The Bells Of St. Mary's

Good morning, Fackers. Hopefully everyone had a good weekend. Between the beautiful weather in the Northeast and the great NCAA tournament action, you'd need a pretty serious excuse to not have had a good past couple of days.

Although Albany's own Siena failed to upset Purdue and was bounced in the first round, Jason's alma mater Syracuse breezed through both UVM and Gonzaga on the way to the Sweet Sixteen. Surprisingly, they weren't the only school from New York to win their first two games with ease. In the same weekend that they won the ECAC championship in hockey, Cornell handily dismantled both Temple and Wisconsin, racking up 165 points along the way. Rumor has it that Andy Bernard has been on a three day bender.

The Big Red - and the bear on its logo that would surely be mauling the shit out of you if that giant "C" weren't holding him back - were one of 9 teams to pull off upsets in the first round (not counting 8 vs. 9 match ups) and join Nothern Iowa, St. Mary's and Washington as seeds in the bottom half of the tournament who have made their way into the round of 16.

It's not hard to understand why the NCAA tournament is so popular. There are a metric ton of things to like about it. The last four days have been jam packed with exciting roundballing action and brackets get people who aren't fans of college basketball or even sports in general moderately interested in the games. In general, CBS does a good job of switching to the best game on, so watching it is sort of like having the Red Zone channel. Sometimes you get lulls in the action or two good finishes happening at the same time, but it's extremely watchable even for someone who doesn't even have a dog in the fight.

On a deeper level though, my favorite part of the tournament are the upsets. With a few exceptions, I root for the team with the higher number next to their name. The assumption might be that Yankee fans wouldn't root for underdogs but that's not really how sports fandom works.

The tournament is the perfect showcase for Cinderella stories. In no other sport are there such clearly labeled #2 Goliath vs. #15 David match ups and there is something about human nature that makes us pull for the little guy. One of the most compelling things to watch in all of sports is a huge underdog try to weather an onslaught from the favorite in the closing minutes of a game with their respective season's hanging in the balance.

It was a pretty good weekend for underdogs in the MLB as well. The Twins (who aren't really a small market team, but act like one) signed Joe Mauer to an 8 year, $184M contract. He essentially got Mark Teixeira money but based on the gap between him and the next best catcher in the league (probably Jorge Posada at the moment), has the potential to be much more valuable. Even if he can't stay behind the plate for that whole time - which is pretty likely given that he'll be 35 when it expires - if he's still hitting anything like has over the past few years, his bat alone still might be worth $23M a year.

I'm honestly happy for the Twins and Mauer. The hometown boy gets a massive deal and the team locks up one of the very best players in baseball for a very long time. It's not without risk, but it was the right thing for both sides. The deal is good for the game of baseball as well. Between moving out of that shitty old Dome and locking up Mauer long term, the Twins franchise is shining pretty brightly coming into the 2010 season.

While part of my inner Yankee fan isn't exactly begging for more competition atop the AL and would have obviously enjoyed watching Mauer play everyday instead of 10 times a year, the other part knows baseball is a better game when franchises have identifiable superstars and play in nice buildings and that it made too much sense for the Twins not to make the ultimate commitment to the pride of St. Paul. Maybe the latter is the same part of me that likes to see St. Mary's take down Villanova.

The 2009 Fack Youk Fall Beer Review

It's been a while since we talked brews around these parts, but judging by comments on previous posts, I can tell that there are a decent number of you out there who share my love for great beer.

I personally enjoy fall beers more than any other seasonals. A big part of that are brews like Oktoberfests and pumpkin ales which add dimensions that Winter, Spring and Summer brews just don't have. I find Winter ales to be over-spiced. Summer brews to be enjoyable but they aren't usually complex enough to achieve Great Beer® status. Spring ales are few and far between.

Something about beer and the Fall just seem to pair exceedingly well. It's just starting to get cold and the leaves are turning, setting the stage nicely for a darker, heartier brand of brew.

On to the review:

• Three of us (my buddies John, Frank and I) tasted 13 different beers, divided into 4 categories: 4 Oktoberfests, 2 Fest Biers, 3 Harvest Ales, and 4 Pumpkin Ales, in that order.
  
  
• As for ratings, we used a 1-5 scale with 1 being "I would never drink this beer again" and 5 being "I'm definitely buying this the next time I see it", or something to that effect.
  
  
• Two of us drank out of goblets like this one, and the other out of an oversized wine glass of roughly the same shape, which I always recommend in an effort to maximize your beer experience. We weren't too anal about rinsing them our or cleansing our palates so it wasn't the most scientific of tastings.
  
