BREAKING NEWS — UPDATE, 2:24 p.m.:
The New York Times is reporting that Bob Sheppard has decided to retire. The long-time announcer, who is believed to be 98, announced yesterday that he was not well enough to be at Opening Day.
The Yankees have hired Paul Olden to announced the Cubs games this weekend. No permanent replacement has been named.
He "is believed to be 98"? Is he a Galapagos Tortoise?
Sorry, I didn't mean to blaspheme the Voice of God (or the LoHud of the Rings, for that matter). I really wish he could just come back for the first inning of the first game at the New Stadium. Even just the first batter.
"Now batting: Number 2, Derek... Jeter... Shortstop... Number 2."
Come on Bob, do it for the asshole that just photoshopped your head on a tortoise!