TEH SKY IS FALLIGN!1!!!!!!

I didn't follow the game on LoHud last night because I was writing our game recap, but luckily our resident IT Manager & Internet Researcher, Cliff did. He was kind enough to mine out some of the most hysterical overreactions to last night's game from the comment section for your viewing pleasure (everyone together: Thanks, Cliff!). I would love make fun of each of them individually, but I don't have time and there's really no point.

Without further adeiu, I present, in conjuction with LoHud Enterprises, A Fack Youk Production:

Game Two: Overreactions In Orioledom

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Matt April 8th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
I miss Jose Molina behind the plate. All the memories of Posada calling for a pitcher’s 3rd best pitch with runners on base and serving up extra base hits are rushing back.

KO April 8th, 2009 at 8:04 pm
leave it to the Yankees, with huge expectations and brand new stars, to come out flat against a last place team in their own division. so far these two games look like a reprint of 2008. they have absolutely no clue at the plate. no plan of action. way too many times already have they taken a fat pitch right down the middle on the 1st pitch or early in the count and they’re falling behind, then chasing. everyone seems like they are pressing already and a bunch of scrubs are whipping them…. Wang no more runs bro…

KO April 8th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
LOL GREGG ZAUN JUST MASHED A DOUBLE I AM OFFICIALLY TURNING IT OFF

Pat April 8th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Wang is awful. He’s a #4 starter at best

Every Day Phil Coke April 8th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
The Hank watch is on. The Dave Eiland watch is on.

ZZ April 8th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Awesome. Already destroying our bullpen only two games into the season.
Great job of Girardi not bringing a long man into the rotation.

Hank April 8th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Great job not taking a long man Girardi. He’s fired by May.

Global Warming April 8th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Where is the “these games don’t matter” crowd? When this team decides to show up let me know. Ridiculous.

ron April 8th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
same old bums….. no f….k..g balls…. they should line this team and just shoot them…..

ugh April 8th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
What a pathetic joke. It’s like this team enjoys embarassing themselves.

Dan April 8th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Tex is a headcase. This is unacceptable.
Why can’t we ever acquire players with guts? We always go get players who have been losers on other teams.

7 UP April 8th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Go acquire Matt Holliday and put him in CF
Trade Melky, Shelly Duncan, and Dan Giese to OAK for him. We cannot watch our season go down the drain because of this pathetic offense.

[Cliff Note: 1) Oakland just claimed Giese off waivers 2) Holliday would be a disaster in CF 3) I'm sure OAK would love a 32 year old minor league pitcher, a 29 year old minor league journeyman, and a fringe bench player who had a 68 OPS+ last year in exchange for the best available OF on the trade market]

Ryan April 8th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Give Swisher the start at first tomorrow. Maybe being benched will piss Teixeira off a little, or at least keep his o-fer out of the 3 spot.

kelvin April 8th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Tex will go 0-26 to start the season. Mark that down.

Carl April 8th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Need to re-shape the lineupSwisher needs to play 1st, Melky in CF, Pena at SS, Molina at C. Get some spark into the lineup.

Edwards April 8th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
eerily similar to last year—unable to beat the bottom feeders of the league and play inconsistent baseball. Teixeria is NOT worth $180 million, he is not worthy of being the 3rd highest paid player in baseball.

RC 61 April 8th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
The problem is that Cashman didn’t get any players with fortitude. He should have signed proven winners like Lowe and Manny who are clutch and unfazed by pressure and know how to win. You think Lowe gives up 7 runs tonight??

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Aaaaand Scene.


For good measure, here is one voice of reason, from the most unlikely of places:

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ray (sox fan) April 8th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
“Teixeria is NOT worth $180 million, he is not worthy of being the 3rd highest paid player in baseball.”

Hey, I’m a Sox fan, but even I have to ask how does one come up with this conclusion after a grand total of two games?

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Thank you, Ray. Stop by anytime.

