Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Al Leiter's Magic Baseball

Top of the 6th inning in YES broadcast booth:

Leiter: Michael, have you ever said to yourself, "Gee, How do those guys do it? It must be hard to be a Major League pitcher".

Kay: Sure, just look at the torque these put on their arms. It's amazing that they can make it through one pitch without getting injured, let alone a whole season, let alone a 19 year career like you, Al.

Leiter: Well, have you ever wished that you were out there on the mound, throwing high heat and snapping off nasty curveballs?

Kay: I used to when I was a boy growing up as a big Yankee fan in the Bronx, sure.

Leiter: Well now you can, with Al Leiter's Magic Baseball®! Here it comes... Nah-na-na-na-na-na-non-on-no-no-on...

Leiter: Watch, this is how you can throw a blazing 87mph fastball like I did when I was playing! You just go like this.

Leiter: And then it's like 'Whooooohhhhssshhhh'...

Leiter: And 'Ssssssssssfffffffvvvvvrrrrrrrmmmmm'...

Leiter: POP! Steeeeeerikkkee threee! YOU'RE OUTTA THERE!!1!1

Did you catch that?

Kay: I did. You apparently struck that batter out with one pitch.

Leiter: Use your imagination, Michael! Did I mention I used to be a Major League pitcher?

Kay: You did, Al. And the 1-0 from Matusz...

Kay: And Gardner swings and misses at a...

Leiter: (/interrupting) Okay, now look at the curve. It comes in like this... 'Peeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww'

Leiter: Then drops off like this 'Kkkkkkkkksssssssssssttttttttt'...

Leiter: And 'Bbbzzzzoooooooommmmmm.... pffffftt'. Steeeeeeeerrrrikkkkke!

Kay: Al, I don't really see how this baseball is "magic".

Leiter: Okay, it's not actually magic, it just has little wings that pop out and a jet engine in the back!
Kay: That just looks like a regular baseball , Al.

Leiter: It's not, it's not! It's Al Leiter's Magic Baseball® and it's perfect for completely pointless stationary demonstrations done in office chairs on baseball broadcasts.

Kay: But it's not magic, so you probably shouldn't say that it is.

Leiter: I can't say anything I want and I don't have to listen to you! (/plugs ears) Lalalalalalalalalalala!


Kay: There. Now sit still, be quiet and watch the game.

Leiter: (/pouting) I want more candy!

Kay: Give me that.

(/proceeds to eat all of it)

f i n


  1. Gotta tell you, I was really disappointed about a third of the way down when I realized that the dialog wasn't real. I was hoping Al Leiter really was that crazy in the booth. Way to bum me out.

  2. Haaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

  3. said you'd do it.

  4. The sad thing is this little mockumentary isn't far off from the real thing...