Forever Tainted?

Isn't it sort of an antiquated notion to think that a player only cheated when they were using steroids or HGH? Are the effects of heroin or cocaine contained only to the time when the user would have tested positive for them?

The reason athletes started using HGH in conjunction with steroids was that it allowed them to hold onto the extra mass gained during the extra hard workouts steroids allowed them to complete. Away from sports, it is used to combat aging by increasing bone density, muscle mass, improving heart functions and even improving skin complexion. Those don't sound like things that are going to subside immediately when you stop taking HGH.

How do you think Barry Bonds had an OPS of 1.422 (the highest single season OPS in baseball history) and had more HRs than strikeouts in 2004 at the age of 39, when the MLB had already instituted their testing policy? Does anyone actually think he wasn't still benefiting from all the steroids/HGH he took in the past?

It seems that only those older anabolic steroids such as Androstenedione and Deca-Durabolin had the drastic cycle on/off effects. As the newer, more sophisticated drugs like Primobolan evolved, those side effects were mitigated.

For the record, I really don't care about athletes using steroids. I don't have kids and don't care what kind of example it sets. Yeah, it sucks that the people who use it indirectly pressure the people who are clean to use it. That's life. Seeing someone drive by you on the highway going 85 in a 65 might tempt you to speed. You know if you get behind them, you might get pulled over.

We've all been at a party where people were smoking pot or doing coke and had to make our own decisions. Maybe it would have enhanced the experience that night, but if you got caught or were extra hungover the next day, you'd have probably regretted it. Common sense tells you it would be wrong, and you choose to either do it or not do it. Those scenarios aren't all that different.

I just think it's worth pointing out that it's awfully narrow-minded to confine the label of "cheating" to the time an athlete tested (or would have tested) positive. They have changed the chemistry of their body indefinitely.

Remember:

Barry Bonds (2000-2003) - Taking steroids/HGH/The Cream/The Clear - Best Hitter Ever

Barry Bonds (2004) - "Clean" - Even Better

Eat Your Heart Out Eli!

According to Ralph Vacchiano of the Daily News, former Giants back-up QB Jared Lorenzen, has signed on to play with the cleverly-named Kentucky Horsemen of the Arena Football League II. The Hefty Lefty, with the perfect mechanics (see above) will be paid $200 a game with an additional $50 per win. Given that they only play once a week, I'm guessing the 285lb Pillsbury Throwboy might need to augment that salary by working at KFC.

See You In Tijuana, Tony

Everyone's favorite plaster craftsman/welterweight boxer, Antonio Margarito and his trainer Javier Capetillo had their boxing licenses revoked by the California State Athletic Commission (and therefore the rest of the US) for at least one year:

Voting 7-0 on both motions for revocation, the panel found that they put a
plaster-like substance on illegal pads inside Margarito's hand wraps.

Before Margarito was knocked out in the ninth round, Mosley's trainer, Naazim Richardson, had objected to the way Margarito's left hand was wrapped. When the wrap was cut off, officials found a suspect bandage wrap inside the knuckle pad that would be placed over Margarito's hands.

Richardson then insisted that the wrap on Margarito's right hand be checked and another identical illegal pad was discovered. Margarito eventually had his hands re-wrapped and went on to lose the fight.

Margarito told the panel that he just held his hands up to be wrapped, and had no knowledge of what his trainer was doing. His trainer echoed the sentiment, saying:

I don't want this young man to have problems. I'm here to cover any responsibility. I take full responsibility. I committed this innocent mistake.

Pleading ignorance? Yeah fucking right, Antonio. So I'm assuming they wrapped your hands with plaster in your sparring matches and training sessions, right? Oh, no? So you just closed your eyes when they were being applied? You couldn't feel the illegal pads when Javier put them on? You didn't notice that your hands were significantly heavier? Your wraps didn't feel any different? Really?

What incentive would your trainer have to do this without your consent? Why is it that when lost your illegal edge, you got your ass handed to you by a 37 year old dude?

In related news, Roger Clemens just held down his pants so Brain McNamee could inject him and had no idea what was in those syringes. And that "innocent mistake" resulted in other people taking vicious and illegal blows to the head with a rock hard substance. Altering hand wraps is considered an especially serious violation in the boxing world, for obvious reasons. After the one year ban, Margarito and his trainer can apply for reinstatement but there is not guarantee that they will be accepted.

