Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Groundhog Day: Wintertime Blues

Good morning Fackers. We're coming to you a little earlier than usual this morning, with this publishing at 7:00 AM. Twenty six minutes from now, the sun will rise in western Pennsylvania, bringing daylight to the tiny town of Punxsutawney. Shortly thereafter, some quack wearing a tuxedo and top hat will hold a glorified rodent aloft, and it will magically determine whether or not winter will last for another six weeks.

If that furball sees his shadow, I'm gonna be pissed. I've had enough of winter and cannot wait for baseball to start. So I'm not putting my faith in any groundhog today. As we will remind you later on, it's just fifteen days until pitchers and catchers report. And you can't have Spring Training if it's still winter. So shadow or no shadow, winter ends in two weeks and one day. And I couldn't be happier about that.

And if Punxsutawney Phil doesn't tell us what we want to hear, perhaps Staten Island Chuck will have better news for us. At the very least, Chuck should have the decency not to bite the mayor this year; his company has developed some pretty sweet baseball analytics software. On the other hand, if Bloomberg doesn't eventually offer the general public some version of the pro software, I say chomp away Chuck.

Well, it's the same old drill,
About Punxsutawney Phil,
If he's sees his own shadow,
I'm shootin' to kill.

Come on over baby,
I stand accused,
There's a man going crazy up here,
With the wintertime blues.

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