Chicks With Guitars

I posed this question a while back, but in light of the nasty guitar solo Susan Tedeschi just laid down during Southbound, it must be resurrected:

Here is the question: A chick ripping a guitar solo: Hot or Not?

Check out the look of pride on Derek Truck's face (and the one of surprise on Warren's) if you think I'm messing with you. With all due respect to Sampson, the answer is "Hot. Real, real hot".

As they were exiting the stage, this got picked up on Greg's mic:

"Thanks for letting me play man, it was fun" ~ Bruce Hornsby

Yes.

-----

Shut up, I had tons of other things I could have done with my Saturday night, but chose to watch this concert instead (not really, but I blame Meredith for making me start drinking at 2:00).

Derek Jeter Is Recession Proof

You thought A-Rod's 8,300 sq. ft. mansion in Coral Gables, Florida was sick? Derek Jeter is not impressed. (via Neil Best)

New York Yankees slugger Derek Jeter is building a behemoth of a mansion just a stone's throw from downtown Tampa.

Once completed, the seven-bedroom, nine-bathroom house on Davis Islands will be 30,875 square feet, according to Hillsborough County public records. To give you an idea of how big that is, the average Best Buy store is 39,700 square feet. That's also twice as big as the Bayshore Boulevard mansion of Lazydays RV SuperCenter founder Don Wallace.

To give you more of an idea of how fucking ridiculous and excessive that is, I grew up just down the street from this place. It's only 20,000 square feet, and supposedly cost $32.5M to build... in 1992. It has a glass elevator and a "mermaid bar", which has windows looking up into their indoor pool. The cobblestone driveway is heated and it leads to a split underground 12 car rotating garage. The house for their two Dalmatians was (and maybe still is) a scaled-down replica of the main building.

It gets more ridiculous:

Crafted from over 1,200 tons of Ithaca’s Llenroc Stone (the same material used to construct the Llenroc dormitory at Cornell University), this elegant home has a first floor master suite with his and her bathrooms, 15 fireplaces, $3.5 million worth of imported Scandanavian marble flooring, hundreds of unique hand-painted Portuguese tiles, a formal dining room featuring 24 karat gold guilded ceilings and moldings, walnut design inlaid hardwood floors, miles of mahogany moldings, a five-floor glass elevator, four galleries, and a servant’s kitchen with its own elevator.

Because 18 karat gold guilded ceilings just wouldn't do.

Click through here and look at the pictures. It's astonishing. I could go on longer, but you'd be better served Googling "Llenroc" (Cornell spelled backwards) because it will blow your mind. The story behind it is pretty interesting also. Al Lawrence, the man who built that monstrosity spent two months at the very end of his life in jail for fraud, embezzlement, and tax evasion. It was only two months because his cancer was diagnosed as terminal and we was released to die at home (which he did in 2002). That seems fair.

Llenroc is excessive, garish, gaudy, decadent, ostentatious, ... yes?

Now make it 50% larger.

Because that's Derek Jeter's place. Imagine if A-Rod was building that home right now? People would want to burn him at the stake. What's the difference?

NCAA Tournament, Drankin', and Gamblin'

Today I took a personal day to watch the NCAA. There will be drinking, gambling on bodog, tv watching, and grilling. I will be updating this post throughout the day (or until I can't see the keyboard anymore) so stay tuned. Lets Go CUSE!!!!!

(42' Plasma, laptop w/ gambling capabilites, first beer of the day at 12:10)

2:10 PM - Take that Stephen A. Austin!
2:11 PM - Gus Johnson is the greatest announcer ever.

Betting Recommendations:
[Ed Note: Fack Youk in no way condones the degeneracy associated with gambling. All recommendations are for entertainment purposes only. If you think you have a problem, please call your local gambling addiction hotline...or don't, because we really don't care.]

