BCS Championship Game Recap and Drinking Analysis

Last night's game was FUCKING AWESOME!

Actually it wasn't that great at all, but I thought it was a little more entertaining than some might have. This is probably because I watched it with enough people to drown out the retardness spewed by whoever the fuck the announcers were.

A complete recap is easy enough to find on your own, but here is my take...

Yesterday, I laid out what each team needed to do to win the game. In the first half, I think that it was pretty accurate. Bradford was able to get the ball out quickly and spread it all over the field. The Sooners O-line did as good as could be expected against Florida's defense. This was also helped by Chris Brown running rampant on Florida, with 22 carries for 110 yards. I also think that Oklahoma's defense played way better than anyone expected and were able to contain Tebow, got a pick and put him on his back more than once. The biggest thing in the first half was Coach Stoops of Oklahoma going for it on 4th and goal instead of kicking the field goal and going into halftime with the lead.

The second half was all about running the ball; how Florida decided to run more and Oklahoma decided to run less. Tebow (22 carries, 109 yards) and Harvin (9 carries, 122 yards) were basically unstoppable in the second half. I was drinking a lot, but it seemed like Oklahoma inexplicably abandoned the run which was killing Florida in the first half. Florida's Major Wright (he really shut me up) made a huge interception on the goal line, which was the beginning of the end for Oklahoma.

I am a big fan of lists, so here is a list of what affected this game in no particular order:
1. 2 trips to the red zone with 0 points for Oklahoma. Should have got at least 3 each time.
2. Stoops going for it on 4th and goal.
3. Florida's blocked field goal in the second half.
4. Sooners abandoned the run.
5. Florida's defense coming up big at the end of the 1st half and for the entire second.
6. Tebow and Harvin running all over Oklahoma.
7. Bradford's 2 second half picks.

I would like to talk about Stoops for a second. He really fucked his team out there with the decision to go for it on 4th and goal. When you are playing for the National Championship you have to be smarter than that. That one play changed the whole outcome of the game. If they get these 3 points, then maybe Bradford doesn't throw that pick when in the 4th when they were down 17-14. I'm not going to get into all possible outcomes, but I just think it was retarded.

Douchiest QB
Both of these quarterbacks have been competing for this title all season, but Tebow wrapped it up last night when he decided to get an unsportsman like penalty at the end of the game. Nice job being a gracious winner you fucking asshole, I'm sure you made Jesus real proud. Cliff mentioned it in his post and I actually said the same thing last night while watching it, if i was a senior on Oklahoma, I would have ripped his helmet off and punched him in the fucking face.

Drinking Recap
The over/under on beers consumed was 13. Honestly, I lost count. However, after everyone left I drank 2 more beers by myself while watching some show on the Navy SEALS until 2 AM, so I am going to call it a push.

Post-BCS Championship Game Hangover Report brought to you by UPS (helping you mail it in!)

Will
Consumed: Unidentified amount of shitty light beers (I can ball park it between 10 - 17.)

Rating: This one only gets 1 horse collar tackle out of a possible 5.

Comments: "I wonder if the Navy SEALS would consider taking out Tebow?"

Jay
Consumed: split two bottles of Côtes du Rhône, drank one 22oz. bomber of Stone Vertical Epic 08.08.08, topped that off with a couple pours of Bowmore.

Rating: 2 horse collar tackles out of a possible 5.

Comments: "I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning until I realized it was Friday and I could wear jeans to work."

Cliff
Consumed: 8 Heineken's, 5 Labatt's (leftovers from New Years)

Rating: 1.5 horse collar tackles out of 5

Comments: "Feeling a lot better this morning than I thought I would, considering I feel asleep watching ESPN Video Montages to Tim Tebow."

