Slim Pickings

Good morning Fackers. The Sergio Mitre Show doesn't take to the hill again until tomorrow night, but I'm plum out of ideas for this morning, so we're gonna get after it a day early. It's only been three starts, but it's looking increasingly obvious that Mitre isn't the answer for the fifth starter spot. That the Yankees used yesterday's off day to shuffle their rotation and keep Mitre from facing Boston speaks volumes as to just how tenuous his grasp on the job is.

Brian Cashman has until August 31st to pick up another starter through a waiver deal, but as Joe at RAB has pointed out, there might not be a lot available that way.

So what are the options amongst the currently unemployed? As you might imagine, they're not too appealing. These guys are the unemployed - or as Homer Simpson called them in Mr. Plow episode, the unemployable - for a reason. (Unfortunately I can only find the clip here, and it's in Spanish - jump to the 8:10 mark - and for the record Fack Youk does not condone copyright infringement, even if it is a crappy overdubbed video.) Here's what's out there:

• Paul Byrd: In semi-retirement, the former porn addict and HGH enthusiast has not pitched all year. Probably not a good idea. But, he was with the Red Sox last year, so maybe he knows their signs. If nothing else, maybe he could help Godzilla overcome his addiction.


• Sir Sidney Ponson: By now I'm sure you've heard that the Round Mound of Throwdown has been DFA'd by the Royals. Look, if you can't pitch for the Royals, then you can't pitch (I'm looking at you Tomko). This would be Ponson's third stint with the Yankees. That would be like a Hollywood studio making one really shitty movie, then making another really shitty sequel to it, then inexplicably making a third movie in that series. In an unrelated story, Fast and Furious was released on DVD last Tuesday. I bet Jared Remy is totally jacked up about that.


• Daniel Cabrera: Nevermind. The D-backs signed him yesterday. Probably a good thing it was them and not the Yanks. Although, he would probably knock A.J. Burnett out of the AL lead for BBs. That reminds me, Victor Zambrano is also out there, and there have been rumors that TB was shopping Scott Kazmir. Maybe lightning will strike twice.


• Elmer Dessens: He's not really a starter anymore. The Mets DFA'd him last week. Much like the Royals, if you're getting DFA'd by the Mets, you may want to consider another line of work.


• Brett Tomko: Oh if only poor Brett wasn't treated so badly during his two and a half months of drawing a Major League paycheck from the Yankees in exchange for pitching like garbage. If only. He could easily fill this fifth starter void, but there's no way he'll come back after the indignities he suffered. Who's laughing now Yankees? Maybe you'll be nicer to the next mediocre journeyman pitcher on your roster. At the very least it might have gotten you in good with Mrs. Tomko.


• Julian Tavarez: DFA's by the Nats. Ugh. Worse than KC, worse than the Mets. Would significantly increase the crazy quotient in the clubhouse though.

I sure hope something halfway decent creeps across the waiver wire.