This now opens the door for legal action from Miguel Cotto, Kermit Cintron, Joshua Clottey and other past opponents. After the his fight with Margarito, Cotto said it felt like he was being "hit with bricks". Doesn't sound like hyperbole anymore, does it? Unfortunately for him, his bell cannot be unrung, and he may never be the same fighter again. But at least people know he wasn't taking a knee for no reason.

Another SS Bites The Dust

Miguel Tejada has been charged with lying to Congress about steroids, the latest baseball player to get caught up in an extensive web of cheating and juicing that has stained the sport. He is scheduled to appear in court Wednesday and expected to plead guilty. The charges against Tejada, who currently plays for the Houston Astros, were outlined in documents filed in Washington federal court on Tuesday.

Remember the Golden Age of Shortstops? Who was the best shortstop out of the group? Jeter, A-Rod, Nomar, or Tejada? Were they the best shortstops ever?

If you have not been hiding in the caves of Afghanistan or in the tribal lands of Pakistan with Osama bin Laden the past few days, you would know that A-Rod, following Selena Roberts' story about him being one of the 104 on the "anonymous" positive test list, admitted his steroid use from 2001-2003 when he was playing shortstop for the Texas Rangers.

Nomah has been linked to steroids, but was not in the Mitchell Report--perhaps because the report was a sham and left out any Red Sox player due to Mitchell's conspicuous allegiances. Garciaparra has been injured often and his skills/numbers has declined since the advent of steroid testing in 2005.

That leaves Jeter. Jeter has not been linked to steroids--whether it be in the Mitchell Report or in casual fan conversation. Given the fact that his father Dr. Charles Jeter, whom he is very close to, is a former substance abuse counselor, I would doubt that he would ever take them. He is pretty lean and there has never been a drastic change in his physical appearance. He is also not a home run hitter (although Alex Sanchez with his 6 career HR was busted and suspended for 10 games in 2005).

Do Jeter's accomplishments, presumably without the use of steroids, make him the best shortstop out of this quartet? How about the greatest shortstop ever? Just some food for thought...

Number of Days Until Spring Training: Derek Jeter (#2)

Did you notice that last year, Derek Jeter had his worst full season offensively as a professional? He had similar OPS+'s in 1996 and 1997 but that takes into account the inflated offensive era those years were a part of. His 2008 batting average (-.16), on-base percentage (-.24) and slugging percentage (-.50) were all well off his career marks. Consequently, his counting stats (11HR, 69 RsBI) were far below his averages too. He only stole eleven bases, and was caught five times.

Before I looked those numbers up, I didn't notice either. He doesn't seem to fall into extended slumps and as a fan watching the games, your memories are probably shaped more by how many hits he gets as opposed to his OPS.

Jeter's image, of course, is solid titanium and during last season he was linked to Minka Kelly, appeared in Ford and Gatorade commercials and gave a great speech after the last game at the Old Stadium that Will and I were fortunate enough to witness (even from two obstructed view seats in the left field upper deck). It's easy to overlook or forgive his slipping production.

A shortstop who has been a defensive liability for quite some time, his offense is falling far enough to make him dangerously close to an average player. Some attributed his slack in production to the game on May 21st, when he was hit on the hand by Garrett Olsen. But how long can an injury serve as an excuse for sub-par hitting? The "bad habits" he's picked up should have probably corrected themselves within several weeks of the incident.

His '08 OPS+ was 102 (almost exactly league average) and he was only about 50% successful at getting runners in from third with fewer than two outs. Somehow, he both walked and struck out less. He grounded into 24 double plays, the most in his career and he was behind only much slower runners Vlad Guerrero, Magglio Ordonez and Jermaine Dye.

That's what the numbers tell me. My recollection of watching games this past year tells me that he was less patient at the plate, swinging at the first pitch too frequently, and fouling off more of the balls he used to put in play, and making weaker contact on the balls he used to drive.

In a subjective recall, double plays stand out, not only because they make two outs and erase a hit, but they also kill the mythological "momentum". Similarly, getting runners in from third leave a perceived gimme run on base. These are the kind of plays that fans overvalue. How long is it going to take before they start turning on Jeter? I know he is the ultimate Teflon Man, for the all reasons that we are all too familiar with. But there is a bare minimum level of production fans are willing to tolerate.