The Most Painful Three Hours of My Life

Okay, I am sure there is going to be another wrap up tomorrow but I feel compelled to put my two cents in. Anyone that knows me knows that I am extremely critical of announcers. The job is not that hard, you have 40+ hours to come up with shit to talk about. Stop talking about the same shit and analyze the game. That being said, the moment I saw the clowns calling this game, I knew this was going to be legendary. I started by taking a few notes but as things got going (and much worse), I started getting pissed. See below (these notes are in real time, almost like a live blog, so they are not exact quotes):

• 3 minutes into the game, the color commentator calls Sam Bradford, "Super Sam”…Um, how long have you been working on that one? There are 57 minutes left, let's hold off on the nicknames.
• Explaining that OU will snap the ball within 25 seconds of the last play, 35 seconds roll by on the nifty OU Snap Clock and still no snap...

Note: Awful commentating begins part way through the 2nd quarter:

• The Announcer is explaining to me that Tebow can’t run the ball because Oklahoma is doing well against the run…Now that is some insight!
• OU is driving at the end of the half and the announcers feel compelled to explain the clock rules after every snap…Thanks pal! I get it, I have been watching college football for 20 years, there is no 2 minute warning and the clock stops after every 1st down.

Note: Should be 21-7 OU at halftime

• 9:02 left in 3rd, Tebow runs for 1st down at midfield and tries to pump up the crowd and celebrate…God I hate him.
• 3rd straight 3rd and long that Tebow runs the ball for a first down, OU dropped back but the announcers claim it is “power, desire and heart” that got the first down... I saw it is a terrible play call by the defensive coordinator.
• Color guy is talking about Harvin’s “pipes” and “guns”…huh?
• Here they go quoting Tebow’s awful press conference when he cries like a bitch... Please let Florida lose!
• Showing video of said press conference.

Note: Never thought I would say this but why couldn’t Fox of had Buck and Aikman call this game?

• OU guy hurts leg and ends up walking off the field, commentator says “It is a really good thing he got up under his own power, and walked off the field". You don’t say...
• Tebow gets stopped on 3rd and 5... Where was the “power, desire and heart” on that play?
• Color guy tries explaining why OU’s Brown has had a good season, “When you get carries, you are productive”. Unless you aren’t any good.
• OU scores, color guy has nothing to say. Not surprising, considering he hasn’t shut the fuck up about Florida all night.
• “Old Mo is not someone you date”…I’m lost.

Note: Chick in the Tostitios commercial is smoking.

• Tebow thought a whistle was blown, “That could have been a whistle from the stands”. After listening to the replay, “There was definitely some sort of whistle, its hard to differentiate in the heat of battle”… Kellen Winslow?

Note: Announcers seem much more impressed with the play of Tebow than Florida’s defense that has held the best offense in the country to 14 points through 3.5 quarters.

• OU’s Fucked- “SUPERMAN STRIKES AGAIN” ….Wait, I thought Sam Bradford was Superman? Oh, I get it the Florida QB is Superman, OU’s is Supersam… Jesus Christ!
• Philippines talk (knew this was coming sooner or later), “He has traveled to the Philippines numerous times, helped needy children, fed poor people, lived in a leper colony (WHAT?!?!?!) he is just a remarkable human being!”… I am fucking sick to my stomach
• Announcer is talking about “galloping offenses”, I am drunk and annoyed, and I give up. Turning the game off, everything said from here on is going to be more painful than the last 3 hours

Note: WAIT, TEBOW JUST DID WHAT?!?!?!

• Tebow gets an unsportsmanlike at the end of the game…real fucking classy!!! The announcers proceed to say “That might be the worst thing he has ever done in his life” I FUCKING HATE FOX! IF THAT WAS ANYONE ELSE THEY WOULD BE RIPPING HIM! Now they are blaming it on the OU guy now, “Tebow must have been the second guy in”... Wow, have sports really come to this?
• More Philippines talk, “Remember, kids are named after him”… Why don’t you mention the fact that he just rubbed it in the face of the opposing team?
• DID FLORIDA JUST CALL A FUCKING TIMEOUT WITH 22 SECONDS LEFT AND A 10 POINT LEAD?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?... Does it get any less classy? I am sure there will be no mention of this though.

