somethign special.

It literally died for a year after it was released. I thought it was the best work I had done in ten years-since Ray Charles - and I thought how embarrassing it would have been to have failed with such artistry and musicianship on that record. Thank God for Atlantic's marketing people, because they never gave up on it and eventually it became the national anthem of rock records.

Before the album was released in December of 1970 to little fanfare, Derek and the Dominoes embarked on their American tour. The two most widely distributed recordings are of the concerts the the Filmore East on October 23rd and 24th. Polydor Records first released a In Concert in 1973, but it wasn't until 1994 that they released the more complete version Live at the Filmore. (If you have the means to download them, the first one is much better.

I couldn't add it to this post, but I made a slideshow over the version of Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad from the first night. You can watch it here. It's 14:50 long, but the pictures help pass the time. In addition, it is one of the most emotional renditions of a song I've ever heard, right up there with the version of Soul Serenade Duane Allman played in honor of King Curtis at the same venue.

The verse for WDLGTBSS is in A-minor and the chorus is in D. Consequently, there is a key change everytime he switches back and forth, and there are solos in both keys. Without any musical knowledge, you will immediately notice that it flips from being angry during the verse (A-minor) to sweet and mournful in the chorus (D). Here is one of the verses:

Like a moth to a flame,
Like a song without a name,
I've never been the same since I met you.

Like a bird on the wing,
I've got a brand new song to sing,
I can't keep from singing about you.

D&tD wouldn't have been a 70's band if there weren't some drugs to go along with all that sex and rock and roll. Bobby Whitlock later described their usage habits when the band was together by saying:

We were a make-believe band. We were all hiding inside it. Derek and the Dominos — the whole thing ... assumed. So it couldn't last. I had to come out and admit that I was being me. I mean, being Derek was a cover for the fact that I was trying to steal someone else's wife. That was one of the reasons for doing it, so that I could write the song, and even use another name for Pattie. So Derek and Layla — it wasn't real at all.

Some of the greatest things this world has to offer just aren't meant to last. The level of drug use and emotional fluctuation that made the album and the performances as great as they were, was not sustainable. If Clapton was just smoking pot and signing about his girlfriend, we wouldn't still be talking about it.

Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad Video [Music] [Non-Sports]

At the very end of the video, listen for the asshole who yells "The bass is flat!"

Need A Laugh? [Non-Sports]

It has not been the greatest of days so far for fans of the Yankees. But if you don't laugh at this, you are a vegetable.




(h/t Schiff)

Number of Days Until Spring Training: Joe Torre (#6)

That's all you get Joe, a picture. Enough has been been said about you lately.

And also...

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!1!!!1!1!!!

No one cares about your stupid fucking book anymore, do they?

A-Fraud?

Despite my strong personal dislike for his postseason performances, I have been reluctant to call Alex Rodriguez "A-Fraud." I never understood the meaning of the term. How exactly was he fraudulent? Given his personality, A-Hole seemed like the proper A-hyphenated nickname. I myself preferred the name "Mr. 162" label -- for his propensity for regular season greatness and postseason suckitude.

However, Selena Roberts and David Epstein of Sports Illustrated have launched a nuclear bomb that give this "A-Fraud" nickname proverbial legs. According to four sources of the two writers of the once-great periodical, in 2003, when he won the American League home run title and his first AL Most Valuable Player award as a shortstop for the Texas Rangers, Alex Rodriguez tested positive for two anabolic steroids. According to the sources, Rodriguez's name appears on a list of 104 players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball's '03 survey testing.

The results of that year's survey testing of all players were meant to be anonymous under the joint agreement between the commissioner's office and the players association. However, the results were discovered after Feds seized the '03 test results from Comprehensive Drug Testing, Inc., of Long Beach, CA as part of the BALCO investigation by the government. The list of the players is currently sealed. However, sources who know contents of the list told SI that A-Rod tested positive for testosterone and an anabolic steroid known as Primobolan. Some anonymity...