Game Two: Baltimorons, Mascot Taunting & A Late Rally

See what you're missing Teix?!?!! Don't you wish you signed in Baltimore for $40M less than the Yankees offered so you could play in front of these great fans who don't even fucking show up to the second game of the season? Hey Baltimorons, you just lost your "Make Fun Of Rays Fans" card.

I'm pretty sure I know what side of the Erik Bedard trade I'd take at this point.

Relax guys, this was just a clever ploy by Wang to to take the focus off of CC Sabathia.

[New Slogan] "Heineken: It's Not Just The Shitty Light Beer Brands Who Think You Are An Idiot."

And what would be the point of stocking your giant walk-in cooler with one type of beer?

Fail
Fail
Fail

If hypothetical Team A went 3/19 with runners in scoring position in two simulated games, Team A theoretically wouldn't deserve to win those games.

The fact that they let a fucking mascot dance around on top of the dugout at Camden Yards really negates some of that "Retro Ballpark" clout.

Funny, I don't think we'll see headlines in the Rags tomorrow about how the demise of Derek Jeter was greatly exaggerated. Like actual knee-jerk reactions, the ones that appear in print only go in one direction.

If there is one bright spot in this unfortunate event, it's that Teixeira didn't end the game and head into tomorrow 0-9.

Congrats on your first major league victory, Koji Uehara. I'll check back in July when you are 3-6 with a 5.23 ERA.

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Somehow, this defeat is a little easier to swallow for me than yesterday's, although it should technically be twice as hard to, right? Anyone else?

Humpday Podcast Recommendations

I sort of gave up listening to ESPN Radio after the unceremonious conclusion of the Max Kellerman Show and instead have transitioned over to podcasts. They are great for a couple of reasons:

1. You can turn them on whenever you want
2. You can pause them if something comes up
3. The hosts generally aren't pompous asshats (coughColinCowherdcough)
4. They occasionally allow foul language
5. They are free
6. THERE ARE NO COMMERCIALS

Here are three podcasts that have been produced in the last day or so, that you may or may not enjoy. There's really not a whole lot of risk involved, considering all you have to lose is the time you spend listening to them. On the other hand, if you do like them, you've got a free source of entertainment and something to make you temporarily forget how much you hate your job.

Here you go:

• The Bronx View (51 mins): I've linked to these guys before and they are top notch. The production and sound quality is excellent and they represent the rational and even-keeled Yankees fan in all of us. This show features Dan LaTorraca from Pinstripes PA who writes about the Scranton-WB Yanks at the blog linked above.
  
  
• On the DL (47 mins): They transitioned to a daily podcast back in the beginning of March and have a steady stream of great guests. Today, they have Dan Shanoff and Dan Steinberg from The Sporting Blog and D.C. Sports Bog, respectively. I would recommend perusing their archives for the shows with Steve Phillips, Trey Wingo, Tony Kornheiser, Darren Rovell and Annie Duke. If you are wondering how they get all these awesome guests, I don't know either.
  
  
• The BS Report (w/Rick Reilly) (46 mins): It's just like Jon Stewart vs. Jim Cramer (except not at all). It's pretty congenial and obviously was arranged to quell the rumors in the blogosphere that they hated each other. [Update: More to come on this]
  
  
• Also, The River Ave. Blues Radio Show should be out tomorrow.

By my calculations, taking into account some interruptions, those should get you well into the afternoon.

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And just as a totally random aside: Who gets bitchslapped by an umbrella thief?

You're Not Going To Believe This, But...

Last night Rob Neyer wrote a blog post that didn't involve a 200+ word blockquote. I swear to the Baseball Gods:

Last year, Kyle Farnsworth gave up 15 home runs in 60 innings. In his career, Farnsworth has allowed a .441 slugging percentage to left-handed hitters.

Jim Thome is a left-handed hitter with 541 career home runs.

Over the past three seasons, Chicago's U.S. Cellular Field has been the most homer-prone ballpark in the American League, both generally and for left-handed hitters specifically.