Note: If I were any player on OU, I would punch Tebow and Meyer in their fucking jaw.

Note: Game over, I am pissed, drunk and typing up this post.

• I am barely paying attention but the press conference is on and someone just asked Bradford if “Tebow is more impressive to watch in person than he is on film?”... I don’t think I would have the patience for this bullshit. Bradford answers with class “Well to be honest, I play offense so I don’t want much film on their offense or really watch them when they are on the field”.

Note: It gets worse on College Game Day... I don’t even know what to say.

UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE. GOODNIGHT. I FUCKING HATE TIM TEBOW!!!!!!!!

Miiiiiiichael Kay, Is On The Radio Today

I keep a car on the Upper West Side, and since I don't have $600 a month to squander on a parking spot, I have to park it on the street. Since I work typical hours (how I miss you, online poker), I have to move the car 4 days a week to dodge street cleaning, three of those being after work. It's worth it for me because it allows me to pop out to Jersey and play some golf when the weather is nice, and makes weekend trips a whole lot more convenient. Sometimes, however, it takes forever to get a spot and it's really annoying.

Occasionally, when my iPod FM transmitter decides not to work, I'll throw on the radio and listen to The Michael Kay Show. For those outside of the New York market, or without an interest for ESPN radio, Mr. Kay has a four hour (yes, FOUR hour) radio show on 1050AM from 3-7pm on weekdays. I don't really mind him as the Yankees play by play guy, and during the baseball season his radio show is good to listen to if you are a Yankee fan.

Well today (not during the baseball season), I was about an hour into my quest for a parking spot when my FM transmitter went AWOL, and I flipped on 1050 just in time to hear Michael start talking about the Brewers' acquisition of Trevor Hoffman. I'm going to do my best to paraphrase what he said. Being that this was about an hour ago, and I may have temporarily blacked out from rage, it may not be completely accurate. But here is the gist it:

"What are the Brewers thinking signing Trevor Hoffman? This guy…

Actually, pop quiz! Is Michael going to say:

1. Is not a good pitcher anymore
   
2. Is going to be 41 this year
   
3. Can't throw his fastball over 85mph, thereby negating the value of his out pitch, the change up
   
4. Is not worth $6M plus $1.5M in incentives at this point in his career
   

Well if you said any of those things, you are wrong, because he said…

"The guy is not a clutch pitcher. He's blown every big game he's been in [lists off several postseason games, most against the Yankees, and the 2006 All-Star game]. I mean, he played for the Padres, so he's a guy that can get you saves in the regular season when there isn't really any pressure on him. But if there is anything on the line, the guy is terrible."

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? There are so many valid reasons to criticize this signing, why do you have to fall back on clutchiferousness? In addition to the multiple choices I listed above, here are a few other reasons that I looked up after I stopped yelling at the car radio, finally found a parking spot and got back to my apartment.

• Over the last three years he has pitched successively fewer innings to an increasingly high ERA
  
• Is averaging less than one IP per appearance for each of the last six years
  
• Allowed his highest HR/9IP since his 3^rd year in the league (which was 1995)
  

And also, you know what team probably isn't going to have too many meaningful, pressure packed games this regular season? The Milwaukee Brewers. So maybe it makes sense after all.

Ronaldo is a Good Driver (FIRST SOCCER POST!!!!!!)

I got this from ur friends over at What Would Tyler Durden Do and all I have to say is holy shit. (WWTDD is a celebrity blog, which normally I wouldn't approve of, but it is funny as shit and is always good for some nice pictures.)

Cristiano Ronaldo, of Manchester United, done fucked his Ferrari up this morning, walked away unharmed, and practiced later that day.

WHEEEEE-LI!

(hat tip to Sampson who sent the pic in an email with a very similar title)

BCS Title Game Preview and Predictions

Tonight's championship game features Oklahoma and Florida, two explosive teams with two of the best (and douchiest) QBs in college football. Lets break it down.

Oklahoma
The story behind Oklahoma is their offense, which is fucking unreal. They have scored over 50 points in 9 of 13 games, scored over 60 points in their last 5 games, are averaging 54 points a game, and are the only team to score over 700 points in a season.

