Friday, March 20, 2009

Welcome To The Fack Youk Hall Of Fame, Matt Taibbi

I don't care if the point of his article was to say that swamp donkeys like the Fackin' Youkah are undervalued because of their hideousity, as opposed to our new handsome(ly paid) first baseman. If you drop lines like these, you too, fair reader may recieve the honor of a terribly photoshopped (actually MS Painted) Fack Youk Hall Of Fame plaque. (h/t Simon on Sports)

Then there’s Kevin Youkilis. Youk has only three body parts, all hideously oversized: an enormous set of gnomish, bushy forearms; a massive, casaba melon–size white head; and a cauldronlike belly. He has a truly awesome bristle of thick red chin hair that makes his face look like a cross between a vagina and something out of The Hobbit.


Whereas a guy like Teixeira was born with a swing so gorgeous you want to paint it, Youkilis fighting a middle reliever to a nine-pitch walk looks like a rhinoceros trying to fuck a washing machine.

Our inaugural inductee.

/sheds tear

It probably should have been Joba for throwing at Youk's head, or Manny for getting into a shoving match with him in the dugout, but both of those events predate our site's existence.

Congratulations, Matt. Come claim your prize of a drink on me at the Manhattan watering hole of your choice. Operators are standing by.


  1. Matt Taibbi's profane brilliance is a privilege to read. As far as neo-Gonzo journalists go, he puts even Dr. Hunter S. Thompson to shame.

  2. Wow.

    That was incredible.