With two outs in the bottom of the eighth inning and two White Sox on base, the Royals held a 2-1 lead. Thome was coming up. If there's a single pitcher in the majors who shouldn't be facing Thome in that situation, it just might be Farnsworth.

Yet, face him he did. Threw Thome a fastball down the middle, he did. Gave up a long, three-run, (eventually) game-losing home run, he also did.

And Royals manager Trey Hillman? He sat on his hands and watched it happen. That's what he did.

There's no blockquote at all!!! I got so excited, I think just cut and pasted his whole post...

I kid because I like Rob Neyer and sincerely hope that we see much more of this from him during this season. I would love for ESPN to set him up with MLB Extra Innings a couple of nights a week and just let him make observations like the one above.

It seems as though he has a very defined idea of what blogging is (short lead-in, long blockquote, then his reaction to the piece), and rarely (up until now, never?) steps outside of that format aside from his Monday Mendozas, Tuesday Taters, Wednesday Wangdoodles and so forth. I'd love to hear more of his original thoughts, not just his reactions to what other people say.

"Soon"

I took this screen shot this morning when I went into do a screen grab recap of the incredible end of the Tigers vs. Blue Jays game. But guess what? I can't because the game isn't available. As I mentioned before, I split the MLB.tv Premium Package with my sister, which should entitle us to watching archived and condensed games.

The archived games are supposed to be up 45 minutes after they end. It's 7:45 the following morning and 5 of the 12 games aren't up at all. How about the condensed games from the day before?

Nada.

None of the main home or away archived audio feeds are up either. (Many of the alternates are in Spanish)

In addition, the in-game DVR functionality is extremely slow and clumsy. Although it tells you what half of the inning you are in, you have to fast forward blindly and guess where you are going to end up. It's not like an actual DVR, where you can see the frames going by.

I'm going to give them a little while to get things sorted out, but this is pretty frustrating. It's $110 and if they are going to charge than kind of money, they should probably have the service in order by the time it goes live.

I'm not a whiner in general. I paid the full $125 for Moogis (a lot more than my $55 share of MLB.tv) so I could watch the Allman Brothers play live at the Beacon Theater, and didn't complain at all, because, you know, it actually worked and delivered what it promised.

I wish I could say the same for MLB.tv.

The Waiting

The scheduled off day today makes yesterday's loss a little bit tougher to swallow. The first game only seems important because it's the only one we have at the moment. Right now it's 100% of the season, after tomorrow, it will only be 50%, then 33%, 25% and so forth.

It's easy to read the symbolism into everything that went wrong yesterday and project it out towards the entire season.

The Yankees are fucked! Sabathia is a choker! Teix can't handle the pressure! Jeter can't get it done when it counts! Swisher over Nady! Send Phil Coke back to the minors!

The reality is that with each passing game, chances are, each of those things is going to be exposed for the small sample size, impulsive overreaction that it is. Unfortunately, right off the bat, we have to wait an entire extra day.

It's only about 47 1/2 hours from the end of yesterday's game until the beginning of tomorrow's, that's not what it feels like. It's as if you planned for months to go on vacation, and you finally get on the plane. But you take your seat, it's in the middle, you're sandwiched between two fat guys, the food sucks, the in-flight movie is Beverly Hills Chihuahua (don't fly Delta), and then you get stuck in a holding pattern over Aruba.

I think I speak for much of my generation when I say patience is not our strong suit. Maybe it's not just younger people, but those of us who live by RSS and Twitter feeds, and are beholden to the 24 hour news cycle. The internet has gotten so fast that it provides instant gratification with each click. We can fast forward on our DVRs and "Mark All As Read". All of that immediacy makes it difficult to see the forest through the trees.

The baseball season is a long haul, and we all know that. But after a long winter of pining for the MLB regular season, it's tough to forget about the only meaningful game we've seen in over 7 months. But a short time's a long time, when your mind just won't let it go. As Yankee fans, I think we are just anxious to put all of last season and the playoff failures of the preceding four behind us (2003 wasn't a failure).