Like any good offense this starts with their offensive line which features All-American Duke Robinson. This line has allowed only 11 sacks all season and is a major reason why Sam Bradford won the Heisman Trophy.

Bradford will need to be on point tonight, but he commands a small army of receivers all capable of making a big play which should help his cause. According to ESPN, ten receivers caught a touchdown and eight made at least five third-down catches. That is pretty good, but when you are destroying teams by 50 points these stats could be loaded.

Watch out for 1000-yd rusher Chris Brown. Florida has a tough defense that will be all over these receivers and a D-line that is capable of getting to Bradford, even with their great O-line. Brown has the speed needed to move the ball against Florida's defense and the Sooners will need him to come up big.

Florida
The bottom line with Florida in this game is their defense and their overall speed. Their fucking place holder runs a 4.2 40yd dash (not confirmed.)

Tebow gets a lot of credit for this teams success (rightfully so), but it downplays what their defense brings to the table. It is easy to win when you only give up over 20 points 3 times (2 of games being to #1 Alabama and #4 LSU) and give up an average of 13 points per game.

They have hard hitting LBs (Brandon Spikes) and a secondary that will make any receiver coming across the middle pay (Note: Florida's safety is named Major Wright. Who the fuck names their kid Major?) If their D-line can get to Bradford to rattle him up a little bit, they should be in good shape.

Game Prediction
Ultimately, I think that Oklahoma will have trouble moving the ball against Florida's defense and I suspect Tebow's offense will do pretty much whatever they want against this the Sooner D.

Florida 35
Oklahoma 27

Drinking Prediction
The over/under on tonight's beer consumption while watching this game is 13. I have been a little sick lately so I haven't drank since last Friday, so I am going to take the over.

Check back tomorrow for my follow-up posting about how 98% of what I just wrote didn't happen and how completely wrong I was!!!

The Anxiety Of Influence

The Anxiety of Influence is a theory first put forth by literary critic Harold Bloom. He contended that all poets are inspired to write by existing poets and therefore their work is weaker because it's derivative of what came before. In order to free themselves from the shadow of older works, the strongest younger poets must form their own distinct style using one of six "Revisionary Ratios". Coaching an NFL team, like writing poetry, demands uniqueness in exchange for success. To succeed, a coach, much like a poet, must expand on the styles of those he worked under, not just imitate them.

In the book, Bloom proposes a sort of "poet tree" starting with Shakespeare who begat Milton who begat Keats and so on. In the NFL the coaching tree is even more direct, with the apprentice having actually studied under the master. In this case, Shakespeare would be Bill Parcells (It would be nice to trace it all the way back to Vince Lombardi, but Parcells only coached under Ray Perkins). His coaching tree is wide, with former assistants Bill Belichick, Tom Coughlin, Sean Payton, Ray Hanley, and Tony Sparano advancing to be head coaches in the NFL.

Belichick, being the strongest coach to descend from Parcells' tree, has become so strong that including college coaches, his tree is already wider than Parcells'. Eric Mangini, Romeo Crennel, Kirk Ferentz, Nick Saban, Pat Hill, Al Groh and Charlie Weiss have all leveraged their success under Belichick into head coaching jobs.

The two pupils that landed NFL jobs certainly have not enjoyed the success expected of them after leaving the Patriots. In four years with the Browns, Romeo Crennel had a 24-40 record while Eric Mangini (23-25) was just fired by the Jets with a year left on his contract. Coincidentally, the Jets, who went from 4-12 last year to 9-7 this year fired Mangini, who has now replaced Crennel with the Browns, who went from 10-6 to 4-12, at a job that Belichick was once fired from.

Not to say that Crennel is a stronger coach, but I think Mangini is still most plagued by the Anxiety of Influence, having an almost father-son like dynamic with Belichick. There were the icy, standoffish handshakes, the SpyGate tattling, and now son is following in father's footsteps to the one job he couldn't conquer.