  
• The beers below are listed from least to most enjoyable by category and the ratings are based on the average of our 3 scores.
  
  
• Each beer is linked to its respective place on BeerAdvocate so you can get a good look at the bottle and some other (more expert) opinions if you'd like.

Oktoberfests - We tasted the this group first, which was probably the right move since they were the most straightforward of the bunch. The scores are lower than almost all of the other beers because they are simplistic, but as far as session beers go, these and the two Fest Biers are probably your best bet.

• Blue Point Oktoberfest - 2.50 -Extremely light and drinkable, the Blue Point lacked any sort of depth of flavor and had a sharp biting amount of carbonation on the tongue. It's a good session brew, but not highly recommended if given the choice between this and other Oktoberfests.
  
  
• Stoudt's Oktoberfest - 2.67 -Pouring out a copper colored hue, Stoudt's offering was simple and easy going down. It had the mildly skunky notes of a typical lager and slightly less carbonation than the Blue Point.
  
  
• Saranac Octoberfest - 3.33 - The flavors in the Saranac were immediately more apparent than either of the above two beers. It had a nuttier, breadier taste to it with a smoother mouthfeel. It was notably hoppy as well, balancing it out pretty nicely.
  
  
• Harpoon Oktoberfest - 3.50 - The Harpoon poured the darkest color of any of the four in this category - nearly garnet red. It had the recognizable flavors of Harpoon's signature yeast strain along with sweet notes including dark fruit (dates?), hints of butterscotch and caramel, and a nice amount of hops. Really well-balanced and the most enjoyable of the crew.

Fest Biers - We were originally going to lump these in with the Oktoberfests but they didn't quite fit; they aren't very similar to each other (aside from the name), but neither belonged in the previous category. Both of these came out with relatively higher ratings mostly because they weren't really playing by the same rules as the Okt's, hence the separation.

• Weihenstephaner Fest Bier - 3.67 -With a beautiful straw-colored pour, it was apparent that the Weiheny wasn't really comparable to a typical fall beer. It had a somewhat skunky nose but the taste was much sweeter, with hints of honey. It was soft on the palate and an ideal choice if you are going to kick a whole six pack by yourself.
  
  
• Victory Festbier - 3.83 - Holding this brew up to the light gave it to color of an orange gummy bear. The character expanded and had a deliciously long finish. It was rich and malty giving way to some spicy and hoppy notes. You might miss the complexity of this one if you are downing a whole bunch of them or drinking out of a bottle, but if you pour it into a proper glass and savor, it's well worth the effort.

Harvest Ales - The cool part about these beers was that each took on the character of their respective region. As you went north, starting with the Southern Tier, on to Redhook and finally arriving at Long Trail, the beers got steadily heartier and, in our opinion, more enjoyable.

• Southern Tier Harvest Ale - 4.17 - In a blind taste test, I'm not sure I could distinguish this from an IPA, which is probably a good thing. It was a gorgeous golden color with citrusy flavors backed with bright, hoppy notes. More of a late summer than fall beer maybe, but delicious nonetheless.
  
  
• Redhook Late Harvest Ale - 4.17 - The Red Hook sat roughly between the other two in this category. It had some of the hoppy and citrius elements of the Southern Tier and also a bit of the malty character of the Long Trail. A good beer in its own right, this one still comes with a sincere recommendation.
  
  
• Long Trail Harvest Ale - 4.33 - A rich ruby-color once emptied into a glass this baby was nutty with notes of hot cocoa. It was strong, roasted and malty with a warming, almost whiskey-like character. In our eyes, this is was a great execution of a Harvest Ale and the epitome of what a fall beer should be.

Pumpkin Ales - The pumpkins had the widest variance of any of the groups, spanning the spectrum from pretty bad to mind-blowingly good.

• Saranac Pumpkin Ale - 2.17 - With all due respect to Saranac, this one represented the mistake a lot of breweries make when attempting a pumpkin beer; just dumping in a whole bunch of spices in a ham-handed attempt to give it the expected characteristics. You might as well get a medium-bodied ale and shake some pumpkin pie spices in it yourself.
  
  
• Smuttynose Pumpkin Ale - 3.33 - The Smutty had some of the same problems as the Saranac but not nearly as bad. The spicing was overt and almost separate from the beer itself. It was enjoyable, but left something to be desired.
  
  
• Dogfish Head Punkin Ale - 3.83 - The Dogfish Head did the best job of the typical pumpkin ales at subtly blending the spices and the beer. There were some notes of semi-sweet chocolate, coffee and mocha to balance out the cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice that overpowered the other ones. DFH rarely disappoints and this one did not either. Probably not worth the money, but the best one short of the...
  
