Tuesday, November 17, 2009

An Athlete's Memoir David Foster Wallace Might Have Enjoyed

One of the most insightful things I've ever read about sports was written by someone who was never thought of as a "sports writer". It was tucked away behind wandering but focused first-person accounts of the Maine Lobster Festival and Adult Video News Awards, an in-depth look at conservative talk radio through host John Zeigler, a short essay about experiencing 9/11 from woman's living room in Bloomington, Illinois and six other works of varying lengths on a variety of other topics.

Like many pseudo-intellectual non-English majors, my first foray into the work of David Foster Wallace was through Consider the Lobster. Had it not been bundled with those nine other essays, I don't know if I ever would have discovered How Tracy Austin Broke My Heart. The piece was originally published as a book review on August 30th, 1992 in the Philadelphia Inquirer (when I was 8 years old), so I certainly wasn't in position to catch it when it originally appeared in print. I'm not a huge tennis fan and Tracy Austin reached the apex of her game years before I was born so it wasn't the type of subject matter I was likely to seek out after the fact. But when I did stumble upon it 16 years after it was written, it still resonated.

So how did Tracy Austin break David Foster Wallace's heart and why did I find it so interesting?

Austin did her part failing miserably to deliver on the promises made by her autobiography Beyond Center Court: My Story. "The inspirational story of Tracy Austin's long struggle to find a life beyond championship tennis", a note by the publisher on the inside of the glossy cover flap claimed. Wallace was a big fan of Austin, and although he followed her meteoric rise through from child tennis prodigy to U.S. Open champion and was an admitted sucker for sports memoirs, he was left dumbfounded by the emptiness of her supposedly candid book. "The book is inanimate because it communicates no real feeling and so gives us no sense of a conscious person", Wallace explains.

The reason I was captivated by Wallace's reaction was that he not only exposed the comical superficiality of the writing by Austin and her co-author Christine Brennan (and there are few things I enjoy more than making fun of bad writing), but he also found much deeper and broadly applicable meaning through its vapidity.

After reciting some of the more obviously vacant quotes from the "as told to" autobiography, DFW offers a theory as to why this genre is so popular and alluring despite the fact that they are "almost uniformly poor as books":

[Note: In lieu of blockquotes, I've embedded clips from the audio version of the essay.
No text version exists online and it's a whole lot easier than transcribing them.]



Wallace then goes on to recount the reasons that Austin's life had an almost classically tragic story arc but note that almost none of what was truly fascinating about her career was ever adequately described in the book. Austin chose to craft her life story to fit the conventions of the stereotypical rise to glory/fall from grace fairy tale to such an extent that at times it ceased to be believable.

She never addresses the fact that her compulsive work ethic and tireless effort caused her body to slowly atrophy through injuries like hamstring and hip flexors pulls and tendinitis. Austin mentions that her career was finally undone when the car she was a passenger in was blindsided on the JFK parkway literally on the way to the US Open in 1989, but instead of explaining how agonizing or iniquitous it was for her freakish natural athletic ability to be effaced by a freak accident, simply says, "I quickly accepted that there was nothing I could do about it."

In a final flourish, Wallace tries to explain why athletes can seemingly never describe what it's like to be a physical genius. He attempts to rectify how it is possible for one to excel against the highest level of competition under immense pressure but never sufficiently convey it to anyone else:


Wallace is essenitally referring to the psychological concept of flow, which explains that to be fully immersed in any sort of task - "in the zone", to invoke a trite cliche - necessitates a singular focus. And as he points out, it's not specific to Austin, but relevant for any athletic pursuit. I've heard that over-thinking is the greatest enemy of an athlete in competition by broadcasters and writers alike, but never deconstructed with such effortless eloquence.

The reason that I bring up a work that's so old it was published on a day when Sam Militello started for the Yankees, is because of the recent release of an autobiography by an different tennis player. This athlete, partially because of a domineering parental presence - just like Tracy Austin - turned pro before he was able to drive. He too ascended through the professional ranks with incredible speed en route to two US Open titles but hit a wall at an age when he should have been entering his prime.

However, for all the similarities between the backgrounds and careers of Andre Agassi and Tracy Austin, their books couldn't be any different. While Austin declares that her mother "did not force her into tennis" at age three (as if she could remember either way), Agassi admits that his father used chase him around the house with a racket to take any trophy that Agassi received for something less than winning (e.g. sportsmanship) and smash it to pieces. Both hustled adults in matches when they were only children, but only Agassi admits being complicit in the scheme. As opposed to Austin, who flatly denied knowledge of match tanking or drug usage despite both being rampant during her time as a top pro, Agassi candidly admits that he partook in both activities.

We can question the motivations of Agassi and even assume that the reason he was so frank in Open lies somewhere between the narcissistic desire to tell his story in the most public of forums and achieve the goal of selling as many books - and therefore making as much money - as possible. But those were the ostensible goals of Austin, too. The difference is that Agassi delivered on the promise of a tell-all memoir. He truly pulled back the curtain and told the audience things that they never would have known had he not chose to reveal them.

Unfortunately, if you are familiar with David Foster Wallace, you know that he'll never read Agassi's book because he took his own life a little over a year ago. He battled with depression for his entire adult life and, in the process of trying to ween himself of the anti-depressant that enabled him not just to function but to pen brilliant works like Infinite Jest, hanged himself in his California home while his wife was out running some errands.

The most probable reason Wallace read all of those sports memoirs and why he said - however playfully - that Tracy Austin "broke his heart" with hers, was that he deeply wanted to go inside of the mind of a great athlete. It showed up in some of his other work, particularly the profile of Roger Federer he wrote for the New York Times. One of the main story lines in Infinite Jest revolves around the tennis-playing Hal Incandenza and there was even a character reminiscent of a young Tracy Austin. Like many of us, Wallace was a good but not great athlete in his youth and I think he desperately wanted just once, for someone who ascended to the very top to reveal what it was - what powerful mental process - that made them so magnificent.

