Monday, March 16, 2009

Fackin' Youk

So I had one of my two fantasy drafts last night. First round, I selected Ryan Braun with the #5 pick. Great, a Brewer... I strongly dislike the Brewers -- from the Selig connection, to all the hard miles they put on Sabathia, and their GM Doug Melvin bitching after he signed with the Yankees.

In the second round I picked Johan. I want to see Johan fail. Why? Because I'm a Yankees fan and if Johan fails, the Mets fail. Also, as an ardent Phil Hughes supporter, I want vindication and do not want the pressure of equating Johan on the young Mr. Hughes.

Third round, I took Prince Fielder to have the pleasure of manning my First Base. Great, another facking Brewer. Please refer to the aforementioned Braun commentary. Thankfully, this league does not count defensive statistics.

The Fourth Round came up. I could use a Third Baseman. With a good OPS. Who is available? Not Wright nor A-Rod nor Evan Longoria nor Brandon Phillips. Who else is available? This blog's Anti-Christ. Kevin fackin' Youkilis.

Did I pick him? If you guessed that I answered this question in the affihmative, you would be correct. Fackin' great. My most hated player is on my team. How much do I hate this guy? I write for a blog named "Fack Youk." I had the Greek/Jewish God of Walks on my team last year too (when I won the league!), so this is nothing new to me. Why did I pick him? Does this mean that I like him? Does this mean that I have to quit writing for "Fack Youk?" Fellas, please forgive me. I promise that I will not root for him.

Like my ownership of ProShares UltraShort S&P500 (ticker SDS) in which I benefit from Barack Obama operating the economy in a manner similar to how Chuck Knoblauch operated at Second Base, namely throwing everything away, I treat it as a hedge position. Why not benefit from his production? Why should he have to screw me twice by screwing the Yankees and my fantasy team when I play against him? Fackin' A, fackin' Youk is on my fackin' team again...

What is your worst fantasy conflict of interest story?


  1. I drafted Papelboner in the 26th (last) round the year he debuted, and was only supposed to be the set-up guy to Foulke. With our rules, we can keep a player for 3 years, each year 3 rounds higher than his previous draft round. So I had to root for Papelboner to close every win for the Sox for 3 seasons.

    I won my league 2x in that timeframe. The Sox won it once.

  2. Not baseball, but having Marion Barber last year was pretty terrible.

    Never been in a fantasy baseball league...

  3. Youk is the man!!! Youuuuuuk!!!

  4. I had Romo this year in one of my leagues. Luckily I got Aaron Rodgers late and was able to bench Romo alot.

  5. @Jason

    You also had to root for Papelbon to not fucking die of a stroke at the end of the 07 World Series, because that was my biggest fear.

    Last year, still bitter about the previous Super Bowl, I not only named all of my fantasy football teams "Osi HumanUrine," but stuck with one policy: No Giants. I don't want your kicker, I don't want your defense, I don't even want your fucking 3rd-string TE, Giants.

    Although, conversely, I always seem to end up taking Mariano in my baseball leagues. Which doesn't really bother me, cuz he's like good at baseball and stuff.

  6. This is exactly why fantasy sports are an abomination and sacrilege to the gods of baseball.

    The game is played on the field, not a stat sheet.