At least Tom Petty understands:

The waiting is the hardest part,
Every day you see one more card,
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart,
The waiting is the hardest part.

It's Only One Game, Now Excuse Me While I Blow It Out Of Proportion

Hat Guy is at it again. Someone must have told him that FJM shut down their operation and he's taunting them into starting it back up again. I don't care if this is unoriginal. Ken Tremendous is rolling over in his digital grave right now, and I must do something about it. It would be a bigger sin to let this article sit there on NBC Sports without pointing out how factually incorrect and schizophrenic it is. Celizic is simultaneously telling everyone to relax because it's only one game, and totally, wildly, insanely overreacting to that game.

"Leash Just Got Shorter For Girardi, Yanks"

Yes... 1/162nd shorter. 0.0617% shorter.

It’s a good thing for the Yankees that you don’t draw broad conclusions from one game, because if you did, the conclusion would be expressed in two words: they stink.

It's a good thing the first part of that sentence doesn't say you can't do something, only to have the second half of the sentence do that exact thing.

Most of the time when a team loses, they are going to look like "they stink". If a team wins 90 games in a season, they are going to look good in probably 90 of them (most wins, but some close losses) and look bad in the other 72 (most of their losses and a few sloppy wins). No matter how good a team is, they aren't going to impress you in every game they appear in. That's baseball.

The offense rallied to cut the Baltimore lead to 6-5, but when Derek Jeter, who had three hits in the game, had a chance to tie it, he failed. And then when expensive free-agent acquisition Teixeira had a chance to put the team ahead, he, too, failed.

I can see knocking Teixeira for having a bad day at the plate after the Baltimore fans put the focus on him by booing him mercilessly, but Jeter? He went 3 for 5 and left one guy on-base. Reading this column, you would think that the first three hits counted towards Spring Training. A message from Mike Celizic to Derek Jeter: If you can't hit in the clutch, don't bother hitting at all.

You wouldn’t expect to find panic in the clubhouse after one loss with 161 left to play, and you didn’t. Girardi was calm. The players were calm. It’s a powerful team and they just need to play Yankee baseball.

So why are you writing this article again?

This is all good, but the fact remains that the Yankees didn’t just lose. They played a bad baseball game. That’s not supposed to on Opening Day.

YES IT IS!!!! This is exactly when it is supposed to happen. It's the first fucking day of the season. Everyone is still rusty. Teixeira is a notoriously slow starter. Sabathia had a 7.76 ERA in April last year.

What had to be mystifying to Yankee fans was watching Sabathia’s pitch count mount into mid-season levels without getting any relief. Even when it was obvious Sabathia had nothing left (How could he? He had nothing to begin with.), Girardi left him in the game as his pitch count climbed to 96.

Count me among the unmystified. 96 pitches is not "mid-season levels" for CC Sabathia, you hysterical moron. You know how many times he threw fewer than 96 pitches last year? Fucking TWO (April 11th & 16th), and he gave up nine earned runs in both of them.

Too much may be made of pitch counts in today’s game.

Sort of like what you are doing right now?

But when your ace pitcher is struggling in the season’s first game and it’s so cold he has to hold a heating pad to his stomach — Sabathia’s favorite organ — between innings, it seems senseless to let him throw that many pitches.

If Sabathia is like any other guy I know, his favorite organ is a little further South. And it's 96 pitches. I've never heard anyone complain about a starter throwing fewer than 100 pitches before. Senseless is letting him take the hill in the ninth inning when his pitch count was already 111 and the Brewers were up by 7 runs.

Sabathia is not in mid-season form. Why give him a mid-season pitch count? It just seems a risky thing to do in a game that the Yankees were already out of.

Except they weren't out of it, were they, Mike? Take a look at the box score. Yes, they were down 6 to 1, but if you hadn't rushed to your computer to start writing this retarded column, you might have noticed that they Yankees pulled to within one run in the 7th. You mentioned it above. Remember? It was when you were crushing Jeter and Teixeira for being unclutchiferous.

