5 x 81 = 405

I know lots of people were up in arms about the obstructed view bleacher seats at The New Yankee Stadium when they were still being sold for full price. Now they are $5, and I really can't think of a better value in all of sports, and possibly all of life.

Here is a short list of other things that cost $5:

1. Half of a shitty beer at the New Stadium
2. A pint of shitty light beer elsewhere in the city
3. Two slices at Freddie & Pepper's (one cheese and one white slice with broccoli, zucchini and ricotta on whole wheat crust or a buffalo chicken with cross-checked bleu cheese)
4. A foot-long sandwich from Subway
5. Two Olde English 40oz (paper bags included)
6. Roughly 12 cigarettes
7. A 10 block cab ride with tip (estimated)
8. A shoe shine (plus tip)
9. 2 1/2 subway rides
10. A small frozen yogurt at Pinkberry with three toppings
11. The Sunday NYT
12. One share of GE stock, 2 shares of GM, or 3 1/3 of CitiGroup
13. 2 pairs of socks at a street fair
14. One Titleist Pro-V1
15. A NYS Lottery Win For Life scratch-off
16. A program at the Saratoga Race Track
17. One pound of sirloin at Fairway
18. A shot of Jameson

I'd rather have a ticket to a Yankee game at the New Stadium than any three of those, regardless of how bad the view is. Well, depending on how the scratch-off turned out, I might have to take that plus two shots of Jameson.

Last year, our Saturday Package was about $330, for Tier Reserved Section 7 Row M. That put us between home and first, with a view of the whole field, but pretty far up there. Not exactly a location that was going to impress anyone, but there was a bathroom and a beer dispensary right at the entrance to our section. That's only 13 games, though.

Yes, the seats are obstructed view, but unlike the Old Stadium, you aren't sequestered like you are in a leper colony in out centerfield. You have access to the rest of the park, and although you can't take beers back to your seat, you can certainly drink them walking around.

It's basically a Standing Room Only ticket. Back when the Beacon Theater wasn't owned by MSG/Cablevision and diabolically corporatized, they used to have SRO tix for the mezzanine level. The sound was 100 times better than the balcony, and who cares if you don't have your own seat? Sitting down at a concert in not in my playbook.

Granted, standing for an entire baseball game would kind of suck, but if that picture above is anywhere near accurate you'll be able to see everything except left-center and over. I can live with that. Plus, you can always watch on the monitors on the side of the sports bar. It's better than your couch, right? Hell, you can just go in the sports bar.

After the initial rush of everyone wanting to get out to the Stadium for the first time, you are going to be able to spot some empties in the upper deck and park it there for a while too. And of course, I'll try to sneak into better seats than that and document the escapades for this here cyberblogsite.

I don't know how gestapo-like the security is going to be at The Structure That Mariano Rivera Erected, but the concourses are supposed to be more open and have better views of the field. I wouldn't mind crusing around, sipping on a really expensive beer (or ginger ale I spiked with my flask of Johnny Red) and taking in the different vantage points. I can understand if you wouldn't do it because are older or have kids, that sounds like a pretty fantastic deal to me.

Just to recap, you could (theoretically) get full season tickets for the New Yankee Stadium for $75 more than we paid for our Saturday package last year. If I wanted to wait on hold for an hour and then be told to go fuck myself, I'd look into this right now.

All I wanna know is... Who's coming with me?

Jan, thank you Jan!

[Sorry, but that abomination was the only version I could find. God, I don't know why the fuck that person felt the need to remix, edit and thereby bastardize such a brilliant cinematic moment, but I'll bet you anything Jim Bruer would like to stub his joint out in their eye]