Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Too Bad I'm Not A Parent...

Or else I could teach my children the virtues of hating the Yankees (h/t Joe P):
My mom, Michele, is one of the nicest people in the world (I'm admittedly a bit biased, but this is true). She finds the good in everyone. Well, just about everyone. She cannot stand the New York Yankees! This does not make my mom unique. Throughout the Major League Baseball playoffs, I have encountered only one person who wants the Yankees to win the World Series.
With an tiny niche fanbase like the one the Yankees have, I find this statement to be totally believable.
The Yankees have the highest payroll every year. This year their payroll is nearly 50% higher than the 2nd highest payroll (the New York Mets)! They play in a stadium built two years ago [sic] for more than one billion dollars. During the offseason, the Yankees signed C.C. Sabbathia [sic], A.J. Burnett, and Marx [sic] Teixeira for nearly half a billion dollars in long-term contracts. It's clear that rooting for the Yankees is roughly the same as cheering for the bully down the street to bloody another nose.
Except that bully hasn't won a fight in 9 years. It's clear that picking on a pop psychology piece for baseball inaccuracies is like picking on a baseball piece for trying to use pop psychology. But that doesn't make it any less enjoyable.

But how should we tell our children to hate the Yankees?
"I hate the Yankees" does little to teach our children lessons about hope, persistence, and teamwork. We ought to focus on the positive characteristics of the underdog, rather than the negative qualities about the evil Yankees. Below are five suggestions for what parents can say to kids about the Yankees while staying away from negativity:
Get your notepads ready:
1) "The Twins never quit, even though they don't have the same amount of money to spend on players as the Yankees." (a message about doing the best with what one has)
Or about making excuses.
3) "Even though the Yankees make a lot of money, watch their players. They hustle, encourage each other, and play great baseball. To win, a team must hit, field, and pitch better than their opponent." (a message that money doesn't get hits, and that substance wins over style)
Except the players on the Yankees make a lot of money because they play great baseball, not despite the fact.
4) "Notice how focused all of the players in the World Series are on each play." (a message about concentration, and how all players can work on this skill)
"But not the Yankees who are only calculating how much money they are making with each passing out".
5) If all else fails, remind your kids that the Phillies won the World Series in 2008 and that the Yankees have not won a championship since 2000.
An important lesson in sportsmanship: It's not whether you win or lose... it's whether you win or lose.

Please, folks, educate your children about the virtues of hating the Yankees. Their fragile little brains can't handle the realities of "free agency", the "size of the market they play in", or " the desire to win being more important than making profit on a sports franchise".


  1. As a parent of two, I will teach my children the virtues of hating the Red Sox.

  2. you're an idiot. How is it that the Yankees have so much money to spend on the players and the stadium if they have a "tiny niche fan base". This is pure jealous hatred. You probably hate your neighbor because his wife is hotter than yours, or his car is better....Pathetic.

  3. Dude, this is a Yankees blog. See the uniforms on the header? They say "New York".

    The whole thing is tongue-in-cheek.

  4. I don't think he got it. That's what happens when your comprehension levels equal zero.

  5. People who don't get parody should put ? after their name when writing online and wear t-shirts with question marks on them just so normal people know to take it down a few levels. Like a Scarlet Letter of surface level-only thought processes or something.

  6. My apologies, the article just pist me off..

  7. ? - on my head