This concept obviously applies to writing as well. I'm not the first person to use this concept in reference to sports. I believe that would be Max Kellerman, who occasionally casts Jordan as Shakespeare on his radio show on 1050ESPN, New York. He purports that Kobe suffers from the Anxiety of Influence while LeBron has been more successful in cutting his own path by distributing the ball and involving his teammates more than Jordan ever did. Kobe wears #24, as if to signify that he is the next Jordan, while LeBron wears #23 as a tribute, but has a much different playing style than him.

The stuff I write for this blog is undoubtedly influenced by the sports bloggers, writers and analysts I read and listen to. My pieces on collusion were inspired to some extent by Shysterball. I've explicitly paid homage to FJM. The post I wrote yesterday about the Eagles (and the name of this blog, for fuck's sake) have Big Daddy Drew's fingerprints all over them. I would not have come up with the idea for this post if I didn't listen to Kellerman at work basically every day.

Part of this phenomenon that Bloom fails to mention is that by virtue of being early to the medium, those guys had more room for original thought. They were frontiersman, staking their claims and finding their niches. Unlike the finite amount of land on the frontier though, the news cycle always churns up more material. It's the specific angles (like Awful Announcing or Shysterball) and conventions (like FJM, Leitch's "royal we" or the character sketches on KSK) that get taken up, sort of like styles of poetry. The problem with both is that, the later you are to the party, the more you have to tip toe around styles and voices that have already been established.

Will Mangini be successful with the Browns? That depends if he can step out of Belichick's shadow and establish his own coaching style that takes some of the core components of his sensei, and add some unique wrinkles of his own. Being fired by the Jets and the resulting fresh start with the Browns should give him the chance to start anew.

Pacman or Vick?

With Pacman released--Who gets picked up by an NFL team first?

Mike "Don't Call Me Michael" Vick

OR

Adam "Don't Call Me 'Pacman'" Jones?

For sure, the prime candidate for any team to pick up any of these two is the Oakland Raiders.

Vick

Vick gets out of prison in January and is expected to go to a halfway house. Perhaps he will be ready by Training Camp.

Vick is a horrible QB but would be extremely useful in the Wildcat. But he carries a much worse stigma than Pacman.

Detroit could also use him. In my opinion, there is not much a risk of Vick in Detroit. Detroit is even more of a ghetto city than Atlanta. I also don't see how Detroit can be against giving somebody a second chance when the fate of their entire city may rest on the federal "bailout" money given to the Big 3 Auto companies. Detroit is coming off a winless season, the first ever 0-16 season and will be looking to win games. Vick can win at least 1 game by himself. That will be of more importance to Lions fans than any stigma associated with Vick.

Pacman

Pacman is a short cornerback. His hyped punt return prowess was non-existent last year. Unlike Vick, he has lingering alcohol and legal problems.

Hello....and Goodbye

That is what BC said to the top 25 this week with a win over #1 UNC followed up by a truly uninspired showing at home against Harvard.

(Cliff beat me too this, but as Fack Youk's expert on BC hate, I will follow up)

Harvard walked into whatever shit hole BC plays at and smoked them by 12, 82-70 (Note: Harvard has never beat a ranked team before tonight and lost 15 of their last 16 against BC.) This will surely fuel the inferiority complex throughout BC's faggy student body.

I think this is could stand out on BC's record come tourney time (obviously depending on how the rest of the season shakes out). Laying down to Harvard after beating #1 in the country is pathetic. I am not downplaying beating a #1 team, but when they are in your conference it is a little less impressive because you play them so often and anything can and does happen in conference play.

Now, to preemptively shut everyone (Joe) up about Cuse losing to Cleveland State, which I do admit that this was also pathetic.

1. It is Cuse's fault for it being that close, but CSU won on a fucking prayer 60 footer at the buzzer.

2. That loss means absolutely nothing because it is overshadowed by the 3 wins over top 25 teams within a week of that game (1 on the road, 1 at neutral site, and 1 "neutral site" against Kansas).