According to the 2007 Mitchell Report, in September 2004, Gene Orza, the chief operating officer of the players' union, violated an agreement with MLB by tipping off a player (not named in the report) about an upcoming, supposedly unannounced drug test. Three major league players who spoke to SI said that Rodriguez was also tipped by Orza in early September 2004 that he would be tested later that month. Rodriguez declined to respond on Thursday when asked about the warning Orza provided him. Wow. you're tipped off and still cannot even pass. Certainly a clutch performer...

Great. Distractions. Just what A-Rod needs. Just what the Yankees need. As if screwing Madonna was not enough. As if the Torre book was not enough.

Rodriguez has repeatedly denied steroid use in the past, including in a "60 Minutes Interview" with Katie Couric. In the interview, when asked by Couric if he had used steroids, human growth hormone or another performance-enhancing drug, Rodriguez said categorically, "No."

"I think baseball's done a fine job of implementing some very strict rules," Rodriguez said in the interview. "I mean, I got tested eight or nine times. I know some of my teammates got tested, you know, seven, eight ... times and, you know, if you think about where the game is today versus where it was six years ago, I think Major League Baseball has made some nice strides."

"I've never felt overmatched on the baseball field," Rodriguez said. "... I felt that if I did my, my work as I've done since I was, you know, a rookie back in Seattle, I didn't have a problem competing at any level."

Many people, myself included, thought that A-Rod was untainted and could not wait until he eventually dethroned Barry Bonds as the Home Run King. This news, which turns A-Rod into "A-Fraud," is like somebody stepping on your junk with steel toed boots.

Fortunately for A-Rod, unfortunately for Yankees fans/the Yankee organization, it does not appear that A-Rod's contract will be able to be voided.

Alex, can't you just retire? You have already made more money than anybody needs. As a liar and a cheat, everybody hates you, including Yankees fans. Your records and statistics mean nothing after you cheated or are accused of cheating. Retiring would spare you the public scorn that will disintegrate your already weaker than peanut butter brittle psyche and let you screw as many muscular broads as you want. Maybe you can work with fellow New York cheater Elliot Spitzer. Retiring would be a win-win situation for everyone. PLEASE! JUST DO IT! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

#105

Everyone is talking about how the other 103 players besides A-Rod on that list have to be sweating it out.

How about George Mitchell? The egg is already all over his face and when David Ortiz or any other Red Sock pops up on that list he's going to get an carton's worth more. There are 103 more names to come, it's going to happen. His "objectivity" will be destroyed and everything that went into the stupid fucking Mitchell Report will be called into question.

The only silver lining is that this makes Bud Selig look like even more of a ignoramus.

DO NOT HIRE RUSTY HARDIN

Hey Alex, just a quick bit of advice.

Admit it.

If you deny this, the questions will pile up, reporters will never leave you alone, and your life will be a living hell. Look at Clemens. Now look in the mirror. Be the first big star to own up. Trust me.

Shyster's take.
Will Carroll's take.

Nixon, Bonds, Belichick, A-Rod [Breaking News]

All cheated but none had to.

More to come.

Number of Days Until Spring Training: Mickey Mantle (#7)

Mickey Mantle. Just has a nice ring, doesn't it? Even if you flipped their career numbers, they weren't writing that song about Moose Skowron.

There's a reason Rodney Dangerfield changed his name from Jackie Roy, Kirk Douglas wasn't satisfied with Issur Danielovich, John Wayne didn't go by Marrion Marrison, and Cary Grant's real name Archie Leach. Of course baseball is far more of a meritocracy than Hollywood, but a player must be noticed, scouted, signed and promoted through the ranks. It's human nature that Tom Greenwade, the scout who first saw him in Baxter Springs, Kansas in 1948, was probably intrigued by "Mickey Mantle" more than his teammate Billy Johnson, the first time he saw the two names on a line-up card.

