Fack Youk Exclusive: Phil Mickelson Still Left Handed

This morning, my friend Mike and I had a tee time for 10:12 on Bethpage Red. The forecast looked pretty bleak, but not willing to blow off the time and risk a no-show fee if the course wasn't closed, we worked our way out the Long Island Expressway through pretty thick traffic. We walked into the shop and were told that due to all the rain, the course was shut down for the day. It kind of sucked, but typically when you get rained out of a round of golf, you don't get to walk around the course where the U.S. Open is going to be played in less than two weeks.

It was still raining pretty hard, but Mike and I headed over towards the first tee on the Black Course. An archipelago of umbrellas were lined up along the tee box, and given how poor the weather was, we assumed there had to be something worth seeing.
On the tee was Phil Mickelson, his caddy Bones and short game guru Dave Pelz. Phil hit three tee balls, two of them perfect blasts down the center of the fairway, looked at Bones and said "Okay, that's enough. Let's go inside". The balls were just left sitting in the fairway. Phil wasn't going to be playing golf today either (at least for a little while).

That there is the 18th green of the Black course. If it looks like it's completely covered in a sheet of water, well, that's because it was.

I have plans to go out a practice day next week (Tuesday or Wednesday) and possibly a day of the tournament. If either of those happen I'll get back to you with some pictures and a definitive answer as to whether Vijay Singh is as much of a douchebag as everyone says.

Signing an Autograph Is Not a Charitable Act

Good morning Fackers. It's Monday morning, so you're likely grumpy, as am I. But you know who's really in a bad mood? Alex Rios.

After going 0 for 5 with 5 Ks in last Thursday's matinee, taking the rarely seen platinum sombrero for the second time in his career, Rios headed out for a night on the town at a team sponsored charity function. Let's go to the videotape, which features some NSFW language:



Wow. You stay classy there Alex Rios. I believe the locals would say that you are a hoser. Rios is not performing too well this year and I have him on both my fantasy teams. I don't know if I can tolerate this type of behavior from one of my players. If you're going to play for The Boozehounds or A-Rod's Bitch Tits you have to carry yourself like a professional both on and off the field.

I'd also like the record to show that I departed Toronto Tuesday; so I was in no way a party to this. Schiff on the other hand may have something to add.

It's Cool Guys, Manny Was Just Trying To Get Pregnant

From ESPN:

However, two sources told ESPN's T.J. Quinn and Mark Fainaru-Wada that the drug used by Ramirez is HCG -- human chorionic gonadotropin. HCG is a women's fertility drug typically used by steroid users to restart their body's natural testosterone production as they come off a steroid cycle. It is similar to Clomid, the drug Bonds, Giambi and others used as clients of BALCO.