But as he came to realize in reading Beyond Center Court, that kind of athletic genius could never be revealed in a book. Those innate gifts can't be put into words. In Open, Agassi offers the opposite. Instead of trying to explain what made him so great, he exposes the interior struggles that made him human. That is something that has always been able to be conveyed by prose, but the desire to do so for someone who has achieved unquestioned success is rare indeed.

The Yankees' Business Acumen Knows No Bounds

Keep this in mind next time you hear the Fenway Faithful start to get lippy:
New York Yankees team ownership revealed Tuesday that the phrase "Yankees suck," one of the most popular chants in sports, was trademarked by the 27-time World Series champions prior to the 1996 season, a business strategy that has earned the team close to $100 billion over the past 13 years.

U.S. Patent and Trademark Office records show that every time an individual chants, shouts, or writes the words "Yankees suck," the New York Yankees organization earns at least $2.15, an amount that escalates depending on repetition, volume, and whether the phrase was used during a national broadcast.
And that doesn't even count towards revenue sharing!

Arbitration For Damon?

Good morning Fackers. We're more than halfway through November. The free agency signing period opens in full this Friday. However, since the deadline for teams to offer their own free agents arbitration isn't until December 1st, it's unlikely that we'll see any signings before then. Teams that lose free agents prior to the arbitration deadline are automatically entitled to the appropriate draft pick compensation.

We may see a few unclassified free agents sign since they carry no compensation, or a few Type B free agents sign since the signing team does not surrender a draft pick of their own. Generally speaking though, it's the Type A free agents that set the market, and since draft pick compensation for a Type A free agent requires the signing team to surrender their first round draft pick (or second round pick for the teams with the top fifteen picks), it's unlikely that we'll see any Type A's sign - and therefore unlikely that we'll see the market set - until after December 1st.

In baseball's changing economic landscape, extending an arbitration offer isn't the no-brainer it once was. As the U.S. economy nosedived last fall, so too did the market for free agents. The Yankees rightly decided not extend arbitration offers to the likes of Jason Giambi, Bobby Abreu, and even Andy Pettitte, as they stood to earn more in arbitration than they would on the open market. In a similar vein, this fall, baseball insiders - notably Buster Olney - are predicting widespread non-tendering of arbitration eligible players whose likely arbitration raises exceed their value to their club. Such situations have already precipitated the trades of J.J. Hardy by the Brewers and Jeremy Hermida by the Marlins this off-season.

As far as the Yankees are concerned, they have three arbitration decisions to make on their own free agents this year: Type B free agents Xavier Nady and Andy Pettitte, and Type A free agent Johnny Damon.

While Andy Pettitte is almost assured to return and Xavier Nady offers a high risk, high reward proposition at a reasonable price tag, Johnny Damon presents the most interesting case of the three. While Damon has stated his desire to return to the Yankees since early in the season, there have also been rumblings of his wanting a multiyear contract and not affording the Yankees a "hometown discount". How much of that is posturing by Damon and agent Scott Boras remains to be seen.

Ideally, the Yankees would want to sign Damon for a single year, maybe two, at a salary comparable to the two year, $19M extension Bobby Abreu signed with the Angels earlier this month. However, Damon is coming off a outstanding season. There are teams out there with need (Giants) a player like Damon and GM's without the acumen (Brian Sabean) who might offer Damon what he wants both in terms of years and dollars.

By no means should the Yankees cave to such demands on the part of Damon. However, without resigning Damon on their terms, the Yankees are left with a series of less favorable options: play some combination of Cabrera/Gardner/Jackson in LF/CF, make a potentially costly trade for Curtis Granderson or another outfielder, or pursue a big ticket free agent such as Jason Bay or Matt Holiday, both of whom would require a major commitment in terms of both dollars and years.

Thus, it might be a calculated risk for the Yankees to indeed offer arbitration to Damon. While this would be a departure from the tact they took with Abreu last off-season, the Yankees have a need for Damon, whereas last year Abreu would have been a superfluous and expensive part in addition to Damon, Nady, Swisher, and Matsui. Worst case scenario, Damon would accept. This would ensure him a raise on the $13M he made last year, likely leaving him in the neighborhood of $15M-$16M on a one year deal.

This would certainly be more than Damon could get on the open market and likely more than he is worth - but not by much. Fangraphs.com places Damon's value at $13.6M this past season and $16.4M in 2008. Offering him arbitration might force them to pay a small premium for his services, but it's a premium the Yankees could likely afford to absorb. Further, it would assure that they keep Damon's services for a time frame of their choosing, and would give them the added safety net of an additional first round and supplemental round pick should Damon find his multiyear deal elsewhere.

So what do you think? Should the Yankees offer arbitration to Johnny Damon?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Could Pacquaio & Mayweather Fight At Yankee Stadium?

On the heels of Manny Pacquiao's 12th round TKO against Miguel Cotto that took place in the wee hours of this past Sunday morning, the New York Times wonders if the first boxing match in the New Yankee Stadium could be the biggest fight boxing has seen in quite some time:
With the undefeated Mayweather and an international superstar in Pacquiao, the biggest draws in boxing, Greenburg said the bout would deserve a “Super Bowl-type stage.” That presents an enticing option, as early as next May — Yankee Stadium.

The Yankees are interested in hosting a Pacquiao-Mayweather fight next spring, according to a person in baseball who spoke on the condition of anonymity. There have been no formal discussions, and there will not be before an agreement is reached between the fighters, but high-ranking Yankees employees have told boxing officials of their interest.
Of course, in order for this to happen, Mayweather and Pacquiao actually have to agree to fight, something that should be a foregone conclusion but isn't. One thing that promises to make these discussions difficult is the relationship between Floyd Mayweather and Bob Arum, Pacquiao's promoter. Floyd used to be a client of Arum's at Top Rank but bought out his contract in 2006 for Golden Boy.

