Congratulations, Rick Porcello!

Yes, the timing of this induction is a somewhat unfortunate since Deadspin just wrapped up its Hall of Fame voting and if you do something as a sportsblogger after Deadspin does it, it immediately becomes passé. But if Rick Porcello doesn't get a terribly photoshopped plaque for the events that took place last night at Fenway Park, we might as well change the name of the site to "Dustin Pedrioa Sawks Cawk".

What was great about last night was that Youk was absolutely the aggressor in the fracas, and although Porcello appeared to want nothing to do with it, he ended up on top. For a man who is 6'1", 220 to be thrown to the ground by someone who is a lanky 6'5" 200 and backpedaling must mean one thing... The guy whoze doin' da throwin' is a good ol' Paisan from fuggin' Jerzee... Am I right?

Fredrick Alfred Porcello III, you did something last night we all wish we had the opportunity to do at one point or another. Sure, Youk probably would have kicked most of our asses, but not you, sir. You stood tall and scored a victory for everyone who has ever watch Youked settle into the batters box, gyrating like a rhinoceros trying to fuck a washing machine, jerking off the bat and said, "Fuck this guy".

Welcome to the Fack Youk Hall of Fame. You've earned it.

Welcome To The Fack Youk Hall Of Fame, Matt Taibbi

I don't care if the point of his article was to say that swamp donkeys like the Fackin' Youkah are undervalued because of their hideousity, as opposed to our new handsome(ly paid) first baseman. If you drop lines like these, you too, fair reader may recieve the honor of a terribly photoshopped (actually MS Painted) Fack Youk Hall Of Fame plaque. (h/t Simon on Sports)

Then there’s Kevin Youkilis. Youk has only three body parts, all hideously oversized: an enormous set of gnomish, bushy forearms; a massive, casaba melon–size white head; and a cauldronlike belly. He has a truly awesome bristle of thick red chin hair that makes his face look like a cross between a vagina and something out of The Hobbit.

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Whereas a guy like Teixeira was born with a swing so gorgeous you want to paint it, Youkilis fighting a middle reliever to a nine-pitch walk looks like a rhinoceros trying to fuck a washing machine.

Our inaugural inductee.

/sheds tear

It probably should have been Joba for throwing at Youk's head, or Manny for getting into a shoving match with him in the dugout, but both of those events predate our site's existence.

Congratulations, Matt. Come claim your prize of a drink on me at the Manhattan watering hole of your choice. Operators are standing by.