1st Half - 2PM Games
Cornell vs. Missouri Over 67½
Temple +3

2nd Half - Noon Games
Cuse and SFA under 70
Marquette -2 and Tenn/OSU under 82.5 parlayed

1st Half - Noon games
Tenn giving -1
Cuse and SFA under 61
Kansas giving 5.5 and Marquette giving 3.5 parlayed

Welcome To The Fack Youk Hall Of Fame, Matt Taibbi

I don't care if the point of his article was to say that swamp donkeys like the Fackin' Youkah are undervalued because of their hideousity, as opposed to our new handsome(ly paid) first baseman. If you drop lines like these, you too, fair reader may recieve the honor of a terribly photoshopped (actually MS Painted) Fack Youk Hall Of Fame plaque. (h/t Simon on Sports)

Then there’s Kevin Youkilis. Youk has only three body parts, all hideously oversized: an enormous set of gnomish, bushy forearms; a massive, casaba melon–size white head; and a cauldronlike belly. He has a truly awesome bristle of thick red chin hair that makes his face look like a cross between a vagina and something out of The Hobbit.

>8

Whereas a guy like Teixeira was born with a swing so gorgeous you want to paint it, Youkilis fighting a middle reliever to a nine-pitch walk looks like a rhinoceros trying to fuck a washing machine.

Our inaugural inductee.

/sheds tear

It probably should have been Joba for throwing at Youk's head, or Manny for getting into a shoving match with him in the dugout, but both of those events predate our site's existence.

Congratulations, Matt. Come claim your prize of a drink on me at the Manhattan watering hole of your choice. Operators are standing by.

Come And Go Blues

The show started just before 8:30. And they opened with a live version of Little Martha backed by a slideshow of Duane and the early days.


At the beginning of Statesboro Blues, Derek's guitar wasn't working...

And then about three minutes later, it was my internet that wasn't working.

Awesome timing. It's not like I had been waiting for this for an entire week or anything...

That pretty much sums it up right there. I was running a cable and was connected to two different wireless networks that I usually steal from, so it wasn't just my issue. The whole area was down.

Even Billy in 4C couldn't help a brother out.

This felt exactly like the time when I was still playing online poker for a "living" and flopped four jacks at a final table. I had the second biggest chip stack in play and was about to run away with the tournament (provided my opponent didn't draw two perfect runners to a straight flush) when my internet shat out. Once the 90 second disconnect grace period was up, the other player, who could have had two pair or some bullshit, probably just made the minimum bet and my hand was automatically folded. By the time the connection came back 45 minutes later, my stack had been blinded down to a measly pittance and I ended up in 7th place.

Except that's not how this ended.

After almost two hours of watching the 'Zags zap the Zips and other NCAA Tournament action (which isn't a terrible consolation prize) the internet rose from the dead right in the middle of Good Morning Little School Girl.

Immediately after the song, Greg announced Clapton and they broke into Key to the Highway.

DreamsWhy Does Love Got To Be So Sad

Little Wing

Anyday

Encore Break:

Layla (Piano jam)

The two hours without internet were pretty brutal. Any two hours of my life spent indoors without access to broadband is inconvenient, but I had been looking forward to this and hyping it up for a week. And you know, the main reason that I bought Moogis was to be able to watch this show live.

On the other hand, what made this show so sick was Clapton, and I caught every note of the songs he stood in on. Not to mention that the song selection was awesome. I got my wish for Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad, so tomorrow I'll be out on the town and will turn my password over to Cliff, who is probably the biggest Clapton fan I know. Enjoy it, homey.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go move my car which I spent two hours in searching for a spot last night, before I ended up parking on the same block I was on, on the same side of the street.

The Allmans & Clapton

Key to the Highway
Dreams
Why Does Love got To Be So Sad
[Ed. Note: YESSSSS]
Little Wing
Anyday (with Susan Tedeschi)

Encore:
Layla

What's Worse?

Your boss seeing that you are watching March Madness at your desk or catching you making a spreadsheet of "NCAA TOURNAMENT: SINGLE-GAME INDIVIDUAL RECORDS"?


Thanks Comcast! Now my boss will never know how worthless I am to the company!

Damn advertising. It ruins everything. Good thing I'm quick on the trigger (minimize button).

Stallworth "Grief Stricken" After Accident

From the National Football Post:

Cleveland Browns receiver Donte Stallworth says he is “grief stricken” over his car accident that killed a pedestrian on a busy causeway linking Miami and Miami Beach.

Police say Stallworth was headed toward the beach when he hit the 59-year-old Reyes with his Bentley on Saturday morning. Reyes was near a crosswalk but it’s unclear if he was crossing legally.