Since then, lawsuits have been filed, insults heaved and Mayweather has gone so as to say that he wouldn't fight Pacquiao if Bob Arum was involved. At the press conference for the Pacquaio vs. Cotto fight that took place at Yankee Stadium, Arum was confident that Yankee Stadium would host a big fight this year but pessimistic that it would be this one.

One obvious advantage that Yankee Stadium has over anywhere in Las Vegas is seating capacity. The arena in the MGM Grand seats about 17,000 people while a fight in Yankee Stadium with the field being utilized for seating would comfortably hold over 60,000. However, the 45,000 or so marginal seats that would be gained by moving the fight to Yankee Stadium would probably average say, $75 a pop, equating to just a rounding error in comparison to where the bread will really be buttered: Pay Per View buys.

Early estimates place that number for Saturday's Pacquiao vs. Cotto fight at about 1.3 to 1.4 million (at $55 each) and should the mega fight come to fruition, it would easily surpass those numbers. Floyd makes his home in Vegas and might use the location as a bargaining chip in what are sure to be contentious fight negotiations.

Each participant would be guaranteed tens of millions of dollars. The public clearly wants to see a match up between the two best pound-for-pound boxers on the planet. Each can make the case that they are the best fighter of this generation but neither will be validated until they beat the other.

It would be cool to have such a huge event take place at Yankee Stadium, but the most important thing is that it actually does happen. When push comes to shove, I think it will. Arum and Mayweather should be able to put their personal distaste for each other aside for the sake of the almighty dollar. We all know Floyd's a fan of that.

[Update: There is a similar story about the Cowboys' new stadium, for what it's worth. The venue itself would be much more conducive to hosting a huge fight but I wonder how many tickets they could sell in Dallas, which isn't the best boxing market.]

Checking Back In With An Old Timer

What's up Fackers? It's been a while, so many have never seen one of my posts on this site and the rest have probably forgotten about me - if so, no hard feelings. I haven't written anything here in quite a long time but did lend some legal insights into this post back in May. Before that, I put together some reports on Austin Jackson early in the season and profiled several former Yankees for our countdown to Spring Training.

Well, let me introduce/re-introduce myself. My name is Joe and I am a soon-to-be attorney. I was absent the most part of this fackin' awesome season because I had to study for the New York State Bar Exam (congrats to all those who passed). Brilliant work by Jay and fellow BC Guy Matt in taking this blog from 5 readers to being attributed and acclaimed by respected baseball blogs like Shysterball, Big League Stew, River Ave. Blues and Walkoff Walk. As Jay takes a step back this offseason, I look forward to contributing more - mostly about the NFL and College Hoops. Of course, I will also provide my thoughts on the main focus of the blog, the World Champion New York Yankees.

One of my favorite posts that I did in previewing the season was detailing my talk with John, an Old Time Yanks fan, at the Albany Ancient Order of Hibernians pub. Well last Friday, I ran into John again, at the Albany AOH where he was donning his World Series Champions shirt and hat as well as a smile reminiscent of a father seeing his first born. Over a few pints of Guinness, he told me to cherish this Championship every second, because you never know when the next one is going to come. The 80 year old man also took some time to talk some trash to a few Sawx fans at the pub, which I'm sure most readers of Fack Youk can appreciate.

As one of my first posts back, I think it would be cool to rehash my first conversation with him and see how his observations look in hindsight:
Yankees Payroll: Despite being a humble, bingo-playing man, John had no qualms about the Yankees payroll. He cannot get over the fact that people start bitching about the recent signings of Teixeira, Sabathia and Burnett but fail to consider that their payroll will be less than last year. He is very pleased that the Hank/Hal tandem will continue to spend like their father. "Put the best team on the field," says the man. Many older generation fans have soured on baseball due to the ridiculous salaries of players, but John is such a dedicated fan that even at his advanced age he makes several bus trips from Albany to Yankee Stadium a year.
John was right on here. Once again, the day after the clinch, the sports radio circuit was bitching about the Yankees buying their 27th World Championship without acknowledging that the Yankees payroll decreased. Also, how about some acknowledgement for Cash signing the right guys in Teix, CC and AJ, guys who could handle the atmosphere of the Bronx and perform when it really matters, unlike those tall cranky lefties, guys who wear golden thongs, spar with concrete, smoke pot on airplanes and harass female flight attendants or wine aficionados with a nickname that begins with "Home Run"? Kudos to Hank and Hal for continuing the win at all costs strategy employed by their dad. Let's hope that the two brothers will be inspired by the events transpiring over the last glorious week and continue to do whatever it takes to please Yankees fans.
Yankees Prospects: Almost every other word out of the guy's mouth was "Jackson." Of course, he was talking about future perennial All-Star CF Austin "Action/AJax" Jackson. Knew everything about him. Cannot wait for the 5 tooler to start manning sports' most pristine real estate in 2010. If I remember correctly (don't hold me to this due to copious Guinness consumption), I think Mickey Mantle's name was even mentioned when discussing Jackson. I have no idea how he knows all of this considering I don't think he has a computer/internet access. He was also adverse to trading Ian Kennedy away.
As Matt previously stated, we didn't spend too much time on prospects this year. But, A-Jax was the International League's Rookie of the Year, finishing .300/.354/.405 with 24 SB, 4 HR, and 65 RBI. I was a bit disappointed in his power development and decrease in OBP, but think he did considering it was his first year in AAA. I would like to see him start out in Scranton and improve upon last year. Patience is the key for both Austin and Yankees fans. John appeared to be wrong, 2011 should be the year.

Dellin Betances had a much rougher year than Jackson. Before undergoing season ending Tommy John surgery in August, Betances had struggled with Double-A Trenton this season, going 2-5 with a 5.48 ERA in 11 starts. We have seen Tommy John surgery work wonders with some young pitchers, so let's see what it does with the 6'8" native New Yorker. Unfortunately, we will not find out until 2011. Get well soon, Dellin!

