Run For Cover, This Is Not 11 Years Ago!!1!!!1!

You may recall the name Allen Barra from FJM Day over at Deadspin last week. He was the one saying that Derek Jeter should win the MVP because Paul Newman won an Oscar for The Color Of Money, for his "inspiration and professionalism", and because Jeter had been snubbed in the past.

Well yesterday, Mr. Barra busted out some similarly stupid logic for the Village Voice in regards to the Yankees' playoff chances:

Be afraid, Yankee fans -- be very afraid.

A couple of weeks ago everything seemed all sewn up -- the Yankees had vanquished the Red Sox, and all everyone wanted to know was if this year's editions was as good as the 1998 team. A couple of more games like yesterday's, and they're going to be wondering if this team is as good as the 2008 Yankees.

/shakes in shoes

I should be afraid because this year's team isn't one of the greatest teams ever? This actually makes perfect sense because if you were stupid and shortsighted enough to equate the '09 Yankees to the '98 version "a couple of weeks ago", then you are probably dumb enough to compare them to last year's team after they've lost 6 of 10 games.

A year ago [Joba] looked like the greatest young phenom in baseball; now he's a weight dragging down the rest of the pitching staff.

That's right folks, Joba is pitching so poorly that he hurt Andy Pettitte's shoulder. He's the reason A.J. Burnett has only won 1 of his last 10 starts and I'll be damned if he didn't make Mo blow that save in Seattle. Just wait 'til he starts getting into CC Sabathia's head. Then we'll really be fucked.

Sunday's outing against the punchless Seattle mariners -- dead last in the American League in both batting average and runs scored -- was an out and out disgrace that would have earned any other pitcher a demotion to Double-A.

Could the last declaration be any more factually incorrect? He's made 29 starts for the Yankees this year. Please give me even one example of the last time a pitcher was demoted, not to AAA but to AA, because of one outing late in the season, let alone "any other pitcher". Allen Barra makes George Steinbrenner in his heyday look calm and measured by comparison.

Is there a team in baseball with a worse record of developing young pitchers than the Yankees?

I'm not sure, but instead of trying to figure it out, you should probably just pose it as a rhetorical question, imply that it's true and move on.

Was there any more illogical way to bring Joba along than to put him in games where he was expected to only go three or four innings? If whoever is calling the shots in the front office had conferred with Joe Girardi and pitching coach Dave "No Man Is An" Eiland and at least agreed to put Job aback[sic] in the bullpen to be worked in front of Phil Hughes, they might at least have something to show for all the absurd coddling and pampering of Joba.

Is there a more illogical way to handle a pitcher than limiting him to pitching three or four innings a game? They should have only allowed him to pitch one or two innings a game! How absurd that they would want to protect a young pitchers arm by not transitioning him back and forth between the bullpen and the rotation, which ended with him being injured last year! IDIOTS! (And minus 10 for the non-sequitur Bermanism.)

What's the big difference between the 1998 and 2009 Yankees? Try this: In 1998, the Yanks weren't going into the last nine[sic] games of the season wondering if they were the best team in the league.

First of all, this was written yesterday, so the Yankees were actually heading into their last 12 games of the season. Mr. Barra apparently does not have access to the internet where he could look up the Yanks' schedule.

And the "big difference" is that after 150 games in 1998, the Yankees were FIFTY-EIGHT GAMES OVER .500. They were arguably the best baseball team ever. No shit this year's team isn't as good as they were, even though they still have the best record in baseball. Which would typically mean that they are, you know, the best team.

It's funny that Barra mentions the 1998 squad because although they were historically awesome and finished 114-48, they seemingly ran out of gas towards the end of the season. After 126 games the Yankees were 94-32. From that point forward, though, the Yankees had just the 12th best record in baseball at 20-16, which was significantly buoyed by finishing the regular season on a 7 game winning streak. Then, lo and behold, they went 11-2 in the playoffs en route to a World Series Victory.

So be afraid! The Yankees have the best record in baseball but are not comparable to the best team ever!

[Update 11:50: Although Barra was suggesting that Jeter is the AL MVP for the Wall Street Journal in the piece that got FJM'd, he wrote for the Village Voice that Cap'n Jetes is no better than the 5th most valuable Yankee this year. Allen Barra: Logician.]