Given that it's not 1920, I'm guessing most people weren't huddled up by their radio on a lovely Friday night, listening to the Yankees game. Well fortunately for you, I have secured a (very low quality) version of John Sterling and SuzynWaldman's call of A-Rod's home run and put it behind a screenshot slideshow to preserve it in internet eternity (interity?):
Sterling: You know one thing, Suzyn? And I've seen this in tennis...
Ah yes, the classic tennis story. I've heard it a million times: Player's former coach reveals that their nickname was ____-Fraud, only to have everyone forget about those revelations when they are caught with a positive result on a steroid test, blah blah blah, everyone hates the guy, turns out he's got a torn hip labrum... then he kisses a mirror for a magazine shoot, someone writes a tell-all book about him and takes so many pot shots that people eventually start to feel bad for him... and here we are.
My personal favorite part is where Suzyn says:
"Well, I don't know who's in this park, but this entire park standing, orange t-shirts, blue t-shirts, they are giving this guy a standing ovation. (Crowd Boos)"
"This entire park?" Does she really expect us to believe this? So, even the people with the Styrofoam needles? If you are any Orioles fan, why would you applaud this? "Woohoo, our division rival just got their best player back and he smashed a three run homer off of us! I don't care if he took steroids... Good for him!!! But that Mark Teixeira asshole? BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Are you trying to tell me the Selena Roberts backlash polarized everyone that badly?
Anyway, could you have drawn it up any better? A-Rod took the pressure off him and the Yankees with one swing of the bat. CC turned in a gem and all of a sudden, the outlook isn't so bleak.
I probably should have looked into this before I told my sister I would split the freight on an MLB.tv package with her. I just figured it would be an easier way to do screen grabs and would allow me to watch the games if I was traveling this summer. I can still listen to John Sterling and Wailin' Suzyn on WCBS instead which, as always, is a treat.
Regardless, this is a pretty stupid policy. What if I am an Orioles fan who just wants to listen to my home announcers? The commercials on the TV station the feed comes from still show up through MLB.tv, yes? What if I desperately bored at work and want to watch my favorite team's first game of the season? Is there a way to disguise my location? Can I have my money back?
If you are a Yankees fan, and watched any of the first half of the season last year, chances are you saw this: Joe Girardi coming out to get LaTroy Hawkins because he was unable to finish an inning. His wind-up was awkward because he started pulling his hand out of his glove too soon. Hawkins gave up 42 hits, 17 walks, and 26 runs in his 41 IP as a Yankee good for a 5.77 ERA. However, he was released in early August and went to Houston, where he sported a nifty 0.43ERRRRrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnooo.....................................................................
. . . . . . . . . . . ....
Suzyn Waldman: "RAW-JAH CLEMENS IS IN FACK YOUK'S POST!!1!!1!!!!
AND RAW-JAH CLEMENS IS COMING BACK!!!
AWWW MY GOODN-GOODESSS GGGRAAACIOOUSSS!!!!!11!
OF ALL THE DRAMATIC THINGS... (trails off)
OF ALL THE DRAMATIC THINGS I HAVE EV-AH SEEN... "
/head explodes
I'm sorry. This was never going to be about boo-magnet LaTroy Hawkins, nor was it going to concern the first two years of Robinson Cano or the last half year of Xavier Nady. All due respect to Allie Reynolds, who had more value over his career as a Yankee or Jimmy Key who was undoubtedly a better guy than Clemens.
The thing that makes Suzyn Waldman's hysterical overreaction to Clemens "dramatic" return in May 2007 (I was at his first game back) even more ridiculous is that The Rocket's first time with the Yankees wasn't really that impressive, it was just beautifully timed.
Clemens 300th win came in Pinstripes, in the same game he recorded his 4,000th strikeout. The team won two Championships in his first two years and he pitched six strong innings in Game 7 of the 2001 WS. His postseason ERA with the Yankees was .326, but his ERA in the World Series was 1.90.
When Roger won the Cy Young in 2001, Mike Mussina actually pitched a few more innings (229 to 220), had one more strikeout (214 to 213), a lower ERA (3.15 to 3.51) and a lower WHIP (1.07 to 1.26) than Clemens. The only category of import Mussina wasn't as good or better than Clemens in, was of course, their won-lost records. Mussina was (17-11) while Clemens started (20-1), finished (20-3) and as a result received 87% of the vote while Mussina got just 1%.
Clemens regular season ERA in his first stint with the Yankees was 4.02 (about a 115 ERA+) and his average won-lost record was 15-7. They were solid numbers, but certainly not as good as the Yankees had hoped when they acquired him from Toronto, coming off of two sub-3.00ERA, 230+ inning, 20+ win campaigns.
In his last go round with the Yanks, he struggled with hamstring problems but pitched to better than a league average ERA (107 ERA+), which is pretty much on par with what everyone expected when they unveiled him like it was a fucking reverse surprise party and signed him to a prorated $28,000,022 deal.
The last game he ever started for the Yanks was during the 2007 ALDS in a loss to Cleveland. Bothered by his hamstring once again, he lasted only 2 1/3 innings, gave up 3 runs and was replaced by Phil Hughes. In relief, Hughes pitched brilliantly (3 2/3IP 2H 0R), in what I had really thought at the time could be a symbolic change of the guards. Not so much.
Since then, Hughes hasn't won a game, and even though Clemens hasn't thrown a pitch, his entire career has been called into question and his public identity permanently tarnished. Clearly, nothing was going to be the same once his HGH & steroid use was revealed, but the ego synergy between him and Rusty Hardin has created what might be the biggest PR disaster possible. Do you think the story about Mindy McCready would have come out if he wasn't involved in a legal battle where each side was calling the others character into question?
If Clemens has just owned up to his steroid use and made a preemptive strike before the Mitchell Report came out, his reputation wouldn't be the colossal clusterfuck it now is. Of course, the type of player that uses is steroids is unlikely to be the kind of person who can own up to a mistake publicly, especially when it means sacrificing every one's perception of what you've worked your whole life for.
Sorry about not getting your pardon, Rog. I guess nobody knows you when you're down and out.
Mr. Clapton, would you please... (quick Derek Trucks solo at 1:42 mark)
Arranged in a clandestine meeting of the blogsmen early this morning, we have been granted the privilege by Wailin' Suzyn of IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS... caught to show their their groundbreaking Yankeeography "Peter Abraham: LoHud Of The Rings." This masterpiece chronicles the beat writer's ascent through the hellish environments of UMass Amherst and the Mets' beat via the use of his Thesaurus to the top of the sports world... covering the Yankees. Truly epic.
Be sure to check out their blog. It's satirical, snarky and irreverent, which means if you're reading this, it's probably right up your alley. Here is an example, based on our (least) favorite Red Sock.
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