Today In Dumb Headlines

"CC Sabathia proves he's a winner by earning fifteenth victory against Boston"

I'm glad that we now have this "proof", because had he earned his 15th victory against the Angels, he still would have been a total loser. Or if it was his only his 14 victory, we would still have to suspend our judgement. We can't blame John Harper for the writing that, but we sure can for this:

On the matter of pitching, after all, regardless of the era there are the Javier Vasquez types, pitchers whose stuff always seems to be better than their records, and then there are the Jack Morris types, pitchers whose records are more impressive than their ERA because they know how to win.

Sabathia gave the Yankees something of a Jack Morris game Sunday night, at least by the pitch-count limits of today's game, going 6 2/3 innings, allowing four runs, three earned.

Harper then cites affirmative quotes from Joe Girardi, but oddly finishes by talking about Sabathia's shortcomings in the postseason, apparently implying that he forgets how to win once the playoffs roll around.

I get the feeling a lot of pitchers "know how to win" games when the guy who they are opposing gives up 8 runs. Craig from Shysterball points us to a Baseball Prospectus article which shows that Jack Morris was not uniquely adept at "pitching to the scoreboard" and shuns the notion in general. Pitchers shouldn't ever want to give up runs, and just like hitters trying to score them, can't really control when it happens, just how often it does in the long run.

Earlier this year, we noted that the Yankees were 11-11 in Sabathia's starts primarily because he was receiving the least run support out of any of their 4 regular starters. Since then, he's ripped off 5 straight victories while the team has averaged just under 8 runs per game in support of him. It's not rocket science or psychology here, folks. The guy is a good pitcher and when he's backed by a strong offensive performance, he's likely to walk away with the win.

Deader Horse: A-Fraud Or Swine Flu?

Let me first say that neither of these stories are anywhere near as annoying as hearing about the economy every ten fucking seconds. It's one gigantic self-fulfilling prophecy that bleeds into every facet of life, including sports. The difference between that and the two things in the headline is that the economy actually affects everyone, and the coverage is not wildly out of proportion. 

Nothing that has come out about A-Rod has been remotely current nor does it alter the life course of anyone besides himself and his immediate family. We are talking about him supposedly taking steroids/HGH, banging strippers, leaving somewhat below average gratuity at Hooters and tipping pitches to opposing batters in games that were essentially already decided.

We find it upsetting or salacious or unfair or distasteful, but all at a certain distance. The same distance we use to view celebrity exploits, watch reality shows and gossip about co-workers. It's superficial bullshit that's not concretely correlated to your own life. 

Despite what every news organization on Earth would like you to think, Swine Flu isn't relevant to your life, either. There are roughly 290 confirmed cases in the U.S.  Your odds of contracting it (let alone dying from it) are something like a million to one. There's a significantly better chance you are a regular reader of this blog, for fuck's sake.

The only reason people talk about it is because, like "A-Rod", it grabs people's attention in a headline. Welcome to the internet, the home of 10 second attention spans where your stories better be eye-opening right off the bat. And a sure recipe for that is to include a disease named after something to do with animals. 

Mad Cow Disease, Monkey Pox, Bird Flu, Hoof and Mouth Disease and now the Swine Flu. Am I missing any? They haven't even found one pig with it yet. If they had been calling it the "N1H1 Flu" all along, do you honestly think the entire country would be aware of it? Attention Doctors: If you want to raise the awareness of a certain disease... just name it after an animal. A few suggestions:

• Deer Measles
• Canine SARS
• Horse Herpes
• Toad Rubella
• Sheep AIDS
• Spider Meningitis
• Duck Lupus
• Fish Trichinosis
• Bullfrog Fever
• Goat Gout

Pick any of those (especially Horse Herpes) and it will be a household name in two weeks. 

-----

Here is the reason Swine Flu is much more annoying to me: The result of the eventual saturation of coverage is a country who is fucking paranoid about something that is literally a one in a million shot. About 63,000 people in this country die from the regular flu every year. So far from Swine Flu? One toddler. 

On the other hand, now that the A-Rod firestorm is now reaching it's saturation point, people are starting get tired of it. We get it. He's phony and insecure and a cheap tipper (in more ways that one). Let's move on. It's putting things in perspective as opposed to blowing them out of proportion. 

Informal poll time! What say you, Fackers? 

A-Rod or S-Flu? Cheaters or Pigs? Clubhouse Cancers or Contagious Viruses? Character Assassination or Fear Mongering? 

[Note: I don't know that I would have the same perspective if I hadn't been reading Craig from Shysterball's takes on the Selena Roberts book. If you haven't heard his opinion on the matter, do yourself a favor and follow that link.]

ESPN Widget Headlines Compelling, Current [Part II]

Speaking of "all the shit ESPN gets from random assholes on these united internets", I present to you the second installment of ESPN's quest to make newspapers look up to the second:



In case you haven't heard... the Arizona Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl!

It's Thursday. If you have the ESPN widget on your homepage, and you don't know this, you are either illiterate or in a coma. Give me more "Reports" about Tony Romo "saying he'll be a more active leader" or Mark McGwire's brother saying his "brother used steroids"

Those "headlines" as they appear on the story page:

• "Report: Romo looking ahead to '09" ~ Holy shit! He is? What about T.O., is he looking back to '08? Do you really need to rely on a source for this? "Report: Barack Obama looking ahead to '09".
• "Book proposal implicates McGwire" ~ Nothing more credible than a book proposal. Can't think of any reasons thi$$$ guy might have to distort the truth. In related news, "Blog post implicates ESPN in non-widget-updating scandal".

On second thought... they might want to keep the headline about the Cardinals up there.


[Updated: 7:40] Theeeeeyy're listeeeeening.

ESPN Widget Headlines Compelling, Current

Sorry for the poor quality, but here is the story they are linking to. The time stamp is from three days ago. ESPN, you're making newspapers look up-to-the-second.