Part of the reason I don't have the burning desire to be famous is that even if I was President, people would still mispronounce my last name. In Italy it's pronounced "Gar-jou-low" but over here we generally dumb it down to "Gar-jew-low" so people at least have a chance. I used to have an oaf of a homeroom teacher named Mr. Wareing at CBA who would pronounce it "Gar-ge-you-low" no matter how many times I corrected him. The only upside to having a unique, somewhat oddly-spelled and foreign-sounding last name is that telemarketers don't have a shot.

Me: Hello
Caller: Can I speak to Mr. or Mrs. um, Gaar-
Me: (hangs up)

Anyway, Mickey Mantle was signed the day he graduated high school for $400 for the rest of the season and a $1,100 signing bonus. The scout, Greenwade said he was the best Yankee prospect he could remember, Joe DiMaggio agreed and Casey Stengel added, "He's got more natural power from both sides than anybody I ever saw".

Mantle made his Yankee debut on April 7th, 1951 as a lanky 19 year old, yet to grow into his sturdy frame. He was sent back down the the minors shortly thereafter, where he hit a blistering .361 in 40 games, and was then called back up to the Bigs. He and Willie Mays actually made their World Series debuts in the same game. Mays went 0-5 and Mantle 0-3.

It didn't take long for Mantle to live up to his star studded name.

In his first full season with the Yankees in 1952, Mantle replaced Joe D in CF, hit .331/.394/.530, made the All-Star Team and finished 3rd in the MVP voting. It was his first of 14 straight All-Star berths and he placed in the MVP voting 14 out of the next 15 years as well.

During that time, Mantle won three AL MVPs, finished second to Roger Maris in 1960 & 1961, to Brooks Robinson in 1964 and finished in the top 5 three times more. In 1957, he hit .365/.512/.665 and barely edged Ted Williams in the MVP race, who hit .388/.526/.731.

He had unprecedented power as a center fielder. Mantle was legendary for not only the number (536 career), but the length of his home runs, as the term "tape measure home run" was coined for his prodigious blasts. The famous graphic to the right triangulates a shot he drilled off the facade of the Stadium which was still 118 ft high 370 feet from home plate. He also hit a ball clear out of Tiger Stadium that was said to have traveled 463 feet. There were rumors of another at Griffith Stadium 565ft long, but this included the distance the ball traveled after it landed.

For all his swiftness and brawn, Mantle struggled mightily with injuries, missing an average of 18 games a year after his rookie season. He had both acute and chronic ailments in the bones and cartilage in both of his legs. In his World Series debut mentioned above, he and DiMaggio both sprinted towards a fly ball, but Joe called him off, causing Mickey to stop short. Mantle tore the cartilage in his right knee as his cleat got caught on a drainage cover hidden in the outfield grass. To mitigate the damage he might cause after that, he applied thick tape wraps around each knee before games.

In addition to injury, Mickey battled alcoholism. His father died when Mantle was 20 years old and he was nagged by the dread of his own mortality. As a result, he lived hard. He gave incredible effort on the field, but also partied recklessly away from the Stadium. Mick, Whitey Ford and Billy Martin frequented Toot Shur's and the Copacabana, where they would carouse with ladies despite their wives at home and get into their fair share of scuffles and scrapes.

Alcoholism followed Mickey long after his playing career, right up until he died at age 63 in 1995. He had checked into the Betty Ford Center in 1994, but by then, the damage had been done. Upon his examination, a doctor from the BFC told his that his liver was so damaged that "his next drink could be his last". Before he died, Mantle acknowledged his alcoholism and was able to reflect on the harm it had caused him and more importantly those around him.

Today, you can visit Mickey Mantle's on Central Park South. It has a replica version of Yankee Stadium and some awesome memorabilia. Despite the name and the location, beers are pretty reasonable and the wings aren't bad either.

But Stoners LOVE Frosted Flakes...

From Ad Age, via Deadspin, it appears as though Kellogg's is planning on letting Michael Phelps' contract expire at the end of this month.