  
• Southern Tier Pumpking - 5.00 - Being an imperial ale and checking it at 9% ABV, this one was already on a different level than the other three, but it went above and beyond expectations. That was apparent from the first whiff of this deep copper gem. You could smell the creamy sweetness as if you had just opened a box of pumpkin pie topped with fresh, home-made whipped cream. If you have had their Creme Brulee Stout, you'll recognize the amazing, ephemeral sweetness of the beer packed with caramel and vanilla. I kind of hate that we all gave this a 5, but it was the last beer of the night and stood out so far and above everything we tasted, we had no choice.

There are some notable omissions to this list and we are currently preparing a second round of tasting to come sometime this week. Stay tuned.

Derek Jeter Is Recession Proof

You thought A-Rod's 8,300 sq. ft. mansion in Coral Gables, Florida was sick? Derek Jeter is not impressed. (via Neil Best)

New York Yankees slugger Derek Jeter is building a behemoth of a mansion just a stone's throw from downtown Tampa.

Once completed, the seven-bedroom, nine-bathroom house on Davis Islands will be 30,875 square feet, according to Hillsborough County public records. To give you an idea of how big that is, the average Best Buy store is 39,700 square feet. That's also twice as big as the Bayshore Boulevard mansion of Lazydays RV SuperCenter founder Don Wallace.

To give you more of an idea of how fucking ridiculous and excessive that is, I grew up just down the street from this place. It's only 20,000 square feet, and supposedly cost $32.5M to build... in 1992. It has a glass elevator and a "mermaid bar", which has windows looking up into their indoor pool. The cobblestone driveway is heated and it leads to a split underground 12 car rotating garage. The house for their two Dalmatians was (and maybe still is) a scaled-down replica of the main building.

It gets more ridiculous:

Crafted from over 1,200 tons of Ithaca’s Llenroc Stone (the same material used to construct the Llenroc dormitory at Cornell University), this elegant home has a first floor master suite with his and her bathrooms, 15 fireplaces, $3.5 million worth of imported Scandanavian marble flooring, hundreds of unique hand-painted Portuguese tiles, a formal dining room featuring 24 karat gold guilded ceilings and moldings, walnut design inlaid hardwood floors, miles of mahogany moldings, a five-floor glass elevator, four galleries, and a servant’s kitchen with its own elevator.

Because 18 karat gold guilded ceilings just wouldn't do.

Click through here and look at the pictures. It's astonishing. I could go on longer, but you'd be better served Googling "Llenroc" (Cornell spelled backwards) because it will blow your mind. The story behind it is pretty interesting also. Al Lawrence, the man who built that monstrosity spent two months at the very end of his life in jail for fraud, embezzlement, and tax evasion. It was only two months because his cancer was diagnosed as terminal and we was released to die at home (which he did in 2002). That seems fair.

Llenroc is excessive, garish, gaudy, decadent, ostentatious, ... yes?

Now make it 50% larger.

Because that's Derek Jeter's place. Imagine if A-Rod was building that home right now? People would want to burn him at the stake. What's the difference?

Siena Saints Repeat MAAC Championship

THE SAINTS WIN BACK TO BACK TITLES AND ARE GOING DANCIN' BITCHES!!!!!!WOOOOOOHHHHHHOOOOO!!!!!



Sorry, I got a little carried away. Last night the Siena Saints (from Loudonville, NY, my home town) beat Niagara for the MAAC Championship, the second of back to back championships for Siena. I had the pleasure of attending this contest, and had some pretty good seats, lower level row A.

(Sorry for the shitty pics, my camera is broke so these are from my phone.)

I am not going to lie, I was pretty drunk but I will give you a brief recap. Basically Niagara shot a ton of 3s, which they aren't very good at (9-37 or 24%), but got a lot of offensive boards as a result. Once Siena realized that they should just keep pounding the ball into the post, there wasn't much Niagara could do. The main thing was Siena's defense. The Saints were running a 3/4 court press for much of the game. When they started doing this ten minutes into the first half they were down by about 12. At half time it was tied, and they ended up winning by 7.

Now the Siena student section emptied into the isles with about 3 minutes left and were getting ready to rush the court (which is real classy when you are the #1 seed playing on your home court). At this point, I start thinking the following...I am 24 and am creeping near or am already at the age where it is not socially acceptable to rush the court. This and I am wasted, so I rushed the court and took some photos for verification.

(You thought ODB was dead? Thanks to Ed taking my pic.)