Bernie Williams, also a homegrown Yankee, here for all four of the World Series Championships in the late 90's/2000, a former batting champion, World Series MVP, four time Gold Glove winner, and "True Yankee" still saw the fans and the organization turn on him when his power went away and his GIDP's weren't balanced out by the rest of his offensive contributions.

Jeter will make $20 and $21 million over the next two years, respectively. The Yankees decision to backload the contract has left the door open for media criticism of his lack of productivity in relation to his salary. No question Jeter has been worth the value over the length of the contract just on the field. In addition, his value to the club extends well beyond that. I'm not even talking about intangibles, but about the marketability he adds to the Yankees. He is a major reason ESPN covers the Yankees so closely, and his gravitas keeps him and the Yankees on the back pages in New York. Jeter and A-Rod, account for the vast majority of the Yankees star power which shouldn't be overlooked.

After 2010, the organization might have quite the quandary on its hands. Jeter seemingly refuses to acknowledge the erosion of his skills, especially defensively. He's said he doesn't want to move from shortstop, which is okay, in one respect, because aside from catcher, it has the highest tolerance for a below average offensive player. However his defensive range continues to slide, at the second most valuable defensive position.

In a perfect world, he could switch to center field this coming year, replacing the Melky/Gardner shitburger/poo sandwich combo, and hold the place for Austin Jackson. Of course that would require that the Yankees acquire someone who was significantly superior defensively than Jeter (and serviceable offensively), and there aren't an obvious options that wouldn't require a major sacrifice.

I've heard people speculate that before Derek Jeter's career is over, he might amass more than 4,000 hits. He currently has 2,535, still 465 short of 3,000. He certainly won't be at 3K by the time his contract expires in 2010. Will the Yankees give him a sweetheart, lifetime achievement contract as he continues to decline? They didn't with Bernie, and although their star status is not comprable, the decision making may be similar, considering the will likely occur in the Brain Cashman Era.

Will there be a Brett Favre-like "player wants to come back but team wants to move on" scenario? Doubtful, but if Jeter wants a contract based on his previous one and past accomplishments and the Yankees want one that more closely reflects his current value as a player, they might find it hard to come together.

Notice Anything Unnecessary In This Picture?

Four words, ESPN: WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY?

You know what the last thing I want to see when I'm watching a sporting event is? JAYSTENNISBRACELET stating the obvious in scrolling text form. OMG, the Big East loaded!?!?? That's the first of heard this!

To boot, they are reducing the viewing area on my TV. The crawl on the bottom and the anti-HD bars on the side already take up like 40% of the screen and now they are going to drop another bar down from the top with more annoyances? And I love how the bars on the side still say "ESPN2HD". Given that they only show up when the programming is not in HD, I think "ESPN2" would probably suffice.

Quick, search "INTERACTIVE" on ESPN.com so you can enlighten everyone with your insightful commentary.

Number of Days Until Spring Training: Lou Gehrig & Babe Ruth (#'s 4 & 3)

Yesterday was the first day in our Countdown when someone got skipped. In an oddly appropriate but somewhat sad way, the current A-Rod fiasco overshadowed one of the all-time great Yankees and great sportsmen in general, Lou Gehrig. The upshot is that he's right up against the Bambino and it gives us a chance to look into their relationship, something that is lost to many baseball fans of this generation (prior to doing this research, myself included).

When Ruth came up with Boston, he was primarily a pitcher, and quite a good one at that. In 1916 and 1917 Ruth threw 323 2/3 and 326 1/3 innings to 1.75 and 2.01 ERAs, respectively. In his limited plate appearances, however, his hitting prowess was already evident, posting an OPS well above league average in each of those years.

In 1918, the Red Sox began to transition Ruth into a hitter. That year he appeared in 75 games exclusively to hit and led the league in home runs with 11, despite relatively few opportunities. The following year he pitched in only 17 games, throwing 133 1/3 innings, the last time he would throw over 9IP in a season. The Babe's ERA was just about league average in 1919, but he coupled that with pounding a then unheard of 29 home runs and driving in 114 (219 OPS+).

In the proceeding offseason Ruth demanded a 200% raise, and rather than retain the slugger or trade him to the White Sox for Shoeless Joe Jackson and $60,000 cash, Harry Frazee famously sold him to the Yankees for $125,000.

It's easy to view this transaction in revisionist history and wonder what would have become of the Red Sox if they had held onto Ruth. The fact of the matter is at the time, he was still transitioning into a hitter and there was widespread doubt from respected people like Tris Speaker, who thought becoming a hitter would shorten Ruth's career.

