Hate To Break It To You, But There Is No Santa Claus Either

[Jinx is Magic Hat's Scotch Ale]

As A.J. Burnett walked off the mound in the bottom of the fourth inning last night, John Sterling mentioned that he was carrying a no-hitter. I couldn't see the box score, and I cringed for a second, knowing that there are scores of people out there who actually think that mentioning a no-hitter or perfect game in progress "jinxes" it. Apparently Michael Kay said it on the YES broadcast as well.

Friends, we live in an age of science and reason. How, exactly, does what an announcer says into a microphone in a box 50 feet above the field impact what happens when a pitch crosses home plate? You think that's the only thing stopping a pitcher from throwing a no-no every time he takes the mound? Where do you draw the line? What if a fan in the stands mentions it? What about you at home? What if I type it? ZOMG JINX!!!1!one1!!exclamationpoint!!

No-hitters are extremely rare, there have only been 256 in the history of the MLB, or about two per year. You know what keeps them from happening? Probability. Why doesn't this apply for the cycle? There are just about as uncommon, and when a batter comes up to the plate with a 1B, 2B and a HR, you hear the announcer say "Just a triple short of the cycle" every single time and no one says a peep.

I think it's cool that the players leave the pitcher alone in the dugout. It's a great old-timey baseball tradition/superstition, and it could actually directly affect the pitcher. If a person says something odd to a pitcher that gets in his head, it might put him in the wrong frame of mind when he goes back out to the hill. I get that.

What I don't get are the morons who are going to call into the Michael Kay Show today and bitch about the fact that Kay mentioned it on the air. If John Sterling took calls during the pregame, he'd have to deal with these Druids too. Until Sterling mentioned it, I didn't know Burnett hadn't given up a hit yet. If he had never brought it up, who knows how many in the radio audience would not have realized what was taking place. It's called broadcasting. You are supposed to inform your audience of what is going on. It made the game a whole lot more interesting for the listeners.

If you are outraged that broadcasters mention no-hitters on the air, please go to Thesaurus.com and look at the antonyms for superstition:

Antonyms: fact, reality, truth

Inspire The Ire: Eagles Enmity [Part III]

[This is Part III of the several-part Fack Youk presentation: Inspire The Ire: Eagles Enmity. Here are Part 1, and Part 2 if you missed them.]

Up until this season I was a Dallas Cowboys fan so I have plenty of experience hating the Philadelphia shEagles and their pathetic, boorish, racist fans (with the exception of my sister and her two children—poor kids).

For me the event that perfectly characterizes these sub-humans is the cheering of Michael Irvin’s 1999 career-ending neck injury while he lied motionless for 20 minutes on Veteran’s Stadium rat-infested carpet. Many fans in the crowd of 66,669 cheered when they realized Irvin was hurt, and again when paramedics wheeled a stretcher onto the field. "Unspeakable, even for us," proclaimed a headline in the Philadelphia Daily News.

While The Playmaker is not liked by non-Cowboys fans due to the fact he was a U graduate, his multitude of moral and legal indiscretions and crazy success against their teams, I think the only individuals who people should take pride in seeing suffer are rapists or murderers.

The next events that raise ire about Iggles fans are:

•Booing of Santa Claus—Seriously?
•A municipal court in Veterans Stadium/The Linc—Because there are tons of reasons to get in fights at sporting events
•Fans pelted national TV broadcasters with snowballs during a Cowboys-Eagles game in 1989—WTF did TV broadcasters do?
•Booing of Donovan McNabb at the 1998 Draft—What did he do wrong?

My sister was also at an Eagles-Cowboys game a few years ago at The Linc when McNabb threw a game-winning Pick 6 that all of Philly fans around her starting yelling racist remarks at McNabb—even little kids! She was embarrassed to be a fellow fan.

How about their “Fly Eagles Fly” song and fans flapping their arms like wings after a touchdown? Grow the fack up!

Enough about the fans. How about the organization?

Owner Jeffrey Lurie is a scumbag and a horrible owner. Like T.O. or not, Lurie should have given him a new contract after T.O. had to sign that waiver to play in Super Bowl XXXIX and was the only one to perform (Donovan McNabb’s digestive system notwithstanding). He has given Head Coach Andy Reid a blank check despite Reid not accomplishing anything and spending too much time with his sons’ heroin and firearms problems. Reid is a fat fack who needs to pay attention to his team and re-learn how to call plays.