Yes, Stallworth said "grief stricken", not his lawyer. Trust him. He added:

Mrraaaahh, just dejected, you see. I can only fathom the wretched pangs of anguish and bereavement clawing at the souls of the victim's next of kin.

-----

Yes, that was pretty insensitive, but at least I didn't "digg" the original story like these 83 assholes...

Moogis!

One of the reasons content has been a little abbreviated/slow around here lately is that after work, instead of queuing up a post or two for the following day, I've been watching the Allman Brothers' shows live on Moogis. (The name comes from drummer Butch Trucks' kids' mispronunciation of "music" when they were young.)

I mentioned it in a previous post, but for $125, you can watch all of the shows from this run at the Beacon as they are occurring or archived up to six months from now. There are also some older performances archived, which might be useful for nights like last night when there was no show or some Monday evening when the Yankees aren't playing a few months from now. I'm obviously a pretty big ABB fan so maybe I'm not speaking for everyone, but its pretty amazing to be able to cook dinner (or just sit on the couch) and watch the set lists as they are unfolding right around the block.

Nothing can replace the energy (or people watching) you experience at a live show. However, you still get the same feeling when a band whose catalog you know intimately goes into a song you love. Two nights ago, they launched into Desdemona, which I heard live at the Beacon the last time I saw them there. I wasn't any less excited this time around. Of course, there are other things you can do in the comfort of your own home that you can't do very freely at a newly renovated venue. Plus, you can drink good beer at grocery store prices and don't have to wait for the bathroom!

Another benefit is that the views from the eight cameras that Moogis uses are much better than anywhere in the venue. It's not perfect video quality, but the camera work is comparable to most concert DVDs that get produced. They zoom in during guitar solos, which is especially interesting to me since I could clearly use some schooling on the axe.

The only drawback I've noticed so far is that the sound mix isn't that great. It doesn't seem to be constantly adjusted throughout the show by their sound guy like what you would hear if you were there. It must be a direct feed to the interwebs. As a result, Warren's guitar is too loud which is extremely awesome when he is blazing through a solo, but when he is playing rythym, Derek's guitar and the vocals sometimes get drowned out. The last time I was at the Beacon (before the renovation) the sound quality in the balcony wasn't great either, so maybe it's not a colossal drop off.

Moogis is going to be especially awesome tonight and tomorrow, as it seems Eric Clapton is almost certain to make an couple of appearances. The slideshows to Little Martha they have played during this 40th Anniversary run have focused more on Duane than the nearly 38 years they have been playing since his death (for good reason).

Consequently, I'm expecting that the sets with Clapton will be fairly Derek and the Dominoes heavy, considering Duane sat in on the sessions for the album. Furthermore, Derek Trucks went on tour with Clapton in 2006 & 2007, filling in Duane's parts on those tunes. Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs is probably my favorite album of all time, so they really can't do wrong by me. (But Why Does Love Got To Be So Sad would be sensational. Please?)

Here are some screen shots I nabbed off of Moogis over the past few nights:

Greg towards the end of Soulshine

Trey having a guitargasm during In Memory Of Elizabeth Reed
(my favorite song of the run so far)

Warren and Derek ripping through the Desdemona jam

Derek and Tommy Talton playing Please Be With Me

John Hammond starting up So Many Roads, So Many Trains

The Weight, featuring Bonnie & Bekka Bramlett and Derek's Wife Susan Tedeschi

A picture of Duane from the Little Martha slide show

The cheapest ticket on StubHub for tonight is $469 (tomorrow - $417, which is only headed up).

I've got my seat. (There may still be a few available...)

Gosh, I Hope This Isn't Serious!

Oh no!

When it seemed as though the injury news could not get any worse for Team USA, manager Davey Johnson announced on Wednesday that Kevin Youkilis has left the team because of a sore left ankle.

Youkilis returned to Fort Myers, where he was examined by the Boston Red Sox medical staff and underwent an MRI.

"Kevin Youkilis returned to Fort Myers, FL this afternoon to be examined by the Red Sox medical staff. He was diagnosed with a mild left ankle sprain as well as mild Achilles tendinitis in his left foot. Both MRI results were negative," the Red Sox said in a team release. "To limit movement and allow his ankle to heal, Youkilis will wear a walking boot for the next several days but is not expected to miss significant time."