To the Sox dismay, Ruth arrived in the Bronx and promptly launched 54 home runs, many over the short right field fence at the Polo Grounds, obliterating his own record of 29. He also worked 150 walks and sported a .533 on-base percentage. In fact, Ruth reached base in over half of his plate appearances in 5 of his first 7 seasons as a Yankee.

As the Bambino was taking the baseball world by storm, Ludwig Heinrich Gehrig was studying at and playing fullback for nearby Columbia University. He was born (at 14lbs!) on 94th and 2nd Ave and grew up first in Yorkville and later in Washington Heights. Gehrig, like Ruth, spent time as a pitcher early in his career. While on the mound for Columbia, Gehrig struck out a record 17 Williams College batters, but was noticed by Yankee scout Paul Krichell more for his left-handed power. He was signed by the Yankees two months later for a $1,500 bonus.

In 1923 & 24, the Iron Horse was used mostly in pinch hitting duty. He raked well above average in his 38 at-bats over the course of those two years and earned himself a more permanent place in the line up in 1926.

The '26 season was the 7th of Ruth's torrid stretch mentioned above. As would have been the case with anyone coming up through the ranks of the Yanks at the time, Gehrig stood squarely in the Babe's vast shadow:

"I'm not a headline guy. I know that as long as I was following Ruth to the plate I could have stood on my head and no one would have known the difference."

The two lefty sluggers had always been quite different. Gehrig was college educated and smoked a pipe while Ruth was street-wise and puffed on stogies. Ruth was an ostentatious extrovert, Gehrig was a bit of an understated loner.

At first, Gehrig was "admittedly in awe" of Ruth. Lou was initially intimidated by his presence, but Ruth mentored Gehrig and taught him many of the tricks to lofting the massive home runs that separated #3 from the rest of the league by leaps and bounds. Babe actually took a liking to Gehrig and considered him "like a younger brother who was bashful and backwards".

Despite the humility, Gehrig was a hell of a hitter himself. After replacing Wally Pipp on June 2nd 1925, he batted over .300 with a .400+ on-base percentage for twelve consecutive years. He hit 40 or more home runs 5 times and drove in at least 100 runs in 13 straight seasons, including an AL Record 184 in 1931 (due in no small part to Babe Ruth's .495 OBP that year). He won the 1927 League Award (before the MVP came to be) over Ruth who hit 60 HRs and slugged .772. Lou finished his career with a .340BA.

Gehrig was invited to go barnstorming with Ruth in the offseason and the veteran also took him fishing on occasion. Appreciative of this, Gehrig invited Ruth to his mother's house in New Rochelle, who was more than happy to cook him huge dinners, something that the Sultan of Swat never enjoyed in the orphanage he grew up in.

Unfortunately, Lou's mother caused their friendship to come to an abrupt halt. Ruth had made one of his visits to New Rochelle and brought both of his daughters, Dorothy, a 12 year old tomboy, and Julia an 18 year old proper young lady. Gehrig's mother made an off-hand remark about Dorothy being poorly dressed a s opposed to Julia, causing Ruth to implore Lou that his mother "mind her own business". Neither man would budge and they refused to speak to each other, forming a rift between the two.

When the cameras rolled, they pretended to be chummy, but the mutual distaste was palpable to those with knowledge of the situation. It wasn't until Ruth left the team in 1935 that Gehrig was named captain, but the unofficial crown was passed after the two went blast for blast and tied with 46 HRs in the 1931 season. Gehrig's career was still trending upwards, while the Babe's was on the decline.

At the age of 40, Ruth was sold to the Boston Braves where he played only 28 games. He batted .181, but had a .359 OBP and hit 6 HRs.

About halfway though the 1938 season, Gehrig began to feel weak and his performance declined. His statistics were respectable over the course of the season, (29HR, 132 OPS+) but well off his career norms. When he showed up for Spring Training the following year, he was visibly diminished and actually collapsed on the Al Lang Field while running the bases. He made an attempt to play out the season, but it was soon clear he wasn't physically up to the task and his 2,130 consecutive games played streak ended on April 30th. On his birthday, June 19th that year, he was diagnosed with ALS.

On July 4th, 1939, the Yankees held Lou Gehrig Appreciation Day. It wasn't until then that he and Babe Ruth finally ended their grudge against each other. He delivered his famous speech and became the first player in MLB history to have their number retired.

