ESPN Widget Headlines Compelling, Current [Part III]

I'm going to keep doing this until ESPN realizes that the point of a widget is to bring forward breaking stories that people may have not heard about yet. You know, something like this. Or this. Or this. At least there isn't any mention of this dumbassery.

Weed Is Good For You, Just Ask Santonio Holmes!

As you may recall, Santonio Holmes was arrested in late October:

Mr. Holmes did not have his driver's license but handed over his registration and insurance paperwork. Officers said they smelled marijuana in the SUV. Officer Kusenko asked Mr. Holmes if he had been smoking marijuana in the SUV that day.

"No," Mr. Holmes told officers, according to the affidavit, "but yesterday I was."

Police said Mr. Holmes told them he had marijuana in the vehicle. He pointed out two marijuana-filled cigars, known as "blunts," in a vehicle compartment. Officers recovered a third blunt from a pack of cigars in the center console.

That, my friends, is how you get arrested with some dignity. You hand over your stash, take your lumps and move on with your life. Not that I would know anything about that...

The fact that the NFL punishes people for smoking pot is so hypocritical and backwards its not even worth getting into. These guys have a life expectancy 20 years shorter than other American males, and its not because some of them occassionally take a toke of the green.

The Governor of Cully-fawn-ee-ah used to smoke back when he was Mr. Universe. He said it helped him get to sleep, the time when muscles repair themselves and become stronger. "That is not a drug. It's a leaf," Schwarzenegger told GQ. "My drug was pumping iron, trust me." It's actually not the leaf, it's the bud, but I like where his head is at.

NFL players beat the living hell out of their bodies on a daily basis and it's kind of retarded to say that they can take Percosets, Vicodin, and other insanely powerful painkillers we have probably have never even heard of, but can't roll up a dutch with their homies.

/Steps down from soapbox

Anyway, the Weeded Wonder was other-worldly last night. This catch in the 3rd quarter was downright dexterous (and the screen grab slightly trippy):

This one just barely went through his hands.

But not this one.

Santonio, you are the man, sir. And I didn't even have to mention this.

"I sold my gold hip replacement"

Since we had people over last night, we watched the commercials, being that it was the Super Bowl and everything.

The big winner: Cash4Gold.com

This is the absolute perfect situation for a Super Bowl ad. You have a marginally known company that has shady, borderline-infomercial advertisements and for $3M, you get instant credibility. The price of gold is up (well not today, they might have actually moved the market...) and people are probably looking to pawn some shit since the economy is terrible. Well played, Cash4Gold.com. To boot, it was hilarious, and obviously a seismic upgrade from this.

"Focus and finish"

[word for word, starting at 12:29AM]

Stuart Scott: "Someone once said, football is a game of the heart. Focus and Finish. The Steeler players and even the Steeler fans, focused, and finished, the entire game.

"Someone once said" is the worst way to being a sentence available in the English language. Either cite an influential, historical person, or just take the line for yourself. And obviously, the reason he didn't cite an actual person is that... NO ONE EVER FUCKING SAID THAT. Those 2 1/2 sentences are a heaping of mindless drivel. You know who that "someone" was? The geek in the truck who just wrote that line for him. And the Steelers fans? How the fuck did they "focus" or "finish" anything?

Stuart Scott: Guys, I want one word, that describes this Super game-this-Super Bowl for you...

Trent Dilfer: "Unreal"
Keyshawn Johnson: "Epic"
Cris Carter: [emphatically] "More"
Steve Levy: "I'm gonna go, Fitting"
Stuart Scott: "I'm gonna go, Deserved"

1. Hardly a word.
2. A cliche among cliches.
3. That doesn't even begin to make sense.
4. Fitting? Because the Cardinals lost in heartbreaking fashion?
5. Okay...

Hey, at least no one said "incredible".


I'll have some more screen grabs tomorrow and a more complete recap by the time everyone is sick of the whole subject (besides my buddy Greg), but that 4th quarter really was epic, deserved, unreal, fitting and more!

The Santonio Holmes catch in the corner of the endzone presents an argument against the David Tyree catch for greatest Super Bowl play of all time. It happened in the end zone with less time remaining on the clock. If you are a Steelers' fan, I know which one you are choosing.

[lil' color]

Exclusive From Tampa!

[The Hyatt Regency, Tampa. 10:30 this morning]

The Lamb of God: Guys, we've got our work cut out for us. The Steelers defense is fast and athletic, with the hardest hitting secondary in the league. Their linebackers...

'Quan: Allz I know is dat we best not be runnin no mothafuckin one wide receiver set tonight. Sheeeeiiiiiiittt.

The Lamb of God: Anquan, my son, I understand your angst. Everyone wants to make a positive contribution to their team, and...

'Quan: Jesus, I ain't think you heard me, dawg. GIVE A MOTHAFUCKA THA BALL.

Kurtis the Bag Boy: Q, we connected for over 1,000 yards and 11 touchdowns this year. We've just got to trust what our Lord and Savior says.

'Quan: I said my piece, bitches. [Exits left]

The Human-like Machine Referred To As "Larry Fitzgerald": [stares off into the distance]

The Lamb of God: Kurtis, my favorite son. I have brought you this far, now you and your titanium-hearted accomplice must finish what we started. Are you up for the task?

Kurtis the Bag Boy: I believe so, your Holiness.

The Lamb of God: I have selected some motivational music to guide you on this perilous journey.

[Scrolls through iPod. Selects song. Places iPod in sound dock.]