Showing posts with label strippers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label strippers. Show all posts

Monday, October 12, 2009

Happy Columbus Day

Good morning Fackers, and it certainly is a good morning today. In addition to the Yankees completing the sweep last night, it's Columbus Day today. Despite my limited Italian heritage, this holiday is essentially meaningless to me now since I haven't had it as a day off since I was in college a whole eight years ago (that's a depressing thought in its own right). Just be thankful I didn't lead into this holiday weekend with a Pearl Jam preview on Friday night.

Anyway, in honor of the holiday, we're naming future Yankee back up catcher Frankie Cervelli and former Yankee back up catcher Sal "Paesano" Fasano as honorary Fack Youk mayors for the day. As their first order of business, they've taken Joba Chamberlain's locker from him and pressed him into indentured servitude for the day. He was last seen preparing calzones for the mayors. The Latin American players on the team seem to think their lockers may be the next to go, though A-Rod is said to be excited that Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria could possibly be mannish looking strippers.

Like I said last night, we've got a lot of dead time to fill until Friday. Meanwhile, head on down to your local butcher's shop to get your Columbus Day eats...

Monday, May 4, 2009

Deader Horse: A-Fraud Or Swine Flu?

Let me first say that neither of these stories are anywhere near as annoying as hearing about the economy every ten fucking seconds. It's one gigantic self-fulfilling prophecy that bleeds into every facet of life, including sports. The difference between that and the two things in the headline is that the economy actually affects everyone, and the coverage is not wildly out of proportion. 

Nothing that has come out about A-Rod has been remotely current nor does it alter the life course of anyone besides himself and his immediate family. We are talking about him supposedly taking steroids/HGH, banging strippers, leaving somewhat below average gratuity at Hooters and tipping pitches to opposing batters in games that were essentially already decided.

We find it upsetting or salacious or unfair or distasteful, but all at a certain distance. The same distance we use to view celebrity exploits, watch reality shows and gossip about co-workers. It's superficial bullshit that's not concretely correlated to your own life. 

Despite what every news organization on Earth would like you to think, Swine Flu isn't relevant to your life, either. There are roughly 290 confirmed cases in the U.S.  Your odds of contracting it (let alone dying from it) are something like a million to one. There's a significantly better chance you are a regular reader of this blog, for fuck's sake.

The only reason people talk about it is because, like "A-Rod", it grabs people's attention in a headline. Welcome to the internet, the home of 10 second attention spans where your stories better be eye-opening right off the bat. And a sure recipe for that is to include a disease named after something to do with animals. 

Mad Cow Disease, Monkey Pox, Bird Flu, Hoof and Mouth Disease and now the Swine Flu. Am I missing any? They haven't even found one pig with it yet. If they had been calling it the "N1H1 Flu" all along, do you honestly think the entire country would be aware of it? Attention Doctors: If you want to raise the awareness of a certain disease... just name it after an animal. A few suggestions:
  • Deer Measles
  • Canine SARS
  • Horse Herpes
  • Toad Rubella
  • Sheep AIDS
  • Spider Meningitis
  • Duck Lupus
  • Fish Trichinosis
  • Bullfrog Fever
  • Goat Gout
Pick any of those (especially Horse Herpes) and it will be a household name in two weeks. 

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Here is the reason Swine Flu is much more annoying to me: The result of the eventual saturation of coverage is a country who is fucking paranoid about something that is literally a one in a million shot. About 63,000 people in this country die from the regular flu every year. So far from Swine Flu? One toddler

On the other hand, now that the A-Rod firestorm is now reaching it's saturation point, people are starting get tired of it. We get it. He's phony and insecure and a cheap tipper (in more ways that one). Let's move on. It's putting things in perspective as opposed to blowing them out of proportion. 

Informal poll time! What say you, Fackers? 

A-Rod or S-Flu? Cheaters or Pigs? Clubhouse Cancers or Contagious Viruses? Character Assassination or Fear Mongering? 


[Note: I don't know that I would have the same perspective if I hadn't been reading Craig from Shysterball's takes on the Selena Roberts book. If you haven't heard his opinion on the matter, do yourself a favor and follow that link.]