Gehrig passed away in his sleep at the age of 37 on June 2nd, 1941. Ruth lived until August 16th, 1948 when he succumbed to pneumonia. He was 53.

Go Get Him Jerry

Via The National Football Post, Anquan Boldin will not accept any offer from the Cardinals and wants to be traded:

XTRA’s Mike Jurecki, who said he talked to Boldin over the weekend, said Boldin instructed his agent to tell the Cards he would not sign any new contract (the Cards are expected to still make a new proposal) and that he wants to be traded.

>8

But it is the Boldin situation that will be front and center. Again, he is under contract for two more years, so if he declines to sign any new deal, the Cards could just hang on to him and not trade him. Boldin’s only recourse will be to disappear for the entirety of the offseason — not a great deal with a new offensive coordinator coming in. We’ll see how it develops.

This can only be good news for the Giants. He's publically backing the Cards into a corner and that is going to lower his value on the open market because teams know they have to move him now. I've adressed this situation previously, if you are so inclined.

Player 00

I'm guessing many of you are on the Yankees Shop email list, and recieved the same email shown above this morning. In light of the most recent A-Rod scandal, that jersey actually seems pretty appealing.

I don't have an authentic Yankee jersey. Before last season, I very nearly bought some Robinson Cano road threads on eBay for $90, but decided to pass at the last moment. Pretty happy about that decision, seeing that he only posted an 86 OPS+ in 2008.

During the apology contained in his interview with Peter Gammons last night A-Rod said he had "millions of fans". I've got to assume that pretty much all of them are under the age of 7, and don't immediately realize that he's not all that likeable even when he's not admitting to doing steroids.

If you have a kid with an A-Rod jersey, what do you do? Do you let them wear it because despite the fact that he made a mistake, he ultimately told the truth? Or does the fact that he cheated remove him as a role model for your kids? There's no easy answer. I'm glad I don't have to make that call.

The great thing about the jersey above is that there is no risk involed. Fictional "Player 00" is never going to embarass you with their terrible performance, PED usage or off-the-field antics. You can still show your love for the team without hitching your wagon to any of the flawed human beings wearing your team's colors. Like Jerry Seinfeld said, we are just rooting for laundry.

Words/Phrases You Would Never Hear Without Steroids

If there is a positive about the Steroids fallout, it is the new or previously underused words and phrases that have been cemented into our everyday vocabulary:

"Abscess"--Apparently something you after you stick a needle in your ass.

"B-12"--As in "It was only B12, not steroids!". A water soluble vitamin with a key role in the normal functioning of the brain and nervous system, and for the formation of blood. It is one of the eight B vitamins. It is normally involved in the metabolism of every cell of the body, especially affecting DNA synthesis and regulation, but also fatty acid synthesis and energy production.

"Categorically deny"--An absolute denial.

"Culture"--No, not Boy George and his band of ferries. As in it is part of baseball culture to do steroids.

"Everybody was doing it"--No, not teenage sex. Not marijuana or cocaine either. Rather, sticking needles up your ass.

"Inject"--To stick something in your ass that will eventually give you an abscess.

"It is what it is"--Everyone--What is it? How is it? Was it always like that? Most things are what they are, no?

"Loosey-Goosey"--A-Rod. According to the Urban Dictionary, "loosey-goosey" means "
Not following prescribed guidelines or general societal expectations. Very casual. Bypassing certain boundaries." It can also mean a "a very loosely rolled joint or rollie", an individual cigarette sold at a bodega, or a certain body part after a certain type of sex.

"Metabolite" (an actual word)--Jose Canseco. According to Wikipedia, metabolites are the intermediates and products of metabolism. The term metabolite is usually restricted to small molecules.

"Misremember"--Roger Clemens. To forget.

"Performance Enhancing"--No, not Viagra or Cialis!

"The Clear"--No, not the people in The Mitchell Report or that list of 104 names that was foolishly not destroyed by the MLBPA. Tetrahydrogestrinone. THG for short. Most famous users include Barry Bonds and Gary Sheffield.

"The Cream"--No, not money, as in "Cash Rules Everything Around Me" as rapped about by the Wu-Tang Clan, or the 1960s British band headed by Eric Clapton and Ginger Baker. The cream is a steroid that is applied to the body to mask THG. The yin to "The Clear's" yang.

"The Truth"--Obliterated.