Today Was Not a Great Day for Boston College

I am sure there will be more said about this tomorrow, but since Will had been on a rant and I just purely dislike all things Boston, I thought I would mention that today was not BC’s finest day. First, they fire the head coach of the Football team, and then the #24 Golden Eagles lose on the hardwood to Harvard at home. Not to mention it was Harvard’s first win ever over a ranked team. Can’t say I am complaining though.

Inspire The Ire: Eagles Enmity [Part I]

[For much of the 2009 season, the Eagles have been an afterthought to the Giants and their fanbase. After the Week 10 victory, the Giants were 8-1 and on the fast track to the #1 seed in the NFC, while the Eagles were 5-4 and trying to collect themselves for a second half run.

When they met in Week 13, the Giants clinched the NFC East despite a 20-14 loss. Maybe the Super Bowl victory took some of the edge off of our antipathy towards the team that traditionally takes top billing as the most hated divisional rival. Maybe it's because the Cowboys with all their "superstars" and drama became the primary targets of Giants' fan disdain.

As a result, we have decided to provide some kindling for the hot coals of contempt for the Eagles that smolder deep within each Giants fan with a special several-part Fack Youk presentation: Inspire The Ire: Eagles Enmity]

[Part I - By: Jay]

If you've gone out drinking on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, there's a chance you've been to Bourbon Street. If you've ever gone out drinking anywhere, you've almost definitely been to a place just like it.

It's your prototypical dive bar, with ladies undergarments stapled to the ceiling and kitchy signs and antiquey-looking trash hung on the wall like its some sort of R-Rated Applebee's. The playlist every Friday and Saturday night consists of the same cliched 80's songs like "Livin' On a Prayer", "Jessie's Girl" and "I Love Rock and Roll". In fact, they even do a cut rate Coyote Ugly imitation to "Pour Some Sugar On Me", where the female bartenders pour shots of some brightly colored vodka combination down patrons' gullets at a specific time every weekend night (I couldn't tell you exactly what time, for a variety of reasons).

I may or may not have stumbled out of there few years ago on New Years Day at about 9AM. It's the rare kind of place in NYC that actually has good specials like 50 cent (12 oz.) Bud drafts every Thursday and Friday from 9 to 11. The place does have some uses.

One of those uses is for watching football. They have a ton of TVs, and if you get there fairly early on a Sunday, you can grab a stool at the bar or a seat at a table with a perfect view of a TV with your team's game on it. They don't make their own food, so they allow you to bring your own in, and the Bud Lights are $3. If you want to watch some football at a bar and not spend a ton of money, it's a excellent option.

During Week 11, Sampson and I journeyed up to 79th & Amsterdam to catch the Giants play the Ravens. We got there sufficiently early and grabbed a high top table underneath a few TVs and across from the biggest screen the Giants game was being shown on. As it turns out, the Eagles game was on one of the TVs above our heads.

If you'll recall, in Week 11, the Eagles played the Bengals. As the Giants were running over the Ravens, the Eagles game got off to a slow start, and the Philly fans clustered around the TV were pretty quiet. After a scoreless first quarter, a wiry guy with long-ish hair wearing a Brian Westbrook jersey and a winter hat sauntered in. He looked like a pretty chill guy, like someone who might listen to Phish while driving around in his 1992 Jeep Cherokee Laredo.

Not so much. This dude was one of the biggest assholes I have ever viewed a sporting event at a bar in the presence of. As soon as he got there, he was screaming at the TV, calling out individual defensive backs like, "What the FUCK, Lito Sheppard?!?". He coined an amazingly uncreative nickname for Donovan McNabb, "Donovan McShit". He wouldn't fucking stop. Every play was "What a FUCKING terrible play call Mornhinweg!", or "Andy Reid, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!" He was knowledgeable, I suppose...