Another mammoth Yankees pitcher didn't have a good season either. Andrew Brackman, the 6'10" righthy from NC State who Scott Boras negotiated onto the 40-man roster after being signed out of college, had TJ surgery immediately after being picked 30th overall in the 2007 draft. The surgery caused Brackman to miss the 2007 and 2008 seasons. In 2009, the former basketball player ended his first season with 106 hits in 106.2 innings of work, 103K (8.69 K/9), walk rate of 6.41 BB/9, 5.91 ERA, and 1.71 WHIP for the A Charleston River Dogs. Brackman was much better after being placed in the bullpen in August and September but he needs obviously has a long way to go in terms of harnessing his stuff.

Jesus Montero, the 19-year old Venezuelan catcher/DH sensation had a great season down the farm, splitting 98 games between Charleston and AA Trenton. In 44 games with Trenton, Jesus hit .317/.370/.539 with 9 HR, 33 RBI. These states if extrapolated to 160 games are 30 home runs, 43 doubles, 200 hits, 121 RBIs, 80 strikeouts and 50 walks. While his offensive state improved vastly, his defensive stats declined all across the board. The good folks at Yankees Universe compared the youngster to Prince Fielder. A lot of teams should be inquiring about him this winter. If he tears up AAA next year and manages not to get traded, he should be a fixture in the Bronx beginning in 2011.
Current Outfield Situation: According to John, the CF job needs to be given to Brett Gardner. Melky needs to be released/traded due to his negative influence on Cano (who is expected to have a great comeback year). He would love to see Matsui moved but the full no-trade clause and high salary makes it virtually impossible. Nady or Swisher? Like me, he likes Nady more than Swisher but thinks Nady is a better trade option due to his salary. Likes Damon for LF.
Well, many of us at Fack Youk thought that Brett Gardner should have received the majority of the playing time and been the starting CF on the playoff roster. Looking at the season in review, the Gardy/Melky duo was very serviceable, each providing different qualities to the team. Interestingly, Melky matured greatly and came through with multiple walk off hits. Nady was obviously a non-factor, and luckily Matsui was still on the roster when the World Series rolled around.
Key to '09: The health of Posada.
I'm not sure that there was one "key" per se. Obviously the return and health of Posada was very important. Jorge's Wins Above Replacement this year was 4.0 compared to his 2009 value of 0.8. This increase wasn't even the highest on the team--that was shared by Cano (who went from .5 to 4.2) and Jeter, who many feared was entering his decline phase (3.7 to 7.4).

Although his WAR actually decreased for some reason, I thought that Andy Pettitte was one of the most important keys to the 2009 season. I actually didn't want Pettitte on the team due to the amount of money that he wanted and because of his putrid 2nd half of 2008. Well, this second half, he pitched to the tune of a 3.31 ERA, 6-3 record, and .226 BAA in 14 starts. His contributions were a major reason the Yanks fared so well from the All-Star break onward. Not to mention that he clinched the ALDS, ALCS and World Series. Will he retire on top or come back for #28?
Teixeira: The Yankees best signing in a long time. Thinks he will be at worst a Tino Martinez.
A very good comparison by John. Teixeira, in my opinion, was a better fielder than Tino this year. Not that it is an end-all, be-allm but Teix won a Gold Glove while Tino did not. How many images in your head do you have of Teix doing a split like a ballerina? Although he did not hit too particularly well in the postseason, his defense saved the team multiple times in October. Oh, I forgot, he also led the AL in RBI and HR, picking up the Silver Slugger award for AL 1B. Not too shabby. Jason who?

=====

I hope that you enjoyed reading this revisitation. Not a bad prophesy from an old timer. I look forward to speaking with John again as the Hot Stove warms up. Let me know if you would like me to ask him something special.

Giants Figure Out A Way To Win: Do Nothing

Good morning, Fackers. Typically, the bye week during the NFL season is a welcome break for a team, but as much for the fans. A Sunday after the baseball season has concluded and without your NFL team in action seems kind of empty and aimless. However, that extra healing and preparation time is incredibly useful to the teams. And this week was particularly advantageous to the Giants, although they had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Big Blue had their best week since since blowing out the Raiders back on October 11th and they didn't even have to get off their couches. As heartbreaking and inopportune as their last minute loss of the Chargers was last week, it was nearly neutralized by the way the cards fell this weekend.

The Eagles made a trip out to San Diego but lost to the Chargers behind a resurgent LaDanian Tomlinson (96 yards, 2 TDs). The Cowboys visited Lambeau Field and were held scoreless by the Packers until there was less than one minute left in the 4th quarter. This left the 'Boys at (6-3) and the Eagles at (5-4) meaning the G-Men (5-4) are one game out of first place in the NFC and hold the edge in a tiebreaker against the Cowboys (although they don't against Philly).

The Giants' next two opponents, the Falcons and the Broncos, both lost as well. Atlanta outgained the Panthers on offense but two interceptions by Matt Ryan proved to be costly, as the 28-19 loss dropped them to (5-4) - tied with the Giants going into next week's match up. The Broncos suffered a 27-17 loss to the Redskins -their third straight. Kyle Orton was also hurt in the game and is unsure whether he'll be able to play next week. Like the Giants, the Broncos got off to a perfect start but have since hit the skids against some tougher competition and suddenly don't look so hot.

The Saints (9-0), Vikings (8-1) and Cardinals (6-3) all seem to be safe bets to win their respective divisions, but the scrum for the final three playoff spots just got a lot more interesting. The Giants, Eagles, Packers and Falcons are all sitting at (5-4) with the Cowboys just one game ahead. Chicago, Carolina and San Francisco are (4-5) but seem like longshots to end up in the postseason.

The Giants were significantly helped by the way things played out yesterday but have their work cut out for them in the near future. They play the Falcons next week at the Meadowlands and then have to travel to Denver to play on short rest on Thanksgiving. The following two weeks feature showdowns with Cowboys and Eagles.

