Jonathan Papelbon ≠ Mariano Rivera. Ever.

Take it away, Gordon Edes...

I'm sorry, what?

Again, but just the second part:

Whose path?

Okay.

Mariano Rivera's "path" began in Puerto Caimito, Panama playing baseball with makeshift equipment in the streets. He signed with the Yankees for $3,000 and spent 5 years toiling in the minors. Now he's won 5 World Series, is the greatest closer ever and has accomplished it all with a freakish reliance on one pitch. Jonathan Papelbon was a starting pitcher in the minors, has one World Series ring and closes for a team in the AL East, but you lose me after that.

Now, aside from the fact that both guys have three vowels in their last name, what are these amazing off the field similarities?

When you compare the earnings curve of the Yankees' icon and the Red Sox All-Star, there are definite parallels, especially in the way both have worked on one-year deals in the early years of their careers.

Yes. Them and 75% of the other players to reach the Major Leagues. See, there is a process called arbitration, and most players aren't offered multi-year deals that buy out... Nevermind. Maybe I'm nitpicking here, but "off the field" usually refers to a player's life away from baseball, not his contract status with his team.

But continue, Gordon, with these uncanny parallels:

Rivera had two Series rings when he became eligible for arbitration for the first time in 1999 and signed a one-year deal for $4.25 million. He went to an arbitration hearing before the following season, 2000, and lost, receiving a contract for $7.25 million after asking for $9.25 million. His $3 million raise was just $100,000 short of what Papelbon received.

Yes, what a coincidence that Papelbon and Rivera both performed well, went through the same process and got similarly proportioned raises. It's almost as if Papelbon's agent used Rivera as a precedent!

And now for the part where Edes completely submarines his own analogy:

Papelbon has demonstrated that he will not settle for anything less than what he considers fair value for his talents, and the Red Sox may not be willing to pay eight figures for a closer. And unlike the Yankees, the Red Sox have a prospective closer-in-waiting in Daniel Bard.

The last Yankees closer before Rivera was an All-Star named John Wetteland, who was named MVP of the 1996 World Series after saving all four games against the Atlanta Braves. But after the season, the Yankees allowed Wetteland to leave as a free agent because Rivera was in the wings. And we all know how that worked out.

Got that folks? Jonathan Papelbon = Mariano Rivera. Until the last paragraph, wherein Jonathan Papelbon = John Wetteland and Daniel Bard becomes Rivera.

Was Jonathan Papelbon raised in a fishing village in Panama? Did he once work upon a commercial shrimping boat? Is he devoutly religious? Is he fluent in Spanish? Does he own a steakhouse in New Rochelle?

No. Jonathan Papelbon is a blithering ignoramus who picks out names for his kids based on whether they are "badass" or not. He says stupid things without thinking. He's a demonstrative douchebag on the mound. He does not throw a cut fastball. He's part childish buffoon and part ungracious asshole. In short he's the anti-Mo.

Rivera is as distinguished of a player as there is active in baseball. He conducts himself with dignity and class in every facet in his life that is visible to the public. It's nothing short of insulting to Mo to equate him to Papelbon in an way. To do so is to stoop to lazy, hacky journalism. Eventually, someone may follow in Mariano Rivera's "path" to some extent. But that person will not be Jonathan Papelbon.

"You Got No Wins Here, So Better Luck Next Time"

Victor Martinez probably thought he was going to be the hero of last night's game. You could tell by the way he watched his two run homer run off Phil Coke soar into the left field seats in the eighth inning. It was understandable. He was 1-14 in the series to that point, the Red Sox had been trailing 1-0 and were mired in a 31 inning, 116 plate appearance scoreless drought. The difference between 4.5 games back and 6.5 is increasingly significant at this point in the season considering there are only 6 head to head match ups remaining. Instead of saving the Red Sox from a brutal four game sweep, Martinez's shot was more of a last stand; a heroic effort that only temporarily stemmed the tide.

The game started as another pitcher's duel up. Andy Pettitte distributed seven baserunners over 7 innings while striking four without allowing a run. Jon Lester was almost as good, with the only run he allowed in 7 frames coming on a solo shot to A-Rod in the bottom of the seventh inning to break the scoreless tie.

Daniel Bard came on in the bottom of the 8th and looked as if he was about to hand the lead over to Jonathan Papelbon after Hideki Matsui and Derek Jeter both grounded out after a barrage of 97 and 98MPH fastballs. However, Johnny Damon scorched the next one of those he saw into the Yankee bullpen. For the third time in the series, the Red Sox had taken the lead and the Yankees responded by scoring in the next half inning. But they weren't done there.