"We originally built the relationship with Michael, as well as the other Olympic athletes, to support our association with the U.S. Olympic team," a Kellogg spokeswoman said in a statement. "Michael's most recent behavior is not consistent with the image of Kellogg. His contract expires at the end of February and we have made a decision not to extend his contract."

I respect that position, but why didn't they just change the box?

[Obviously, h/t News Of The World for the photo]

Thursdays Just Got A Whole Lot Less Cool

We here at Fack Youk make no secret of the fact that the name of of this rag tag outfit was inspired by Drew Magary's brilliant transcription of Bawston-speak onto the intertubes. During the NFL Season he writes the incomparable Thursday NFL Dick Joke Jambaroo, but I looked forward more to his offseason Balls Deep column, in which he seamlessly blended insights into life, sports, drinking and sex with hatred, profanity, and sarcasm. Back in June, he delivered a stirring address to the Graduating classes of '08:

You think you’re gonna make a difference? You got some nerve, asshole. You’re just part of another class going through the same routine as the class before you. You’re no different. You’re just as full of douchebags and shitheads as any other class. In fact, given the rising popularity of lacrosse, your class is probably even worse. The rest of us eventually had our dreams crushed by the cruel realities of the world. I see no reason not to burst your bubble right here and now. Heed these words, then fall in line like the rest of us.

Truly inspirational.

He also used that regular column to come up with some genuine insights into life, including when he explained why, selfishly, he was voting for Obama:

I’m voting for Barack Obama this fall. Now, I have lots of reasons to do it, all of them blatantly self-serving. Don’t like Obama? Feel like voting for McCain? Fine by me. I’m not interested in starting any sort of political flame war. But the main reason that I’m voting for Obama is because he offers something that McCain does not: an opportunity for me to “be a part” of a historic moment.

It’s an inescapable fact for both candidates that a black man winning the White House would be a far a greater milestone in American History than if another old-ass white guy were to keep the streak alive. The reason Obama can talk about change all the time without getting too specific is because he doesn’t have to get specific. He IS the change. The act of him winning, by itself, has a huge impact.

So there’s something immensely appealing to me about the prospect of living through that sort of moment. I was born in 1976. I have lived through exactly one seminal moment in American history, and that was 9/11. I would very much like something to counterbalance it. I’d like to bear witness to history and not feel ashamed for the odd kind of thrill it provides. I’m voting for the moment as much as I’m voting for the man.

Well, in yesterday's Jambaroo, the last of the NFL season, he announced that Balls Deep was no more.

Also, I regret to inform you that Balls Deep, the regular Thursday column I ran in place of the Jamboroo during the offseason, will not be returning. Much to Buzz Bissinger's relief.

Instead, I'll be continuing my editor at large duties here by popping in for random posts every so often. My hope is to litter the site with more Great Moments in Poop, polygraph tests, Nazi Shark picks, and poorly worded, profanity-filled rants. I believe I also owe the editor of this site a Cultural Oddsmaker column, so look for that, too.

Lastly, not that you needed the incentive, but I've joined Penthouse magazine as a new monthly columnist. Someone on Facebook told me they only masturbate to it for the articles. Me too!

It's a sad day to be an occasionally vulgar sports blogger. Good for Drew, Penthouse is the perfect forum for him, and I hope that what he writes over there resembles all the fantastic stuff he has done for Deadspin over the years.

The first Balls Deep column I read completely blew my mind. I didn't know you could do THAT. There wasn't (and probably still isn't) another place to get random sapient sports-related insights very specific to the college/20's demographic presented without pretense, self consciousness or an editorial filter.

I can tell you that reading his stuff not only helped encourage me to build this little thing here, but to expand my range and talk about all sorts of stuff, and not be afraid to use words that might offend some people. But like all good things, this came to an end.

We still have KSK, and like he said above, he will still make surprise appearances at The 'Spin. But on Thursdays from early February to late August, there won't be something that will make me drop whatever I'm doing at work around 4:00 and head to my Google Reader.