The picture looks a whole lot rosier for the G-Men than it did after their loss to the Chargers, but that isn't saying all that much. They're squarely in the middle of the pack for the NFC Wild Card spots and will need to distinguish themselves over the next four weeks against stiff competition under difficult circumstances.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Fight Tonight: Pacquiao vs. Cotto

We don't talk too much about the boxing here at Fack Youk but the 145 lb. bout between Manny Pacquiao and Miguel Cotto tonight couldn't fall more squarely in our wheelhouse. The photo about was taken at the press conference for the fight held at Yankee Stadium and we've discussed both contestants on the blog before.

Cotto is the current pride of Puerto Rican boxing, a mantle previously held by past champions Sixto Escobar, Wilfred Benitez, Hector Camacho, Wilfredo Vazquez and most recently, Felix Trinidad. The only loss of his professional career came at the possibly plastered hands of Antonio Margarito in July of 2008. Since then, he punished Michael Jennings and won a narrow (and questionable) split decision over Joshua Clottey in his most recent fight in June.

Between his last two fights, Cotto fired his old trainer and uncle, Evangelista in favor of 32 year old Joe Santiago. He has a masters degree in athletic training and has been surrounded by boxing his whole life, but Santiago has no experience in preparing a fighter for a bout of this magnitude, something that Pacquiao's trainer, Freddy Roach has made sure to point out in the HBO documentary series 24/7 leading up to the fight. The conflict between the two trainers nearly turned physical at the weigh-in, when Santiago reportedly looked at Roach when Cotto was weighing in and said "145, asshole". It was a not-so-subtle barb aimed at the fact Roach had questioned whether Cotto was going to be able to make weight.

This incident was just the latest in an uncharacteristically tumultuous few months of training for Pacquiao. He started his camp in Baguio City in the Phillippines and withstood one Typhoon but was forced to flee to Manilla when another one was bearing down. They eventually relocated to Roach's Wild Card gym in Los Angeles and completed training there.

Within his ever-massive entourage, there was drama as well. His conditioning coach Alex Ariza and an "advisor", Michael Koncz came to blows over who would be in the corner on fight night, and have been at odds all along the way. To a fault, Pacquiao greets people with open arms, but Koncz is pretty clearly a snake and according to many on 24/7, serves essentially no function.

It's been asked if this turmoil will have any effect on Pacquiao, however he wouldn't be poised to take a title in an all-time record 7th weight division if he was easily distracted. He debuted fourteen years ago as a diminutive 106 lb puncher in a 4 round fight and, against all odds, has a chance to break his tie with Oscar De La Hoya - who Pacquiao mercilessly destroyed last December - with championships in six distinct weight classes. He's notched belts at 112, 122, 126, 130, 135 & 140, so tonight would be his highest yet, although he beat De La Hoya at 147.

If you're watching the fight tonight, be sure to cash in on Tecate's promotion that grants you a $25 rebate on the PPV purchase in exchange for buying a 12 pack of their beer. You can get the fight for essentially half price, just for buying a 12 pack of beer. In fact, in New York, no purchase is even necessary. Can't beat that with a stick.

As was the case with Pacquiao's last fight, I'm a fan of both contestants. However, unlike Ricky Hatton, Miguel Cotto can take some licks, so I doubt this fight is going to end in a scintillating 2nd round KO like that one. If Antonio Margarito couldn't knock Cotto out with plaster on his hands, I don't think Pacquiao is going to be able to do it either. Even Freddie Roach admits that Cotto is the physically stronger of the two fighters, but it's obvious that Pacman has the quicker hands. The game plan is for Manny to be aggressive early and prevent Cotto from gaining any momentum.

You can't go wring picking either guy, but one good reason to root for Pacquiao is that he has the better chance of enticing Floyd Mayweather to fight him than does Cotto. Floyd has become a massive draw and right or wrong, is only going to agree to step into the ring with someone who he views as a big ticket fighter. Cotto might bring most of Puerto Rico along with him, but in terms of drawing the numbers worldwide that Pacquiao does, he just isn't there yet.

There are justifications for pulling for Pacquiao that don't have anything to do with Mayweather as well. It's hard not to like a guy who walks towards the ring smiling ear to ear. He's got an entire country pulling for him and maybe a little harder than usual given the typhoons they just went though. But this is the biggest fight of Cotto's career, he's fighting closer to his natural weight and he has a lot to prove. Neither are afraid to brawl and that should result in some fireworks early.

I'm guessing Pacquiao wins by split decision but Cotto at +195 doesn't seem like too bad of a bet. Enjoy the fight. It should be an entertaining one. And keep an eye out for some Yankees sitting ringside.

College Football Saturday: Week 11

A special Saturday good morning Fackers. Gameday kicks off in an hour, coming from Fort Worth this week where Utah takes on TCU later tonight. The winner of that game almost assuredly takes the Mountain West, and it's a game that pits the #16 team in the BCS against the currently undefeated #4 team. Yet no one will get to see it because it's on CBS College Sports, and no one gets that channel. Damn you non-BCS Conferences and your lack of a decent television contract!

Anyway, we're hitting the home stretch of the season here and there are a lot of big match ups this week. Here's a look at some of the games most of the civilized world will have the opportunity to watch:

Tennessee at Ole Miss, 12:00 CBS: Here's what you need to know about this game. Early Thursday morning, three Volunteer freshman were arrested for a failed armed robbery attempt, performed on campus, while wearing team issued attire. Meanwhile on Tuesday, administration at Mississippi announced that the band will no longer be playing long time anthem "To Dixie With Love" due to the students and fans continued insistence of yelling hot button phrase "The South will rise again" at the song's conclusion. Well then, so much for dispelling SEC stereotypes.

Michigan State at Purdue, 12:00 ESPN: Another week, another God-awful boring Big Ten game to kick off the day. With any luck Bob Griese will say something ethnically insensitive again and make this interesting. At the very least he'll be back at his alma mater this week; perhaps he'll find a more receptive audience.

