Inspire The Ire: Eagles Enmity [Part IV]

[This is part III of the several-part Fack Youk presentation: Inspire The Ire: Eagles Enmity. Here are Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 if you missed them.]

I moved to Philadelphia over two and a half years ago after spending the majority of my life in Upstate New York. While this has been a great experience, both personally and professionally, it has also opened my eyes to by far the worst group of people on the face of the Earth. Yes, I am talking about the fan base of the Philadelphia Eagles. I am not saying this just because I am a fan of the defending Super Bowl Champion New York Football Giants; I can promise you I would be saying the same if I were a Broncos fan.

Prior to moving to the City of Brotherly Love, my perception of the stereotype of an Eagles fan was that they were a bunch of blue-collar, hard working guys who live and die by the team, do not take kindly to opposing fans in their stadium and boo anything in sight. This could not be further from the truth, and I would respect them a whole lot more if this were accurate. No, they are degenerate idiots, who know nothing about football, their team, sports, or reality in general. Everything about the Eagles screams trashy, from the awful people that call into the Howard Eskin show, to the ghetto tailgate, to the trashy drunk girl in the stands screaming at everyone in her immediate vicinity, but can't name 3 players on the field (come to think of it, this probably describes 60% of the stadium).

I have been having a tough time deciding how to properly outline just how awful this group of human beings really is, so I have decided to lay out a few points and expound on what exactly has led to such a deep hatred after just two and a half years.

1. Eagles Fans Are Not Tough (like they claim to be): Last season, all I heard was how awful the Giants were and how embarrassing it must be to be a Giants fan. Well that went out the door after the Giants' Super Bowl run and not one of these people would respond to a text or call for weeks. If I were on the receiving end, and in the slight possibility the Giants were to lose this weekend, I would be a stand-up guy and admit defeat to everyone I have been talking shit to all year. Not Eagles fans. They are a bunch of 2nd rate, crying babies who like to talk tough before the game is played on the field, and disappear when they lose.
   
2. Eagles Fans Are Racist: This is the only explanation for the hatred of Donovan McNabb. The man has led them to 8 playoff wins in 10 years and a Super Bowl appearance, yet they despise him and want to run him out of town after every incompletion. They claim all that matters is a Super bowl, yet not one QB in an Eagles uniform has ever won one, even their all time favorite QB, Ronald Vincent "Jaws" Jaworski who just happens to be white (and is possibly one of the most annoying human beings in the world). McNabb is the Eagles all-time leader in every category that matters, yet they hate him with a passion.
   
3. Eagles Fans Do Not Watch The Game: I have had the unfortunate experience of attending about 5 games at Lincoln Financial Field over the past couple of years. Each time, only a handful of fans in my section were paying attention to the game; the rest were looking for fans in an away jersey to chant “Asshole, Asshole, Asshole” at (I think Philly kids are taught in school to do this). In addition, I watched last weekend’s Vikings-Eagles matchup with a number of Eagles "fans.” I saw much more of the game than any of them, but sure enough when the Eagles barely beat a mediocre team, they went on tell me how badly the Giants were going to lose.


4. Eagles Fans Wear Their Jerseys Everywhere: This is the most annoying aspect of Eagles fans. THEY WEAR THEIR FUCKING JERSEYS EVERYWHERE! It is awful. I swear to you, if you go to a Phillies game in June, you will see Eagles jerseys everywhere. And I am not talking about a nice throw back or an authentic jersey, I am talking about the ugly as fuck black cheap ones. If this is not bad enough, they have the nerve to sit at a Phillies or Sixers or Flyers game and scream at the top of the lungs (in their hideous black jerseys) the most dreaded chant in all of sports, E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES! Hey asshole, do you realize you are at baseball game in June, or are you just trying to annoy the shit out of me?

These people are like gnats. They are everywhere and while they are more or less harmless (see point number 1), the mere sight of them annoys the absolute shit out of you. I must admit, this does not describe the entire fan base. Many of my local friends are Eagles fans and most are objective, reasonable fans like you or me. However, I think I found the only ten sane fans in the entire city. I want nothing more than the Giants to win 107-0 on Sunday and listen to them bitch and whine for the next six months about how much Andy Reid sucks and McNabb has never won a big game. All I will do is remind them our goofy looking QB has.

LET'S GO G-MEN!!!!!!!!!!!