Derek Jeter's Humble Abode Coming Along Nicely

When we last checked in with the construction of the All-Star shortstop's quaint future dwelling on Davis Island in Tampa, it was just being framed. Now it's beginning to take shape and you can see what kind of elbow room 30,870 square feet will give you.

Oddly, the Tampa Bay Online gallery that I'm linking to above calls the home an "English Manor". I'm not a European Historian, but I'm pretty sure most manor homes have more square footage on their property than they do in the home.

Derek Jeter Is Recession Proof

You thought A-Rod's 8,300 sq. ft. mansion in Coral Gables, Florida was sick? Derek Jeter is not impressed. (via Neil Best)

New York Yankees slugger Derek Jeter is building a behemoth of a mansion just a stone's throw from downtown Tampa.

Once completed, the seven-bedroom, nine-bathroom house on Davis Islands will be 30,875 square feet, according to Hillsborough County public records. To give you an idea of how big that is, the average Best Buy store is 39,700 square feet. That's also twice as big as the Bayshore Boulevard mansion of Lazydays RV SuperCenter founder Don Wallace.

To give you more of an idea of how fucking ridiculous and excessive that is, I grew up just down the street from this place. It's only 20,000 square feet, and supposedly cost $32.5M to build... in 1992. It has a glass elevator and a "mermaid bar", which has windows looking up into their indoor pool. The cobblestone driveway is heated and it leads to a split underground 12 car rotating garage. The house for their two Dalmatians was (and maybe still is) a scaled-down replica of the main building.

It gets more ridiculous:

Crafted from over 1,200 tons of Ithaca’s Llenroc Stone (the same material used to construct the Llenroc dormitory at Cornell University), this elegant home has a first floor master suite with his and her bathrooms, 15 fireplaces, $3.5 million worth of imported Scandanavian marble flooring, hundreds of unique hand-painted Portuguese tiles, a formal dining room featuring 24 karat gold guilded ceilings and moldings, walnut design inlaid hardwood floors, miles of mahogany moldings, a five-floor glass elevator, four galleries, and a servant’s kitchen with its own elevator.

Because 18 karat gold guilded ceilings just wouldn't do.

Click through here and look at the pictures. It's astonishing. I could go on longer, but you'd be better served Googling "Llenroc" (Cornell spelled backwards) because it will blow your mind. The story behind it is pretty interesting also. Al Lawrence, the man who built that monstrosity spent two months at the very end of his life in jail for fraud, embezzlement, and tax evasion. It was only two months because his cancer was diagnosed as terminal and we was released to die at home (which he did in 2002). That seems fair.

Llenroc is excessive, garish, gaudy, decadent, ostentatious, ... yes?

Now make it 50% larger.

Because that's Derek Jeter's place. Imagine if A-Rod was building that home right now? People would want to burn him at the stake. What's the difference?

Dilemma

Watching the two ALDS unfold last night, I was hoping against hope that at least one of the non-AL East teams would extend the series to a decisive fifth game. After Reggie Willits (VP of the Bubba Crosby Society) got busted on the now infamous failed suicide squeeze, Yanks fans had to come to terms with this horrific scenario. One of our division rivals is going to the World Series where they'll take on a weaker National League opponent with home field advantage (won at Yankee Stadium). The question is, since you have to see one of them win, which would you rather it was?

The Rays:
If the Rays make it to, and win the World Series, it will legitimize them as a franchise. They inevitably will draw more fans and come closer to a new greater-revenue-generating ballpark. Unless they go the way of the Marlins and firebomb their franchise immediately after winning a championship (which they won’t) they will be, at the very least, a thorn in the Yankees side for years to come. They have a solid core of young players, and more developing in their farm system. Nothing breeds winning like winning, and the confidence of hoisting that World Series Trophy would ripple down throughout a franchise that has typically been an embarrassment ever since its inception.

The Red Sox:
If the Red Sox win another World Series, it would be the 3rd in 5 years, beginning to challenge the Yankees dynastic run of the late 1990's and 2000. Could you stomach seeing Jonathan Pappelsmear, Varitek, Kevin "Fack" Youkilis, Ellsbury, Pedroia and all the other fucktastic prickfaces on the Red Sox in another champagne soaked celebration? With every success, 2004 hurts more and more, wondering where these two franchises would be if the Yanks could have closed the door on one of those 4 games.


The Verdict:
Emotionally, the Rays victory would be easier to swallow. They are slightly more likeable and it would give me perverse pleasure to see The Trop’ filled with the opposing team’s fans in the World Series and read articles about how it was the lowest rated World Series of all time. I can’t root for the Red Sox, regardless of the situation.

However, thinking about the big picture, the Red Sox would be the better representative of the AL East in the Yankees eyes. Let’s face it., the Red Sox aren’t going anywhere. They are an excellent team with a solid farm system. They have a great mix of veterans and youngsters, solid pitching and a great front office. The Rays could be a fluke.

The Yankees have become comfortable with the power structure that has existed in the AL East for the past decade or so. The Yanks and Sox are king, while some other team puts up a half-assed effort and never really challenges for the Division Title. This leaves the weaker of the Big Two to back into the Wild Card and take a crack at a Postseason run. If the Rays win, this dynamic could be in serious jeopardy, with three teams having a great shot to make the Postseason. I’d bet Brain Cashman is rooting for the Red Sox.