#7 Georgia Tech at Duke, 12:00 ESPN2: So much for Duke wreaking havoc on the ACC standings last week. Still this is their best season in years, probably since future NY Giants QB washout Dave Brown was still there. Meanwhile, GT is looking completely legit right now, and coach Paul Johnson's decision to go for it on fourth and less than a yard while trailing by three in OT last week took some major cojones. Ugh and Pam fucking Ward is announcing this game. Why does she still have a job?

Florida State at Wake Forest, 12:00 ESPNU: Last week I made a crack about someone waking Bobby Bowden up so that FSU could pull off an upset and help BC in the process. Turns out there was more truth to that than I thought, as Bowden repeatedly asked reporters for clarification on details of the game during his post-game press conference. I'm all for respecting the legends and letting them go out on their own terms, but this is getting downright sad. Also, Christian Ponder is out for the season. The Seminoles are fucked.

Northwestern at Illinois, 12:00 ESPN Classic: I love it when the occasional game gets relegated to ESPN Classic and then for the duration of the game they have to plaster "LIVE" in the upper corner of the screen so people don't think it's a classic game. As if anyone could possibly confuse a match up between Northwestern and Illinois as a classic. I'd rather they just forgo this one and keep showing 20 year old AWA wrestling matches. Also, a big middle finger to Northwestern for upsetting Iowa last week and ruining my dreams of a season ending menage a trois atop the Big Ten standings.

Louisville at Syracuse, 12:00 SNY: I have absolutely nothing of substance or remotely funny to say about this game. But I don't want Big Willie Style to get mad at me for leaving it out. Is it poignant that Syracuse football and Mets baseball share a network for an afternoon? You decide.

Yale at Princeton, 1:oo YES: Hey Fans! Do you like 1-AA match ups between academic powerhouses that haven't been relevant in football for forty years, have no scholarship athletes, and whose own conference prevents them from taking part in post-season play? Well do we have a game for you! Coin Toss! Kickoff! Football! Next, only on YES!

#1 Florida at South Carolina, 3:30 CBS: Oooh, CBS gets a double header this week. Can Spencer Tillman's jheri curl handle the double shift? Word is Tim Brando is under orders to only allow him a single Soul Glo oil change over the course of the afternoon. Meanwhile, I'm surprised Verne Lundquist didn't angle for the noon game so he could catch an early bird special. Also, did you know that South Carolina Head Ball Coach Steve Spurrier won the Heisman Trophy at Florida and later went on to coach there? I bet you won't hear a word about that during this game.

#10 Iowa at #11 Ohio State, 3:30 ABC: Barring any late season upsets, this is essentially the Big Ten Championship Game. If history repeats itself, the Buckeyes will take this one assuring another blood letting at the hands of whomever in a BCS game. At least it will most likely be the Rose Bowl this year rather than the BCS Championship Game. Also, I can't think of a broadcast crew I dislike more than Sean McDonough, Matt Millen, and Holly Rowe. That's three special kinds of annoying, incompetent, and ugly, respectively.

Delaware at Navy, 3:30 CBS College Sports: I know I said no one gets this channel; I just wanted to use this as an opportunity to point out that Navy defeated Notre Dame in South Bend last weekend for the second time in as many trips. What would it say about ND if Delaware could pull off the upset of Navy today? Of course, ND beat BC, so what would that say about BC? Nevermind; forget I even brought this up.

Boston College at Virginia, 3:30 ESPN360: Speaking of BC, I've had about enough of this. This is BC's tenth game this year and all but three of them haven't been on TV. I didn't mind so much when there was still baseball going on, but now this really sticks in my craw. To make matters worse, my ISP doesn't have an agreement with ESPN360 (F-U Cablevision!). In happier news, I had to work on a Saturday last month and there I found out that not only does my work ISP offer ESPN360, but I can now access it remotely from anywhere by using my ESPN.com account. Take that assholes; I just wish I had known earlier in the season. So once again, I'll be watching this one with a laptop frying my balls for three hours. This is likely the end of days for Al Groh in Charlottesville after the Cavs faithful have been clamoring for his ouster for years. Aren't you glad you only had him for a year Jets fans?

Idaho at #6 Boise State, 3:30 PM ESPNU: Did you know that Idaho didn't get the nickname "Vandals" until they pranked Boise St by breaking into their stadium and spray painted their astroturf blue? Before that they were the Potato Farmers. Or maybe I just made all of that up.

#2 Alabama at Mississippi St, 7:00 ESPN: No matter what happens from here on in, the SEC Championship Game is already set with Alabama and Florida. Chances are both teams enter undefeated, but even if it's a one loss team winning that game, they're a dead lock to head to the BCS Championship Game. What I'm wondering is given the strength of the SEC and how much love they get in the polls, just how many losses would one of those teams have to have to be excluded from the BCS Championship Game? Two? Three? I doubt we'll even find out. By the way, this is your Erin Andrews game for the night - just in case you were wondering.

#17 Arizona at California, 7:00 Versus: Compared to 2007 and 2008, this college football season is downright boring without the weekly upsets and constant shuffling atop the rankings. The Pac-10 is apparently the last bastion of the chaos of the last two years. With Oregon's loss last week, 'Zona is in the driver's seat out west heading into next week's match up with the Ducks. They have to get by a good Cal team first. With three losses the Golden Bears are pretty much out of the picture. They'll be without star running back Jahvid Best who last Saturday suffered his second concussion in as many weeks on quite possibly the scariest hit I've ever seen.

Louisiana Tech at #8 LSU, 7:00 EPSNU: LSU is one of five FBS teams that go by "Tigers", but to my knowledge, they're the only school that keeps a live bengal fucking tiger on their campus. Think about that for a second. A bunch of drunken cajun college students sharing a campus with a carnivorous beast. I have no clue how this has yet to result in Sigfried and Roy type catastrophe.