A-Roid & Gammons Interview Reactions (With A Special Guest Appearance)

Not sure if anybody caught this, but it looks like Serena Roberts really has been stalking him. Check it out.
I know. It's pretty bad. But there really aren't that many pictures of her to choose from and no good place for her to be "hiding".

Some notes about the interview:

• I love how before he mentioned Selena Roberts by name he referred to her as "that lady from Sports Illustrated"
• He said she actually tried to break into his house and had documentation from the Miami Police to prove it, but Gammons didn't even ask to see it.
  
• He only apologized to his fans in Texas. Um, fuck that. You better feel sorry that you dicked over all of your Yankee fans over too. Because when you are cashing in $5M of our money for every legend you pass on the home run list, it's just going to dredge this shit up. If the Yankees were drafting your contract this offseason, they'd take those milestone clauses out in 2/3 of a second.
• Fiji Water? Nice choice.

• I originally thought that the reason he said he didn't know what exactly he was taking is that it was illegal at the time, and didn't want to incriminate himself. However, Craig from Shysterball was nice enough to answer my email and set me straight:

Me: Quick Question: Would there be a legal reason that A-Rod isn't admitting he knew what he took? Because they are/were illegal, etc... It sounds pretty stupid otherwise.

Craig: Quick Answer: No real legal reason I can think of. Even if he was doing crack, the statute of limitations on 2003 using would have run by now. My guess is that, in the permissive 2003-era, it was simply a matter of guys saying "give me some juice" and not really knowing what, exactly, they were taking beyond broad categories such as HGH or steroids.

Makes sense. Listening to the full interview, you get the feeling that he might have been trying to seem innocent because saying "give me some juice" is a lot more "naive" than talking about stacking Primobolan.

Anyway that was some quality television and despite the ribbing I've given him, he did come across as pretty genuine and remorseful and handled it pretty much as well as I could have hoped for. We're on the right track. Before the 2007 season, he got that pathetic Jeter friendship "issue" out in the open and had a banner year. It's a new season, in The New Stadium, and it's an odd numbered year. I'm predicting big things for Professor Purple Lips this season.

The Many (Awkward) Faces Of Alex Rodriguez

This was too easy. For one thing, I sort of stole the idea from The Sports Hernia.

But really, any person on planet Earth would make a ton of retarded-looking faces when they are being grilled on SportsCenter in front of tens of millions of people about something of this magnitude. Luckily for most of us, we won't have to answer those questions and if we did, some asshole probably wouldn't take the time to take pictures of it with their digital camera off their HDTV, resize and crop them and upload them on to their shitty blog.

However, my job is to not take any of that into account and instead use these screen grabs to make fun of him on these here internets. I watched it in slow motion to select the proper frames, and he looked like he was literally being tortured.

Anyway, here it goes. These pictures make it look like just he recorded the most emotional Proactiv testimonial ever given. I omitted any further snarky comments because they're honestly not even necessary.

It has been far and away our most colorful day here at Fack Youk. Apologies to our black and white traditionalists (Schiff), but it was all original content.

Grammys Screen Grab Recap [Non-Sports]

I hate the Grammys. I hate every award show, actually. The pomp and circumstance is unbearable and the music they are honoring is almost always terrible. That said, since it was on after 60 Minutes and we had an hour of fast forward time saved up on the DVR, we skipped to the performances and roundly mocked them in the typical asshole fashion you have come to expect from Fack Youk.

The Coldplay and Jay-Z combo was actually really sick, but look at the faggy lamp that dude had on his Piano.
(touches finger to earpiece)
What's that?

Oh. I have just been told that it is in fact the reflection of faggy lampshade I picked out at IKEA on our TV. That's embarassing.

Black and White, baby. Kanye is vastly overrated but this was quite a nice touch. Us Fack Youkers approve.

I don't know who either of these lovely ladies are, but that's not important. Here is the question: A chick ripping a guitar solo: Hot or Not?

Sampson says "Not". I'm going to go with "Hot", which is probably because her and I play very similar guitars.

Except mine is a hollowbody, bitch!

I don't know who the chick with Lil' Wayne was either, but she was super-pregs.

Continuing with the theme of me not knowing who any of these people are, I lost a $20 bet (it was almost $100) to Sampson because the girl on the left was actually Miley Cirus. The lady on the right is playing a Taylor with a Koa wood top. Gorgeous.


She's only 16? I'm going to stop right there.