Phew, that's comforting, although walking boots might still be a sore subject around the Boston Area...

You can send your "Get Well Soon" cards to:

Palms Park

Attn: Kevin "Fack" Youkilis

2201 Edison Ave.

Fort Myers, FL 33901

Details About Details

Lynn Zinser at the Bats Blog on The New York Times' website talked to the authtor and editor of the story in Details, and really framed the circumstances leading up to "Confessions of a Damned Yankee".

He had agreed to it in late December, when it seemed like a good, mainstream way to raise his fashionable profile. Instead, he sat for the interview on the day he found out Sports Illustrated reporter Selena Roberts would write he had tested positive for steroids in 2003.

He agreed to go through with the interview and photo shoot, despite having just found out that his whole career and reputation might be called into question. You know what that reminds me of? This.

[The author] Gay detailed how Rodriguez drank shots of Patrón and posed without complaint for photos that would set off alarm bells in the minds of many image-conscious athletes.

A-Rod is extremely image conscious. So conscious, in fact, that he apprises himself of how he is looking in a mirror every 14 seconds.

Drank shots of Patrón? Alex, I've got someone I'd love for you to meet. You would be perfect for each other. You are both total headcases, love Patrón, and hate shirts!

[The editor] Bhattacharji said Rodriguez had every opportunity to decline any of the shots, but did not. He did not take his shirt off, but chose a sleeveless one.

I stand corrected. Wow, amazing restraint, A-Rod. "Take my shirt off? Absolutely not. That would probably come across as vain and unnecessary. Kissing myself in the mirror, though? SURE!"

A day later, Rodriguez was text-messaging Gay and nervously asking that he not write that Rodriguez had revealed his favorite Madonna song. He still said nothing about the steroid allegations.

Any guesses... I'm leaning towards "Material Girl" (obviously), but here are some other prime candidates:

1. Causing A Commotion
2. Did You Do It?
3. Express Yourself
4. Forbidden Love
5. Goodbye To Innocence
6. Guilty By Association
7. I'm Going Bananas
8. I'm So Stupid
9. Intervention
10. Nobody Knows Me
11. Pretender
12. Think Of Me
13. You Must Love Me

No wonder he likes Madonna!

When Details first approached Rodriguez’ representatives and public relations handlers, including Guy Oseary, the manager he shares with Madonna, Rodriguez saw posing for a magazine aimed at fashion-conscious young men as a way to improve his image, said Bhattacharji.

If you made a Venn diagram of "fashion conscious young men" and "baseball fans" it would look almost exactly like the one for "attractive women" and "monster truck fans".

This is exactly why you don't hire some celebretard PR douche when you are an athlete. What works for Ashton Kutcher doesn't necessarily work for A-Rod. Somehow I think no matter what kind of advisory committe he assembles, they won't be able to get him out of his own way.

As Good As It Gets?

In a way, Aaron Boone needing to have heart surgery is sort of karmic justice for the collective cardiac trauma he inflicted on Red Sox Nation on October 16th, 2003:

Boone made the announcement Wednesday, saying he has known about his heart condition since college but tests done after his routine physical determined he needed surgery. It is not an emergency, but doctors indicated the procedure was needed.

He said doctors told him he could play baseball when he recovers, but he's not sure if he will.

Godspeed, Mr. Boone. You made one of the most monumental plays in the history of sport. That swing extended the "curse" one more year and topped off one of the best nights of my life. Your knee injury in a pick-up basketball game opened the door for A-Rod, and even after this offseason, I can't hold it against you.

In 50 years, will we still look at that parabola into the left field seats as the cresendo of the Yankees vs. Red Sox Rivalry?

How could it get more momentous? That homer left the bat of a guy who had been inserted earlier as a pinch runner. It was the 11th inning of a Game 7.

Bucky Dent's dinger was in the 7th inning of a play-in game. When the Red Sox struck back in '04, it was the 2nd inning and the rest of the game felt like a foregone conclusion. For something more dramatic to occur would take a script less realistic than Rookie of the Year.

[h/t Shysterball]

CC Sastachia

One hit, one walk and seven strikeouts in 4 IP?

I approve.

Could someone please notify the American Mustache Institute?