Auburn at Georgia, 7:30 ESPN2: Auburn also goes by the Tigers, but they do not keep a live oversized feline mascot. Georgia, on the other hand, does have a live bulldog mascot and he has a past history with Auburn. I can't imagine how that would play out if it were to happen in Baton Rouge, but it wouldn't be pretty. I like tuning into these night games on ESPN2 for the studio coverage. I'm always intrigued to see if Wendi Nix is wearing her "sexy librarian" get up that night and markedly less intrigued to find out if former Giant back-up QB / Bachelor Jesse Palmer has gotten any dumber since last week.

Notre Dame at #12 Pittsburgh, 8:00 ABC: I know how much people love to bag on Bill Belichik, particularly in metro-NYC, but I've always been a fan of the guy thanks to the dominant Giant defenses that he led in my childhood. Love him or hate him, you gotta admit the guy's good. Since leaving Belichick, Romeo Crennel has done his best work in Coors Light commericals, Eric Mangini is about to get fired for the second time in less than a year, Josh McDaniels was a P.R. disaster at the outset and is now crashing back to earth, and Charlie Weis has one fat foot in a double wide grave. I think the loss to Navy last week was the final straw for him. Hey, Ty Willingham's available; why doesn't ND rehire him and foist all the blame on him again? Meanwhile, could Pitt overlook the Irish? This is a non-conference game while a de facto Big East Championship Game against Cincinnati on December 5th looms.

Texas Tech at #19 Oklahoma St, 8:oo ESPN360: This one's relegated to internet only in most of the country, but features an interesting match up of two crazier-than-usual coaches. Mike Gundy is still a man; Mike Leach is still a pirate.

Arizona St at #13 Oregon, 10:20 ESPN: Like Arizona, Oregon needs to keep winning in order to win the Pac-10. They may be able to afford one more loss so long as they can beat the Wildcats next week, giving them the head-to-head tiebreaker. Meanwhile, earlier this week Oregon prematurely rescinded their season long suspension of LeGarrette Blount, issued after he punched a helmetless Boise St. Bronco in the face following the season's opening game. I'm sure it's just coincidental that the decision was reversed after a critical loss.

Enjoy the games Fackers.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Ain't Superstitious

Well, these are slow times in the Hot Stove League, and even slower times on the Fack Youk factory floor. Unfortunately, things like "real work" sometimes get in the way of semi-coherent content. Or we just got an early start on the weekend....

A few things before we go:
  • AL Silver Sluggers were announced yesterday and both Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter picked up some additional hardware to add to their Gold Gloves. Silver Sluggers, Gold Gloves, what's next for these two? Bronze Cleats?
  • Earlier this week we touched on former Yankee closer John Wetteland. Emergency personnel were summoned to his Texas home yesterday. Depending upon which story you read it was for something as simple as an elevated heart rate, or something as serious as him being suicidal. The good news is he's home now and all appears to be well. We certainly wish him the best. Eerily, fellow 1996 World Series hero Jim Leyritz had a similar incident at his Florida home earlier this year.
  • We're a little late on this as it's made the rounds throughout the blogosphere already, but check out No Mas' excellent video about the notorious Doc Ellis LSD no-hitter.
  • Big college football game on ESPN2 at 8:00 tonight, as #25 West Virginia visits undefeted #5 Cincinnati. The Big East will likely come down to Cincy and Pitt, but the Mountaineers are hanging close with just one conference loss. They need to win tonight to have any realistic shot at the conference title, and if they do, maybe they can screw Pitt's season in two weeks in the Backyard Brawl, just as Pitt did to them two years ago.
That's it for today. We'll be back in the AM with far, far more college football, though perhaps some would prefer that we do nothing again rather than do that. Anyway, sorry about the lack of content today. It certainly had nothing to do with it being Friday the Thirteenth.

Debunking Another Hot Stove Rumor

Good morning Fackers. As we've discussed, this is a slow time of year for baseball news. There was a time when the major free agent signings happened around Thanksgiving time, but since the advent of the new CBA in 2002 and now the conclusion of the World Series occurring in November this year, the Hot Stove League kicks off a bit later than it used to. The big signings may occur even later this year if the predictions of widespread non-tenders prove to be true, potentially flooding and devaluing the free agent market.

All of that, combined with a relatively uneventful General Managers' Meetings means that we have a perfect storm for irresponsible rumor mongering. Sportswriters have column inches to fill and we dorky bloggers have to have something write about as well. Joe at River Ave. Blues tried to prep all of us for this on Wednesday, and just yesterday Jay had to illustrate why Joel Sherman's various Curtis Granderson trade scenarios are asinine.

There's another "rumor" that hasn't gained a lot of steam just yet, but I've heard it mentioned a few times - most recently by champion baseless rumor creator Ken Rosenthal - and it's just stupid enough to make me want to nip this one in the bud before it gets off the ground. In the event that Johnny Damon walks, Chone Figgins has been mentioned as a potential replacement.

Chone Figgins is a good baseball player, don't get me wrong. He hits for good average, walks a bunch, has good speed, steals a lot of bases at a decent success rate, and is versatile. That's not what I'm taking issue with here - except for maybe the last point. Figgins is versatile; he has at least 25 appearances at every defensive postion except pitcher, catcher, and first base.

But, if Figgins were to replace Damon, that means Figgins becomes the Yankee left fielder because there's no way he's replacing Alex Rodriguez at third base. The problem with that is that Chone Figgins has exactly 36 career appearances in left field with 242.2 defensive innings logged - or the equivalent of about 27 games. Of those 36 appearances, exactly one of them has come over the past three seasons, and it lasted all of two plate appearances and zero outs.

So to recap, in the event the Yankees let Damon walk - over money, over years, over age, over some combination of the three - we are to believe that they will pursue the soon-to-be 32 year old Figgins, who is by no means a left fielder, to play left field despite the fact that it would require a commitment of three or four years at about $10M to $12M per. Sorry, I'm not buying that one for a second, not even in light of the equally ridiculous Robinson Cano trade suggestions that could potentially open second base for Figgins.

