Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Mop-Up Man

Good morning Fackers. We have much to be thankful for this AM: another day on planet Earth, the wonder that is Mo, a one game lead in the AL East, a five game winning streak, a victory in a game started by Sergio Mitre, daytime baseball on the horizon to carry you through the afternoon, and a potential second consecutive series sweep.

But here's what I'm most jazzed up about today: to make room for Mitre on both the 40 and 25 man rosters, Brett Tomko was designated for the assignment. Not only am I happy about this because it was best move for the team, but also because it's a progressive move. Though both David Robertson and Mark Melancon have options, the organization rightly decided they both offer a better chance to win than Tomko. That may not seem like such a revelation, but it didn't appear that decisions were being made like that earlier in the year. For the most part, the dead weight that cluttered the roster at the end of May is now gone.

The question remains though, how did Brett Tomko, he of a career ERA+ of 92, manage to last on the New York Yankees roster for two and a half months? Some have suggested a conspiracy theory: does Brett Tomko have compromising pictures of someone in the front office?

Well we at the Fack Youk Action News Investigative Reporting Team have been trying to crack this case for weeks and now, just as Tomko is leaving town, we have a major breakthrough.

Tomko's skills as an artist have been well documented. Earlier this season, Phil Hughes commissioned him to paint an action portrait of him. Last week, loyal reader and commenter A-Train suggested that either Brian Cashman or Joe Girardi may be a fan of Tomko's art work. Turns out the A-Train was on to something.

Fack Youk has learned that a member of the Yankees front office employed Tomko to paint an erotic portrait of him as an anniversary gift for his spouse. The employee ensured that Tomko remained in the Yankees' employ until the work was finished. Now that it is complete, Tomko has been let go, becoming the second artist to be evicted from Yankee Stadium in the last week.

Interestingly enough, this is not the first time that high ranking Yankee front office member has been ensnared in such a scandal.

I can only hope such a photo surfaces of Mrs. Tomko. I'll miss her far more than Brett.

1 comment:

  1. for fack sake matt, tell us how you really feel about Tomko eh.. christ you'd think he was Chris Martin on the mound.