Monday, January 5, 2009

We Can At Least Agree On Tim McCarver, Right?

I've been toiling around with how to start my first post for some time now; typing then deleting, trying to walk that fine line known as acceptance. You see, I'm the outsider - the antagonist of this story - the Boston fan. I say "Fack Yea Youk", pump my fist and scream with KG, and sleep soundly every night, knowing that Bill Belichick is roaming our sidelines and committing adultery with hot, money grubbing women. Whereas the rest of you hit the clubs (strapped) like Plax, obsess over a guy named after a giant Star Wars slug, and wear banana hammocks. I feel like Adam Banks must have felt when he laced up his roller blades with Charlie and the rest of the Ducks during their first montage skate around of District 5.

Jay has assigned me this unenviable task - somehow I must cheer for my guys and hate on your guys - all while not being as big of a douche as Tim McCarver. I'm confident though that we can reach a middle ground.

I don't...
... chant "Yankees Suck"
... love that dirty water - I use a Brita
... have a Boston accent - for the most part
... enjoy Boston's color commentators (1 , 2)
... care the Patriots missed the playoffs, despite going 11-5. Tough shit - beat a decent team.

I do ...
... believe the Yankees should spend as much money as they want, and that other teams need to learn better business.
... furthermore, am EXCITED the Yankees will be competitive again this year - as victory isn't quite so sweet.
... think Cano will one day be the best player in the game
... love watching Brandon Jacobs run people over.

I feel these shared beliefs should allow for some coexistence. I think you'll find me a rational and tolerable fan of the City of Champions.

I look forward to taking your shit.

[Ed. Note: Welcome to the party Kahuna! There will be plenty of shit to go around.]


  1. Wicked awesome post. Welcome to the team. Please go over to The Heights and slap Gene DeFilippo and Jeff Jagodzinski for me for acting like 2 year olds.


  2. Brilliant. Only missing a "Brandon Arroyo" reference.

    I grew up being forced to listen to that douche perform autofellatio on channel 11, except those times my dad couldn't take it anymore and muted the tv and turned on the radio so we could listen to Murph while watching the game instead. At leas McCarver is now limited to October, where Mets fans are safe from him calling our games, because we don't play in October.

    Oh wait, those Sunday FOX games... Fuck.