-----

In unrelated news, yesterday morning I mentioned how the outrighting of Freddy Guzman and Josh Towers was largely preparation for the Rule 5 draft. Later in the day, Mike at River Ave Blues and Chad Jennings at LoHud both took far more in depth looks at the situation. Be sure to give them a read if you haven't already.

Can You Spare Some Change?

Come on, man. This guy just needs a couple bucks to buy himself a sandwich. He hasn't eaten in three days. It's starting to get cold outside...

Hey, WAIT A SECOND!
Yup. That would be Derek Jeter in homeless garb. Has he gone from riches to rags in the matter of a week? No, then surely he is working with a charity to raise awareness for the homeless as winter nears and the temperatures start to dip to dangerous levels.

Just kidding. Derek Jeter would never lower himself to that level. He's making a cameo as a down-on-his-luck future version of himself in a new movie staring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg (both in the background of the top picture) called The Other Guys (via Deadspin).

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Hey Fans! An Article About... WHO BUT?!?

Finally, a column in a major online media outlet dedicated to a fake Yankees-related Twitter feed. You know which one I'm talking about:
A lucky few of us are blessed with a special gift. And this anonymous gent (or lady), known on Twitter as @yesmichaelkay, has found his (or her) niche in being able to channel the very essence of the amiable, slightly buffoonish Yankees play-by-play broadcaster Michael Kay into 140-character musings on baseball, philosophy, sex, and life in general -- all of which begin "Hey fans!"
If you are a follower of the Twitter feed, the article is a must read. If you are unfamiliar, it might be even more hilarious.

@yesmichaelkay built up quite a following for himself, amassing over 2,000 followers, earning mention by Will Leitch on Deadspin and apparently getting shown to Michael Kay by Jon Heyman. But all this "fame" and adulation (but mostly RTs) came under a cloak of anonymity. No one seems to know who is behind the feed. In direct message on Twitter, fellow Yankee fan and baseball blogger Rob Iracane of Walkoff Walk called it "the great mystery of his life".

I've long suspected I knew who this mysterious bastard was. The Tom behind the tweets. The Frank firing the feed. The Keith at the keyboard. And since no one else has offered any sort of a theory, here you go.

I think it's Andrew Fletcher of Scott Proctor's Arm.

Fletcher invented the Michael Kay drinking game back in May of 2008. He updated it this year and even parlayed that into an appearance on Kay's radio show. Both the drinking game and the Twitter feed thrive off Kay's speech patterns and catchphrases and there is considerable overlap in material.

Most damning though, @yesmichaelkay is following only 22 people. Among those are, appropriately the YES Network, 1050 ESPN Radio, Awful Announcing, and The Onion. However, the account follows both Fletcher's personal feed and the now-defunct Scott Proctor's Arm. The latter was the second feed YMK ever added.

Only three other Yankee fans. No other Yankee blogs. Quite the discriminating taste, wouldn't you say? The feed just happens to be following the man behind the drinking game, with an existing distaste for Michael Kay and a veritable encyclopedia of his verbal tics. Isn't it more likely that Fletcher simply took care to follow his other feeds?

I'm onto you, Fletcher. You can't hide anymore. Turn yourself in.

[Update: It's not him. Props to Jimmy Trania at Hot Clicks for solving this mystery.]

Yankee Rumor Du Jour: Curtis Granderson

As soon as Joel Sherman found out that the Tigers were willing to listen to offers for Curtis Granderson, he immediately speculated that the Yankees would be "near the top of the list" of possible trade partners. This is not a knock against Sherman, who was the one person responsible for consistently churning up "news" at an unusually dull GMs meetings in Chicago while others were content to tell us that nothing was happening. It's his job to concoct interesting theories based on pseudo-facts to keep people reading about baseball even though very little is actually happening.

However, this morning, he really put on his tin foil hat thinking cap and got to work:
Curtis Granderson would be an ideal fit for the Yankees and is available. He is a very good player with a reputation as a better person. So he would enhance both the exceptional lineup and strong clubhouse community the Yankees already have.

GM Brian Cashman’s vision for the Yankees has been younger, more athletic and more cost efficient. Granderson will play next season at 29, which would give the Yankees another prime-aged player in their everyday lineup along with Mark Teixeira, Robinson Cano and Nick Swisher.
The problem is that Granderson is neither younger nor more cost efficient than 25 year old Brett Gardner who will be making close to the Major League minimum this year or 24 year old Melky Cabrera who will take the $1.4M he made last year to arbitration. So trading for Granderson would make the Yankees younger and cheaper, by making them older and more expensive.

To acquire Granderson, Sherman suggests that the Yanks deal Austin Jackson, Ian Kennedy and Zach McAllister and if that doesn't work, take on some players who are very old, extremely overpaid, and can't play the field. Exactly what Cashman was envisioning!
For example, Carlos Guillen has two years at $26 million left. Could the Yankees take that on and hope his deteriorating body and game holds up enough for him to provide switch-hitting depth in left field, first base and DH?

Or do they take on Magglio Ordonez, who is due $18 million next year and has a games started/plate appearance trigger for another $15 million in 2011. Like Guillen, Ordonez’s body and game are wearing out. He did still hit .310 last year, but with just nine homers. He played his best late in the year, hitting .401 from Aug. 1 to the end of the season, a period of 50 games in which he walked (19) more often than he struck out (17).
Sherman also names Nate Robertson ($7M), Jeremy Bonderman ($12M), Dontrelle Willis ($12M), Brandon Inge ($6.6M) and even Miguel Cabrera, who has $126M left on his deal and no ostensible defensive role in the Bronx.

The Yankees have one position that is occupied by truly young and cheap players and that is center field. Could the they stand to upgrade their production there? Yes. Do they need to trade for someone who is owed $32M over the next 4 years to do so? I really don't think so. Should they take on horrible and/or huge contracts from the Tigers in addition to do so? Absolutely not.