(Yaayyyy!!! For the record, I did not go to Siena, but I have lived about a mile away for 24 years and I was a monster (got my ass kicked) at Siena basketball camp for from 4th-8th grade.)

Now, I think Siena is probably going to get a 10 seed in the NCAA Tournament but could possibly get as high (or low? whatever, fuck off) as a 9 seed. They have had a pretty tough out of conference schedule and are #21 in the RPI. They also have tourney experience. Just ask last year's #4 seed Vanderbilt (and their queer square arena). But I hate all the speculation about rankings that is all over the webs so I am stopping there.

I will say this, if your team is playing Siena in round, you should be nervous.



(Unless they play Syracuse in which case Siena will be on the receiving end of some major pwnage.)

Finally I would like to congratulate John Nolan of Cornell for rushing his first court ever and for eating at Golden Fried Chicken (ghetto chicken joint in downtown Albany) all in one night.

Brandon Jacobs To Attend Harvard Law

According to the Daily News, Brandon Jacobs is already making some pretty outrageous demands in order for the Giants to retain his services:

The big, free-agent-to-be running back endorsed that package deal Thursday during a promotional appeararnce [sic] at Super Bowl XLIII hype week. Jacobs promised that his friend, Burress, is a changed man after his recent brush with death, and he insisted that the Giants should give him a second chance.

"Oh, no question," Jacobs said. "If I'm here, I need 17 back on that roster."

You see, Brandon, that might not be the Giants' choice. Not sure if you heard, but your friend Plaxico committed a crime that carries a mandatory three year sentence.

You can't judge him for what happened because nobody really knows what goes on out in the street. A lot of people don't really know anything about what happened or how targeted we are. I'm not going to blame him from protecting himself. The guy is not a criminal. He shot himself. He didn't shoot no one else and I think we should get off his case. And I think anybody in that situation should get off and be able to continue his career.

Unholy Jesus. Do I really have to pick this apart bit by bit? I think I do, because every sentence is astoundingly idiotic.

"You can't judge him for what happened because nobody really knows what goes on out in the street."

Maybe I can't "judge" him, but a fucking Judge can and will "judge" him.

"A lot of people don't really know anything about what happened or how targeted we are."

Maybe if he was so "targeted" he shouldn't have been wearing a shitload of jewelry and going out to a strip club called "HeadQuarters" and a nightclub called "The Latin Quarter" in Midtown-fucking-Manhattan. Or, perhaps he could have used some of that $35M contract he just signed to hire a security detail instead of illegally carrying a gun (and then shooting himself with it). Steve Smith got robbed the week before, didn't have a gun and he was fine.

"The guy is not a criminal. He shot himself."

Actually, yes, he is a criminal because he fucking shot himself in the boro of Manhattan where it is illegal to carry a firearm, much less an unregistered one into a nightclub, you ignoramus.

"He didn't shoot no one else and I think we should get off his case."

I ain't going to ignore no double negative. That said, the Giants aren't the ones getting on his case. That would be the DA. And that would be an actual legal case. Because he is charged with a crime.

"And I think anybody in that situation should get off and be able to continue his career."

Tell it to the motherfucking DA or Mayor Bloomberg, I'm sure they would be thrilled to hear your rationale over an Earl Grey and some crumpets.

And from later on in the article, just for good measure.

"If we had Plax on our team, we go 15-1 and we win the Super Bowl."

Die of typhoid fever you massive fragile fuck. If you weren't constantly fucking injured that might have helped as well.

Hello....and Goodbye

That is what BC said to the top 25 this week with a win over #1 UNC followed up by a truly uninspired showing at home against Harvard.

(Cliff beat me too this, but as Fack Youk's expert on BC hate, I will follow up)

Harvard walked into whatever shit hole BC plays at and smoked them by 12, 82-70 (Note: Harvard has never beat a ranked team before tonight and lost 15 of their last 16 against BC.) This will surely fuel the inferiority complex throughout BC's faggy student body.

I think this is could stand out on BC's record come tourney time (obviously depending on how the rest of the season shakes out). Laying down to Harvard after beating #1 in the country is pathetic. I am not downplaying beating a #1 team, but when they are in your conference it is a little less impressive because you play them so often and anything can and does happen in conference play.

Now, to preemptively shut everyone (Joe) up about Cuse losing to Cleveland State, which I do admit that this was also pathetic.

1. It is Cuse's fault for it being that close, but CSU won on a fucking prayer 60 footer at the buzzer.

2. That loss means absolutely nothing because it is overshadowed by the 3 wins over top 25 teams within a week of that game (1 on the road, 1 at neutral site, and 1 "neutral site" against Kansas).