With Mark Teixeira at the plate, Bard went away from his fastball and instead threw two breaking pitches. In stark contrast to Damon's bullet before, Teix turned on the second one and lofted a sky high shot down the right field line and followed it towards first base with his bat lofted triumphantly in the air. It hung in the air interminably, allowing the crowd noise to swell even louder before landing in the second deck. Teix stole Victor Martinez's thunder and then took a curtain call to top it off. Bard had faced 138 hitters in his major league career to that point and allowed just one home run. Make that that 140 and 3.

Bard allowed the inning to continue by walking A-Rod and was lifted in favor of Hideki Okijima. The lefty allowed three consecutive base hits, a double to Jorge Posada and singles to Robinson Cano and Nick Swisher, which pushed the Yankee lead to 5-2. In all, they sent six runners to plate with two outs in the 8th.

The Sox brought the tying run to plate in the top of the ninth after Mariano Rivera walked David Ortiz, but Jacoby Ellsbury grounded out to first base to end the game.

The Sox are now reeling, having lost 6 straight and fallen into a tie with the Rangers for the Wild Card with the Rays lurking only a game and a half behind them. The Yanks have won seven straight and have the best record in baseball.

I know we don't usually drop songs in our game recaps, but this one is too good to pass up.

Straight like that, straight out the gate,
Cause it's never too late, to set this fuckin' record straight.

But it is too late, for you and your crew, son,
You had the audacity to come against me, the gifted one?
And Primo with the tracks, to inspire my next line,
You've got no wins here, so better luck next time.

You thought you brought your best lines,
But they couldn't touch mine,
I rocked you in your knot,
Hope you have better luck next time.

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

Quarter past 3:00, and nothing is doing on the Yankee front. A few things are going down around the league with some relevance to our cause, though. Let's check in with MLBTR:

• Jarrod Washburn to the Tigers - Probably a blessing in disguise. Washburn is a flyball pitcher who was due for a regression in BABIP coming from one of the very best pitcher's parks to one of the very worst were he to come to the Yanks.
  
  
• Red Sox are getting Victor Martinez - It appears they have shipped Justin Masteron, Nick Hagadone and Bryan Price, meaning they aren't parting with Bucholz or Bard. Now they are shopping Adam LaRoche to make room. [Update: LaRoche swapped for Casey Kotchman. They are basically the same player, no?]
  
  
• Roy Halladay isn't going anywhere - Shocker!
  
  
• Potential target Justin Duchscherer's rehab start was mysteriously scratched.

If calling up Shelly Duncan from AAA is the biggest thing that happens on the trade deadline, I'm going to be pretty disappointed.

Maybe The Seventh Time Is A Charm?

[Pics from here since MLB.tv still doesn't have the archived game up yet]

The last time A.J. Burnett and Josh Beckett squared off was the day of the NFL draft. That afternoon both of the former Marlin teammates were lit up with very similar lines, giving up 8 runs each, including 2HRs, in five innings of work.

Impossibly, Burnett's performance was actually worse tonight, the night of the MLB draft. He gave up 5 runs (3 earned) in 2 2/3IP, walked five batters, only struck out one and blew through 84 pitches (40(!) strikes) to get those 8 outs. He allowed his 12th home run this year in as as many starts, a deep blast to straightaway center to some chump with a .308 slugging percentage entering that at bat. In an amusing and unintentionally pathetic display, Sox fans called Papi out after this second inning two run jack for a curtain call. Congrats, Papi... You know you are a sad case when people are applauding things that you used to make look pretty routine not too long ago.

On the other end of the spectrum, the Josh Beckett subdued the Yankees offensively like they had been hit with a tranquilizer dart and stuffed in his trunk. In the process of being rung up on strikes eight times in six innings, only three men were able to reach base. No Yankee achieved that feat more than once in the game. Beckett carried a no-hitter into the fourth inning until he was unceremoniously jinxed by an anonymous commenter on the game post. When your team's lone offensive highlight is of someone breaking up the opposing pitcher's no-hitter, you know it wasn't a very fun contest to watch. After only 94 pitches through six innings, Terry Francona went to the bullpen, who kept the shut out in tact.

One of the pitchers he called on was highly touted prospect Daniel Bard. He worked a perfect ninth inning and came out throwing hard. So hard, in fact, that the YES guns repeatedly clocked his offspeed pitches in the high 90's and once at 100mph. Amazing.

The final pitch of the game was clearly a slider to Robinson Cano. 100MPH?

Although there were 11 walks issued in the game (7 by the Yankees), it wrapped up in a tidy 3:04. It was a damp affair, as mist swirled around Fenway throughout the entire contest. It was a horrible game to watch, but it least it didn't take all night like every Yanks vs. Sox game seems to. The six in a row the Sox have taken from the Yankees is the longest such streak since 1912.

That's enough masochism for tonight, I think. Hey, the Yanks are still tied for first with the Sox despite being 0-6 against them. Yaaay...

/downs more scotch.

Let's try it again tomorrow.