But it’s early; just one game and one questionable pitching decision by the manager.

Questionable if you wear a fedora and refuse to look up Sabathia's pitch counts on Baseball-Reference.com.

If the Yankees win on Wednesday and keep winning, it will all be forgotten. If they don’t, by the time the team opens their new park, there will be calls in the tabloids for Congressional investigations.

What sort of Congressional investigations they would be calling for? That doesn't even begin to make sense or be funny.

Somewhat ironic that he uses "tabloids" derisively here. This is the epitome of knee-jerk, tabloid "journalism", except it's not even well written enough to appear in the Post or Daily News.

Last year was a free one for Girardi and the Yanks. This year isn’t. It’s just one game and one loss, but the pressure is already on.

It's just one column which constantly contradicts itself, but Mike Celizic still has no idea what he's talking about. The pressure was on when they signed Sabathia, Burnett and Teixeira. It didn't come from losing the first game of the season.

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Keep them coming, Mike. I'll be here waiting.

Game One: Heating Pads, Crazy Eyes & Facial Expressions

The run total is not nearly as discouraging as the indivisible K/BB ratio. For what it's worth, the guy does seem to lose his control in what are perceived to be big games. He has 22 walks in 5 postseason games (4.4 per game), and in 254 regular season games has 523 (2.05 per). Back in December, I took a deeper look at this.

The real concern is what he was trying to treat with that heating pad in between innings. Although if it was serious, I doubt Girardi would have kept running him out there.

I was a little surprised by the thundering boos that rained down on Mark Teixeira. Okay, the guy is from the Baltimore area, but aside from taking the best available contract, did he really do that much to offend Orioles fans? The guy above has some real hate in his (crazy) eyes. I guess when your team trots out Jeremy Guthrie as their "ace", you have to look elsewhere for things to get worked up about.

Click on that picture to get a larger view. Every single person has a priceless expression on their face. It would more amusing if that wasn't the fatal blow that the O's dealt to the Yanks.

Not exactly how we drew it up.

Blackout

I probably should have looked into this before I told my sister I would split the freight on an MLB.tv package with her. I just figured it would be an easier way to do screen grabs and would allow me to watch the games if I was traveling this summer. I can still listen to John Sterling and Wailin' Suzyn on WCBS instead which, as always, is a treat.

Regardless, this is a pretty stupid policy. What if I am an Orioles fan who just wants to listen to my home announcers? The commercials on the TV station the feed comes from still show up through MLB.tv, yes? What if I desperately bored at work and want to watch my favorite team's first game of the season? Is there a way to disguise my location? Can I have my money back?

Fack Youk 2009 MLB Predictions

Ladies and Gentlemen, Happy Opening Day!

Below are the 2009 MLB Predictions from the Fack Youk team.


Brendan

AL East: Sox
AL Central: Tigers
AL West: Angels
Wild Card: Rays

ALDS: Sox over Tigers in 4
ALDS: Angels over Rays in 5
ALCS: Sox over Angels in 7

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cubs
NL West: Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Reds

NLDS: Mets over Reds in 3
NLDS: Cubs over Dodgers in 5
NLCS: Mets over Cubs in 6

World Series: Sox over Mets in 6

AL MVP: Miguel Cabrera
AL Cy Young: Roy Halladay

NL MVP: David Wright
NL Cy Young: Yovanni Galladro


Jay

AL East: Yankees
AL Central: Indians
AL West: Angels
Wild Card: Red Sox

ALDS: Yankees over Indians in 5
ALDS: Angels over Red Sox in 4
ALCS: Yankees over Angels in 6


NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cubs
NL West: Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Braves

NLDS: Cubs over Mets in 5
NLDS: Braves over Dodgers in 5
NLCS: Cubs over Braves in 6