If you want to yell at the TV in the comfort of your own home, in the company of friends, by all means, go to town. If you are the angry type of fan who thinks they should be calling the plays, and you are smarter than everyone in the organization, let it out. Maybe if Andy Reid was my coach and Donovan McNabb my QB, I might be the same way. But Jesus-fucking-Christ, how little dignity must you have, to yell this shit at the top of your lungs in a bar in a city which your team is not even based?

Anyway, after the Giants game was over, the Eagles and Bengals were just heading into overtime, and the bartender switched the TV we were watching over to the Eagles game. Honestly, watching McNabb spike screen passes at Westbrook's feet and get called for a delay of game in OT, I thought, "Maybe this asshole has a point".

In an ending that I couldn't have scripted better myself, the game concluded in an orgasmically (for me) anticlimactic tie and Angry Winter Hat Dude stomped out of the bar and shot Sampson and I a sneer as we laughed out loud.

Guess where we are watching the game on Sunday. I really hope he's there.

Fuck the Philly, the Eagles, their fans, their damaged landmarks, their disgusting "cheese" "steaks" and everything about that godforsaken city except Ben Franklin, Cliff and Always Sunny.

A Few Good Reasons To Read 'The Sports Hernia'

I'm not sure how many of you subscribe to or stop by The Sports Hernia Blog on a regular basis. It's usually not much more than a photo and a hilarious caption, but it's almost always laugh out loud funny.

Here are some selected recent posts:

Knicks studio guy is as confused as his hair
NBC to nation: The Dumbest GM of All-Time is still smarter than anyone we have in studio
Colt McCoy's sister revels in his failures
Gumbel to Sager: "I'm coming for ya"
Belichick placed in customary storage room until August

Some older ones:
Report: Marc Iavaroni apparently trapped inside haunted house at all times
NFL Network interviews Chad, Chad, Chad and Chad
First grader manages to get Erin Andrews more excited than you ever will
NBA All-Transvestite Team finally revealed
S.S.H.L.S.* spotted at Fenway
Andy Reid...
Time for the asshat mailbag
Doc & Darryl suddenly intrigued by Yankee baseball
Elfish dork literally feeds off buzz of the crowd
Cashman explains "the move" to A-Rod
A-Rod applauds as Yanks break ground on new team day spa
State Trooper Giambi makes triumphant return

And my all-time favorite:
Joba Chamberlain continues to disgrace the game with his wild celebration antics

Athletes Get Away With (Attempted) Murder

Does anyone remember when that really good wide receiver got arrested for shooting a gun and almost killing someone?
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No, not that one. The other one.
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I said wide receiver, not cornerback.

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That's the one!

Here is the short of it.

Last April in Philly, Harrison (allegedly) shot someone outside of a bar that he owned called Playmakers. At least five shots were fired from a "custom Belgian handgun" and ballistics testing conclusively linked shell casings found at the scene to a gun registered to Harrison. The gun was found stashed down the street in a car wash that Harrison also owned.

The DA is not pursuing charges any further, saying the witnesses gave "multiple, mutually exclusive, and inherently untrustworthy and false statements" (meaning Harrison probably paid them off).

[The DA] Abraham's announcement stunned Robert Gamburg, the attorney who's representing Dixon's civil suit against the Indianapolis Colts wide receiver. "It's mind-boggling," Gamburg said. "I can name 15 district attorneys who would have been more than willing to go to court with the evidence they had and present the case."

Opting not to file criminal charges because of credibility issues "would eliminate about 85 percent of the murder prosecutions in the city of Philadelphia," Gamburg added.

Now, this got swept under the rug pretty quickly last spring and this is the first I am hearing from it since. I recall on more than one occasion asking whoever I was watching football with this season "didn't Harrison shoot someone, how the fuck is he not in jail?" Another quote from the DA:

"I'm pretty comfortable that I know who fired the gun, but I'm not going to say
because I don't have the evidence," she said.

As a semi-law abiding citizen I have to say, What the fuck?

As a life-long 'Cuse fan, and subsequently a huge Harrison fan, I can only assume that the DA saw that a man from such a prestigious and successful university could never commit such atrocities. I think I'll stick with that one.