World Series: Yankees over Cubs in 6

AL MVP: Mark Teixeira
AL Cy Young: Roy Halladay

NL MVP: Hanley Ramirez
NL Cy Young: Santana


Joe

AL East: Sox
AL Central: Twins
AL West: Angels
Wild Card: Yankees

ALDS: Sox over Twins in 4
ALDS: Yankees over Angels in 5
ALCS: Yankees over Sox in 6


NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cardinals
NL West: Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Phillies

NLDS: Mets over Cardinals in 5
NLDS: Phillies over Dodgers in 5
NLCS: Phillies over Mets in 7

World Series: Yankees over Phillies in 6

AL MVP: Mark Teixeira
AL Cy Young: Jon Lester

NL MVP: Manny Ramirez
NL Cy Young: Brandon Webb

John

AL East: Yankees
AL Central: Tigers
AL West: Angels
Wild Card: Sox

ALDS: Yankees over Tigers in 4
ALDS: Sox over Angels in 5
ALCS: Yankees over Sox in 6

NL East: Braves
NL Central: Cardinals
NL West: Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Cubs

NLDS: Cards over Braves in 5
NLDS: Cubs over Dodgers in 5
NLCS: Cubs over Cards in 7

World Series: Yankees over Cubs in 4

AL MVP: Derek Jeter
AL Cy Young: Chien-Ming Wang

NL MVP: Albert Pujols
NL Cy Young: Johan Santana

Number of Red Sox to come out of the closet: 26


Matt

AL East: Yanks
AL Central: Twins
AL West: Angels
Wild Card: Sox

ALDS: Yanks over Twins in 5
ALDS: Sox over Angels in 5
ALCS: Yankees over Sox in 5

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cubs
NL West: Diamondbacks
NL Wild Card: Phillies

NLDS: Mets over D'backs in 5
NLDS: Phillies over Cubs in 5
NLCS: Mets over Phillies in 7

World Series: Yankees over Mets in 6

AL MVP: Longoria
AL Cy Young: Sabathia

NL MVP: Manny
NL Cy Young: Santana


Will

AL East: Yankees
AL Central: Indians
AL West: Angels
Wild Card: Rays

ALDS: Yankees over Indians in 5
ALDS: Angels over Rays in 4

ALCS: Yankees over Angels in 6


NL East: Braves
NL Central: Cubs
NL West: Dodgers
NL Wild Card: Mets

NLDS: Cubs over Mets in 4
NLDS: Dodgers over Braves in 5
NLCS: Dodgers over Cubs in 6

World Series: Yankees over Dodgers in 5

AL MVP: Mark Teixeira (Homer Alert)
AL Cy Young: C.C. Sabathia (Homer Alert)

NL MVP: Ryan Howard
NL Cy Young: Johan Santana

"Lack Back And Dream On A Rainy Day"

A little over four hours until the Derek Jeter digs into the batter's box down in Baltimore.

Not to fear though, Jimi Hendrix is here to hold you over until the action starts, and get you through this rainy Monday.

Hey man, take a look out the window and see what's happ'nin'
Hey man, it's rainin'
It's rainin' outside man
Aw, don't worry 'bout that
Everything's gonna be everything
We'll get into somethin' real nice you know
Sit back and groove on a rainy day
Yeah I see what you mean brother, lay back and groove.

Rainy day, rain all day
Ain't no use in gettin' uptight
Just let it groove its own way
Let it drain your worries away yeah
Lay back and groove on a rainy day hey
Lay back and dream on a rainy day.

Guitar Solo Sunday (04/05/09)

And now it's time for everyone's least favorite recurring feature! (trust me, I have the numbers to prove it)

I recorded this last week when I was upstate. The typical disclaimers apply, those being that I suck and the sound quality is terrible. My Fender amp has a delay effect built in, which is where the echo comes from. The delay fills in the background when you are playing solo and gives it sort of an eerie feel. Using too many effects is a cop out, in my opinion (/nods towards The Edge), but whatever works, right?

Too Soon?

Of course not...


Hahahahahahahahahahaha